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RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/22/2012 8:40:13 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subTori1

I'm fairly new to the lifestyle.
About two weeks ago, I met a Dom through this site. We chated, emailed and spoke on the phones a couple of times. Just last week I meet him in person. He's a really nice guy and fun to talk with. At the end of the night he didn't kiss me, just gave me a hug. I thought was nice of him but I did feel a little insecure for not getting kiss (at least on the cheek).
After that, he really doesn't spend time to talk to me or make contact with me anymore. If I send him a message he response and it short. He says he wants to meet with me again and he doesn't want to have multiple subs.
I want to talk to him about this but since it's so new, I don't want to come off as too needy and could end up pushing him away.
I'm feeling really insecure about this.

Any advise, need some help

Thanks

My two bits:

Don't contact him again. No emails. No IMs. No calls. Assume you'll never hear from him again.

If he does contact you, go out with him if he likes. If you just want to have some kinky fun, have some. If you have a relationship, treat it like a second vanilla date.

(in reply to subTori1)

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Post #: 21

RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/24/2012 4:48:04 PM

LoveToBeBad

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/4/2012
Status: offline

Ask the direct questions you want answered.
This technique will free you from the uncertainty and wondering.
If you are not satisfied with the answer, then ask more questions.
Love questions and ask plenty of them.

Give others the opportunity to be honest.

Relationships will either work out or they will not work out.
We, as participants in a relationship, can not behave in a particular way which will change the flow of the universe.
Life can not be controlled.
Live and do as you please without regard to the possible re-actions of another human being.
By doing as we please, we attract compatible energy and repel incompatible energy.

Good luck and have fun!

(in reply to subTori1)

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Post #: 22

RE: How a Dom really feels - 11/28/2012 10:48:19 AM

Genobee

Posts: 28
Joined: 11/7/2010
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I think one date and a few online talks isn't enough to warrant your level of concern at this point. You can really only make guesses.
E.g. He may just not be a fast-paced person for relationships. Maybe he is busy and will only feel comfy after 3+ dates to become closer.

I'd go out again and see if by the end of it, if things are slightly closer than before.

< Message edited by Genobee -- 11/28/2012 11:22:40 AM >

(in reply to LoveToBeBad)

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Post #: 23

RE: How a Dom really feels - 12/2/2012 9:07:46 AM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
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There is a difference between being "interesting" and being "Household" material.

You mention that you were miffed at not getting a kiss on first meeting. Darlin', I would never EVER assume any physical contact on a first face to face meeting and would tend to quash any inclinations on my own part to initiate physical contact at a first meeting.

Why you ask? The very small but disturbing percentage of submissives that would show up with five suitcases expecting to move in upon a second date. And, the fact that many submissives are skittish from appearing to be asshat bait for years. One is careful not to scare off the good ones.

(in reply to Genobee)

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RE: How a Dom really feels - 12/2/2012 12:28:57 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
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I gently disagree with the main theme of the comments here, which all revolve around variations of "move on" or "force the issue".

Neither option is necessary. Maybe he is dealing with issues that prevent him from advancing a relationship, or maybe he is checking out other options.
But this doesn't need to be a terminal event for this budding relationship. As long as you don't forsake other options yourself, its possible you can keep the lines of communication open, date others, without giving him an Ultimatum.

When I dated Kim, after our first few dates, she went through a period where she was withdrawn and unable to focus on our romance; I waited almost a year while we only exchanged occasional emails, and she eventually came back. A decade later, we are happily married.

(in reply to subTori1)

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RE: How a Dom really feels - 12/4/2012 1:54:42 PM

thegreatetienne

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/4/2012
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That's just more mind games. Just be forward and direct with him. Like another post said, this is some sort of a long distance relationship and you really don't know what is going on in his life. People do get busy.

and just for the record, I agree with AnimusRex wholeheartedly. Just wait it out, people get busy. Just don't get too caught up in it and don't foresake your other leads, etc.

< Message edited by thegreatetienne -- 12/4/2012 1:58:30 PM >

(in reply to KatyLied)

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RE: How a Dom really feels - 12/4/2012 2:02:49 PM

thegreatetienne

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/4/2012
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That is very interesting....but I like your perspective.

(in reply to LoveToBeBad)

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Post #: 27