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Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 11/30/2012 7:21:16 PM

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As a dominant, do you or would you exert any control over a submissive's finances? To what degree?

Submissives, what are your thoughts?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
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Let go it's harder holding on
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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 11/30/2012 7:40:13 PM

littlewonder

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There are times he does when he does not want me to buy something or feels it's not the right time or I should be spending my money elsewhere. He doesn't control my bank account though but if he decided he wanted to that would be completely fine with me.

I'm his property which means everything I have is his property. He decides when and when not to use something.

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 11/30/2012 7:40:37 PM

JeffBC

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I'm not sure if this is really applicable to where you're going because Carol and I are married and M/s. But yes, I exert a great deal of control over the money.

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 11/30/2012 11:03:43 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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All our money is family money regardless of who earned it. The basic expenses are needed for all of us - rent, heating, clothes, food. So while he technically has the final say and will dictate when I can and can't buy luxuries it's largely moot.

Also I am financially competent so he is more than happy to let me handle most of the day to day stuff.

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 11/30/2012 11:57:09 PM

LadyPact

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In a sense, yes, and that has increased over time. It's just not in the way that most people think of it.

As corny as it sounds, I go the opposite way. During My first year with clip, he was not allowed to spend money on Me without specific permission. I would allow him a reasonable amount if he wanted to purchase a gift for Me or wanted to be the one to spring for dinner. It's actually good for him because he can be a little impulsive, so this way, he had to put thought into wanting to get Me things. I've always had some say when it comes to luxury items, entertainment, etc.

That has changed a bit over the years. I do take a part of his income now that he primarily lives here. (Try feeding a 6'3" man on Alaska grocery prices.) I'm a lot more liberal on allowing him to buy Me little things or stuff that we need for the house. For what it's worth, I tend to be a practical person. The nice word for that is thrifty. The not so nice word is cheap. LOL. Plus, even I have to admit that clip finds spectacular short cuts. When he built the cross, I was fine with him buying the wood putty and varnish. (Huge expense, I know.) The boy does offer Me more money than I would dream of taking. There are other expenses to consider in the grand scheme of things.

Normally, I wouldn't even mention it, but there are so many posts about women who just want people's money. I guess I wanted to show a situation that isn't exactly like that.

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 12:10:18 AM

kyraofMists

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Good to see you back, Level

He has complete authority over all finances in our house. Most all accounts are in joint names along with our home and vehicle. Alandra and I are not allowed to spend money without his permission. There are some things we have blanket permission to buy, groceries is an example.

At first this was a little difficult for me. I wasn't great at managing money when I was younger and I was embarrassed to have him see my finances. Now, it is second nature to seek his permission and he is very generous. Sometimes I think too generous :). I'm weird and like to be told "no". I like processing the push of being denied what I want. Of course that could be the sadist in him just fucking with me too.

I trust him with my mind, my heart and my body. After that money is simple for me.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 12:49:59 AM

Muttling

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My Miss and i are also man and wife. We have a very eclectic relationship that is also a fabulous one.

We both have ex-spouses and kids from previous relationships, and we both know how to live on our own. We keep our finances separate and I think it's a very good thing for our relationship. We are both strong enough to walk away, but we stay together because we choose to do so. There have been times when I was tight and she helped me, right now....she's tight and I'm helping her despite her regular objections. (Miss isn't very good at accepted help when she needs it.)

It's a dynamic that works extremely well for us.

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 12:50:15 AM

dominlosangeles

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

As a dominant, do you or would you exert any control over a submissive's finances? To what degree?

Submissives, what are your thoughts?

I don't mix finances with BDSM.

That said, I think anyone who allows another to control their finances is a fool unless there is complete trust that has been built up over years and years and there is some attempt to have legal safeguards in place. Definitely not something to do casually.

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Post #: 8

RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 1:26:24 AM

SingingKestrel

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From: West Coast
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i am sometimes told to buy certain things like thongs or toys, but that's just because He likes to see me blush and talk dirty to me and demanding i reciprocate over the phone as i browse the grocery store with the goal of purchasing lube. But He likes to be the one to buy needful things. He likes to take care of me.

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Post #: 9

RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 3:38:36 AM

Level

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Kyra, thanks for the wb:-)

Personally, I would exert control in that I expect responsibility, including financially. This is, as others have said, a matter of trust on both parties parts; in d/s, trust goes beyond just the physical.

I appreciate everyone's responses.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to SingingKestrel)

Post #: 10

RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 4:32:03 AM

areallivehuman

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I moved my girl in about a year ago, we're in an exclusive, committed relationship, like a marriage.

At first she was adamant about sharing the expenses ,she wanted to feel she was contributing . However, I found the division of each bill a little tiresome, so I decided on the following.

I take care of the bills, mortgage, utilities, etc. Her pay goes into her own account, she is responsible for her car payment, insurance, gas, and student loans. Whatever is left over she saves, and when it is time for major expenditures, (the house needs a new roof, 12-15K), I will gladly dip into her savings. If she goes for groceries alone, I let her pay. She asks before spending on certain things, this past week her daughter needed help paying for child care.

So while ultimately I do control her finances, we don't have to niggle over pennies. She has her own money, and permission to use it as she wishes. Works very well, if I do say so myself.

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 6:16:29 AM

ARIES83

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This might be a good read.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_4158119/mpage_1/tm.htm

-Aries

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530 DAYS

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Post #: 12

RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 7:54:42 AM

SeekingTrinity

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From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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I personally dont feel comfortable exerting control over a submissive's finances. Ill preface this by saying that I have not lived with a submissive in many years, so there hasnt been any reason to have a hand in anyone else's personal finances. But even if I was living with a submissive, Id probably only ask/expect a fair 50/50 split on living expenses (rent, utilities, etc). Now the paying of the household bills would be something Id handle just because Im that way. But Id pay my fair share too.

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Post #: 13

RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 8:40:29 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

As a dominant, do you or would you exert any control over a submissive's finances? To what degree?

No. We're both in our fifties and he's managed his own finances just fine so far, so why would I stick my nose in? The only exception to this would be, if we were to ever live together, I'd expect him to pay his half of the expenses. Since I've decided I'm never ever living with someone again (been burned for the last frickin' time!), this will not be an issue.

NBMG

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 9:03:43 AM

Baroana

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Hypothetically, if I was in a marriage-like relationship with someone, I would definitely be the official dictator of everything. However, a smart boss knows when to step back and let a more capable subordinate do their thing. If my slave has more financial acuity than I do, I'll delegate the money management to him.

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Post #: 15

RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 10:54:11 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

As a dominant, do you or would you exert any control over a submissive's finances? To what degree?

Submissives, what are your thoughts?

It really depends on the situation. Having one person control the finances isn't that unusual, even in vanilla relationships.

i once had a 2.5 year live-in relationship with a Domme (we weren't married, but we lived together). She was my girlfriend, as well as my Domme. i worked and earned all of the money. She didn't work. Yet she controlled all of the household finances. Despite making all of the money, i had to ask her permission before spending any of it.

Yet, she never made any decisions that weren't in the best interest of the household. She didn't spend up the family finances on shopping sprees like a stereotypical findom would do. In fact, most of her spending was on household needs (similar to a traditional stay-at-home wife). But she did have veto power over all purchases, and often forbade me from buying new golf clubs or other "male toys". And when I had done something that particularly pleased her, she would sometimes instruct me to go buy a particular item that she knew that i wanted.

IMO, D/s relationship that are live-in situations can often be very similar to vanilla marriages. So it's not so unusual for one person to have a disproportionate amount of control over the finances. It's really not as big a deal as some people make it out to be.

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 11:02:01 AM

PeonForHer

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I'm a great believer in power exchange as an adventure, first and foremost. Yes, I'd give over (a lot of, maybe even all of) my economic power. I've got bored of buying things anyway.

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 12:14:57 PM

RumpusParable

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From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

As a dominant, do you or would you exert any control over a submissive's finances? To what extent?

Yes, I do. I have a strong financial kink and this is one form of it for me.

I had it set up for years that we have each a separate account and one joint account. He and I both put in the amount I specified into the joint account, then I paid all our shared bills with it (and I decided what bills we would have, beyond rent and utilities). We each kept the rest of our paycheck s to pay our personal bills, put money in savings, and have fun with. This usually left him with a lot of flexibility each month, and me, too.

With this, I still had final say over his spending... He came to me with big spending and investment decisions. I told him when I wanted him to buy a new truck and he did so. I decided that I wanted him to retire, so he did so.

I've recently decided to restructure our money for our post-retirement, upcoming-move life:

All of our pay will go into a joint account from which I will pay *all* bills. Then I will put money into savings and I will give us each an allowance, of which mine will be the larger due to a private financial agreement of ours where I get a set amount each month from him.

He'll be able to do whatever he likes with that money, but it will be a small amount.

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RE: Findoms/Findommes of A Different Sort - 12/1/2012 2:28:43 PM

graceadieu

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From: Maryland
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My thoughts are that you need to really get to know someone and see how they handle money over a couple of years before you agree to give them authority over your money.

But these is something nice about just not having to worry about the bills or budget. I pay certain things, but the rest I don't even see. I have no idea what our electrical and water bill were last month.

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Post #: 19

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