It's really that simple (Full Version)

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samdarella -> It's really that simple (11/18/2012 10:15:36 PM)

One day a week or so ago I was feeling pretty proud of myself. After debating with myself I had chosen to take the high road and ignore something that had been said with malicious intent. I could have responded in a way that would have made her about lose her mind and start boiling bunnies. And I have to admit the little girl in me considered how fun that might have been. But the grown up me listed all the reasons in my head not to. I shouldn't lower myself to that childish level. It's better to stay positive than to become negative. I would not give her even a little satisfaction of thinking she had any effect on my life. It's wrong to mess with the emotionally unbalanced. And so on. But there was the little brat sitting on my shoulder whispering how entertaining it could be. But despite that brat that I haven't been able to completely abolish, I was mature and chose to ignore what was said and the intent behind it. So feeling proud of myself I mentioned to Master my internal conflict and listed the reasons I made that decision. I expected a "good girl". Instead He said "how about you might just piss Master off". It was a hard fall from that high horse I had climbed on. I felt shame. Master wasn't mad at me. It was a learning experience. One I think should have already been ingrained in my soul. It's a little bit funny. I wasted all that mental energy when that one question is really what matters. "What would Master think?". Can life really be just that simple? This is my first TPE relationship. Guess I need more practice.

So my question is...damn I forgot it after rambling on for so long. Oh yeah, how long did it take to get to a point where that is always the FIRST question you ask yourself? Is it a skill that has to be developed or was it natural?

Even though I asked from the s type perspective, I do appreciate and respect responses from the Dominant folks. I also know that Master's opinion is the only one that truly matters but I am a curious girl. And Master does like me to post about my learning experiences.

Deep breath...touch the ok button.



littlewonder -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 12:06:55 AM)

We've been together for 7 years and I still forget sometimes. And when I bring up the thing I'm thinking about, he reminds me "or it could be that I come first" or something like that and then I'm like "fuck...." and I bite my lip because I know he's right and then I feel like shit for a little while. We had something happen like this happen a couple of days ago but yesterday he made it crystal clear about the mistake I made. Thankfully he doesn't get angry and he doesn't hold things against me. He either just reminds me and I try to be better about it or we talk it out about why it happened.

So if after 7 years and I still do it, I don't hold out much better for you. [8D]



DaddySatyr -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 12:20:27 AM)

I think, for me, the only times "What would Daddy think/do?" becomes really important is if the situation is going to affect me. If my lady is dealing with some bitch on her job, my thought is: "Well, she's the one that has to work there. It's none of my beeswax".

Where it becomes important (for me) is when the situation might "spill over" and affect me. If we're out at a club or if we're at a work function of mine. Sure, that becomes a very important issue and at times like those, I appreciate that she defers to what is going to make my life easier.

Actually, if it were a situation that was going on at her job and it was only affecting her, I like to think that I would have praised her.



Peace and comfort,



Michael



samdarella -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 12:38:39 AM)

littlewonder thank you for responding. It made me feel better.

DaddySatyr it wasn't work related and it was someone He knows. Lol. His solution is she and I have lunch. Master knows best but I think I'll wait until I have bail money first.



DesFIP -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 9:21:46 AM)

Nine years and it still isn't. Honestly I don't think it ever will be. I'm never going to lose my mind and my personality and be a shadow of him.

Thankfully he doesn't care what I say online as long as I don't get upset. If it upsets me, then he'll restrict me from it.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 9:29:44 AM)

FR:

Like the others who have responded, I don't *always* remember I should ask that question. Occasionally I need a reminder.

And we are BOTH good with that. Himself has no desire or need for a robotic like sub who was that thoroughly programmed.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 10:18:31 AM)

Honestly it's almost never the first thing I ask myself. It may on occasion be the deciding factor in a decision but that's about it.

Without meaning to sound full of myself, I think I am pretty good at dealing with volatile situations and making decisions. I'm usually able to think through things pretty rationally and to stick to what I think is right even when I don't want to (as in, reminding myself to be the bigger person when I just know I could tear someone to pieces....) Generally he and I have similar standards for how we believe adults should behave so it's not like I'm in conflict with his wishes, but I'll be honest and say my thought process usually runs 'What's the best outcome for everyone? What will cause the least grief? How will these actions come back to me? How will I feel about myself later?' rather than 'what would Master want?' And when I talk to him about these things, generally he'd encourage me to go through that thought process.

I don't know if I'm making much sense.

I know I'm just a bit of a kid but I've a few years experience in a job in which I made some awfully tough calls that I hope I never have to face again. I'm in the habit of trusting my own judgment first and foremost.

Now that said, if I had been given an explicit instruction or expectation I will obey it short of some totally unforeseen circumstance. There has been the odd occasion when I've dreaded doing something I know is the right decision, and he will make it an order to take some of the pressure off me. For the most part though it doesn't come up. I know he has been proud of me the few times I've dug my heels in over something on principle, because he agrees with my principles and wants someone who has the (metaphorical!) balls to stick with it.



imtempting -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 11:02:10 AM)

Lol always love these kind of threads.

Just because your in the lifestyle, does not mean you have to be unhappy and a doormat. So many people take this lifestyle, the collar and all the other crap as if its a legal binding agreement that only the dom/me can release you. I'm drifting off topic. Back on topic, if a dom/me wants to make it so you can't express yourself, ask yourself, will this make you happy? unless your a drug addict or a total idiot who always annoys people in real life, I doubt there would be reason for a total personality change.



autumnember -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 11:36:29 AM)

Personally, I can do things for this proverbial "Him", but it is a very surface existance for me. In your situation, for me to truly get to a peaceful moment with "her" i need to have my own reasons outside of him. Perhaps that makes me unslavish and so be it. I was never the kid that accepted, "because I said so". So what he wants of me will come into play but it will never really be the primary reason that I can exhibit restraint.



theRose4U -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 4:44:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: samdarella

littlewonder thank you for responding. It made me feel better.

DaddySatyr it wasn't work related and it was someone He knows. Lol. His solution is she and I have lunch. Master knows best but I think I'll wait until I have bail money first.

I had a person like this in my life walk up & get in my face 2 weeks ago. For years I told people to keep her away from me lest I reach into her face, pull out what she calls a brain & tap dance upon it...you know what I did?

Didn't say a word
Didn't make an ugly face or gesture
Didn't rant rave scream or yell about the 6ft long list of wrongs

I HELD MY POWER!!!
I did not give this person the power to change my mood or harm my life any more. Best part was listening to people she tried to bad mouth me to tell her,"look you know she wants nothing to do with you, you are still years later trying to create drama in her life, any imagined thing she did wrong to you karma has taken care of 100 times over so either shut up about her (me) or go home!!!"
Admittedly that did get a smirk from me

My point is you're patting yourself on the back about not doing negative things, when the lesson is to not let them have that control over you in the first place! Its not an easy thing to get to, but its the entire point of WIITWD.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 5:01:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: samdarella

One day a week or so ago I was feeling pretty proud of myself. After debating with myself I had chosen to take the high road and ignore something that had been said with malicious intent. I could have responded in a way that would have made her about lose her mind and start boiling bunnies. And I have to admit the little girl in me considered how fun that might have been. But the grown up me listed all the reasons in my head not to. I shouldn't lower myself to that childish level. It's better to stay positive than to become negative. I would not give her even a little satisfaction of thinking she had any effect on my life. It's wrong to mess with the emotionally unbalanced. And so on. But there was the little brat sitting on my shoulder whispering how entertaining it could be. But despite that brat that I haven't been able to completely abolish, I was mature and chose to ignore what was said and the intent behind it. So feeling proud of myself I mentioned to Master my internal conflict and listed the reasons I made that decision. I expected a "good girl". Instead He said "how about you might just piss Master off". It was a hard fall from that high horse I had climbed on. I felt shame. Master wasn't mad at me. It was a learning experience. One I think should have already been ingrained in my soul. It's a little bit funny. I wasted all that mental energy when that one question is really what matters. "What would Master think?". Can life really be just that simple? This is my first TPE relationship. Guess I need more practice.

So my question is...damn I forgot it after rambling on for so long. Oh yeah, how long did it take to get to a point where that is always the FIRST question you ask yourself? Is it a skill that has to be developed or was it natural?

Even though I asked from the s type perspective, I do appreciate and respect responses from the Dominant folks. I also know that Master's opinion is the only one that truly matters but I am a curious girl. And Master does like me to post about my learning experiences.

Deep breath...touch the ok button.




Paragraphs.



Lucifyre -> RE: It's really that simple (11/19/2012 8:43:51 PM)

Personally I believe you deserved the pat on the back for having the restraint you were so proud of yourself for having in the first place and his reaction to it was kind of cunty IMO.

Lucifyre



NuevaVida -> RE: It's really that simple (11/20/2012 9:25:51 PM)

My first thought, when struggling with how to respond is, "Are my intentions in a positive place and will they bring about good?"

If not, then I shift gears.




samdarella -> RE: It's really that simple (11/21/2012 2:24:08 AM)

I have way too much personality and fire to become a robotic shadow even if we tried. Which we don't. Nor am i a doormat. I have opinions on most matters and am free to express them. Sometimes i just don't express them appropriately, but i worry more about that then Master does.

Thanks Lucifyre but His reaction was actually perfect. He wasn't mean about it at all. It was just an opportunity to teach me.

theRose4U..thats great. I had already decided i wasn't going to let this person affect my relationship with Master. It's hard not to react when every call makes my lip curl and i snarl deep inside. Its not jealousy. I love His ex-wife and had no problem with her staying at his house for a month. She would have been and always will be welcome in our life and our bed if she chose to. I just have a slight problem with someone who is a negative person and tries to spread lies and hate. But that's my challenge, to find peace within myself and not let someone inconsequential cause me even a moment of stress. I got this. I'm good.

Thanks everyone for your viewpoints and experiences.



littlewonder -> RE: It's really that simple (11/21/2012 10:03:12 PM)

If anyone on here remembers about a month or two ago I was getting mouthy, rude and cunty here on CM. Master mentioned it to me. I wasn't catching it. I didn't realize I was doing it. I guess I was just a bit stressed out and tired for various reasons. Master was not thrilled with my "tone" on here so I took a few weeks off from here to stop being that way on here.

Usually when I get too full of myself we usually end up having a discussion about our faith and the reason one of us is being that way and that it's not polite or right in any way whatsoever. It's a humbling conversation and sometimes I need to be pulled back.



theSwan -> RE: It's really that simple (11/21/2012 10:43:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: samdarella
-- I wasted all that mental energy when that one question is really what matters. "What would Master think?". Can life really be just that simple? This is my first TPE relationship. Guess I need more practice.

So my question is...damn I forgot it after rambling on for so long. Oh yeah, how long did it take to get to a point where that is always the FIRST question you ask yourself? Is it a skill that has to be developed or was it natural?


I think that 'What would Master think?' is a temporary, self-induced form of a greater question that comes with time.
I know that the questions I immediately ask myself are based on the concept of, 'What would please my Master?'

But they come in the more literal form of...
'Which response will keep the client around?' (Because I know what we want is for this business relationship to continue.)
'How should I reject this guy?' (Because it pleases him when I turn down male attention.)

I suppose it is an evolution of asking yourself if an action would please your Master.
To a place of asking yourself how to achieve what would please your Master, because you already know what action would please him.

I'm not successful with always maintaining my Master's wishes as a priority.
But I am successful with that priority frequently enough that otherwise is an uncommon exception.

And I would say that the amount of time that it takes to get to a point where you always ask yourself what your Master would think.
Is anywhere from an hour to beyond a lifetime.
Depending on your relationship and the mannerisms of that relationship.

I would recommend that anyone with a goal of modifying your thought patterns recognize that your active thoughts follow your priorities.
If you think of something before asking yourself what action would be most pleasing to your Master..
In this situation, you are prioritizing that over your Master's desire.

The approach that makes the most sense to me is the goal of meshing the desires, drives, and goals of the Slave with that of the Master.
A simplistic metaphor - If I am hungry, I think of how to acquire food.
My Master desires that when I am hungry, I acquire food.
Therefore, my desire and his desire are meshed.

Thinking, 'I want to eat. Would eating please my Master? Why, yes it would. Therefore, I will eat.' is a good stepping stone until deeper understanding between the parties is established but should ultimately prove unnecessary.
To be clear, actions alone can adjust mentality so trying to build the habit of stopping and asking yourself that question can be beneficial.
But I believe that action would ultimately be replaced by a more versatile expression.

(I am admittedly a bit afraid here that someone will make some kind of terrible comment about doormats and how Slaves should be capable of making base decisions of their own welfare just because I chose food as a metaphor.)

So, it should arguably take as long as it takes you to grow to know your Master deeply, internalize that information until it is comfortable and second-nature, break any pre-existing habits which serve as obstacles, and resolve any differences between desire and priority assignment between you so that the actions you would desire are the same or similar.


Edit: For clarity, still not convinced this is entirely clear. -Sigh-



samdarella -> RE: It's really that simple (11/22/2012 12:52:59 AM)

littlewonder...fuck me i found myself in that position again last night. Thankfully Master is so very patient and truly believes our relationship is worth maintaining and putting some work into. I think He is worth whatever it takes on my part. Just unfortunately my impatience puts me in a mindset that i need to be reminded every once in awhile.

theSwan...thank you. I understand exactly what you are saying. My impatience is what gets me into trouble with both Master and myself. I think I should be so much further along then i am. Sometimes i forget to enjoy the journey as i'm rushing to the destination. I'm a lucky girl though. Master always takes the time to stop whatever is going on and talk to me about my words, actions, feelings etc. He is the best at communication. Did i mention i'm truly a lucky girl.



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