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The telling signs - 11/29/2012 1:05:43 PM   
Peetie


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		so, here's the thing. I was at work a few days ago, having lunch with a group of colleagues. People started drifting away, back to their offices and i was left having coffee with a woman from my own office. As we were finishing up, she asked me if she could ask a direct question. I said, of course, and she then came right out and asked if i was submissive.

Of course i am, but i dont make it obvious in my vanilla life, at least i don't think i do, so i was floored by the question. i actually think i blushed. My colleague then aologised for embarrassing me and left.

What i want to know is whether women can instinctively spot submissive men, and what the give away signs are.

i do have another question, should i follow up with my colleage and ask her why she asked or assumed i was.

Many thanks for any replies
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 1:18:37 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Sure, ask her if you want to know. She brought it up, after all. Just be prepared that the answer might be very mundane.

Women don't have any kind of sub-radar. She might be a good judge of personality. She might have overheard something you said on the phone. She might have had a dream about you. She might have heard rumours. She might know someone you used to date.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Peetie)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 1:31:37 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		In general people get hunches about others, but there aren't any checklists of signs or anything. I'm sure people would be baffled to find out I am submissive, as I think I seem to be in control of most everything I do.

If you are interested in her then ask about her observations and if it would be appropriate in your place of business to ask personal questions. If you are not interested in her as a possibility, then I'd let it go as you following up would signify interest in my mind.

(in reply to Peetie)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 1:40:55 PM   
Peetie


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		lizi,
frankly i am confused by the situation. i was not sure whether she said what she said to test me, attract me, or demolish me.
i am certainly attracted to her...i could wax lyrical, lol....but i dont fancy being demolished. ...this has happened before.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 2:08:35 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Sometimes you can tell. Other times you can't. It can be something as easy as the look in the eyes when a certain phrase is heard. Some males don't even know when they are giving off cues.

Sure. I'd ask why she asked. I'd want to know for curiosity's sake if nothing else. She could probably tell you what she picked up on better than we could.

You work with her? You may want to wait to follow up on an occasion when you are not at your place of business.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Peetie)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 2:13:17 PM   
Peetie


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		what kind of phrase?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 3:03:17 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Peetie

lizi,
frankly i am confused by the situation. i was not sure whether she said what she said to test me, attract me, or demolish me.
i am certainly attracted to her...i could wax lyrical, lol....but i dont fancy being demolished. ...this has happened before.



If you're worried about your reception with her, but are interested enough to follow up then do so in a general, more detached manner. That way you're not putting yourself out there to a possible demolishment, just asking a question or two- which could be expanded on if she were receptive. Ask her why she mentioned you being submissive.

(in reply to Peetie)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 3:20:41 PM   
Peetie


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		yes...sensible advice....i am burning to know

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 3:28:10 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		Peetie,
What are you so afraid of? Be a man. Geez, the way that you're acting towards what happened to me tells me that you're not only submissive, but that you're also passive, and perhaps afraid of women. Whatsupwitdat?

Be a man. Ask her why she asked you. After all, she brought it up.

But be warned. These aren't the good old days when vanilla folks didn't even think in terms of dominant and submissive. But since 50 Shades of Grey came out, lots of vanilla folks also are aware of D/s (even though they may not be involved in it). So don't assume that she is a Domme.

Tread carefully, and ask leading questions. Since she brought it up, let her open up first. You may want to ask her if she's dominant, and allow her to answer before you do.

There may be the makings of a D/s romance here. Or maybe not. The one thing that's for sure is that you don't want to place your employment at risk.

Good luck to you.
-Roch

(in reply to Peetie)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 4:10:31 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Peetie

As we were finishing up, she asked me if she could ask a direct question. I said, of course, and she then came right out and asked if i was submissive.

Of course i am, but i dont make it obvious in my vanilla life, at least i don't think i do, so i was floored by the question. i actually think i blushed. My colleague then aologised for embarrassing me and left.

What i want to know is whether women can instinctively spot submissive men, and what the give away signs are.



Next time someone does this, before deciding if you wish to answer (and "out yourself"), why not ask them why they wish to know.

Personally, I would have asked someone only if my hunting instinct had been triggered, and the blush would have made me feel that someone had just tossed blood in the water and I happen to be a shark. That she just walked away makes me think she was not in shark mode.

Yes, sometimes I "know" when someone is submissive. My Spidey senses tingling are probably just my picking up on some subtle body language though and not something psychic. Sometimes it's more obvious, and even my autistic adult son can pick up on the signals given out by a submissive male who is reacting to me.

Did she appeal to you in a D/s way...?

When people ask my lifemate if he is a submissive, he chooses to let them know that indeed he is...but...he doesn't blush.

(in reply to Peetie)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 4:15:10 PM   
Peetie


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		does she appeal to me in a D/s way....what a good question....she is older than me, a factor that adds many plusses to the D side and although significantly more junior to me in the company, she is intellegent, well read and confident.....yes...she does appeal to me, very much

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 4:36:54 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Peetie

does she appeal to me in a D/s way....what a good question....she is older than me, a factor that adds many plusses to the D side and although significantly more junior to me in the company, she is intellegent, well read and confident.....yes...she does appeal to me, very much

Check your HRpolicies closely before pursuing this!!! My poly & worked for different arms of mega corp & it was allowed after we both signed legal waivers & had individual meetings withHR it was humiliating to answer the questions they had, but ultimately worth it. Do however firmly believe my advancement was stopped by boss that didn't approve

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Peetie)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The telling signs - 11/29/2012 4:40:15 PM   
MissJVD


Posts: 7
Joined: 11/26/2012
Status: offline 		Rochsub nailed it. Listen to what he had to say. Everything he had to say because you do not want to jeopardize your career for something like this. Ask her out for a date, and see where it goes.


Regards,

MissJVD

(in reply to Peetie)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The telling signs - 11/30/2012 11:00:54 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I used to work in an office full of men. There was this real cheeky looking guy that I liked a lot but he was reliably late each morning, took too long a lunch breaks and talked the hind leg off a donkey when he should of been getting on with work. One morning he was called in to the bosses office to be disciplined and when he came back into the office I asked him if he had been spanked and made to stand in the corner. Just like you, he blushed and for a change went quiet. That lunch time he came and sat with me and asked me why I had said that and that he wouldn't of minded being spanked if it was me that did it!! That was long before I got into this lifestyle and the first time I had some dominant fun with a man.
This may well be your opening and I think you would be foolish if you didn't at least ask her why she asked you that. Just don't have any expectations but approach her with an open mind.

(in reply to MissJVD)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The telling signs - 11/30/2012 3:15:46 PM   
lthrpup


Posts: 125
Joined: 4/28/2004
Status: offline 		It's going to eat at you, so find out why she asked. How to do it tactfully will require some effort on your part. Maybe she's a domme with good senses and it was an overture to the kind of contact you crave from a woman. Maybe she found an amusing way to take the piss out of a random guy. Maybe she took too many cold tablets that morning and won't remember making the comment. The wealth of detail in your memory that could not possibly be shared in a few paragraphs on the internet so think about it and trust your instinct. Tread carefully. Fraternization with a fellow employee is fraught with pitfalls. Wish I had the same problem.

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The telling signs - 11/30/2012 6:52:45 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Peetie

so, here's the thing. I was at work a few days ago, having lunch with a group of colleagues. People started drifting away, back to their offices and i was left having coffee with a woman from my own office. As we were finishing up, she asked me if she could ask a direct question. I said, of course, and she then came right out and asked if i was submissive.

Of course i am, but i dont make it obvious in my vanilla life, at least i don't think i do, so i was floored by the question. i actually think i blushed. My colleague then aologised for embarrassing me and left.

What i want to know is whether women can instinctively spot submissive men, and what the give away signs are.

i do have another question, should i follow up with my colleage and ask her why she asked or assumed i was.

Many thanks for any replies



No....someone spilled the beans.

(in reply to Peetie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The telling signs - 11/30/2012 8:10:18 PM   
PrincessDonna11


Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline 		Rosesub said it plain and simple know what you may be getting your self into, I NEVER mingled with co workers......there was so little they knew about me they would almost burst into flames trying to get to know me better but I was trained by a Red Robin director and the #1 thing was do not mix the 3 1)personal 2) social 3) work.....it wont be long until your 5 min late and shes saying in front of everyone" hes tied up somewhere"

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The telling signs - 11/30/2012 8:18:13 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Peetie

does she appeal to me in a D/s way....what a good question....she is older than me, a factor that adds many plusses to the D side and although significantly more junior to me in the company, she is intellegent, well read and confident.....yes...she does appeal to me, very much


Wow. I've only been asked once, in my entire life, 'are you into being dominated?' Absolutely a question that begs investigation. Lucky fellah you are!

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to Peetie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The telling signs - 12/1/2012 8:26:55 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline 		"My my, what a curious thing to say. How did you arrive at that conclusion?"

Dodge the question, leave the ball in her court.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The telling signs - 12/2/2012 12:34:05 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		oh Bambi, I really hope that you say 'My my' in conversation. I've got such an interesting mental picture of you.

OP - Any update? I for one want to know how this turns out.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to BambiBoi)
Profile   Post #: 20
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