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RE: when you ask a sub about their past experience - - 11/26/2012 5:51:55 PM

noellesdestiny

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Tell the truth

(in reply to Regweld)

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RE: when you ask a sub about their past experience - - 11/26/2012 5:55:21 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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What I generally will ask when it gets to a point where there are negotiations going on and there is a real possibility of actual physical interaction in a BDSM sense, I will ask the submissive if they feel there is anything I should be aware of that could be triggered by any sort of BDSM interaction. I try to word it in an open ended type of way. That way the person can share what they feel is relevant and pertinent to the situation on their terms.

Ideally I would like to personally be aware of any potential situations that could cause someone either physical or emotional pain. I also make sure that the person I interact with understands that there is always an "open door policy" to discuss any issues that the person wants to talk about as well.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 11/26/2012 6:52:52 PM >

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RE: when you ask a sub about their past experience - - 11/26/2012 6:45:41 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I only told ppl when it was clear we'd be starting a relationship.

Exactly! This isn't something to tattoo on your forehead for every dick head & larry. I call this 3rd date information. If its serious enough you want to sleep with them children, ex spouses & rape need to be on the table. If they run away at this point it says more about them & their intentions than anything else

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RE: when you ask a sub about their past experience - - 11/26/2012 10:09:59 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
If they run away at this point it says more about them & their intentions than anything else

I gather from this statement that you think there's some message you could interpret in that? I think what it says is "they didn't want whatever aspects of the conversation came up that they didn't want".

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RE: when you ask a sub about their past experience - - 11/26/2012 10:16:18 PM

littlewonder

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Exactly. When I was still looking, I admit there were certain mental and physical issues that men would mention to me that I simply did not want in my life. It simply said I wasn't interested and nothing more.

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RE: when you ask a sub about their past experience - - 11/26/2012 10:38:29 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Exactly! This isn't something to tattoo on your forehead for every dick head & larry. I call this 3rd date information. If its serious enough you want to sleep with them children, ex spouses & rape need to be on the table. If they run away at this point it says more about them & their intentions than anything else

I think it says their intentions are to find someone they're compatible with, and it isn't me. No harm, no foul.

I'm planning on staying with the Mister for life, but one never knows what happens. I do know if I'm single again, any man with non-adult kids is going to get a "thanks but no thanks" from me.

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RE: when you ask a sub about their past experience - - 11/27/2012 1:09:43 AM

Thaz

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Likewise. I've had enough contact with eating disorders and drug addiction that I'd walk away ...having kin with those issues as a kid saturated my tolerance levels.

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RE: when you ask a sub about their past experience - - 11/27/2012 3:59:15 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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I'm with the others on this. It is a person's right to chose the best match for them. Not feeling you have the right tools/experience/motivation to cope with a partner with particular issues doesn't make you a bad person. If it were me, I'd rather they walked away than tried to help and mess it up, or get into a serious relationship then change their mind.

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