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what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 10:18:19 AM   
MyHazelLabyrinth


Posts: 112
Joined: 8/12/2011
Status: offline 		Hi there (=

Just a question, didnt really know where to put it, but thought here was a good place, and i think it's where i've posted my other posts, and got good answers, so i know it's a good place to be.

Anyway, i was hoping that someone could break down what an open long distance relationship really is? In the bluntest form. You know, just clean cut honesty.

I'm rather annoyed about it, because from my point of view it doesnt even seem to count as a kind of relationship. Or really anything. And then i'm thinking, well what is the point of it really?

But any and all thoughts on this would be welcome and appreciated.

Because, i just don't know. If i don't know something, i look to others who do or have more chance of knowing perhaps.

Thanks for reading =D
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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 10:22:09 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
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Status: offline 		Open, long distance relationship means we're going to cyber and maybe have phone sex but I reserve the right to fuck anyone else I want.

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 10:27:02 AM   
MyHazelLabyrinth


Posts: 112
Joined: 8/12/2011
Status: offline 		so it's like the equivalent of a fuck buddy except you only cyber fuck if you fuck at all? is there really any commitment to that then?

i'm sure i know the answers already, but i really need the wisdom of the boards to tell me it how it is.

a good reality check is always nice (=

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 10:32:24 AM   
MstSebastian


Posts: 169
Joined: 3/19/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Open, long distance relationship means we're going to cyber and maybe have phone sex but I reserve the right to fuck anyone else I want.

I would say you are right IF the relationship started that way. But, if the relationship started in person, in the same town, seeing each other frequently, that is different. I know several couples (D/s and vanilla) who started as a traditional couple but, due to work or school, one of them has moved away from the other. They are still emotionally committed to one another, but have opened up the relationship sexually so that both can get the physical pleasure they can't have with each other at the moment. Once that distance is closed, the relationship is closed.

But,, as Hillwilliam said, if it is a relationship that started, and intends to stay, as long-distance...well, that is just "I want to fuck a lot, and pretend that we have a relationship."

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 10:34:19 AM   
OsideGirl


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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Open, long distance relationship means we're going to cyber and maybe have phone sex but I reserve the right to fuck anyone else I want.


With maybe some visits in between?


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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 10:36:48 AM   
poise


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyHazelLabyrinth

so it's like the equivalent of a fuck buddy except you only cyber fuck if you fuck at all? is there really any commitment to that then?

It could also mean the complete opposite. Maybe you've found someone via the internet that you develop
a strong emotional bond with, yet because of the distance, there is no possibility of being physical with them,
so you get those needs met elsewhere. Not all internet relationships involve sex.

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 10:45:16 AM   
SimplyMichael


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Open, long distance relationship means we're going to cyber and maybe have phone sex but I reserve the right to fuck anyone else I want.


This is the fat center of a very short bell curve. There are exceptions, at least three or four people doing this mean more than the above...

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 10:48:11 AM   
MyHazelLabyrinth


Posts: 112
Joined: 8/12/2011
Status: offline 		thanks everyone for your comments (=

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 11:37:36 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Gonna be the skeptic. Might be a few cases of it lasting thru time... but my crude breakdown statisically speaking is............


shortlived.

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 1:15:18 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		open long distance? I guess it would be cyber fucking while fucking others in real life with the occasional real life fuck in between during visits. I guess a cyber/phone fuck buddy. I dunno. I don't get the purpose, but that's me.

Master and I were long distance for many years but we had the purpose of eventually being together in real life as a real life relationship.

Are you two planning on ever being more than cyber fuckbuddies?


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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/13/2012 8:55:27 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		It is going to depend on your level of emotional and mental connection. Are you secure enough in your relationship to feel comfortable with him playing with other people? Are you poly in general? Or is the relationship open because of distance?


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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/14/2012 1:23:29 PM   
MyHazelLabyrinth


Posts: 112
Joined: 8/12/2011
Status: offline 		i am going to meet him in dec and be there for a month. i dont want to get too ahead of myself, but yes ideally in the ideal world we would be together. so it's a serious thing. and it's mutual feelings on both sides.

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/14/2012 1:29:35 PM   
MyHazelLabyrinth


Posts: 112
Joined: 8/12/2011
Status: offline 		in all honesty, i'm a mono person. not to do with society or anything else, it's just how i work. i'm like a swan, i only want one partner, and thats it.
but he lives in america, i live in australia, different hemispheres, different sides of the world etc
so it's a distance thing, we both have needs, tho i am uncomfortable with him having sex with others, even if he tells me, because i want this to be honest, i dont want secrets. i mean if we dont have honesty, what do we have, really?

but the thing is, how do i get to that emotional state of being ok with him having sex with others? because as a strict mono i dont know how to do it >.> any help on that or experiences would be SERIOUSLY appreciated!

tho just for the record, i think you guys are awesome on the message boards (= and keep it up!

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/14/2012 1:42:57 PM   
kalikshama


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quote:

i am going to meet him in dec and be there for a month. i dont want to get too ahead of myself, but yes ideally in the ideal world we would be together. so it's a serious thing.


Don't fret about it until you've spent the month and decided if you still like each other in person or not and can establish mutual agreements.

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/14/2012 6:32:33 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		until you both meet in person, you're both just two people chatting online. So do what you would normally do as a single woman because really, that's all you are right now.


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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/14/2012 6:35:40 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Open, long distance relationship means we're going to cyber and maybe have phone sex but I reserve the right to fuck anyone else I want.


That seems a little vague to me frankly.

I think what it means is....I'm GOING to fuck other people and probably not tell you unless of course you get off on that kind of thing and then, I still probably won't tell you because you're a chic.

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/14/2012 7:35:08 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Ok, the aspect of waiting till you meet him has already been covered.

I'm going to add that you really need to sit down and analyze exactly what you need from the relationship. If you are not poly, I doubt you are ever going to be ok with him fucking other people. So what happens after that month? You go home an he goes back to playing with other people? You already have issues with the idea, it is only going to grow worse as your attachment increases. Don't pretend you are something you are not, and don't give up your emotional needs in order to temporarily get your physical needs met.

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/19/2012 9:37:14 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If there's no chance of either of you moving, and if you are monogamous, then why did you get involved with him to begin with?

People can have open ldrs that are still strong relationships. Say one of you is sent overseas by your employer for two years. You could agree to have sex with others but not develop emotional attachment to others. Fwb or NSA.

But usually there's a plan to be together full time at some point.

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RE: what's the crude break down of what this is? - 11/19/2012 6:28:03 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

i am going to meet him in dec and be there for a month. i dont want to get too ahead of myself, but yes ideally in the ideal world we would be together. so it's a serious thing.


Don't fret about it until you've spent the month and decided if you still like each other in person or not and can establish mutual agreements.

Also make sure you have a back up plan if he's nothing like he claimed to be online. Staying at his place sound fluffy & nice chatting, but where will you stay as a back up plan, who can you call, who do you know other than him in the city you are going to? What check calls have you set up?

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