Anyone here run a public playspace?

Anyone here run a public playspace? (Full Version)

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SimplyMichael -> Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 7:56:29 AM)
There us a thread over on fet that has me apoplectic. Its over how they treat accusations of being a serious douchebag and up to rape. Basically, if the cops dont convict tge guy, hes a menber in good standing. I was fucking shocked. All these years I have railed against protectors...I may have to eat crow.

LaTigresse -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 8:09:37 AM)
I own a huge old brick building that would be amazing for events but no, I haven't the patience to deal with the hassles.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 8:48:02 AM)
I owned a playspace years ago, they can be cesspits of drama. Doesnt have to be that way, my favorite playspace is Lair de Sade in Los Angeles. No DMs, no rules, but if you fuck up, the owner just runs your ass out, period. Which means the drama queens and the douchebags go somewhere else. And I would SO love to do a playspace again. High end but edgy, a touch gothy. Brick? Oh my!

LaTigresse -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 8:55:05 AM)
Yeah, and that's partly why I've never considered it seriously. My tastes are considerably more high end than my budget. Here in Iowa, in small towns with dead old downtowns, you can usually find some great old brick buildings for fabulous prices. The challenge is finding a sensible use for them. The one I have, has an old restaurant with all of the fixtures on the main floor, bar on the left half of the front. Upstairs is an apartment. Most end up being chopped up into inexpensive apartment rentals. Those buildings can also be mega money pits. This is my current object of lust...Hotel Manning

SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 9:04:08 AM)
You have to see both sides.. I'm from Philly.. home of the drama queens the butt hurt and stupidity... We have had several issues with non consent in the past year... We had several witch hunts in which my name was dragged into it because my opinion when asked was I can't form an opinion until I hear both sides of the story..... From that I was a rapist protector... And a drug addict and an alcoholic..... People can and do lie about things... Some will make serious allegations about assault or rape because they were not collared or didn't get what they wanted... I have a personal policy no court papers to.prove your side of it.... I'll form my.opinion based on fact Otherwise I can say... You simply Michael did x to me me.. you held.me against my will and did....and you name is now run through the mud and trashed for no reason other then you didn't want to do a scene with me... Or we went on a date and had no chemistry.... I know you might think it a bit of a stretch but I've watched it happen in front of my own eyes here in Philly with several.close friends

SimplyMichael -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 9:12:14 AM)
Which is why to me, I dont give a shit UNTIL a pattern emerges. You keep getting violated? Get counseling and develop boundaries and the skill to communicate them. You keep violating peoples limits? Ditto. All to often, its a sad case of inexperience and tragic missunderstanding. However, when patterns emerge... I would close up and end a group I ran if I was unable to force idiots out.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 9:16:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Yeah, and that's partly why I've never considered it seriously. My tastes are considerably more high end than my budget. Here in Iowa, in small towns with dead old downtowns, you can usually find some great old brick buildings for fabulous prices. The challenge is finding a sensible use for them. The one I have, has an old restaurant with all of the fixtures on the main floor, bar on the left half of the front. Upstairs is an apartment. Most end up being chopped up into inexpensive apartment rentals. Those buildings can also be mega money pits. This is my current object of lust...Hotel Manning I am sitting here in a cafe and there is a flyer fir a 600sf apt for $1500 a month, 3 bdrm houses are $350/600k ...byt not sure I coyld live in iowa. If I did, I would want enough land I could shoot off my back porch. Thats one of my requirements if I dont live in THE city.

LaTigresse -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 9:37:34 AM)
That is why I live where I do. I prefer coyotes, skunk, possum, pheasant, turkeys and deer as neighbours.

LadyPact -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 10:04:24 AM)
Public meaning anybody can walk in off of the street, pay the door fee, and come in? No. Group play space? Kind of the two locations where I was elected to be on the board. In My own best interest, I'm not going to ask where the thread is on Fet. It might make Me want to bitch slap somebody.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 10:04:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse That is why I live where I do. I prefer coyotes, skunk, possum, pheasant, turkeys and deer as neighbours. We have all that too. I have seen deer in Berkeley and there is a den of coyotes in Golden Gate park. But I know what you mean. To me, country is where you can shoot and eat them, oh and bear.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 10:06:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Public meaning anybody can walk in off of the street, pay the door fee, and come in? No. Group play space? Kind of the two locations where I was elected to be on the board. In My own best interest, I'm not going to ask where the thread is on Fet. It might make Me want to bitch slap somebody. Pretty much if you are smart and make sure the women you rape know you and kink was involved, the police wont even bother, and I guess neither will the "leaders". Fucking pathetic.

JeffBC -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 10:18:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael There us a thread over on fet that has me apoplectic. Its over how they treat accusations of being a serious douchebag and up to rape. Basically, if the cops don't convict the guy, he's a member in good standing. And here I am just having taken a pretty strong stance over a local incident where I said exactly, "I'm not in favor of the Monty Python Witch Trial" and I'm not in favor of kangaroo courts. I was fucking shocked. In truth I think there's a fine line here because the involvement of the "cops" is problematic nowadays even for the most privileged parts of society and kinksters don't qualify in that camp.

LadyPact -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 10:18:34 AM)
You know I'm going to look now, right? People seem to forget what the board and/or leaders of a group are supposed to do. They are supposed to be working for the group. Part of that is providing a safe environment. It is ironic that you created this thread. A lot of groups out there have that phrase in their rules/by-laws. "A member of good standing." Funny how many groups don't actually define what that means.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 10:37:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael There us a thread over on fet that has me apoplectic. Its over how they treat accusations of being a serious douchebag and up to rape. Basically, if the cops don't convict the guy, he's a member in good standing. And here I am just having taken a pretty strong stance over a local incident where I said exactly, "I'm not in favor of the Monty Python Witch Trial" and I'm not in favor of kangaroo courts. I was fucking shocked. In truth I think there's a fine line here because the involvement of the "cops" is problematic nowadays even for the most privileged parts of society and kinksters don't qualify in that camp. Jeff, single incidents are sad but inevitably "he said, she said". What they were discussing is despite a PATTERN emerging, they would STILL refuse to act.

Aswad -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 12:54:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Pretty much if you are smart and make sure the women you rape know you and kink was involved, the police wont even bother, and I guess neither will the "leaders". Fucking pathetic. Are kink related rapes less vigorously prosecuted over there? I'm just asking because, around these parts, if there is questionable consent, you're roast; what you relate, if I read it right, seems odd to me. IWYW, — Aswad.

Kana -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 2:19:58 PM)
The lilone and her Ex ran a playspace for a long time. They quit because all the drama. Just too much BS for the effort

SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 3:01:13 PM)
Fr Simplymichael.. do you know all parties involved? Their histories? Is someone involved.someone personally involved or.close to.you? Round here someone says so and so did x to me.. and 15 girls come out of the wood work.. 10 to 14 of them having never met so.and so.. and.say you too? So and so did y to me.. It's why everyone I know has an over skepticism about someone who won't go to the cops... And round here rape is rape.regardless to wither or not bdsm is involved.. we have several cops in the scene and more who are kink friendly...

LadyPact -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 4:02:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aswad Are kink related rapes less vigorously prosecuted over there? I'm just asking because, around these parts, if there is questionable consent, you're roast; what you relate, if I read it right, seems odd to me. IWYW, — Aswad. Hello, Aswad. These are just a few thoughts of My own. The first part to this is that we really don't know how many kink related rapes go unreported. This is usually part of the problem when it comes to how groups deal with this. I have to think that women don't press charges often enough. That can be because of feeling ashamed due to circumstances, especially kinky ones. It's very much like date rape with a kinky twist. "You invited him in/went to his place of your own accord." Then, you have to deal with the DA (District Attorney). If there isn't a lot of physical evidence, some women get discouraged when they hear what kind of chance there is of a conviction. The longer that you wait to report, the less physical evidence there is, and that doesn't help your case. Wait a week? You may not even have a shot depending on the circumstances. Third, it hasn't been that long here that the 'putting the victim on trial' method of defense has been prohibited. It used to be that a sexual assault victim could be completely humiliated in court because her sexual history would be paraded out, what kind of clothes she wore, and anything that could be used to blame the victim. The whole thing is a hideous process. First, there is the rape. Then, a collecting of "physical" evidence, which is a semi-invasive medical gathering. Followed by an emotional legal upheaval that may actually make it to court if there is enough to follow through. Please understand that these are just My thoughts based on limited observations and not statistics.

OsideGirl -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 4:38:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I owned a playspace years ago, they can be cesspits of drama. Doesnt have to be that way, my favorite playspace is Lair de Sade in Los Angeles. No DMs, no rules, but if you fuck up, the owner just runs your ass out, period. The Lair has rules, but they're just common sense stuff like don't touch without consent, don't touch someone else's stuff, clean up the station after you're done, etc. I personally have seen Kane remove someone for touching one of my friend's without her consent. He's fantastic that way. But, they will not interrupt a scene unless there's something major going on. In my memory I only remember one scene being shut down: It was a guy with a bullwhip in the front room. He was hitting other people that were behind him on his back swing. Bottom line is that Kane thinks that if you're an adult you need to behave like one and take responsibility for yourself.

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Anyone here run a public playspace? (11/21/2012 5:01:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael There us a thread over on fet that has me apoplectic. Its over how they treat accusations of being a serious douchebag and up to rape. Basically, if the cops dont convict tge guy, hes a menber in good standing. I was fucking shocked. All these years I have railed against protectors...I may have to eat crow. Now you know why some of us have reluctantly stepped into the role of protector. It's necessary, particularly with some people and in areas where there are known predators that nobody can positively ID and blacklist. We have some doozies in my area, complete with a guy who takes women down some lonely country road and does a "put out or get out" thing, and another one who took a NEWBIE and waterboarded her in a hotel room in spite of her letting him know that this was a hard limit. He got scared and left her tied up for the maids to set free the next day. (With a safe caller, these fem subs would have been rescued a lot sooner and would have had a decent lifestyle friend helping them get over it, seeing to it too that they got whatever help they needed.) I don't know about other people's areas, but a lot of chit goes on that cannot be prosecuted. The victim often just wants to recover and forget and move on, not prolong the nightmare. Some have an incredible ability to either take the blame onto themselves (as in "I shouldn't have been wearing that dress, makeup, met up with some guy from the internet" etc.), or else they have a horror of anyone else finding out about it. Most of you don't know how bitchy others are toward someone who has cried rape in the past...it's treated as a joke, like it's some manipulation tool she uses freely, or that she "was a hooker and the check bounced". Going to the police and doctor, etc., are often as traumatic, if not moreso, than the rape itself. Yes, I am speaking from firsthand experience. We host parties. My first rule is "Don't be a dick." One of my fem sub friends alerted me recently about a Dom who wanted an invitation (yes, I do ask around to learn someone's rep before considering letting them come), about how ugly he got with her in the past. He didn't get an invite.

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