chatterbox24
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Joined: 1/22/2012
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
As Michael (DS) points out, adults in adult relationships are *supposed* to be emotionally supportive of each other. What I need in the way of that and what someone else needs in the way of that may be quite different, but we all need something.
That's the reason to enter into a relationship, to get your needs met. You stay in one b/c you're getting your needs met, and you've become attached to the person to the extent you get satisfaction from meeting THEIR needs. It then becomes a mutually symbiotic emotional supportive relationship.
Submissives have the reputation of being very emotionally needy, most especially when they are in the throes of 'sub frenzy' - and often this is poorly understood by the dominant. (Don't get me wrong, someone too emotionally needy should resolve that before entering a relationship, and sub frenzy rarely works out well.) But I think many new dominants don't have a clue of the emotional changes a sub undergoes when he or she begins the submitting process.
Putting your trust and faith in someone to guide you, to lead you well, means breaking down many emotional barriers, some of which may have been up for life. It means opening yourself up to a huge potential to be hurt, and that's scary. Many subs in the beginning do a certain amount of back and forth as they process through this, sometimes trusting, other times getting scared, and they can appear a bit emotionally whacky when they are merely going through this process.
If the dom can forge a strong enough trust link, the submissive settles down emotionally, but you know that over time the sub does 'need' that person to be there guiding and leading. Which is why, if you are going to make someone dependent on you for making the decisions, you have to be extremely dependable.
This is why subs who lose their dominant tend to go into a major emotional tailspin. It's not just the lose of a relationship, it's the lose of the leadership and guidance as well.
This is good stuff.
I would like to add, sometimes a really excellent dom can see the forest through the trees, and takes that emotional wreck of a sub, sees their potential and follows through, no matter what. They see slight changes, maybe the sub doesnt even see, and they press on giving consistancy, and pretty soon with work, stability begins in the persons mentality. IM sure it depends how important the person is to the dom for them to push through, but some great stuff happens in some of the most changeable of people, if someone believes in them.
So I think when a dom takes on an unstable sub, it is not always a bad choice, if successful I am sure it is one of the most rewarding of endeavors. I know alot dont like the word training, so I will use the word, transition. Great gifts can come out of a sub with potential through transition.
quote:
RemoteUser
Three major ways I support my girl are by being available whenever possible; by giving her positive encouragement; and by giving her reminders on a hectic day. Not kinky, just small helpful things that make her life easier. She supports me by letting me know what she's dealing with, and how; and she is blunt with her emotions and headspace, to better let me know where she's at
I like this too.
< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 11/21/2012 9:01:59 AM >
_____________________________
I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.
My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.
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