RE: Just starting the journey - need advice

RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (Full Version)

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lizi -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/7/2012 8:40:31 PM)
What you have to offer probably isn't special enough for women to overlook your marital status. You're new at this, you're older, and you're married. The ratio of men to women on this site means that women have their pick, they probably won't be too interested in your package. Why would a woman willingly take on a cheater when she has her pick of many others who are unencumbered and can give her all of their attention instead of the stray day/evening here and there? The things BDSM'ers do require trust, I'd never let a liar and cheater near me because there is nothing there to build trust on, and I need to have that if you're going to be doing dangerous things to me. Kinky women don't necessarily have lower morals and aren't necessarily here for NSA free sex and bondage offered by so very many men. We can be pretty selective. I'd seriously try converting your wife to the kink side, pay a professional, or get a divorce.

DarkSteven -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/7/2012 10:14:36 PM)
OP, reread your own post. Then read OsideGirls's post. You basically say that you've "read" about BDSM (which I assume is a euphemism for watching porn) and now you're ready to do it. You need a girl to play with, and expertise with whips and floggers. OsideGirl's post states that this is all about relationships, trust, and caring. AND being self-aware. You're living in a fantasy world. You saw kinky porn and wanted to do it with your wife. She said no. At this point, you had three realistic options: 1. Try again with your wife, using a less direct approach. What are her fantasies? Could you help achieve them? Etc. 2. Ask her about trying another partner. You want to see if you're really a Dom. Would she be okay with you seeing a pro sub - no sex? 3. Divorce or separation. You're somehow hoping to try for a side relationship without your wife finding out. Forget it. Bluntly speaking, you haven't impressed me as being capable of pulling this off. So you have no experience, no availability for long dates, sleeping over, etc. Submissive women have better options. You're doing nothing more at this point than giving your wife reasons to suspect you and hurting your marriage. Although if you're willing to endanger your marriage over an idea you might be a Dom, I suspect the marriage is pretty frail anyway.

LadyPact -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/7/2012 10:21:25 PM)
Oh Christ, Steven. (Sorry) Please don't even talk about whips on this thread. You are going to give the OP delusions of grandeur.

DarkSteven -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/7/2012 10:39:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Oh Christ, Steven. (Sorry) Please don't even talk about whips on this thread. You are going to give the OP delusions of grandeur. Crap. You're right. His post only mentioned floggers and bondage. I thought he already HAD delusions of learning whips.

theRose4U -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 6:51:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Oh Christ, Steven. (Sorry) Please don't even talk about whips on this thread. You are going to give the OP delusions of grandeur. And realities of incarceration! Whip marks at the doc on un-partnered sub will raise most of the flags available. Nothing says grounds to get everything like "hey honey can you come down to the jail with bail, I played whippy spanky with a woman I don't know, left marks & doc turned me in for assault"

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 7:20:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi What you have to offer probably isn't special enough for women to overlook your marital status. You're new at this, you're older, and you're married. The ratio of men to women on this site means that women have their pick, they probably won't be too interested in your package. Why would a woman willingly take on a cheater when she has her pick of many others who are unencumbered and can give her all of their attention instead of the stray day/evening here and there? The things BDSM'ers do require trust, I'd never let a liar and cheater near me because there is nothing there to build trust on, and I need to have that if you're going to be doing dangerous things to me. Kinky women don't necessarily have lower morals and aren't necessarily here for NSA free sex and bondage offered by so very many men. We can be pretty selective. I'd seriously try converting your wife to the kink side, pay a professional, or get a divorce. Those are your options. You may think you have more, but if you choose to cheat, the first two will be unavailable to you (your wife won't want to talk to you on any level and about anything except money, which brings us to the second option, since the cost of separation is such you won't be able to afford a pro) -- and eventually you will end up divorcing.

kalikshama -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 8:23:51 AM)
quote: And realities of incarceration! Whip marks at the doc on un-partnered sub will raise most of the flags available. Nothing says grounds to get everything like "hey honey can you come down to the jail with bail, I played whippy spanky with a woman I don't know, left marks & doc turned me in for assault" What, only married subs are allowed to have whip marks? [8\|]

theRose4U -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 8:42:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama What, only married subs are allowed to have whip marks? [8\|] I was actually going for newbie never done this with a whip unsupervised first time "figuring it out" on a real breathing sub that has no problem taking sloppy left overs of a married guys life...probably no problem saying "my new boyfriend was learning to use a whip doc" But hey he is looking for a crash test dummy & houston is beautiful this time of year

GreedyTop -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 8:50:50 AM)
~FR~ what's an 'oki'?

kalikshama -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 9:52:49 AM)
That's the only question you had about this post, lol? Maybe someone will be so kind as to translate it. quote: Grow some thick skin and treat 1% as real and the rest not so mucho - who should shown the ways of the knobkerrie and then hurled into a pool of magma with crocodiles with big smiley teeth the crocs are wearing tinfoil no continuity errors in my malarkey i says Forums are oki - some good people inhabit them Munches oki clubs well hook up with some loons from the munch Sites well all sites are full some nice real people other not so much

graceadieu -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 11:14:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi Why would a woman willingly take on a cheater when she has her pick of many others who are unencumbered and can give her all of their attention instead of the stray day/evening here and there? Well, if she's also married and cheating and wants something discreet. I guess that would be his best bet, if he's not going to be honest with his wife.

searching4mysir -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 11:25:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: graceadieu quote: ORIGINAL: lizi Why would a woman willingly take on a cheater when she has her pick of many others who are unencumbered and can give her all of their attention instead of the stray day/evening here and there? Well, if she's also married and cheating and wants something discreet. I guess that would be his best bet, if he's not going to be honest with his wife. He still runs a risk of his wife finding out if her husband does. That would have to be a risk he wants to take though.

LadyPact -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 11:44:07 AM)
Yeah. Forget the doc. Figure out how to explain those marks to the spouse. [8D] Seriously though, speaking as somebody who is married to another top, here is My perspective on the whole deal. MP didn't start in wiitwd until I came along. Do folks even know how difficult it is for a married, middle aged guy with no topping experience? Keep in mind, MP had things on his side that the OP doesn't have. One, MP's got a wife (Me) who knows and approves of him playing with others. He also had a damn good teacher (again, Me) to teach him the stuff that he needed to know. Believe it or not, that actually makes a difference. Male tops just starting out don't have the same level of acceptance as female tops starting out. It's just how things are.

OsideGirl -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 11:47:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Male tops just starting out don't have the same level of acceptance as female tops starting out. It's just how things are. And a married man cheating on his wife doesn't have the luxury of free time to go learn, either.

theRose4U -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 12:51:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Male tops just starting out don't have the same level of acceptance as female tops starting out. It's just how things are. [/color] Do you believe this is because new females starting out somehow got a better base skill set? Or that sub males are just so happy to be near a Domme (any domme) that becoming a crash test dummy isn't such an issue?

LadyPact -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 2:20:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U Do you believe this is because new females starting out somehow got a better base skill set? Or that sub males are just so happy to be near a Domme (any domme) that becoming a crash test dummy isn't such an issue? Very much the latter, rather than the former. I never had a problem finding volunteers when I found My sadistic side. Even when I was still just learning, I never had an issue finding play partners. It's the imbalance in numbers, really.

OsideGirl -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/8/2012 3:05:40 PM)
I've noticed that the OP hasn't come back. I'm guessing he didn't get the pat on the head that he was expecting.

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/9/2012 4:06:07 PM)
Grant your wife an equitable divorce.

theRose4U -> RE: Just starting the journey - need advice (12/9/2012 6:09:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland Grant your wife an equitable divorce. Texas if she catches him in his extra-curricular travels she will be owning everything he has. He literally will be lucky to keep the shirt on his back.

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