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Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/19/2012 7:53:14 PM

Luxaw

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/17/2012
Status: offline

One thing I'm bad at is introductions. I'm just not assertive in any way or form and the way I generally go about the site is randomly looking for dominant women, but I don't ever contact them. Instead I just wait for someone to message me and sometimes people do, although most of the time it isn't successful. How would dominants like a submissive to introduce themselves, what would they like them to say or what would be appropriate to say if you wanted to talk to that person? I'm very bad at meeting new people and I'm very shy when it comes to me talking to somebody I don't' know. Does anybody have some advice or experience they would like to share that could possibly help me?

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/19/2012 8:03:57 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Luxaw
One thing I'm bad at is introductions. I'm just not assertive in any way or form and the way I generally go about the site is randomly looking for dominant women, but I don't ever contact them. Instead I just wait for someone to message me and sometimes people do, although most of the time it isn't successful. How would dominants like a submissive to introduce themselves, what would they like them to say or what would be appropriate to say if you wanted to talk to that person? I'm very bad at meeting new people and I'm very shy when it comes to me talking to somebody I don't' know. Does anybody have some advice or experience they would like to share that could possibly help me?

Read her journal, and comment on a journal entry. Speak from the heart, instead of kissing ass. It's ok to say, "I read your journal entry from August 1st, and I don't totally agree, because blah blah. But you seem very interesting so I wanted to say hi." Or you could say, "I totally agree because of blah blah."

1-2 paragraphs max, be interesting, and show that you are interested in her mind.

As long as your profile isn't fucking insane, your response rate with this technique will be about 90%.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Luxaw)

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/19/2012 8:05:11 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Check out the Ask a Mistress FAQ and read Cmail Help: How to Contact a Dominant Woman.

NBMG

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I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/20/2012 12:35:26 AM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Luxaw
One thing I'm bad at is introductions. I'm just not assertive in any way or form and the way I generally go about the site is randomly looking for dominant women, but I don't ever contact them. Instead I just wait for someone to message me and sometimes people do, although most of the time it isn't successful. How would dominants like a submissive to introduce themselves, what would they like them to say or what would be appropriate to say if you wanted to talk to that person? I'm very bad at meeting new people and I'm very shy when it comes to me talking to somebody I don't' know. Does anybody have some advice or experience they would like to share that could possibly help me?

Read her journal, and comment on a journal entry. Speak from the heart, instead of kissing ass. It's ok to say, "I read your journal entry from August 1st, and I don't totally agree, because blah blah. But you seem very interesting so I wanted to say hi." Or you could say, "I totally agree because of blah blah."

1-2 paragraphs max, be interesting, and show that you are interested in her mind.

As long as your profile isn't fucking insane, your response rate with this technique will be about 90%.

As a reality check, you should never expect anywhere near to a 90% response rate. Based on what I've read in these threads, most people consider a 5-10% response to be amazing. I only say that so you don't have any false expectations.

Otherwise, reading the profile or journal and responding honestly based on something you read there is always a good idea. If you can give a specific reason why you think you and a domme are a good match, your chances will rise. It's really not much different than on a vanilla site. Just be yourself.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/20/2012 1:33:29 AM

VioletViolence

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
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So, to show by example I viewed your profile and the initial contact email I'd send would be something along the lines of...
"Hello there! I came across your profile today and thought I'd drop you a line. I see you're new to CM, are you just new to the site or to BDSM in general? I noticed you say you're curious about the occult in your interests list, I dabble a bit myself and have done a fair amount of reading. Have you read any of Phil Hines's work? Hope you're having a great day! ~ Violet"
It's short and simple, didn't take too long to write but shows that I really did read your profile and that we have at least one common interest. I'd recommend staying away from mentioning kink or sex in your first message as so many women get loads of men just looking for free cam sex/cyber in their inbox and sometimes the slightest whiff of wanker will be enough to turn us off. Now, even if you do everything right not everyone will message you back. Some are too busy, some won't like you and some might just be having a bad day. Try not to take it personal, be polite to those who do respond but say "no thanks" and eventually you will find someone who's more than happy to get to know you. Good luck!

(in reply to seekingreality)

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/20/2012 2:06:22 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
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I'd reply to that, in fact, I've half a mind to.

I'm quite a fan of Hines.

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/20/2012 11:11:10 AM

VioletViolence

Posts: 169
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Next on my reading list is "Walking Between the Worlds" actually :) It's out of print but I managed to find an e-book copy.

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/20/2012 11:44:30 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality
As a reality check, you should never expect anywhere near to a 90% response rate. Based on what I've read in these threads, most people consider a 5-10% response to be amazing. I only say that so you don't have any false expectations.

I didn't explain well perhaps, so I'll try again. But please don't take the experiences of men who complain about fakes or bad experiences on their profiles, or who resist advice from women about how to approach other women, as an indication of anything except failworthy behavior.

For example, from this very thread, suppose crazyml really does write VioletViolence. As far as I know, they live thousands of miles apart and are both dominant, so it's not likely that anything will ever "happen." But they might have some nice conversations, which might even include some pleasant, charged flirtation. Or they might hate each other -- or hate me, for kinda sorta putting them on the spot right now.

Same deal with first response to an email. A lot of these responses will be something like, "Thanks for your kind words, you're not in my age range but good luck in your search," or similar. But IME women on this site absolutely respect, and are grateful for, attempts to connect with them as people, as thinking beings with a mind. My stat wasn't a 90% rate of "damn she wants me," but 90% rate of "hey stranger in internetland, thanks for reaching out." (Some men misinterpret the second reply as meaning the first, but that's a whole separate problem.)

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to seekingreality)

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/25/2012 12:52:08 AM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Same deal with first response to an email. A lot of these responses will be something like, "Thanks for your kind words, you're not in my age range but good luck in your search," or similar. But IME women on this site absolutely respect, and are grateful for, attempts to connect with them as people, as thinking beings with a mind. My stat wasn't a 90% rate of "damn she wants me," but 90% rate of "hey stranger in internetland, thanks for reaching out." (Some men misinterpret the second reply as meaning the first, but that's a whole separate problem.)

I got you. I'd still disagree though. I think most people who aren't interested will simply not respond rather than send a "Thanks but no thanks." And I think that's fine. Reading these boards, I think most people who get an email and then click to find a "Thanks but no thanks" get ticked off and would rather receive no response.

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/25/2012 12:07:10 PM

TheBoyDownBelow

Posts: 83
Joined: 7/25/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality

I think most people who aren't interested will simply not respond rather than send a "Thanks but no thanks." And I think that's fine. Reading these boards, I think most people who get an email and then click to find a "Thanks but no thanks" get ticked off and would rather receive no response.

That is so not me. A "Thanks but no thanks" clears up the situation and removes all the guess work. It is the right thing to do. I know that some men freak out and start sending nasty messages back. Just block them if it happens. I usually send a "Thank You for your time and response" message. To avoid "time wasting" is everyone's responsibility. Just because this is the internet, does not mean that you can't have class. Guess I am just weird in that sense. Common courtesy seems to be a lost art...

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/25/2012 3:29:44 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Luxaw

One thing I'm bad at is introductions. I'm just not assertive in any way or form and the way I generally go about the site is randomly looking for dominant women, but I don't ever contact them. Instead I just wait for someone to message me and sometimes people do, although most of the time it isn't successful. How would dominants like a submissive to introduce themselves, what would they like them to say or what would be appropriate to say if you wanted to talk to that person? I'm very bad at meeting new people and I'm very shy when it comes to me talking to somebody I don't' know. Does anybody have some advice or experience they would like to share that could possibly help me?

I'm trying to picture how anyone could get through life without having any sort of assertiveness about them. Even burger flippers need to communicate.

Stop freaking yourself out about who's dominant and who's submissive and just approach people like you would a friend or family member. Talking about the weather, common interests, giving a brief description of a hobby of yours if it's really neat.

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RE: Introductions and etiquitte... - 12/25/2012 4:26:49 PM

StrictlyADomina

Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
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I agree with what the others have already stated. Read that person's profile and journals, find a common interest and comment on that in your introduction e-mail. When I get that I know the person has actually taken the time to read what I have taken the time to write. Remember: Fortune favors the bold.
Happy Holidays

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

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