|
CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: ups and downs to being a dom (11/30/2012 3:16:20 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: daddytrace
So far I like the bdsm lifestyle , but what are the downfalls to being a dom?
When my needs take precedence over his intense wants/needs. He has a lot more energy than I do and my body has been through a lot this past year (almost died from dozens of blood clots in the lungs last year, yep, from birth control pills so that he wouldn't have to have a vasectomy), yada yada yada, so I wish I had the workaholic body I used to have when I was in my twenties and thirties. Bottom line, the D/s is 24/7 but the kink...is only when I'm in the mood for it, and by happy coincidence, my body happens to be up to it. (Yes, my tailbone re-broke yet again yesterday, as it's been doing every week these past twelve months. The doctor is looking into it, finally.) I don't like seeing his hunger raging, my own rushing up to meet it...but Domming myself and resting so that my own pain levels go down to something more manageable.
Another downfall is...not having "absolute power" within my relationship, lol. Sometimes the best thing I can do is warn of a family type train wreck and then sit back and help with aftercare. He/they learn better when I allow natural consequences to go into effect, instead of stepping in to lay down the law and prevent the entire thing from happening in the first place. It is less convenient for me, personally, but I don't want my actions to prevent something that really needs to happen so that everyone (but me, lol) can grow from it.
And finally, on the downs list...I won't indulge myself if something I want is emotionally toxic to my partner.
As for the ups, there are too many to list them all so I will just list a few.
1) Unlike my experiences in vanilla relationships, it's good to have at least one of us steering this ship and not just letting it drift until it lands into the rocks, yanno? I grew up among endless power struggles where people thought only about themselves and not about collateral damage. Unlike those who confuse being domineering with good leadership...I do know the difference. It's...good...being the boss.
2) There's peace and contentment for me...and an almost unnatural trust between the two of us. Phrases like "he's my other half" and "I know him like I know the back of my own hand" have meaning to me now.
3) The sensual perks...whenever I want and whatever I want. And non-sexual, non-sensual service. It does something for me when he brings me my hot tea exactly the way I like it when I am sitting at the computer, etc. I have him unbraid my hair so I can enjoy having it slowly brushed until his arm starts to ache before I have him finish it off by rebraiding it all over again. (It's not all about ass worship and face sitting. Not most of the time anyway.)
|
|
|
|
