being a sub! (Full Version)

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Master96 -> being a sub! (6/16/2006 4:57:38 PM)

Greetings Ladies,

I was chatting on yahoo. And a female sub told me I should explore the other side (begin a sub) to make me a better Dom.

I’m wondering if you had this idea of exploring the other side, or being advised to; off course to be a better Dommes.

Thank you,
Master,






PrincessinLatex -> RE: being a sub! (6/16/2006 5:00:16 PM)

Ummm. . .no.

P



MsKatHouston -> RE: being a sub! (6/16/2006 6:08:17 PM)

That little tidbit has been around for awhile.  I don't agree with it personally.  It would not come naturally to me and I'd be terrible at it.  I'd prefer to home my skills as a dominant.



MadameDahlia -> RE: being a sub! (6/16/2006 8:54:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

That little tidbit has been around for awhile.  I don't agree with it personally.  It would not come naturally to me and I'd be terrible at it.  I'd prefer to home my skills as a dominant.


I'll second that. Some people simply do not possess the psychology of one or the other... and would most likely wind up frustrated or worse.



Misstoyou -> RE: being a sub! (6/16/2006 8:57:56 PM)

It's never been suggested by any male submissive who has been interested in me. lol



Lashra -> RE: being a sub! (6/16/2006 9:00:20 PM)

Unfortnately I am to Dominant to be a submissive. I do however from time to time allow my sub to play Top for an occasional roleplay but it truly is me topping from the bottom. I just don't have the submissive traits to do the title justice.

~Lashra



MochaMistress -> RE: being a sub! (6/16/2006 10:29:18 PM)

Hell I can barely be vanilla. I sure as heck wouldnt make it as a sub. Just not wired that way.



trippingdaisy -> RE: being a sub! (6/16/2006 11:38:45 PM)

i know i'm not a Mistress, but i decided i could shed some light.

A man i was dating for a while when i was pretty young, around 20, wanted to 'learn' how to be a Dom because he knew that's what i wanted. i told him i loved him anyway. He decided that he wanted me to top him for two weeks, so he could learn.

Worst two weeks of my life. AND his.

my suggestion? Don't do it. :)



MisPandora -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 12:53:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

Greetings Ladies,

I was chatting on yahoo. And a female sub told me I should explore the other side (begin a sub) to make me a better Dom.

I’m wondering if you had this idea of exploring the other side, or being advised to; off course to be a better Dommes.

Thank you,
Master,


Did she tell you that because you were wholly offensive in your trolling approach, domly demands or online snertyness?



MistressTheaZ -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 1:35:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

Greetings Ladies,

I was chatting on yahoo. And a female sub told me I should explore the other side (begin a sub) to make me a better Dom.

I’m wondering if you had this idea of exploring the other side, or being advised to; off course to be a better Dommes.

Thank you,
Master,


Did she tell you that because you were wholly offensive in your trolling approach, domly demands or online snertyness?


*chuckle*

OP, I have always identified as Dominant but had to begin a Mistress Apprenticeship as a sub when becoming a ProDomme. It was believed that this was a preferable way to learn more than just how to use implements and hone technique; it was thought that by learning how someone can 'take you there' mentally, you can likewise learn how to psychologically dominate your subs and bring them to subspace.

This is good and fine, if the Dominant topping you is skilled, and if you are not filled with resentment and aggravation toward the idea of submission. As mentioned, this can turn out hideously.

Despite being a sadomasochist at heart, I was a bad sub. I cared little to try to please, be obedient, or accept direction in general. At best, I could have been likened to a SAM, except My thrill in pissing off the Dominant was more psychological than manipulative to provoke physical response or punishment. I do enjoy pain in many forms but seeing their face so red in response to My disobedience was indeed the best part. Moving along from sub to switch, things weren't much better. I was thrilled when I earned Mistress stripes and no longer had to accept sub or switch sessions, really.

That said, some years passed and I found a lovely playmate whom I'm very fond of: a switch. Go figure.*snort*

If there is something in you - more than a willingness to accept and offer submission, but an actual desire - with a partner, go for it. If not, this may be an exercise in frustration, as it is for many.

Best of luck,

~Thea



ShiftedJewel -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 3:23:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

Greetings Ladies,

I was chatting on yahoo. And a female sub told me I should explore the other side (begin a sub) to make me a better Dom.

I’m wondering if you had this idea of exploring the other side, or being advised to; off course to be a better Dommes.

Thank you,
Master,


I started out exploring the sub/slave side of the kneel and continued to do so until I was positive that it just wasn't who I am. My husband has also experienced the other side... it was my idea. Neither of us have even the slightest submissive inkling but it was important to both of us to try and understand that particular mindset better. It's so easy to talk the talk but only by experiencing it can you say with any real authority that you have no idea what being totally helpless is with out feeling it and experiencing it. Until you have been there you can't know how absolutely important it is to share a deep trust of each other. As we are both fond of saying... "When that last shackle snaps you truly understand the importance of trusting your partner." Having been there and experienced... well, like I said... it's something that cannot be described.
 
Did it make me, or us, better dominants? Don't know that for sure, but it did help us to understand a lot more.
 
Jewel



thetammyjo -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 7:51:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

Greetings Ladies,

I was chatting on yahoo. And a female sub told me I should explore the other side (begin a sub) to make me a better Dom.

I’m wondering if you had this idea of exploring the other side, or being advised to; off course to be a better Dommes.

Thank you,
Master,







Why?

I frankly see little benefit to trying the other side. What can you learn? How you'd react in given situations. It won't teach you empathy or understanding, it won't teach you the techniques. Empathy is something you have or you don't, I don't personally believe it can be taught very successfully once we are adults.

If you feel you would benefit from more education then attend some workshops or get a mentor you can apprentice to so you can learn more technique.

Certainly don't do it just because some one told you to especially if she doesn't know you.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 8:31:51 AM)

I came into this lifestyle through the "back door" so to speak. I began with monastic training, and that focuses on being of service. I went from there to serving in our household, and took progressively more responsible roles until I worked my way up to where I am now.

You'll find that many who came in through traditional "Leather House" training came in the same way -- they started out on the bottom, and earned their leathers to get to the "top".

It works for some, and doesn't work for others. I think it was a very valuable experience for me, and has honed my skills as a dominant individual by giving me both the experience with what different tools do by feeling them on my own body, and also by giving me perspective from the trenches. There are very few "tricks" that a servant can pull on me -- I tried most of them myself when I started on with the House. *chuckles*

That being said, I don't necessarily think that going the route I did is -better- than any other way of developing skills as a dominant. My mate didn't go through the sub-to-dom route. She found a mentor who mentored her from the dominant perspective all the way through. Her mentor had gone the leather route, but didn't hesitate to take her on.

If it interests you, explore it. If it doesn't, go on to what does.

ZWD



Master96 -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 9:24:55 AM)

Thanks for your replies Ladies,

Well… I don't think it is necessary to experience submissive to be a better Dom. Is experiencing Domination would necessary makes somebody a better sub? Maybe!

I agree with all of you Ladies, it would be good to expand knowledge by experiencing other things in your life. Anyway there are many ways to be good Dom.

MisPandora, she started with me by asking if I was trained to be a Dom! When I asked her what she meant, she explained that Doms should go through submission to make them good Doms.

Thanks again,
Master,



LadyHugs -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 9:46:22 AM)

Dear Master96, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I came up through the old system, to which required submission for a while before exploring the dominant side.
 
The hope was, that the future dominant would understand how much dominants 'ask' and 'demand' of slaves, as well as to understand the physical toll it took, the emotional, the spiritual and the mental issues of submission.  Some things experienced from the submissive side, just fail to be properly explained and best savored personally, as to give understanding in your own vocabulary and knowledge base.  Such experiences can only aid in the knowledge, skills and training skills for the future slave.  It would be no different than going through boot camp as an officer, as to appreciate what his/her troops have endured.
 
In serving, it also enhanced the accepting of service.  Knowing how servants can 'play' a dominant you would be wise to it.  I would also add, that having done it yourself, gives you confidence and first hand knowledge what is reasonable and what is not.  In addition, I think it serves a person well to serve in some capacity, as well as to feel the whips, canes, single tails, sadism as well.  Again, feeling things independent of the control, allows the experience to transpose into your knowledge and information 'bank.'  Being able to feel the differences between different whip strokes and sensations they cause can only be felt if somebody actually could do it on you.  Just like you cannot tickle yourself, it is the same with whips and canes.
 
Knowledge and skills is something that is always growing for individuals, no matter if dominant or submissive.
 
I do believe respect is given to those who seek to always grow in their desired roles.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



Proprietrix -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 9:57:16 AM)

I started at the bottom and worked my way to the top.
I found it beneficial, but not a cure-all.
Do what's right for you.



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 10:42:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96
I’m wondering if you had this idea of exploring the other side, or being advised to; off course to be a better Dommes.


I started out on the other side, not because I planned it that way, but because the opportunity presented itself and I am an experimenter.  Purely by chance, I was set up on a blind date with a dominant male before I knew much about BDSM.  Yes, I experimented as a submissive (more of bottom, really).  While I enjoyed the physical sensations, I don't have the psychological makeup of a submissive at all.  This dominant attempted to mold Me into a submissive, but that effort failed miserably, as you might imagine.
 
I have heard many, many times that the best Dommes started out as submissives. I suppose the ones who told Me this felt it was a compliment.  I am not so sure I agree.  As I look around Me at the various Dominants I know, many who have the most successful, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationships never were submissive or bottoms.
 
Lady Topaz





MisPandora -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 12:27:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Master96

MisPandora, she started with me by asking if I was trained to be a Dom! When I asked her what she meant, she explained that Doms should go through submission to make them good Doms.


Yeah, well that sounds like she might be living in a little bit of an online/book fantasy world!  These days, folks pick up SM by coming across it on the internet, showing up at a few munches, going to an SM event and taking a class, or better still, figuring it out on their own.  The days of "mentoring", "climbing the ladder" as I did 11 years ago, or "apprenticeships" are sadly fallen to the wayside.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: being a sub! (6/17/2006 1:16:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessinLatex
Ummm. . .no.
P
LOLOL 
I'll second that. [:D] 

To the OP, I've heard/read that before as well
quote:

a female sub told me I should explore the other side (begin a sub) to make me a better Dom.

I’m wondering if you had this idea of exploring the other side, or being advised to; off course to be a better Dommes
, but part of my examination of my sould/desires was the discovery that I'm not in this strictly for the S/M, and that I have zero interest in/capcity to be someone's sub/slave.   There are few things I wouldn't object to bottoming to, but being told what to do without first asking for my permission chafes me something awful. [sm=crop.gif]  M



Carameldomme -> RE: being a sub! (6/18/2006 1:50:24 AM)

I think I would be the world's worst sub. I tend to be self-absorbed and bossy, and I have no patience. I can barely contain myself when I have to wait on line at the grocery store, I can't imagine being put through the rigors of belonging to a Domme.

I think I missed out on the perspective one must gain from walking in a sub's shoes, but I'll live with that.  I know who I am, what I want and what I offer.



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