What's the Alternative ??? (Full Version)

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LadyMari -> What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 4:58:22 AM)

Being a Lifestyle Domme and charging NOTHING for a Session I have often wondered how other lifestyle Dommes stop the Timewasters ???

In the past I was constantly plagued by Timewasters so now I normally ask for a Deposit / Tribute ( refunded at the first session ) from ALL new Subs

This has worked well in the Past and increased attendance to 99% but as this is generally frowned upon I was just wondering what other alternatives there might be ???



xLaChienne -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 5:03:32 AM)

I don't have sessions, I have relationships. Seems to work just fine.

The closest thing I have to a session would be a meet and beat at a kink club.



LadyMari -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 5:07:40 AM)

prefer 1 on 1 myself in Private surroundings :) Faaaaaar more intimate.

Suppose your sessions are the BDSM version of Walmart / Asda whereas mine are a small Village Shop :) x



DarkSteven -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 5:11:00 AM)

Lady Mari, I took a look at your profile. I have to say that its style does not lend much credence to you being a non-charging lifestyle Domme. I'm obviously missing something here.



LadyMari -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 5:15:01 AM)

How do you mean ? x



xLaChienne -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 5:16:59 AM)

The only people coming into My home are those I am in an intimate relationship with.

More like an exclusive club that very, very few are eligible for.

Again, I don't have sessions. I do have people who know Me or know of Me and beg Me for a bit of time when I'm in the club, which is exceedingly rare but the closest thing I do that would be considered on par with a session.



lizi -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 5:25:25 AM)

quote:


Lady Mari, I took a look at your profile. I have to say that its style does not lend much credence to you being a non-charging lifestyle Domme. I'm obviously missing something here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMari

How do you mean ? x


You seem like you are completely non-selective and offering your time, equipment, and locations to...anyone who wants it. Generally people who do that charge for their time. I'd have to agree with DS, it doesn't seem like a non-charging situation. Perhaps you ask for services or other gifts instead of cash?



SophiaMaam -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 6:05:20 AM)

I don't "session" either. I have relationships with individuals that include going to the movies, going to dinner, laughing together, enjoying each other's company, getting to know one and appreciate one another. Sometime after that there's BDSM activities involved if the relationship progresses to that level.

If you just want to "session" and play with no outside involvement/relationship....there should be no shortage of takers. Much like if you just wanted to get laid, you should have no trouble finding someone to oblige. If you're experiencing a shortage, I'd suggest that you examine your methods of meeting men and revamp to something more realistic.


Edited to add: I had a look at your profile. It screams "PRODOMME". I find it hard to believe that a domme of your experience wouldn't realize that.


Bottom line. If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck.....



LadyPact -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 6:08:14 AM)

People can only waste your time if you allow it.

I'm a casual player, too. However, I only play with people who can meet Me at a public event first. That right there stops a lot of the bullshit. Even more so now that I live pretty far up north. I had the same rule living in Georgia and California, so I find it pretty effective.

I've never been much for trading emails with folks that I don't know well. That probably cuts down a lot of it for Me, too. My profile also mentions that I'm only interested in receiving email from people from the forums or if the sender is local to Me. It's not perfect, but it helps.



theRose4U -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 7:54:46 AM)

Yeah this reads pro...with 20 years experience no less!!

If you aren't charging something I'd love to know how you afford 4 dungeons & a slew of fet wear/ equipment? Deposit doesn't seem unreasonable & myself if isuddenly went pro would probably keep it.

Myself I apply the exclusive club status listed above. Getting to know someone takes time & energy that you may or may not see any return on. "Hi wanna chat" guys with dick pics in their profiles, that never bothered to read mine!! Are easy to weed out. Block/delete & move on. If something is particularly offensive imay send a curt note before block/hide. Men are what they are, if a path of least resistance is found or a weakness to get something for nothing their dicks will find it ever single time! Either you get this or you don't. Frankly I'm shocked with this many years of supposed kink (and pro?)Experience you don't know this??



Rochsub2009 -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 8:06:58 AM)

Lady Mari,
I don't mean to offend you by saying this, but I'm a male sub, and after reading your profile, I also thought you were a pro domme.

There are a couple of reasons for this. Firstly, you refer to yourself as a "dominatrix". While that is an acceptable term, it's one that I mostly hear used by pro dommes, porn stars, and prostitutes who provide domination scenes. Lifestyle dommes tend to refer to themselves as "domme" or "dominant woman" (at least in my experience). Obviously, this isn't going to apply 100% of the time (so there's no need for those who refer to yourselves as "dominatrix" to inundate me with e-mails), but it may be worth noting.

Secondly, your profile sounds more like an ad than a profile. You say the following:

"All are welcome: Male, Female, Singles, Couples, Groups, straight, Gay, Old, Young ( min 18 years ), Fat, Thin, TVs / Crossdressers especially Welcome"

If that's not an ad, then I don't know what is.

Thirdly, your profile pic (same as the avatar on your posts in this thread), while attractive, looks like a pro Domme pic. You don't look like the girl next door.

So since you have multiple facilities that you use, you welcome everyone, and you have 20 years of experience that you're bringing to the dungeon, why not get paid for what you do? There must be an expense involved in utilizing 4 different locations. IMO, you're very different from the typical member of the local BDSM group who will occasionally play with other members who aren't her sub/slave.

I'm not trying to tell you how you should run your life, but IMO, you're giving away for free something that people would gladly pay for.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 8:37:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: xLaChienne

I don't have sessions, I have relationships. Seems to work just fine.


This.

When I met my Kitty, I wasn't looking for anything beyond some lively conversation. He provided that in spades. We went from there and I couldn't be happier. I don't treat WIITWD as a commodity or as a casual pastime...it's something I only do with people I love. That's one alternative for you.



LadyMari -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 8:39:30 AM)

Thankyou for the replies

I adopt the Pro attitude as this lets the Sub know who is in charge at ALL times. I dont meet up with them socially, at Public events, etc.
To my mind befriending a Sub kills the " relationship " somewhat.
I find distancing myself makes for a more satisfying experience for both the Sub and myself.
My regular Subs, who have been visiting me since I started many moons ago, appreciate and enjoy it this way.
I just suppose there are different degrees of Lifestyler x



Rochsub2009 -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 9:00:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMari

I adopt the Pro attitude as this lets the Sub know who is in charge at ALL times.



Actually, the exact opposite is true. Subs know that they are really in charge when they visit a pro. They're paying, so they call the shots.

No sub is going to demand that Lady Pact dress him in panties, take blackmail pictures of him, and then let him suck her toes until he cums. He knows that onced she finished laughing at him, she'd likely give one of her floggers a nice long workout on his arse.

But he'd have no problem asking a pro Domme the same request. And he knows that once he's paid her, she will likely do just what he's requested.

quote:


I dont meet up with them socially, at Public events, etc. To my mind befriending a Sub kills the " relationship " somewhat.


Noooooo! Befriending them CREATES the relationship. There is no relationship without friendship. There may be casual play, or sessions, but there is no "relationship".

quote:



I find distancing myself makes for a more satisfying experience for both the Sub and myself.



Sounds like a pro Domme to me.

quote:


My regular Subs, who have been visiting me since I started many moons ago, appreciate and enjoy it this way.


Once again, that sounds like a pro Domme to me.

You have recurring clients that you session with. Yet you don't meet them for vanilla friendship or dates, and you keep them at a distance when you're not sessioning with them. The only thing missing is the payment at the end. You're a pro domme who doesn't realize that she's a pro Domme. But hey, whatever works for you. Good luck with that.



LaTigresse -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 9:06:43 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMari

Thankyou for the replies

I adopt the Pro attitude as this lets the Sub know who is in charge at ALL times. I dont meet up with them socially, at Public events, etc.
To my mind befriending a Sub kills the " relationship " somewhat.
I find distancing myself makes for a more satisfying experience for both the Sub and myself.
My regular Subs, who have been visiting me since I started many moons ago, appreciate and enjoy it this way.
I just suppose there are different degrees of Lifestyler x



You 'adopt' it quite well.

The whole thing tends to scream 'lipstick on a pig' to me.



Tantriqu -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 9:14:07 AM)

I call shenanigans on your using the forums for your free ad
If he pays you a 'deposit', you and your dungeon are a commodity and he's a do-me john: can't imagine either of you getting a relationship or lifestyle out of that

I agree if you're into no strings attached wham/bam/thank you sam, that's the majority of subs on here

Yes, it sucks when they chicken out when they realise this is real, but it's almost always the for the first meeting: [yes, you lurkers, I'm talking to you!] And I always pay for the first vanilla dates and usually 'dutch' after, depending on their finances
As for timewasters, the best filter I have is to give them vanilla tasks: marrieds, bottoms and switches disappear like scared rabbits



theRose4U -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 10:07:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMari

Thankyou for the replies

I adopt the Pro attitude as this lets the Sub know who is in charge at ALL times. I dont meet up with them socially, at Public events, etc.
To my mind befriending a Sub kills the " relationship " somewhat.
I find distancing myself makes for a more satisfying experience for both the Sub and myself.
My regular **clients**, who have been visiting me since I started many moons ago, appreciate and enjoy it this way.


This is the thought process of a pro!!
I don't distance myself from my subs, frequently can be seen socially with them & some have met members of my family.

If you act like a pro & quack like a pro, might as well get paid like a pro!!
No matter how you split this hair, this isn't lifestyle...that implies some sort of life with another, not a toy you beat on for kicks.



plesto -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 10:24:57 AM)

Well based on the pictures they are Mistrtess Karolina, based in Russia, Moscow. http://www.fetishdomina.net/mistress_karolina.html

or Courtney Crave in the USA

http://lancerosenfield.photoshelter.com/gallery/2010-Dallas-Freaks-Fetish/G0000vdIaUNxxA.s/

or Tiffany a 22 year old escort

http://www.naughtynightlife.com/escorts/north_carolina/profile.asp?id=8424



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 10:41:32 AM)

OP - What are you getting out of this? Not being snarky, I'm genuinely curious.

I'm guessing this costs you a significant amount of money in premises rental and equipment. You don't have a desire for an intimate relationship or friendship from these people. You aren't asking for money. Your profile says you love ALL kinks, and you're willing to scene with people regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation - so I find it hard to believe you're getting your sexual jollies from this because everyone has some sort of preference. And you are plagued by timewasters. Doesn't sound like there's much of an upside for you here, especially not something that might motivate you to do it for 20 years. Are you just doing this out of the goodness of your heart? Kinky community service?



theRose4U -> RE: What's the Alternative ??? (12/7/2012 10:46:59 AM)

Stolen pics makes SOOOO much more sense!!!
Thanks plesto

Ok FYI first link does scan of computer & copies itself to any other open windows!!



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