BDSM has lost its way

BDSM has lost its way (Full Version)

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SimplyMichael -> BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 10:18:48 AM)
There was a point in time where BDSM could have become a Westen version of Tantra and brought improvements to relationships, communication, consent, and personal freedom. Sadly, it has lost its way and become no better than porn, a sad and tawdry refection of the lowest common denomonator. It celebrates young women and photos utterly divorced from deep connection and inner exploration and growth.

stef -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 10:21:07 AM)
[img]http://www.inertdomain.com/images/rolleye.gif[/img]

OsideGirl -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 10:26:54 AM)
And the 1950's was the Golden Era.... Except for being stuck in bad relationships, rampant extra marital affairs, excessive drinking and smoking, red M&Ms and rabid racism....

LadyPact -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 10:37:15 AM)
A person who was only looking at BDSM via the net could easily draw that conclusion. I'm wondering why you did considering you have a more realistic view.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 10:53:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael There was a point in time where BDSM could have become a Westen version of Tantra and brought improvements to relationships, communication, consent, and personal freedom. I guess I'm shallow, because I never viewed BDSM as the second coming of Ghandi. I just thought it was something that could be enjoyed by those who wanted to participate. Guess I missed that one. quote: Sadly, it has lost its way and become no better than porn, a sad and tawdry refection of the lowest common denomonator. It celebrates young women and photos utterly divorced from deep connection and inner exploration and growth. Ummmm, isn't that really up to each individual? Can't you make it whatever you want it to be within the context of YOUR relationship/dynamic? Why do you care what role it plays within anyone else's relationship/dynamic?

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 10:57:23 AM)
Maybe you should sell any equipment/toys you've collected, take vows of chastity and silence, and move to an isolated cave on a Tibetan mountaintop. That'll show 'em.

RedMagic1 -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 11:01:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael There was a point in time where BDSM could have become a Westen version of Tantra and brought improvements to relationships, communication, consent, and personal freedom. Sadly, it has lost its way and become no better than porn, a sad and tawdry refection of the lowest common denomonator. It celebrates young women and photos utterly divorced from deep connection and inner exploration and growth. I strongly disagree. More people are now engaging in BDSM play, and involving themselves in consensual D/s relationships, than at any earlier time in the history of the world. Artistic rope bondage is growing in popularity in China, there are spanking clubs in Beijing, and orgasm control has been legitimized in the western world through Fifty Shades. The kernel of truth in your lament is the dramatic effect free internet porn has on all sexuality, especially men's masturbation habits, and what they expect from women, and from themselves. For example: http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_500/566_too-much-internet-porn-the-sadd-effect.html We are living at the dawn of a golden age of kink. I feel so grateful to be living now, with the sexual proclivities I have. The next 25 years are going to be awesome.

SacredDepravity -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 11:03:29 AM)
Funny. I have been going around seeking such things as intimacy, connection, respect, communication, and honesty. I have been looking for actual humans with personalities, flaws, and foilables. I'm not all that young, definitely not of porn star looks, and far from stupid. Maybe I should just hang up on this whole rodeo. But wait a minute. I have found all these things being an actual person throughout my journey. I must be doing it wrong. While the OP claims BDSM has lost its way, I seem more found than ever. SD

DarkSteven -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 11:30:17 AM)
Well, crap. And here I was thinking that I had a great relationship with my sub. Seriously, Michasl? Go see a shrink. You're way too young go be grumbling about how the young folks are doing it all wrong. Something's way wrong.

SimplyMichael -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 11:37:17 AM)
Yep, what we need is more macreme and orgasm control for all. So we get America doing more shallow kinky sex with the same shitty relationship dynamics, the same narrow boxes of behaviour, etc. Of course, a FEW of you have great relationships but kink as a social.phenominom has become about shallow surface crap, not a way of freeing peoples minds and as a path to deeper self knowledge. quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael There was a point in time where BDSM could have become a Westen version of Tantra and brought improvements to relationships, communication, consent, and personal freedom. Sadly, it has lost its way and become no better than porn, a sad and tawdry refection of the lowest common denomonator. It celebrates young women and photos utterly divorced from deep connection and inner exploration and growth. I strongly disagree. More people are now engaging in BDSM play, and involving themselves in consensual D/s relationships, than at any earlier time in the history of the world. Artistic rope bondage is growing in popularity in China, there are spanking clubs in Beijing, and orgasm control has been legitimized in the western world through Fifty Shades. The kernel of truth in your lament is the dramatic effect free internet porn has on all sexuality, especially men's masturbation habits, and what they expect from women, and from themselves. For example: http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_500/566_too-much-internet-porn-the-sadd-effect.html We are living at the dawn of a golden age of kink. I feel so grateful to be living now, with the sexual proclivities I have. The next 25 years are going to be awesome.

OttersSwim -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 11:38:19 AM)
NM, photo of cheese will not upload.

SimplyMichael -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 11:47:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact A person who was only looking at BDSM via the net could easily draw that conclusion. I'm wondering why you did considering you have a more realistic view. Because we have BOLD, that assinine event created by.the Monachs. We have leather title holders without a shred of integrity. Hell I know major leaders who run scenes in major metro areas who xant keep their noses out of the bag, others who play shitfaced but nobody says anthing for fear of retribution.

SimplyMichael -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 11:52:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl And the 1950's was the Golden Era.... Except for being stuck in bad relationships, rampant extra marital affairs, excessive drinking and smoking, red M&Ms and rabid racism.... Oh, I am not saying "it was better then" more just bemoaning what could have been...

LaTigresse -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 12:04:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009 quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael There was a point in time where BDSM could have become a Westen version of Tantra and brought improvements to relationships, communication, consent, and personal freedom. I guess I'm shallow, because I never viewed BDSM as the second coming of Ghandi. I just thought it was something that could be enjoyed by those who wanted to participate. Guess I missed that one. quote: Sadly, it has lost its way and become no better than porn, a sad and tawdry refection of the lowest common denomonator. It celebrates young women and photos utterly divorced from deep connection and inner exploration and growth. Ummmm, isn't that really up to each individual? Can't you make it whatever you want it to be within the context of YOUR relationship/dynamic? Why do you care what role it plays within anyone else's relationship/dynamic? This. There is, nor ever has, been any grand, one true way. Anyone that believes otherwise is a fool living in a fool's paradise.

RedMagic1 -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 12:05:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Yep, what we need is more macreme and orgasm control for all. So we get America doing more shallow kinky sex with the same shitty relationship dynamics, the same narrow boxes of behaviour, etc. Of course, a FEW of you have great relationships but kink as a social.phenominom has become about shallow surface crap, not a way of freeing peoples minds and as a path to deeper self knowledge. Two-part response: 1) Re: "more shallow kinky sex with the same shitty relationship dynamics, the same narrow boxes of behaviour, etc." The state of Washington started issuing marriage licenses for gay couples at midnight. The first marriages will occur this weekend. You will live to see gay marriage legal in all 50 states. Moreover, medical and social acceptance of trans people is at an all time high in the US, even though much more progress is needed. It isn't the case that the same old social mores are being perpetuated. If your concern is more substructural -- that, for example, spousal abuse, divorce, and murder/suicide rises during Recession, and goes down when wages rise -- then that's true, but BDSM is just along for the ride on that monster. Kink is in no way directing traffic. 2) Re: "kink as a social.phenominom has become about shallow surface crap, not a way of freeing peoples minds and as a path to deeper self knowledge" I don't intend offense here, but just how much of the Leather Archives have you read? The Master Fires of the world are exceptional, not the rule. For most people in what is now called the Old Guard clubs, BDSM was a way to get their freak on, and the notion of having to be a boy before being a dom was to ensure maximum availability of holes for the senior members of the group. Certainly, there have been official and unofficial leaders of leather families who have encouraged spiritual exploration through ritual and service. But how many people who regularly attend church are genuinely on a spiritual path? At most that percentage of kinksters are on a BDSM spiritual path, I reckon. As Jack Rinella said, a generation and a half ago, "There is no Pope of Rope."

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 12:09:02 PM)
ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael There was a point in time where BDSM could have become a Westen version of Tantra and brought improvements to relationships, communication, consent, and personal freedom. There was? When was that? And exactly how was that supposed to be effected? Sorry, it's people who bring improvement to relationships and communication; what particular body of belief a person ascribes to, whether it be a personal philosophy or some other 'ism' is secondary to what a person actually does. (BTW: It's a Western idea that Tantra can be defined by proscribed rituals, but I digress.) Sadly, it has lost its way and become no better than porn, a sad and tawdry refection of the lowest common denomonator. It celebrates young women and photos utterly divorced from deep connection and inner exploration and growth. I've been into this since before the internet, when porn was considered the refuge of dirty old men. At that time, the best pictorial magazines around were those with an S & M theme. When I say best I mean thick heavy paper and marvelous production values. The pictures were not sexually explicit, but there were lots of bondage and discipline. They were by far the most expensive mags in the 'porn' store. Now pretty much everyone with a computer has access to all kinds of porn, and BDSM porn has become mainstream. It is as representative of people who practice BDSM as vanilla porn is representative of straight couples who have sex. As far back as I've known about this, it's always been focused on the kink - that is the bondage, or the sadism, or the discipline or the great toys. It's never been focused on sex, and even less on relationships. Though I'm sorry you've lost your way, I admit to being amused by your equating BDSM with a traditional meditative belief system.

CharmingKitty -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 12:22:11 PM)
Until you too have warmed your hands on the vaginal heat of the Goddess bdsm you cannot fully understand his sorrow. He bemoans what could have been! For if we all could have congregated in the lifestyle... It could have been... OK I don't know what you're saying there. What could have been?

theRose4U -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 12:34:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact A person who was only looking at BDSM via the net could easily draw that conclusion. I'm wondering why you did considering you have a more realistic view. I'm voting the fan of his that wandered on here & offered to jump his bones, did...then left never to be heard from again until she's horny

needlesandpins -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 12:39:41 PM)
i think it's totally up to him and i to decide whether anything has lost its way for us. sorry to hear it's not working for you the way you imagined it would be. i really don't see why you care about what anyone else is doing. needles

kalikshama -> RE: BDSM has lost its way (12/6/2012 12:39:43 PM)
quote: It celebrates young women and photos utterly divorced from deep connection and inner exploration and growth. Just as my yoga practice is comprised of the elements I desire, so is my BDSM practice.

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