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subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 6:53:51 AM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline 		Is there a difference between the two? Or is it generally the same thing that is called either or depending on the person? My apologies if the question seems silly but honestly I had assumed there was a difference between the two but just a moment ago that assumption has been brought to question.
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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 6:55:25 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Everyone agrees that a slave is more submissive than a sub. Everyone disagrees where the demarcation line occurs.

Glad to help.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 7:12:18 AM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Everyone agrees that a slave is more submissive than a sub. Everyone disagrees where the demarcation line occurs.

Glad to help.


I never expected to get such a negative response from not wanting to be someones slave, which is why I had to ask. I thought that maybe I was wrong somehow

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 7:12:42 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Everyone agrees that a slave is more submissive than a sub.


I do?



Peace and comfort,



Michael


_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 7:28:13 AM   
PrincessDonna11


Posts: 289
Joined: 8/7/2011
Status: offline 		In MY experience a sub has more leeway to do things that will please a Dom and a slave waits to do what their told....

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 7:28:22 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I believe the difference is in the level of control handing over. For me a submissive maintains a level of control and a slave does not.

But on this subject opinions are like assholes, everyone has one ;)

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Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 7:53:20 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371
Is there a difference between the two?

This is probably the most-asked question in the history of these message boards. If you search "sub slave" you'll find a lot of great (and not so great) conversations.

Spoiler: no conclusion was reached.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 7:58:15 AM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline 		Well...that's a relief :)

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 8:01:57 AM   
masmiss


Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371
Is there a difference between the two?

This is probably the most-asked question in the history of these message boards. If you search "sub slave" you'll find a lot of great (and not so great) conversations.

Spoiler: no conclusion was reached.


That's true, but jay asks so nicely.

_____________________________

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 8:21:08 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		You put yourself in service to another - you give them control over portions of your life. How far down the rabbit hole do you want to / are willing to go? Are you willing to tie your hopes, dreams, aspirations, and goals to theirs? To put their hopes, dreams, aspirations, and goals before your own? Will you give them control over yours?

Will you give them influence or control over your mental state? Over your physical state? Over your financial and (somewhat) legal state?

Will you risk dependence on this person? How much?

All these things have to be decided between you and your partner - and frankly within yourself first.

My advice:

Really -know- the person you choose to submit to.

Keep your individuality no matter what.

Keep yourself financially viable, mentally viable.

Anyone who has been through a divorce knows that "till death do us part" only means until the death of the relationship.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 8:26:19 AM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		DAMNIT!!!!

Every time I see a thread with this title I get my hopes up that I will see some naked women in collars having a no holds bared, smack down in a mud pit... and every time I'm disappointed.

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Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

(in reply to jay1371)
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RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 8:45:20 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371

Is there a difference between the two? Or is it generally the same thing that is called either or depending on the person?


Jay,
I guess I should warn you that whenever you ask for definitions of words in the BDSM world, you're asking for trouble. It seems as though people never agree about the definitions. So what I've learned is that the only thing that matters is what you and your partner want to do. The definitions of terms really don't matter.

But having said that, you still may want to familiarize yourself with standard BDSM terms. Here's a link that might prove to be helpful.

BDSM glossary

There is also a BDSM glossary in Wikipedia. If you Google the term "BDSM glossary", or just about any term that you're interested in learning about, dozens (and sometimes hundreds) of sites come up. Google is your friend.

I'm not trying to discourage you from starting new threads. But there were lots of people who have gone down the same path of discovery that you're now traveling. All of these questions have been asked hundreds of times (literally). So if you do a search and read the FAQ sections of the forum, most of the answers are readily available.

Like I said, I'm not trying to discourage you. Quite the opposite, actually. But there is great info available in the FAQ sections, and far too few newbies utilize the great resource that is there. Newbies also usually don't familiarize themselves with the search function here on CM. The "seach" button is in the upper right hand corner of the page. Lot's of great answers have already been given to most of the basic questions.

I hope that helps.
-Roch

(in reply to jay1371)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 9:01:46 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Simple answer is you were trolling the wrong ankle!! You probably should start out as a sub to someone that actually LIKES men!! A lowly worm you are not!
quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Everyone agrees that a slave is more submissive than a sub. Everyone disagrees where the demarcation line occurs.

Glad to help.


I never expected to get such a negative response from not wanting to be someones slave, which is why I had to ask. I thought that maybe I was wrong somehow



_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to jay1371)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 9:03:28 AM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009


quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371

Is there a difference between the two? Or is it generally the same thing that is called either or depending on the person?


Jay,
I guess I should warn you that whenever you ask for definitions of words in the BDSM world, you're asking for trouble. It seems as though people never agree about the definitions. So what I've learned is that the only thing that matters is what you and your partner want to do. The definitions of terms really don't matter.

-Roch


This is another moment of me trying to get a general idea and once again not expecting to get a clear cut answer. It was my assumption that people had different opinions on the matter but having my intentions for joining the site questioned I decided to actually see if that assumption was correct. I guess I could have looked up other forums but 1. I'm a newbie to this site so it didn't cross my mind and 2. I was a bit confused and bothered at the confrontation I had so I posted the question right after out of worry that I might be assuming to much.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 9:10:08 AM   
jay1371


Posts: 29
Joined: 12/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Simple answer is you were trolling the wrong ankle!! You probably should start out as a sub to someone that actually LIKES men!! A lowly worm you are not!
quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Everyone agrees that a slave is more submissive than a sub. Everyone disagrees where the demarcation line occurs.

Glad to help.


I never expected to get such a negative response from not wanting to be someones slave, which is why I had to ask. I thought that maybe I was wrong somehow




Would it be considered trolling the wrong anckle if I was the one approached? I thought a simple and poliet no thank you would be fine then it turned into her telling me that I don't truely want this lifestyle O.o ...very confusing

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 9:15:53 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Yea Jay, the crap that goes on on the other side is nothing to get discouraged about. There are real people out there - don't let the scammers get to you. Have you looked into your local scene yet? If you check out Fetlife.com, you can search on your city, or your nearest larger city and find people, groups, events like munches, etc. Getting out to meet real life people is your best bet.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to jay1371)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 9:38:26 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Try to use words like 'sub' 'slave' 'dom' 'Mistress' 'Master' etc as a rough guide and nothing more. You're entitled to read up and identify as whatever you think suits you. Or not to pick a label. I go back and forth between referring to myself as a sub or a slave and if you stick around you'll see sometimes I refer to my husband as my master, other times my dom, other times just as my husband. It's because no one completely agrees on where the boundaries are between one and another and I'm never quite sure which word will make it easiest for people to understand where I'm coming from.

You will come across people who use the terms simply as a way to disparage those who don't agree with them or don't run their relationships the same way. As in 'no TRUE slave would ever do that' or 'you can't call yourself a slave if you do x, you're JUST a sub'. Same happens with the D types. You seem to have your head screwed on so I'm sure you won't let these people get to you to much. But really one of the golden rules I've come across is this: the people who preach about how their definition is the only one, or they know the one right way to do this, tend to be the people who have no clue.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to jay1371)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 9:47:41 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jay1371

Is there a difference between the two? Or is it generally the same thing that is called either or depending on the person? My apologies if the question seems silly but honestly I had assumed there was a difference between the two but just a moment ago that assumption has been brought to question.

If you can leave, you're not a slave. Anyone here who call themselves a slave or says they have one is only kidding themselves.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to jay1371)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 9:47:59 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		So in short... (just to make sure I understand this story correctly)...

Someone wanted you to be their slave.
You declined.
They threw a hissy fit.

Do I have that about right? Because if so I think the better question for you would've been "What's the difference between a Domme and an Idiotress?"

Other people have already answered the sub/slave thing but I'll go ahead and give you a warning. Pretty much none of the words used in discussing BDSM are well defined and that is on purpose. When someone says that "I submit to my master" I have no idea what that means any more than I would "I am a slave". I tend to ask a lot of "What do you mean by that?" type questions. Just to give you my favorite example of how slippery words can be I learned that to at least one person...

"I am a real life 24/7 slave." means "I have never submitted to anyone in my life and I'm not in a relationship now but I feel in my heart it is my place in life to be a slave."

When talking to BDSM folks you need to ask a lot of questions. Any BDSM person who simply expects that you understand immediately brands themselves as some combination of parochial, ignorant, or stupid. Laughably enough, these always seem to be the folks who tell you they have 2 gajillion years experience and invented BDSM.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to jay1371)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: subs vs slaves - 12/21/2012 9:54:17 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Everyone agrees that a slave is more submissive than a sub.


I don't.

I don't believe in consensual slavery, so the term slave doesn't exist in context of our relationship.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 20
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