need help with profile (Full Version)

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daddytrace -> need help with profile (11/19/2012 4:17:17 AM)

im still fairly new to bdsm, im married but in an open marriage, need advise and help with wording my profile looking for a sub/slave.



searching4mysir -> RE: need help with profile (11/19/2012 6:11:10 AM)

FR

Most slaves or submissives that have any honor will want to speak with your wife. They won't take your word for it that it is an open marriage. They will want to respect your marriage and meet her to discuss boundaries and limits.

If the marriage is open, then there really isn't a need for discretion.



DarkSteven -> RE: need help with profile (11/19/2012 6:13:15 AM)

Kudos for announcing up front that you're married. Is your wife willing to meet with any prospectives to show she's on board? If not, the assumption will be that you're cheating.

You promise discretion. So you don't care if your sub is cheating?

Your profile states you live in Utah. No city. It appears like you didn't input your zip code either. I'd be concerned that you're desperately trying to cover your tracks.

Your profile says that you like swinging. So why aren't you doing that with your wife?

You seem to be looking for a woman, and you don't care about her weight, religion, likes/dislikes, or marital status, as long as she's able to meet with you regularly for play sessions. Sorry to be so blunt.




poise -> RE: need help with profile (11/19/2012 7:31:19 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: daddytrace

im still fairly new to bdsm, im married but in an open marriage, need advise and help with
wording my profile looking for a sub/slave.

Your profile clearly states that you're a married man looking for a sub, so you have the wording down.
This is like dropping an empty fishing line into a very populated lake hoping to catch something/anything.
As a submissive woman, I meet your basic qualifications, but because there is so much more to me than
being submissive, I would be looking for someone who wanted to discover all the facets of who I am.
You offer no challenge in meeting your expectations, and there is no inspiration to be submissive to you.




SimplyMichael -> RE: need help with profile (11/19/2012 9:52:27 AM)

My bet is the married part gets edited out...



kalikshama -> RE: need help with profile (11/19/2012 10:14:43 AM)

In addition to what others have said, your profile has spelling and grammar mistakes and is boring. Since this is an online forum, your words are your first impression. Here's some profile writing advice: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/tm.htm

You may make a better impression in person, in which case signup at fetlife and look for groups in your area and attend some BDSM munches and events.



RumpusParable -> RE: need help with profile (11/19/2012 2:08:04 PM)

I'm going to echo the general gist of: enter more.

Tell us about you as a person, tell us about what you're looking for (beyond sub), tell us what you're offering... Anything that'll give a potential partner a field for what you're like.



LonDom61 -> RE: need help with profile (11/19/2012 2:37:28 PM)

FR

All the above, plus...

The impression our profile makes is based on our text, our stats and our pix.

The previous commenters have dealt with your text and your stats. I'll give some input & advice your pic.

First, the positives. You didn't take it in a bathroom mirror. That seems to be a favorite with the "To take a self-portrait, I need a mirror" crowd. That is very tacky. Also, you didn't eclipse your whole face, like one I've seen lately. That one made me laugh. It was like "here's a picture of my phone...with my face hidden behind it".

A picture taken by someone else would be better. Doing something that expresses your interests or personality. Not just "I need a profile pic. I know, I'll do it topless. Where's a mirror?"

If you must take it yourself, even one of those "taken at arm's length" shots (of which I'm not a fan) might be better.

Best self-shot option: cameras & phones these days have timers. If you take a few minutes to figure out how to get your camera to snap without your finger on the button right then, you won't need a mirror and will end up with a much better pic. And make a better impression.




theRose4U -> RE: need help with profile (11/19/2012 5:16:20 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

My bet is the married part gets edited out...

My bet is open marriage is a news flash to his wife



LadyPact -> RE: need help with profile (11/19/2012 5:26:57 PM)

All of that.

Nobody is going to believe for a second that your wife is cool with the open marriage thing and yet you had to take your own profile picture by using a mirror. If she knew, I'd bet she'd be willing to take a pic for your use. Dang near all of My shots here and elsewhere were taken by My husband.

If the wife isn't on board to create a profile and there's no mention of introducing her to potential submissives so they can verify that the open marriage part is on the up and up, your profile is going to be treated like every other married and cheating guy on the site. SHOW people that you are telling the truth.

Well, either that of find that woman who is going behind her husband's back, too.




OsideGirl -> RE: need help with profile (11/19/2012 5:52:59 PM)

I'm with everyone else. Most women are going to expect to verify with your wife that the marriage is open.




tsoyka -> RE: need help with profile (11/20/2012 12:08:59 AM)

I agree with everything posted above, and after looking at your profile I would say start by adding two things. 1. Add more pictures and be sure to be nicely dressed. You may even consider adding a picture of you and your wife if she is willing. 2. And most importantly, add more text about you. More than you want to find someone that wants to have sex a few times a week....some kind of substance about you...let everyone that sees your profile get a since of who and what you truly are. The type of BD/SM you are looking to enjoy even. This lifestyle - especially if you want to find and create and ongoing relationship - is based on a high level of trust, so above all else be truthful, if someone wants to meet you and they discover you are different in person then your profile portrays, you will never have another meeting with that person, and if they are smart, would never allow themselves to submit.



MstSebastian -> RE: need help with profile (11/20/2012 7:51:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm with everyone else. Most women are going to expect to verify with your wife that the marriage is open.



Oh, yes! What is they say about a woman scorned, like which hell hath no fury? [;)]

I've had bisexual subs contact me, saying they are in an open marriage with a woman and would like to do some scenes together. Yet, not surprisingly, I've not had a single one stick around when I tell them that I won't do anything with them until I can meet, and speak with, their wives to get their approval. Each and every single one disappears. Gee, I wonder why that is?

If you are married, and in a truly open relationship, then be very clear and upfront about it. Offer potential subs the chance to meet and speak to your wife, in person. In fact, I would recommend that your first meeting with these women include your wife at some point. Perhaps meeting them for coffee and having your wife join you for a bit of it. That way you get some time one-on-one to get to know each other, in a public place, but the sub also gets a chance to clear the air and understand that your wife is on board.

The "I am married, but use discretion" just screams "I want to have an affair, and want you to keep quiet about it."



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