quote:

The problem is that people lie with their actions.
People who are actually attracted to each other pretend that they are not to send false value signals.
People who aren't attracted to each other pair out of desperation or are just incapable of saying no.
Without the lies, this value system works rather well.
You only get the attention and affection of people who perceive you as an appropriate match for them.

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ORIGINAL: theSwan

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Why do you think this is.


When someone seems cool and aloft, emotionally unvailable, but you have a high attraction for that person, why do you think they appear more attractive, and you want them more.


THe old saying " we always want what we cant have type thing"

Biological drive towards higher value partners.
If you attract someone easily, if they are quick to give you all of their attention and value, some part of you questions if you bargained too low.
If someone is less attached, it suggests that they are of too high a value to be troubled with paying much attention to you.
Thus your biology prompts you to fight for that high-value pairing.

The subconscious evaluation continues something along the lines of..

A high value mate is an important part of the equation but not the sole part.
Once you've (temporarily) attracted this mate, you need to evaluate if they are a good companion.
Will they protect you and your offspring?
As long as there is mystery, there are variables to be discovered and calculated.
Once the mystery is gone, however, the full calculation is complete and the judgement is made.

Meaning either the potential partner is either not as high value as previously thought. (Nice guy who was pretending to be a jerk.)
Or they cannot be held to a safe and healthy relationship. (Jerk who ran out of mystery.)
Or both. (Jerk who wasn't that high value to begin with, despite his social actions, who ran out of mystery.)

Or things turn out well sometimes. (Distant personality turned out to be a really good and valuable guy.)

The problem is that people lie with their actions.
People who are actually attracted to each other pretend that they are not to send false value signals.
People who aren't attracted to each other pair out of desperation or are just incapable of saying no.
Without the lies, this value system works rather well.
You only get the attention and affection of people who perceive you as an appropriate match for them.

I've met my share of men who dished out their affection and attraction so quickly that it made them unattractive to me.
I do my share of cold-shouldering and ignoring people who I don't find worth my time.
Not in some fabricated attempt to be more alluring but because they really just aren't worth my time.
It honors my Master that my attention isn't handed out easily.
It honors me to know that I am with a man that is cold and aloof to those who don't earn his time.

It tells us both that we made good purchases with our value.

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

because of fear or youth.

The youth like this because they see this person as the "bad boy" or "bad girl" and they are still looking for the wild and fun. That's what youth does.

Or, fear because people are afraid of emotions. They've been hurt and now they are jaded and bitter and by going for the cold and aloof they don't have to deal with all those nasty emotions coming to the forefront.

Or they grew up in a family where the parents were cold and aloof and they think that's the way it's supposed to be until one day it finally hits them that it's not healthy.

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ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat

i've been attracted to this type, and it's the air of mystery that makes them hot. once the mystery wears off, and i find out more about them, the thrill is gone. the person is usually a) an asshat or b) terribly insecure. either way, i run like hell when the mask falls.

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ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

You Can't always get what you want.

Yaknow, that would make a cool song.

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ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
When someone seems cool and aloft, emotionally unvailable, but you have a high attraction for that person, why do you think they appear more attractive, and you want them more.

THe old saying " we always want what we cant have type thing"

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ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

FR~

Can't say as I want someone emotionally unavailable or aloof. I suppose when I was younger the 'distant' type or the 'untouchable' guy seemed stronger, more impervious to the world and its issues. But that was the ignorance of youth. These days I want a man who is as passionate or even moreso than I can handle. I want him to feel, the way that I feel.

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I tend to find myself attracted to those rather in the middle. Rather reserved and hesitant to make themselves available.

Kinda like me.

I am cool and aloof, emotionally unavailable..............until I'm not.

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ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Has anyone ever experienced the "emotional high junky"

High to lows. For example, you are quite down, things arent going well, then something happens to bring you from that low back to a high. IT tends to repeat its self. You may even find the high even out, and you find yourself causing a low again, so you can get the high again. I asked earlier but is this what a masochist does?

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ORIGINAL: Kana

It's the Tall dark and mysterious syndrome