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anthrosub -> RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? (6/18/2006 11:29:32 AM)
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I just want to say to everyone how incredibly good it feels reading the responses to this thread. I never imagined it would take off and include such candor about what I think is a sorely needed topic of discussion.
The point about the inherent dualism of focusing on kink vs. vanilla aspects of who we are is well taken. It is in many ways the crux of the problem and equally as important as the relocation issue. I also think all profiles should be required to show a picture, one that does not necessarily reveal the person's identity. This clears up a lot of stumbling blocks. But I would also like to suggest a rule of thumb even though I have no idea how to get people to put it into practice...
List your kink preferences and non-preferences but be prepared to focus on the people aspects first when communicating with a prospective partner.
As a way of making my point, here's a thumbnail description of what I seek in a partner...
I'd like to meet someone who has a Dominant personality (not a guise) who recognizes the demands of life need to be dealt with as a matter of course and in doing so, we both create the world we want to live in together. This world would include the full spectrum of what it is that we do.
If I came across a profile that showed the Dominant has similar kink interests to my own, the next step would be to find out if we're both on the same page via the immediately preceding paragraph. I think this would go a long way towards discovering the passion we may have for each other and if it's tapped, release the necessary energy and willingness to overcome obstacles such as relocating.
I work a job that cannot be found just anywhere. For me to relocate would mean possibly changing to a totally different career. This is something I'm not adverse to doing but it's also something I would not do on a whim. But I can tell you if I met the right person, I would have no problem whatsoever doing so. In short, my passion for wanting to live my life the way I truly wish would overcome the inherent resistance we all have to change. I seriously doubt this is a fantasy. It is instead something that's very hard to achieve through online profiles and communication as things stand.
Since we are identifying the issues inherent in this medium, I think we should all come away with the realization we have a greater responsibility to address them immediately when contacting other members. It's what comes with the territory so to speak. People who are lax in their approach are either not sincere to begin with or will suffer as a result or poor attention and awareness.
anthrosub
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