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An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:03:10 PM   
Divinepwr


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		Ok I'm getting myself motivated and just wanted to let off some steam in some writing. I have been submissive to people in some shape or form all my life and frankly I am sick of being stepped on. I have a desire to be a CEO of a company because I desire to excel in my life career wise. I love to work. That isn't even the point. I was in a relationship with a girl who really jaded me she used me and never again will this happen again. She set off something in me that I needed to have set off in a long time. I am putting  my foot down and I will be the one in control making the decisions. I will demand respect and nothing less no waivering. This is a no holds bar and its on. I am not out for revenge but merely respect. Getting what I want in a relationship and in life instead of worrying about hurting peoples feelings or worrying what they think of me. I will no longer sit in the corner as people take advantage of me. I am going to stand tall and get what I finally deserve. Amen! To be continued......
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:18:05 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		People who demand respect usually end up on the butt of jokes and if they are in a position of power are seen as a bully. Be more assertive if that's what you think you need but respect is something that isn't in your hands, well it is but its nothing you can demand as of right.

(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:26:16 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		You want to be dominant because you hate being submissive?  I'm sorry but success in this generally requires a positive rather than a negative source.  All too many people love to bray "I'm dominant" when their actions simply show them to be assholes, a status that is frightening easy to obtrain when one is running from, rather than striving toward.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:27:27 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		Both dominants and submissives should strive to improve themselves and be successful in life.  You can work for someone and not be a doormat.  But also when you are the boss you should have some respect for those who work for you.  If you are being taken advantage of, then change your pattern of behavior and not take it.  However, be careful not to overcompensate and turn out to be simply a rude, uncaring person as opposed to someone who is successful and has self control.  Good luck

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:27:44 PM   
HisTicia


Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		I am not sure if you want comments or not..looks like a vent only to me..but here ya go anyway.....
 
I understand you have been hurt.. I read your profile..and can see that you probably have had a pretty shi*ty time of it.  You probably are afraid to open yourself up.. or worry too much about what your sub would think..because you think you might get walked all over... I can understand that.  With being a Domme though.. you need to remember that your sub/slave has feelings also..and while you shouldn't coddle them.. you should respect them also.  If you do that.. have no doubt you will get it a million fold back.  There is nothing wrong with getting to know them very well..before you give them that place in your heart..but don't totally close out what value they will have to you..what meaning they bring also. 
 
It's great to be dominate.. and with the way you have been treated.. I can see you heading that way with your life... but even though you are in charge..it doesn't give you the automatic right to be uncaring.. unloving or anything like that.  You can still be all of those things and be a Domme...
 
IMHO... you are still hurting...and trust me.. I have been there many times..but you still need to put yourself out there some..and yes.. you may get hurt..but dammit..sometimes you have to take that chance.  I decided I wouldn't again....it just hurt too bad...but I did..and now am very happy.  There is always a chance it won't last..but nothing is guaranteed in life.. happiness probably being the least of them. 
 
I hope you find someone to break this wall you are putting up.. and break thru the hurt you feel.  I think you sound like a strong, smart woman... with a Dominant heart..but that doesn't mean you won't get hurt sometimes with it.  Please take care..and know that anything I said..was meant with respect...not bashing you in any way.
 
P.S.Welcome to CM also... ~Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha


(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:30:43 PM   
Divinepwr


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		Respect can't always be given I realize that. I agree being more assertive is required. I have been assertive in many aspects of my life but when it comes to being in relationships I need some work. That is one thing I would like to work on. For example at my past job I was disrespected and I didn't demand it but merely fought for what I deserved. I therefore then got respect because I stood up for what I wanted instead of sitting back in the crowd and doing what everyone else was doing. It takes a strong person to stand up amongst the masses. I believe I have done that and it was a hard road. I am not a conformist and will continue to be that way.  So in the gist of things respect can be obtained in some cases not always but one can try nonetheless.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:34:28 PM   
kickinchick


Posts: 129
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like you know what you want, but are changing your demeanor in the process. Am i right?
To achieve your goals,  in the corporate world, you must be Dominant. It sounds like you know that. You have to be demanding, understanding, forceful, communicative and always positive.......A leader, a take charge person, one who other's want to follow.
You can be as submissive as you'd like behind closed doors and a Fucking Tiger in corporate business.
There's nothing wrong with that and it is admirable.
My Dom, Fastlane is pushing me in this same direction and I share his advice with you.
Good luck.


(in reply to HisTicia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:34:46 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I think you have a misunderstanding of Dominance. You have been taken advantage of and have been less than successful...and you think that by becoming more aggressive and demanding respect that you will change your outcome. Being an aggressive control freak who demands respect does not equate to Dominance though. Respect is earned...and when given because of oppression or fear it is nothing more than a worthless facade. I would suggest on concentrating on more on your inner self confidence and less on your outward display of actions.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:38:17 PM   
Divinepwr


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		HisTicia,
Thank you for your reponse. You explained it exactly how it is. I'm a caring person and always will be. I respect people always even when there opinions differ from mine. I agree that hurt is inevitable and I have put this huge wall up. I let it crumble and got hurt recently. I think I should stop avoiding it and just let it happen. Once again I have to have control of every aspect of my life. Which has been a curse. I know I may sound like a mean person right now but I am not and will not succumb to uncaring ways. You gave me some positive advice to go with and I appreciate it.

(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:41:32 PM   
Divinepwr


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		I agree I am working on my inner self confidence.

(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:45:55 PM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Worrying about being respected is just another psychological burden you have to carry. Personally I wouldn't worry about it, people will perceive you as they want to pervceive you, there is really nothing you can do about it. If you have goals just aim for them. You can try your hardest to do the right thing and there will always be someone wanting to pull you down, that's life. If you are good at what you do people will respect you for it and want to employ you.

(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:47:52 PM   
Divinepwr


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		kickinchick,
Your right I do know what I want. I have been in the corporate world and am aware of the assertiveness needed. I am a leader and strive to continue to be one. You explained my personality in a nutshell. Thanks for the advice. Good luck with you as well.

(in reply to kickinchick)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:49:25 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		The transition from a submissive to a Dominant is no easy task. If it is what you want, go after it, but keep in mind it is a huge change and it won't happen overnight. There will be times you're not sure which direction to go. There will be times you won't feel secure that you are "doing it right". There will be times you will miss a lot of the aspects of submission.
I'd suggest switching for a while. Find what you do and don't like. You might find you're perfectly content as a switch and not need to become "only a Dominant".
I really see no problem with playing the field. I seem to change my label more often than I change lightbulbs.
The only relationships which are truly fulfilling in the long run are the ones in which people are true to themselves.
Make up a new label. Call yourself a submissive Domina or a Dominating slave. It'll fuck with people's heads and give them something to talk about while you learn the tricks of whatever trade you're currently learning.
Good luck to you.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 2:54:16 PM   
Divinepwr


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		I have always considered myself a switch but felt pressured to label myself as one or the other. I like the way you think. It is all a learning process and I love to learn. Knowlege to me is power. :)

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 4:27:28 PM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Divinepwr

Ok I'm getting myself motivated and just wanted to let off some steam in some writing. I have been submissive to people in some shape or form all my life and frankly I am sick of being stepped on. I have a desire to be a CEO of a company because I desire to excel in my life career wise. I love to work. That isn't even the point. I was in a relationship with a girl who really jaded me she used me and never again will this happen again. She set off something in me that I needed to have set off in a long time. I am putting  my foot down and I will be the one in control making the decisions. I will demand respect and nothing less no waivering. This is a no holds bar and its on. I am not out for revenge but merely respect. Getting what I want in a relationship and in life instead of worrying about hurting peoples feelings or worrying what they think of me. I will no longer sit in the corner as people take advantage of me. I am going to stand tall and get what I finally deserve. Amen! To be continued......


Sounds to me like the pendulum is swinging back in the opposite direction.  I'm not sure you will ever accomplish your goals by stepping all over people's feelings -- in either the professional arena or the personal one.  You will only alienate yourself from happiness by doing that.  And if you decide to enter into another relationship, it's not going to work unless you can open your heart to someone.  Life is all about taking chances.  And with relationships, you can only  hope to get back what you put into them.

(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: An Ode to Dominance *aka vent session* - 6/17/2006 6:36:43 PM   
HisTicia


Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		You are very welcome.. I am just glad you took it in the spirit in which I intended it.  No, I don't think you sound mean at all... you sound like someone that was hurt very badly.  That is how I come across when I have been hurt.. it's a natural reaction.  I know you feel the great need to protect yourself.. I am finding myself a bit defensive even with my Sir at this point afraid I will end up hurt again.  I am closing myself off....yet I know if I do this.. I won't ever be happy again. 
 
You are strong..and you will pull thru this.. I have no doubt.  I usually have my first reaction.. hurt...then anger..then numbness..then I start shutting down..and pushing ppl away.  Eventually.. I start to let them in.. one person at a time..very, very carefully.  I hope that you find a way to do that... just please be careful on here..and don't give yourself over too quick.. in that hope of your one "true" sub/slave.... I would hate to see you face that again so quickly..if ever. 
 
My thoughts are with you... please take care.
 
                Respectfully, Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha


(in reply to Divinepwr)
Profile   Post #: 16
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