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was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 9:52:23 AM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline 		First off I'd like to say thank you and I hope I can learn from any advice you wish to give, if you wish to give any. I am new to the fourm, the site, and the bdsm lifestyle though this is something I've been curious about for a long while. I've always been submissive though it has only been torwards women. It's not in a sexual way, I'd like to explore those posibilities if I were able of course, but more like I just enjoy the dominance of a strong woman. I have no real fetishes to speak of myself and to be honest my thoughts of being owned don't involve sex. So here is what I would like to ask; am I wasting my time at all? Is knowing or even having specific sexual desires relevant at all when it comes to looking for a mistress? I apologize if I sound ignorant im just trying to find the best way to go about this.
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 10:01:04 AM   
VioletViolence


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline 		I'm a bit confused. You say that your desire to serve a woman isn't sexual, but are asking if specific sexual desires are ok? Well, I will say that specific desires for *anything* within a relationship is fine. Everyone has needs, wants and preferences. As long as you're not leading with your kinks or your dick when approaching women then it's all just a matter of finding someone compatible.

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 10:07:03 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		There are people that engage in D/s that do not engage in sex or BDSM. So, you're definitely not alone.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to VioletViolence)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 10:18:25 AM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletViolence

I'm a bit confused. You say that your desire to serve a woman isn't sexual, but are asking if specific sexual desires are ok? Well, I will say that specific desires for *anything* within a relationship is fine. Everyone has needs, wants and preferences. As long as you're not leading with your kinks or your dick when approaching women then it's all just a matter of finding someone compatible.


My apologies for the confusion. I wasn't asking if sexual desires are ok I was asking if I should have any or if its a normal occurrence for subs looking so serve with no specific sexual desires in mind.

(in reply to VioletViolence)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 10:32:32 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		There isnt one true way of BDSM. There are plenty of people who engage in BDSM with a sexual component, just as there are plenty who engage in BDSM without a sexual component. There isnt a rule somewhere that says you have to have sexual desires or not have them. All you need to do is find the person who shares your viewpoint.

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 10:46:45 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		Yup, OP, not alone or that unusual, even. Lots of folks do take on non-sexual partners.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 11:02:36 AM   
VioletViolence


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371


quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletViolence

I'm a bit confused. You say that your desire to serve a woman isn't sexual, but are asking if specific sexual desires are ok? Well, I will say that specific desires for *anything* within a relationship is fine. Everyone has needs, wants and preferences. As long as you're not leading with your kinks or your dick when approaching women then it's all just a matter of finding someone compatible.


My apologies for the confusion. I wasn't asking if sexual desires are ok I was asking if I should have any or if its a normal occurrence for subs looking so serve with no specific sexual desires in mind.


Ah, gotcha. Like the others have said D/s isn't always sexual. So if you're not looking for any sort of sexual contact just be honest about that and those who are interested in that sort of arrangement will be more than happy to have you serve them without any sexual activity.

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 11:32:16 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371
I apologize if I sound ignorant im just trying to find the best way to go about this.


Actually you sound very sensible and pleasant.

You want to serve, but you don't have any specific kinky-sex scenarios in mind, right? That probably makes you stand out in a good way from the oodles of guys who come on here looking to get off in a very specific way and whose main priority is getting off.

There is no set way to have a D/s relationship. Whatever works for you and your future partner is right. You might discover over time that you are interested in particular kinks, once you've had chance to explore. You might find yourself doing kinky stuff just to please your partner and enjoy their satisfaction. Or, as others have said, it's possible to have a D/s relationship without any sex at all. But I'm assuming (correct me if I'm wrong) that you are saying that your desire to submit doesn't come from a sexual fantasy, rather than saying you are against sex being involved at all.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 11:35:31 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Actually you sound very sensible and pleasant.


I was thinking the same thing.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 11:52:27 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371
My apologies for the confusion. I wasn't asking if sexual desires are ok I was asking if I should have any or if its a normal occurrence for subs looking so serve with no specific sexual desires in mind.

I would call it a great added bonus!! You are one of the very few EVER to these boards to start off on the correct foot!

ok now that you have your award...continuing on this path means remembering that Domme women are people first and kinky second. we arent fetish delivery systems, so not having a long list again is a plus.
Sexually, straight or not just requires honesty.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 1:02:49 PM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders


But I'm assuming (correct me if I'm wrong) that you are saying that your desire to submit doesn't come from a sexual fantasy, rather than saying you are against sex being involved at all.


That is correct. And thank you all for the advice I appreciate the help and i think i have a better understanding now.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/18/2012 5:43:15 PM   
VioletViolence


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline 		Oh, apparently I didn't quite "gotcha" after all. However, what I said still pretty much stands. There are many many Dommes who appreciate subs who aren't all about the sex. For lots of us the focus of a D/s relationship is on the relationship bit, which does often include sex, but everyone has a different way of doing things. You seem very respectful, polite and sincere which are all great attributes to have. I'd wish you luck, but unlike most subs who post here I don't think you'll need it :)

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/19/2012 6:03:25 PM   
StrictlyADomina


Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline 		I agree 100% with what the other Ladies said. BDSM for many people is not about sex. Looking for a partner is like sorting through a giant puzzle box trying to find the piece that fits yours. It's a lot of trial and error and some degree of work. I think that you may discover once you find your special partner some BDSM interests that you enjoy that perhaps you may not now think that you would enjoy. BDSM with the right person makes learning and discovering grand fun.
I wish you well.

(in reply to VioletViolence)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/19/2012 8:20:48 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		jay, you have no idea how well you're doing now. You're only 24 and yet have more maturity than most male subs. You're self aware and genuinely wanting to learn. Kudos!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to StrictlyADomina)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/19/2012 11:20:25 PM   
MsDixan


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/4/2012
Status: offline 		I wish all the sub guys on here had Jay's attitude and approach. Sheesh...maybe he can give lessons or something.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/20/2012 2:34:24 AM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline 		Lol thank you all for making me a lot less nervous. You have all been very kind and seem very understanding. I think I will enjoy postind and reading
these forums

(in reply to MsDixan)
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RE: was wondering if this sounds weird at all? - 12/20/2012 7:21:29 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		Jay,
There are many forms of submission. There is something called a "service sub". A service sub is someone who gets enjoyment out of "serving" someone else. The service is typically non-sexual. For example, you may do housework, run errands, serve as a chauffeur, or do whatever your Domme asks of you.

I consider myself to be a service-oriented sub. My kink is actually power exchange. The power exchange itself is what appeals to me. While I am a member of the local BDSM community, I don't enjoy play parties, so I seldom go to their meetings. Instead, I prefer a 1-on-1 relationship with a dominant woman wherein I submit to her will and desires. On a few occasions, this has been a service-only relationship. But in most instances, it is within the context of a female-led relationship (FLR).

A female-led relationship is much like a regular relationship. The primary difference is that the woman wears the mantle of authority and is the "head of household". In typical relationships in most cultures, the man holds that role.

Within the context of a FLR or a service sub relationship, it's okay if there are sexual elements to the relationship as well. In fact, relationships that mix service and sexual aspects are the best kind, IMHO.

Take a look at my profile. There may be things there that resonate with you, or that help spark ideas of how you might want to define your submission.

Good luck.
-Roch

(in reply to jay1371)
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