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Need some advice - 11/26/2012 12:19:00 AM

Theservileone

Posts: 24
Joined: 3/21/2010
Status: offline

Hello um... I was hoping to get the advice of some Mistress's with an issue I have I've been seeing a local dominatrix and we've gotten kind of close though after a post I made earlier on here I made a descision to finally tell her how I feel but I don't know how I should go about doing it I mean do I just come out and say "I'm in love with you." or do I ease into it?

I keep wanting to do something like bring her a present maybe flowers and chocolate or both? But I don't want to scare her off I may even be misreading things even though I'm the only client that serves her outside the dungeon and I've even met her friends and family(nice people to I'm actually facebook friends with her mom for the record she friended me and I didn't want to seem rude by not accepting) who have no idea what she does (they think I'm a work friend or something like that).

Is it weird I'm reading into that or would you say it's understandable given the situation? Is it possible I'm just her favorite slave?

I just worry if I say how I feel she'll decide I shouldn't be a client and I wont be apart of her life that being said am I being a little dramatic with the worst case scenario?

Also how would you respond to a sub/slave coming out and saying they were in love with you? Would it freak you out or would it make you happy and how would you like that sub/slave to tell you?

Post #: 1

RE: Need some advice - 11/26/2012 2:57:26 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

We really can't make a sensible guess about what her actions mean because we don't know her. I know that doesn't help you, but the best we can do is guess. I'm betting you've already spent a lot of time doing that. Yes you may just be her favourite slave. She may want more but think it unprofessional. She may not be thinking that at all, and just have relaxed professional boundaries.

To be honest, from what you've described (seeing her as a client but also friendly activities outside the dungeon, like seeing films) I would be surprised if she said you couldn't serve anymore. BUT I don't know her. Maybe she will think that's for the best.

As for telling her, I would just ask if you could take her out for a drink and talk as equals. Then I'd lay it on the line for her. I wouldn't go right to 'I'm madly in love with you and I want to have your babies'. But be honest. You have feelings for her, you have had them for a while, and you would like to know where you stand. Tell her that your contact with her friends and your nights out together make you feel that you might have something beyond a client relationship and ask her if you are understanding right. Explain that you have been worried about bringing this up because you enjoy what you do have and you don't want to lose it, even if there is no chance of anything more. Then LISTEN to what she says. If she says no, it's a no. If she needs to think about it, let her. Don't pester her.

Before you do this, I think you need to be honest with yourself. Can you be happy never knowing if she likes you too? If she doesn't want a relationship, will you be happy to continue as you have been doing, or will that sting? Know where you stand first.

But definitely do it. Even if she says no, putting it off is just prolonging the agony. Life is too short.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Theservileone)

Post #: 2

RE: Need some advice - 11/26/2012 6:09:43 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

I'm still seeing this as a fantasy that could go terribly wrong. You got into this lifestyle as a cowardly reaction to following a girl you had/have a crush on, you lied & now 2 years later want to come clean with will you date me??
Taking a pet to events where a nilla date is required doesn't make you special, mom kind of does & we don't know this woman...its a 50/50 toss up at best.
Idea to talk to her outside the dungeon is your best chance. Wooing her like a woman & not the whip you've been paying for will helP your case. Sadly I still don't think this will end up happily ever after.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 3

RE: Need some advice - 11/26/2012 8:45:20 AM

ObedientPet760

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/25/2012
Status: offline

I love to read advice from the two Mistresses: Athena and theRose! I am also seeking local Mistresses who could introduce me into the lifestyle and see if it works for me

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 4

RE: Need some advice - 11/26/2012 9:02:44 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ObedientPet760

I love to read advice from the two Mistresses: Athena and theRose! I am also seeking local Mistresses who could introduce me into the lifestyle and see if it works for me

We told you on your own thread this was trolling NOW OFF MY LEG!!!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to ObedientPet760)

Post #: 5

RE: Need some advice - 11/26/2012 2:40:16 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It's times like this that I wish some of the posters that we've had in the past hadn't found greener pastures.

From what I've seen/heard around the lifestyle for these past years, this is not going to end well for you. Professional Dominants are selling you a fantasy. A part of that fantasy is that you matter to her more than you really do. However, most pros will cut a client off if they start having real feelings for them. This is the stuff that stalkers are made of and many of the pros will tell you that it's a bad sign to have your client become emotional about you. That means that you bought the illusion and you are living something of a fantasy.

The fact that you are doing things outside the dungeon? You mean stuff that she would have to find someone else to do (and possibly compensate them for) if you weren't doing it? Are you driving her to the airport, running her errands, or cleaning in her house/serving dinner? Stuff that makes her look good to others or gives her some status? Think really hard about what exactly it is you are doing and if she would have to pay someone if you weren't doing it for free.

The Mother. I have to ask. Does the mother know she's a pro? If so, does she worry about the type of client that her daughter is around? Is she one of those mother's that rags on about when the daughter is going to get a nice boyfriend and settle down. Do you and Mom discuss the fact that you are a client? If not, she doesn't know. If so, you're being trotted out to prove to Mom that the clients aren't all scum balls.

I'm not a pro, but if one of My casual play partners (who I do also spend time with away from events) decided to proclaim their love for Me, I'd be done. People know the arrangement up front, very much like your BUSINESS TRANSACTION with the pro.
I'd break all ties.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 6

RE: Need some advice - 11/26/2012 4:42:10 PM

MissJVD

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/26/2012
Status: offline

I think it is a situation that you need to come to realize. The relationship between Mistress and slave is so powerful that it can easily be mistaken for love. The fact that she is a pro would indicate that she is seeing you for personal gain. What you may be feeling is the Power Exchange between the Mistress and slave. As far as telling you love her, no.
You need to do some serious soul searching. If she is a Pro, and there is nothing wrong with that, it sheds to much into the reality of her accepting your request of love suddenly.
I would not appreciate someone telling me they love me right away or after a period of time. It is a complicated situation, and I wish you the best.

MissJVD

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Need some advice - 11/26/2012 9:02:54 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

OP,
I know it seems like love. But she's being paid to give you a fantasy. It's pretty common for Johns to fall in love with prostitutes that they see on a regular basis. And exotic dancers experience the same thing; their regular customers fall in love with them. So I'm going to assume that the same is probably true for pro Dommes.

Be very careful. Rather than telling her that you love her, why not continue to pursue a vanilla friendship with her. If that goes well, then you might want to let the relationship grow in a normal, natural fashion.

I know that it sometimes seems like kinky relationships are different from regular vanilla relationships, but they're really not. How long have you known this woman? How many sessions have you had with her? Has she given any indication that she is "into you"? And most importantly, would you tell her that you love her at this phase of a vanilla relationship?

Keep your cool, and think with your big head instead of your little head.

Good luck.

(in reply to Theservileone)

Post #: 8

RE: Need some advice - 11/26/2012 10:42:39 PM

Theservileone

Posts: 24
Joined: 3/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

OP,
I know it seems like love. But she's being paid to give you a fantasy. It's pretty common for Johns to fall in love with prostitutes that they see on a regular basis. And exotic dancers experience the same thing; their regular customers fall in love with them. So I'm going to assume that the same is probably true for pro Dommes.

Be very careful. Rather than telling her that you love her, why not continue to pursue a vanilla friendship with her. If that goes well, then you might want to let the relationship grow in a normal, natural fashion.

I know that it sometimes seems like kinky relationships are different from regular vanilla relationships, but they're really not. How long have you known this woman? How many sessions have you had with her? Has she given any indication that she is "into you"? And most importantly, would you tell her that you love her at this phase of a vanilla relationship?

Keep your cool, and think with your big head instead of your little head.

Good luck.

I've known her for about a year and a half maybe two years. At first it was a session every two weeks then it became a weekly occurrence. Eventually she asked for my phone number and started calling me to do what ever task she had.

Though she doesn't charge me for anything outside of the dungeon and oddly enough we have a very different dynamic than her other clients who are always naked and on their knees or all fours. I'm always dressed in a all black suit and she's always wearing the key to my chasity cage around her neck though she never tells anyone that it's my key.

She also calls me by first name and that's not something she does with her other clients(usually she makes up a nickname or just calls them slave). She's also got me kneeling differently then the other clients when I kneel it's always on one knee my head bowed and one arm behind my back the other on my chest. I'm also supposed to kneel on one knee and kiss her hand upon greeting her.

She also does things for me once once on my birthday she stopped by my place with pie saying "Listen I'm cooking for my family and I need to know if this any good. So eat it and tell me what you think." She then just bolts without saying a word. I met her family after that it was by accident I was just finishing cleaning her home and about to leave when her parents show up out of the blue to surprise her.

Anyway when she was in the bathroom I asked her parents purely as an ice breaker if they liked the pie she made for them and they were like "Pie? She doesn't even know how to cook why would she make us pie?" I was able to cover it up and I never really asked her because well I didn't want to get into trouble.

It's weird she's my complete opposite she's impulsive and childish and immature yet that's what I like about her. The thing is before I was exposed to this lifestyle I was wanting to have a vanilla life now It's like I can't even imagine that. It's very frustrating for me part of me wants vanilla with her another part of me is afraid of not being her slave. I don't even know what kind of a relationship I want with her.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 9

RE: Need some advice - 11/26/2012 10:54:30 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Not knowing what you want is the surest way to stay stuck! Do you seriously see her dominating others with your child in her belly? PTA & bondage? Lmao a mini van?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Theservileone)

Post #: 10

RE: Need some advice - 11/26/2012 11:18:44 PM

Rastimmipitwax

Posts: 69
Joined: 6/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Theservileone

She also calls me by first name and that's not something she does with her other clients(usually she makes up a nickname or just calls them slave). She's also got me kneeling differently then the other clients when I kneel it's always on one knee my head bowed and one arm behind my back the other on my chest. I'm also supposed to kneel on one knee and kiss her hand upon greeting her.

She also does things for me once once on my birthday she stopped by my place with pie saying "Listen I'm cooking for my family and I need to know if this any good. So eat it and tell me what you think." She then just bolts without saying a word. I met her family after that it was by accident I was just finishing cleaning her home and about to leave when her parents show up out of the blue to surprise her.

Anyway when she was in the bathroom I asked her parents purely as an ice breaker if they liked the pie she made for them and they were like "Pie? She doesn't even know how to cook why would she make us pie?" I was able to cover it up and I never really asked her because well I didn't want to get into trouble.

Based on this, maybe, and it's a very, infinitessimally small maybe. Others have covered everything else I would say.

_____________________________

I will fuck with your preconceptions. Don't argue, it just proves I'm right ;p

(in reply to Theservileone)

Post #: 11

RE: Need some advice - 11/27/2012 2:18:03 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

You dont have to tell her you love her, ask her if your relationship feels like it has grown into something beyond a business relationship over time? Based on what she says could either be a conversation opener to reveal your truth or a stop sign.

Baking pies? Meeting family? It sounds like she is fond of you beyond business.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to Rastimmipitwax)

Post #: 12

RE: Need some advice - 11/27/2012 4:56:48 AM

MistressZaraUK

Posts: 49
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline

'Danger Will Robinson Danger'

But seriously. If this is a professional arrangement you have been in up till now, that is very likely all it is ever going to be. As someone has already mentioned, a professional Domme is selling a service, the better she is at it, the more you will come back, so be very careful that you are not mistaking a desire on her part to keep a regular client happy rather then a desire to have a relationship.

Best advise, ask out straight, ask once and fully accept any answer you are given

Zara

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 13

RE: Need some advice - 11/27/2012 2:08:47 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I vote Yes to the flower or chocolate and No to telling her you love her unless her acceptance of the flowers goes really, really well.

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(in reply to Theservileone)

Post #: 14

RE: Need some advice - 11/27/2012 2:33:22 PM

bloomswell

Posts: 52
Status: offline

I was a house slave for a prodomme and one day she showed me a drawer full of letters from clients all declaring love and wanting marriage. There were dozens of them from men of every kind.
She used to have to cut them off which annoyed her as she was effectively losing clients. She said that although it was flattering the truth was that they were more in love with the domming than with her. Some of them also became intensely jealous of her other subs and would resort to stalking.
My tip would be to keep your feelings to yourself and enjoy the ride for what it is. But if you're determined to pursue her I'd suggest you ask her out to a vanilla movie or something and see how she responds. Or without completely betraying your hand you could maybe instigate an in-depth discussion on how she views your relationship.

< Message edited by bloomswell -- 11/27/2012 2:34:50 PM >

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 15

RE: Need some advice - 11/27/2012 5:56:25 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

OP

You've been seeing a proDomme for a while and things may have progressed.

There are 3 possibilities

1. She sees something in you that might lead to something special. (this is your fantasy but mayyyyyyyy be true)

2. You may be delusional..........Sorry dude but a lot of folks who patronize sex workers feel they're somehow special. Ususally, you're not

3. other.

There's only one thing to do. Ask her. Just grow some fuckin stones and ask her. Ask her if she really likes you or if you're just a client. TELL her to be painfully honest. I know, I said to get in her face and be assertive. ASK her dammit.

If she is half the person you say she is, she will be honest. Most Dominants don't want a doormat. they want someone who will occasionally challenge them when they are selecting a life partner.

Are you gonna be a doormat and wonder for the rest of your life if you've found or lost a potential mate?

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to bloomswell)

Post #: 16

RE: Need some advice - 11/28/2012 10:56:10 AM

ObedientPet760

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/25/2012
Status: offline

This is a useless forum.....I am leaving this site forever!

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 17

RE: Need some advice - 11/28/2012 10:56:53 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

See ya!!!! Taking your sock with ya?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to ObedientPet760)

Post #: 18

RE: Need some advice - 11/28/2012 11:15:44 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Do you ever wonder why people think we give a fuck when some person that we couldn't give a damn about leaves the forum? I do think it's funny he crashed somebody else's thread to flounce.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 19

RE: Need some advice - 11/28/2012 11:54:03 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bloomswell

But if you're determined to pursue her I'd suggest you ask her out to a vanilla movie or something and see how she responds. Or without completely betraying your hand you could maybe instigate an in-depth discussion on how she views your relationship.

I agree. Try the vanilla date route, and see if she is into it. If so, do like you would on a normal vanilla date and try to kiss her. If she let's you, then you can try moving to 2nd base. But just telling her that you love her, without even knowing if she sees you in a romantic light, would be silly (IMO).

(in reply to bloomswell)

Post #: 20

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