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stormy66 -> ask the Masters (11/14/2012 1:07:28 PM)

I recently found my self in a very disconcerting place. I joined this site and met someone whom I was led to believe was everything he said he was. He was warm, funny charismatic, experienced and genuinely a nice person. I had no reason to believe that he wasn't everything he said he was. My first time putting myself out there, and I can't say he is even a frog.

Unfortunately the radar went up this past weekend and a friend did some searching for me ... I found out yesterday he is nothing that he seems. Does color matter, no! But if you prefer a tall dark sexy looking man and it turns out that he is a tall light skinned man with long hair ... that is quite a leap. How do folks get pics of other folks and put themselves out there as that person?

I am left with a huge emptiness in my gut. I don't want to hurt him, he was good to me but now that I have the opportunity to meet him in person, I discover that the house of cards is nothing more than an illusion. I fell for this gorgeous tall dark african american man with a phenomenal personality. I am left to wonder if I would ever have met him in person or he would have continued to string me along; if he was going to spring it on me after I finally did get down to is it him or what. Is it fraud if you post pictures that are not who you are and create a biography that is pulp fiction?

I have come up with a 1001 reasons of why someone would do such a thing -- it was explained to me that "this lifestyle" was all about the mental aspect leading into the physical. Mentally I feel destroyed, everything I believed in and spoke about for the past few months is based on a lie. Decisions that I have been making are not going to happen and I am left just before the holidays with an emptiness I can't fill.

Is a person who uses other's pictures etc considered a predator? Is it hiding wealth so that they are wanted for themselves and not what they have? Or because some BM took his loved one and this is retaliation for same using this world to payback all the unsuspecting women???? Why lie about the most fundamental aspect of who you are white vice black. I was adv by him that I am spoiled and impatient/paranoid. How can I be either when in fact everything he has told me is a lie and an attempt to turn the tables on me??? To put me back into a mental sub role that I had willingly gone into for him.

Ladies -- have any of you experienced this? How do you get thru it? I am not a vindictive person, I don't want to hurt him and he won't answer the questions. Unfortunately all the "hard copy facts" show that he is a pretender of the most basic/fundamental parts of himself. Hows can any of it be real. I have a picture on my phone that I am mentally connected to -- and none of it makes sense at all.



kalikshama -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 1:10:57 PM)

quote:

Is a person who uses other's pictures etc considered a predator?


I am offering this with love - you need to develop more skepticism before engaging in online dating. I live near you and am happy to go to munches with you or met for coffee.



mnottertail -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 1:12:26 PM)

I am gonna say this, and this only.  Hard to tell if that picture is you, OPie.



dublinemma -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 1:19:41 PM)

Anybody who needs to show a different picture is obviously insecure and deceiving, not worth your time, so move on.

Yes, it happens... all the time. It's the big bad online dating world, where you can be whatever and whoever you want to be. Never assume somebody is who they say they are until you have proof. Do you think all the safety procedures that people go on about when you first meet an online date are just for shits and giggles? No, they're there for reasons like this, and much worse, you never know who you could be talking to.



Darkfeather -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 1:26:17 PM)

This is the internet, allowing complete anonymity to everyone involved. Some people genuinely portray themselves, despite this. Others use it as a shield or weapon. You ran into one of the latters, for whatever reason he chose to be something different than what he was. You need to figure out how you want to handle this, and come out of the experience wiser. There are no wrong paths to this, save not acting at all



kalikshama -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 1:26:57 PM)

quote:

he is a tall light skinned man with long hair

Does he live in South Florida? My ex used to tell women whatever they wanted to hear. If they were looking for a guy with a Harley, he had one. If they were looking for a Native American, he was one. He was narcissistic enough to believe that once they met him, his charm would overcome his lies.

quote:

I have a picture on my phone that I am mentally connected to

I only date local guys and do not form an emotional attachment or engage in D/s or cybersex until we've met.




stormy66 -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 1:52:08 PM)

Hi,
Yes he lives in south FL. The irony was I had a friend check him by his name and nothing bad popped up -- Hell it isn't even his name. His profile is bogus. Again, I don't want to hurt him personally, he has money so should have no problem re-inventing himself again ... but to use someone else's face and body to portray himself -- He claimed to be a member of the FL Mandingos and unfortunately they don't have e-mail to alert them that someone is passing themselves off as one of them. At present I find african american men to be beautiful ... it is something new and I am ok with that. All this is new, but to mix all the information and deceive folks. Thank god for butt dialing or I never would have become suspicious. He always had logical reasons for doing what he did. Allegedly his former sub had breast cancer w/complications. She eventually broke up with him after reconstruction went horribly wrong and there was permanent damage. God bless her. Supposedly she is still on the site somewhere but I even question that. I am a what you see is what you get, so can't fathom why someone would be so cruel and hurtful. Sex is easy (when you get older) -- a physical response that can take the edge off--if that is what you want (but that should be your choice), if that is what you are looking for. It is the mental aspect I am left grieving over. To give yourself to someone mentally and discuss the potential for the future, where it shapes your outlook and how you start maneuvering your life, possibly for future preparation. I keep seeing the picture and hoping that there is an explanation -- but even the cell phone is registered to the other name. Why would you lie about your race???? A white man wanting to be a black man??? Maybe he is turned on by BBC. He avoided calls yesterday and dropped a few words of how I was supposed to have his back as he had mine and he "doesn't want to hurt me or anyone else." WTF is that -- if you are deceiving folks about who and what you are, how can you not hurt them. I will know in a week -- heading down south in a week and will have my day -- face to face to say what "I want." I want him to look me in the eye and explain it all to me. Thus I can see from my own eyes that he is white and was a deceptive soul or he is a BM that stole someone's identity. Thank you for allowing me to vent.



Kana -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 1:57:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: stormy66

I recently found my self in a very disconcerting place. I joined this site and met someone whom I was led to believe was everything he said he was. He was warm, funny charismatic, experienced and genuinely a nice person. I had no reason to believe that he wasn't everything he said he was. My first time putting myself out there, and I can't say he is even a frog.

Unfortunately the radar went up this past weekend and a friend did some searching for me ... I found out yesterday he is nothing that he seems. Does color matter, no! But if you prefer a tall dark sexy looking man and it turns out that he is a tall light skinned man with long hair ... that is quite a leap. How do folks get pics of other folks and put themselves out there as that person?

I am left with a huge emptiness in my gut. I don't want to hurt him, he was good to me but now that I have the opportunity to meet him in person, I discover that the house of cards is nothing more than an illusion. I fell for this gorgeous tall dark african american man with a phenomenal personality. I am left to wonder if I would ever have met him in person or he would have continued to string me along; if he was going to spring it on me after I finally did get down to is it him or what. Is it fraud if you post pictures that are not who you are and create a biography that is pulp fiction?

I have come up with a 1001 reasons of why someone would do such a thing -- it was explained to me that "this lifestyle" was all about the mental aspect leading into the physical. Mentally I feel destroyed, everything I believed in and spoke about for the past few months is based on a lie. Decisions that I have been making are not going to happen and I am left just before the holidays with an emptiness I can't fill.

Is a person who uses other's pictures etc considered a predator? Is it hiding wealth so that they are wanted for themselves and not what they have? Or because some BM took his loved one and this is retaliation for same using this world to payback all the unsuspecting women???? Why lie about the most fundamental aspect of who you are white vice black. I was adv by him that I am spoiled and impatient/paranoid. How can I be either when in fact everything he has told me is a lie and an attempt to turn the tables on me??? To put me back into a mental sub role that I had willingly gone into for him.

Ladies -- have any of you experienced this? How do you get thru it? I am not a vindictive person, I don't want to hurt him and he won't answer the questions. Unfortunately all the "hard copy facts" show that he is a pretender of the most basic/fundamental parts of himself. Hows can any of it be real. I have a picture on my phone that I am mentally connected to -- and none of it makes sense at all.

It's the net. Everyone lies...that is but me. I am the soul of honor, dignity, honesty and decency. Truuuuuuuust me on that



OsideGirl -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:03:22 PM)

I'm going to give you harsh advice: You should not allow yourself to become emotionally invested in someone until you have met face to face. Until you meet face to face, that person is a stranger regardless of how much you talk/email/IM.

You say a lot of things about him that you think you know.....but you really don't know if he's really nice, experienced, ever had a sub or has money. You only know what he has said and that he has proven himself to be a liar. (FYI, people with socio-pathic tendencies tend to be really charismatic liars)

Quite frankly, I'm surprised you're even attempting to defend him.

He's proven that he cannot be trusted, so there is no point in having any contact with him at all. End it and do not allow him to convince you otherwise. Cut off all contact. Period.



LaTigresse -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:06:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm going to give you harsh advice: You should not allow yourself to become emotionally invested in someone until you have met face to face. Until you meet face to face, that person is a stranger regardless of how much you talk/email/IM.

You say a lot of things about him that you think you know.....but you really don't know if he's really nice, experienced, ever had a sub or has money. You only know what he has said and that he has proven himself to be a liar. (FYI, people with socio-pathic tendencies tend to be really charismatic liars)

Quite frankly, I'm surprised you're even attempting to defend him.

He's proven that he cannot be trusted, so there is no point in having any contact with him at all. End it and do not allow him to convince you otherwise. Cut off all contact. Period.


What this lady said.



absolutchocolat -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:10:33 PM)

what troubles me about the entire situation is that, despite all of his lies, you still want to see him face to face.

quote:

I will know in a week -- heading down south in a week and will have my day -- face to face to say what "I want." I want him to look me in the eye and explain it all to me. Thus I can see from my own eyes that he is white and was a deceptive soul or he is a BM that stole someone's identity. Thank you for allowing me to vent.


i bet he'll have some sob story waiting for you when he gets there. that he was testing you, or some other silly nonsense. i hope you open your eyes and stop being so damned trusting. he's probably not worth the effort.



everhope -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:12:57 PM)

i am starting to think the owners of CM are paying people to write these stories.

i have been fooled a time or two online, but i had enough sense not to write a post about it.

WHO are these people?



LaTigresse -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:15:04 PM)

Dude reminds me of my boss's wife's ex. Lies about EVERYTHING. Then, when he gets busted on something, it's everyone else's fault but his. And, when he does get backed into a corner, he gets nasty.

Both the boss's wife and the guy's most recent ex, have restraining orders on him. As does his adult son whom he tried to kill several times.

One of the most manipulative weasels I've ever had the displeasure of meeting.



theRose4U -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:16:43 PM)

Stormy this "I will see for myself, confront him" thing in a strange town is an invitation to a body bag. Safety calls, public meets, local meets are all encouraged for a reason. If this person is wealthy, can you trust police? Can you trust this isn't a rich white guys body guard? Are you willing to bet your life this person (whoever he really is) won't have a weapon? Or back up? Bad intentions like kidnapping or rape?

If you have enough doubt to emotionally torture yourself,do you have enough doubt to make the decision not to go? There are cheaper local ways to torture yourself & end up feeling like crap in the morning.
What do you honestly feel will be gained by "I knew you were a fake" to his (if its actually him) face?



mnottertail -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:20:02 PM)

I will be perusing the Florida 'pocket mall' dumpster reports in the police blotter with some renewed curiosity.



absolutchocolat -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:20:22 PM)

good grief. that guy needs a strait-jacket or a jail cell.



ARIES83 -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:25:48 PM)

So, I'm still unclear.
I apologise if I missed something but you haven't
actually met him?
Have you talked to him about checking up and
finding info to suggest he's not what he said he is?

Why don't you just meet him and put the neurosis
on hold and save judgments for in person...

As far as I can see so far, unless I skipped
something...
He could be what he says he is, an you may just
have bad info...

I can't see someone agreeing to meet, while
having lied about something as obvious as whether
or not he's black or white...
Urrr, whats the point...

-Aries



theRose4U -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:26:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I will be perusing the Florida 'pocket mall' dumpster reports in the police blotter with some renewed curiosity.

Its florida...this is what yachts are for, fish food doesn't usually get discovered



Lockit -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:31:28 PM)

Have you ever seen the movie, Someone Like You? I think it is a visual picture with comments that the leading male character says that women need to hear. Boy meets girl and girl often from the first contact and seeing something she likes in the man, romanticizes and projects him into a position of being who she wants him to be and gives him far more credit than she possibly should. She then makes the relationship more than it is. Hell, some have him ready to basically walk down the aisle with a lifetime commitment and all he has had to do was laugh, be sparkly, say a couple things that make him seem sincere and they are rushing along to things nobody would if they understood healthy relationships. You can't base relationships on romanticism and projection because of want or need. Women often do this and then when the man doesn't or cannot live up to her projections, she is the wounded spirit done wrong, when actually this was more to do with her than with him.

He is taking what is offered and he may in fact take advantage, but she walked right into it. I don't believe that you can get so involved with someone online or in person that you are devastated, unless you took some part in it all. Yes, there are liars and users and some are pretty damn good at it. You can't always blame the person involved with a master manipulator for many things, but if we are honest with ourselves, we had a role in it or added to the deception most of the time.

Rather than think we see something in a person, we need to actually see it. When we romanticize or need something, we lie. A relationship can be romantic, but it also needs to be realistic. Online, there are more pitfalls into an unrealistic arena that isn't always as easy to have in person.

When someone has been a real bad guy in our view and we are the wounded spirit crying out for understanding, I tend to believe that we had a large role in what happened. You don't have to be distrusting or jaded to protect yourself. You can be open and available and still not allow yourself to take things too far, too soon, in situations where a more reasonable and realistic emotional place, would prevent a great deal of what happens a lot. If you are in this place, I recommend looking at yourself and being honest in your evaluation of it all, but to get there, you may for a time have to play the blame game with him at fault.

I do believe we can invest ourselves with people online without trouble, but we must be in control, aware and balanced to start with. A person can lie and cheat in person. It is just a whole lot easier online. Until you are able to provide personal preservation, you shouldn't get involved with anyone online or in person. Until you deal with whatever opens you up to giving too much in a situation that looks pretty, but isn't proven... YOU are responsible.



inumimi -> RE: ask the Masters (11/14/2012 2:36:16 PM)

Honestly lady, it sounds like you need to slow things down a bit.

Right now you have your dom telling you one story and your friend who's told you another. Your friend may mean well but the information could be false. The internet is a big, scary place and mistakes are made all the time. I'm not saying that the dom isn't lying or that your friend is ... But rather than jump to conclusions and possibly make a life changing (ending?) mistake, slow down and think this through.

If it were me, the first thing I would require (yes, REQUIRE) of the dom is that he get on cam in a live call with me via Skype or Yahoo. Quickest and easiest way to verify whether or not he's the guy in the photos. If he sincerely wants to meet you in RL, he'll do it. And don't buy into the excuse that his cam is broken or that he doesn't own one. You can get a webcam for super cheap. No big deal.

In the future, don't be so trusting. Not everyone has your best interests at heart. Being submissive doesn't mean you have to lay all common sense aside just because someone told you to.

Also, if he refuses to verify himself DO NOT go meet him in RL. This is how women disappear and die or get raped or maimed. I'm speaking from experience. Just don't do it. Swallow your pride and move on. Its so not worth it. Please take care of yourself.



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