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Unattractive in a sub - 11/30/2012 6:12:55 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Daily we get asked what we want in a sub from boys leading off on the completely wrong foot. The profiles looking for Domme,switch or sub of any size or ethnicity (with nothing else there), the cocks in bondage & men that would physically be appealing writing in great detail about how they are a kink virgin wanting nothing more than total slavery.
So the question is: what traits do you find offensive, disrespectful or down right hard limits in someone seeking to be yours?

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Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

Post #: 1

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/1/2012 9:08:12 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Bad hygiene, smartassiness, outright disprespect or purposeful disobedience. My first sub had issues w/ hygiene and i won't go through that again. I love a sense of humor as much as the next person and I'm all for it, but blatant disrespect won't fly with me.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 2

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/1/2012 9:25:29 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I want a *lot* in my personal relationships, since I consider myself a high quality person with a high degree of personal integrity, and nothing less than the same appeals to me.

Deal breakers would be poor character, poor hygiene (sad it even needs to be mentioned, but it does), extreme over or under weight, lack of intelligence, lack of emotional maturity, poor sense of humor, and poor communication skills.

Since my view and society's view as to what makes a person attractive are quite different, I'm fairly tolerant about looks, weight (assuming someone is not morbidly obese), financial status, education level, quantity and quality of personal possessions, etc.

The single most important thing is of course, mutual rapport. Without that, a relationship does not stand a chance.

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(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 3

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/1/2012 9:40:39 AM

saundrakitty

Posts: 148
Joined: 9/11/2012
Status: offline

I have to agree with everyone else that Bad Hygiene is one, and the other is being dishonest and lying to Me. Trust me they always mess up and get caught and I just can't tolerate that one little bit. I also have issues with those that will not communicate with me and expect me to be able to read their mind. Or those that try to to make me break my hard limits right off the bat. Everything else can be talked through and worked with as I don't follow the social idea of what is in, as what i like comes into a different ideal. I enjoy a good sense of humor like anyone else, but being disobedient and rude is a big no-no with me as well. I also need to be able to connect with the person as well physically as well as emotionally-as I take in the whole package when deciding if there is any compatibility.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 4

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/1/2012 9:54:50 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Agree that compatibility is paramount.

From my past:
married & lying (bastard was cheating on woman dying)

hygiene & presentation (super hairy is just eewe)

overly involved family...mom was consulted about my every request & demand thus ending in a discussion of why my word was what iwanted, not the version his mother thought he should do. For example asked for pork tenderloin (tyson garlic herb) & mashed potatos to be picked up for dinner. I received pork chops & scalloped potato box mix (which ihate) because that's what mom gave him instructions on how to cook.
I don't believe in isolation but that woman...

Overt fetish focus- foot worship is nice penis near my feet or expensive shoes NO!

Overtly sexual approach or profile where any female will do

Demands that if I'm a weel twue domme I will pick them up at the bus station to take ownership of them immediately (this was someone I had never talked to ever)

Wanker approach at a munch- not every female is sub & even fewer want "that guy"

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 5

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/1/2012 10:03:44 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

Off the top of my head:

I completely agree with bad hygiene being a major no-no. And I agree, its sad that it even has to be mentioned. If you smell or look like something crawled on you and died, are you honestly wanting to share that "joy" with me? I go through a ritual of making myself presentable to the world. Do the same in regards to me. Regular showers, teeth brushing, manscaping, perhaps some nice body spray/cologne (dont overdo it though!) are your friends

No "do me" mentality please! Dont come at me with a huge kinky bucket list of all of the things you want to have done to you. Im a human being, not a trained circus seal. Dont make my D/s some job I have to perform. Make it a collaboration. What do you bring to the table? Who are you as a person?

Dont tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me what is honestly on your mind. Unlike others you might experience in life, I actually give a rip what you have to say. Keep in mind that there is a time and place for it though. If you are only telling me what you think I want to hear, you are being dishonest with me. I HATE DISHONESTY! Be real and be genuine. You cant go wrong with that.

I pay attention to the way you treat others. If you are an asshole to animals, treat the elderly/children like they are drains on society, say horrible things about those who are less fortunate than you are, dont tip wait people, or any other examples of jackassery...we wont get along very well.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 12/1/2012 10:05:42 AM >

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 6

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/1/2012 12:39:02 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Barring my Top 5 Physical Turn-offs (http://www.collarchat.com/m_4187423/tm.htm), anyone asking for something on the list of hard limits on my profile is an automatic "No." Beyond that, they have to be able to pass my Test As A Friend (https://fetlife.com/users/20720/posts/729630) before I'll consider going any further. If at any point they fail the Friend Test, I'm done.

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Dark Muse
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Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 7

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/1/2012 3:55:29 PM

noellesdestiny

Posts: 94
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline

Hygiene ....,,.disrespect......being sneaky......complaining

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 8

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/2/2012 2:20:37 AM

FemmeD76

Posts: 12
Joined: 11/10/2012
Status: offline

Well said!! :)

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 9

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/2/2012 5:47:12 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

Are you all running into the land of stinky people? lol. My stomach is turning thinking about it. ANd speaking of that, dirty finger nails make me want to hurl. An unshowered one day old crotch especially in hot weather is absolutely disgusting. THe smell is over the top. So for anyone thinking they still smell good skipping a daily shower. THINK AGAIN!

THats my wrap on hygiene.

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I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to FemmeD76)

Post #: 10

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/2/2012 8:25:59 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Someone who wears too much deodorant, aftershave and smelly stuff to cover up their natural body scent.
I don't want a man who stinks but I want to be able to smell him as an individual. Male sweat in the right quantities is very sexy but its a delicate balance.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 11

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/2/2012 12:35:07 PM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

My main pet peeves from experience when I was still looking were:

Bratty behaviour (someone who thinks that constantly insulting me will get them the punishment they want)

Bad hygiene

Blatantly lying

Do me attitude

Wanting to chat about my kinks and not even be bothered about who I am (which I made clear on my profile at the time that I wouldn't tolerate, but, of course, that still got ignored for such a long time)

Meeting someone who constantly bitched and moaned about their ex can also be very off putting, especially when you haven't even asked about them...

The list could go on, but those were my main ones. I'm so glad I was so fussy, really.

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I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 12

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/2/2012 2:49:51 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

NM. Bit rude, on reflection.

< Message edited by PeonForHer -- 12/2/2012 2:54:52 PM >

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(in reply to bighappygoth39)

Post #: 13

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/2/2012 3:34:15 PM

StrictnSaucy

Posts: 363
Joined: 1/6/2005
Status: offline

Passive aggressive behaviour. Subs need to cut that right out. Along with cleaning and all the above. Seriously, do we a thread on this. Can cop on not prevail?

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 14

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/2/2012 4:12:59 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrictnSaucy
Seriously, do we a thread on this. Can cop on not prevail?

Sorry, no comprendo.

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(in reply to StrictnSaucy)

Post #: 15

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/2/2012 4:28:20 PM

MissJVD

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/26/2012
Status: offline

Disrespect and bad language.

Regards, MissJVD

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 16

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/3/2012 1:33:59 PM

StrictlyADomina

Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline

Would I be embarrassed to bring the boy in question around My friends? If so then I don't want to have anything to do with him. If the boy has a big checklist of “must haves” or detailed fantasies in what they want/expect from a Domina, I am not interested. I find those boys have a huge problem that involves loving to live inside their own heads. So any Domina in reality will never make their "Porn Goddess" fantasy. Boys that present the introduction of their profile as a “dick pic” are blocked. If you are that enamored with your penis, you should date it 24/7 for "LTR" exclusively. Half of the people on the planet have dicks and for the other half it is just not that hard for Us to see or get one if We want it. Grow the heck up. Who wants to be seen with an overgrown version of Beavis and Butthead. If your profile consists of the “cornucopia of objects I would like up my ass”, I’m not interested. Pushy, rude, no concept of manners, vulgar language. morbid obesity and poor hygiene are also at the top of the list that gets the boy banned. In short, If you have no class, I have no time for you.
Regards, StrictlyADomina

< Message edited by StrictlyADomina -- 12/3/2012 1:38:12 PM >

(in reply to MissJVD)

Post #: 17

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/5/2012 12:15:17 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Dear StrictnSaucy,

I have to confess that I am a bit stumped about the whole "passive agressive" thing.

An former Mistress once expressed concern about this. The truth is that somethings are important to me and others are not. Would I rather sleep in a king size feather bed or a storm swale? Based on experience, I will take the feather bed every time. Conversely, do I want pizza or chinese tonight? Either is fine.

Other times, I have a preference; but, it is not a deal breaker. I prefer Skyline Chilli to Goldstar Chilli and will jump on Dixie Chilli every chance I get. However, If you like Goldstar then that's where we will go. It is not a hill worth dying on.

Sometimes is is a matter of "Now that you mention it..." I have a higher tolerance for discomfort than most people. But, Now that you mention it, I am a bit cold, or thirsty, or hungry... ...Just not enough to need to take action for myself.

Another thing that concerned her was her collar. I found it a bit hard to sleep in. On the other hand I loved being in it. I believe that she enjoyed my being in it; and, enduring a bit of discomfort for her pleasure was fine by me.

Please clarify this for me. If you identify any of this a passive agressive behavior I will wear the title with shame. If it is something that I need to work on then I will.

Respectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger

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You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to StrictnSaucy)

Post #: 18

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/5/2012 2:42:22 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger
I have to confess that I am a bit stumped about the whole "passive agressive" thing.

Just my opinion but, gawd, is that term overused these days. It's got the point where I want to be very *actively* aggressive to whoever was the windbag who coined it.

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http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 19

RE: Unattractive in a sub - 12/5/2012 2:43:46 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I don't want a man who stinks but I want to be able to smell him as an individual.

Lots of people have said that I smell very much as an individual, Maria!

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http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 20

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