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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 9:46:56 PM

littlewonder

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 9:52:46 PM

nakedfreedom

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Just about everyone gets verbally abused on the videochat and just about everyone hates watching it. A lot of people go there to have fun and hate it when the bashing starts. They find it quite disruptive. What I'm saying is that they are getting upset simply because the consent rule isn't followed. My post isn't a call-to-action, but I have complained to admin about it before.

In fact, I had one admin who kept trying to access my cam and I kept turning it off when she did so. The admin starting telling me off and insulting me because I kept turning it off when she tried to access it - I was just protecting my privacy. I told her that I didn't know there was a rule about admin's accessing our cams. I didn't swear. I didn't insult her. I didn't do anything but just be honest and state my case. She banned me. It was laughable and incredible at the same time.

I tend to be honest and direct. I won't swear, insult or denigrate - unless someone does so first.

I started the post because I consent is the golden rule of BDSM and whoever doesn't practice is just a fucking asshole. And you can't complain about my complaining because if you don't like it - then don't read the forums. Just practice your own rule. If you're offended, then practice your own rule.

So fuck you all again. You're rude bastards.

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:01:13 PM

JeffBC

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OK Naked. I just went and popped into a few chat rooms. What I saw was a bunch of people chatting about BDSM. It reminded me a lot of secondlife. Nobody harassed me. In fact, people were that weird sort of polite that happens in the online world and I suddenly became "Jeff Sir". Nobody told me to fuck off and nobody did anything to me that would make me want to say that to them. Actually, what happened was a bunch of jokes.

That leaves me concluding that whatever's going on here it's all you.

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:02:37 PM

tazzygirl

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:02:57 PM

punisher440

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Since you are fairly new to the forum of Collarchat,here is your form.Please use an ink pen only..or a crayon to fill it out....

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:04:10 PM

nakedfreedom

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I didn't read your post before we chatted on the videochat. Did it hurt? Yeah, it always hurts a little to be spoken to that way. I think it takes more courage to admit that. Does it bother me? No. You didn't even respond to what I wrote. You just insulted me again. So, who cares? I'm looking for a good, clean debate. Oh well!!!

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:05:48 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nakedfreedom

I got banned from the videochat room because I told someone to fuck off there. She was a financial domme who told me off when I told to her to go to hell for asking me for money just for accessing her cam. I couldn't believe that admin kicked me out. But it's a free site and not that big of deal.

You're having a pretty epic cryfest for something that isn't that big of a deal. Maybe some of this will help.

You should consider buying in bulk to cut costs.

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:06:59 PM

nakedfreedom

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Ah well. I tried to engage in a conversation, and all I got were people acting "tough". There aren't enough people giving me a thoughtful reply, so I'm moving on. Perhaps I will look for others online and in the community who want to discuss these topics. It seems as if I have offended a lot of people here. How ironic. Well, not really. They're all very sensitive about people expressing their opinions. LOL!

< Message edited by nakedfreedom -- 12/23/2012 10:13:22 PM >

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:11:10 PM

nakedfreedom

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Hey, don't get me wrong. There are a lot of nice people there. And, of course, there will be a few 'bad apples'. You can't really avoid that on a free site. And, I wasn't saying the video chat was a mess. Really, I brought up a topic and everyone took it as a complaint. I don't like it. I disagree with it. But my question was: should the consent rule be practice online too?

I think yes. But thanks for replying without getting nasty. I mean, at least you gave me an honest reply. (And yeah, who really cares about those assholes who try to act 'tough'. Perhaps, I'll focus on those who actually tried to contribute to the discussion. LOL!!! It's just like video chat - some nice ones and then the losers than have a chip on their shoulder.)

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:12:28 PM

nakedfreedom

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LOL!!!!!

I agree that it's not a big deal because it's online. I mean, it's a free site. You get what you get. I think the consent rule should be praciticed. That's my opinion. LOL!!!! I laughed at your post though.

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:23:41 PM

tazzygirl

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Pst... I will repeat it again....

But not using the block feature, you are CONSENTING to what you call verbal abuse.

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:26:58 PM

RemoteUser

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It's good that the OP came back to clarify his initial, confusing post.

However, what I'm seeing is a leap from

"The Admins don't care or simply can't keep up with the rude behaviour from people who feel that collarme is the perfect place to tell people to fuck off"

to an OP that says, "fuck yourself", "fuck you", and then a good, "fuck yourself" again.

I'm not normally like this, but in the spirit of keeping up with the OP, and adhering to the topic - dear OP,

FUCK OFF.

(Goddamn hypocritical jackass. Whines about people being rude and then does what he considers rude in three more posts. If you don't want others to do it, why the fuck do it yourself... If you wanted understanding or a debate try NOT shooting yourself in the fucking foot by throwing your credibility all to hell.)

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 10:38:16 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nakedfreedom
But my question was: should the consent rule be practice online too?

OK, I'll take a whack at that. I personally never drank from the consent kool-aid. BDSM folk use that word consent like it's some magical hex sign to ward off evil spirits. I'm not into it. So no, I don't think "the consent rule" should be practiced.

What this sounds like to me is that you were somewhere and someone said something rude to you. It doesn't sound like a consent violation it sounds like rudeness. Out in the real world when someone is rude to me I generally decide if it's just "one bad apple" or is the social scene I'm currently swimming in inappropriate for me. If it's the one bad apple I ignore them. That's where that block function comes in handy. I do that on these boards too. The hide button allows me to tune the boards to my own tastes. On the other hand it might be the whole circle I find myself in. The prudent thing to do at that point is to simply leave.

In other words, I think society has already given us much better tools for handling rudeness than the BDSM consent construct. I think the collarme site has given us the needed online tools to mimic what I'd do in the real world.

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/23/2012 11:03:25 PM

angelikaJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nakedfreedom

LOL!!!!!

I agree that it's not a big deal because it's online. I mean, it's a free site. You get what you get. I think the consent rule should be praciticed. That's my opinion. LOL!!!! I laughed at your post though.

You say you believe the consent rule should be practiced.
So, my question to you is then: Why don't you?
If you hit the block button to block someone you feel is being abusive then you are taking an action which signifies your choice to not give consent to be 'abused' by that particular person.
Instead of doing that however, it seems as though you are choosing an entirely different course of action: making the choice to "take offense", both here and in chat.

IMHO, taking offense is always an active choice and not just an emotional state we find ourselves in. My reasoning behind this opinion is that the only person we have any control of is ourselves, unless of course we decide to cede control over to another person.
I am owned by my Master and I have given Him ultimate authority and control.

In this example that you have listed regarding your chat experience, clearly you are giving up control to a stranger that you claim does not interest you.
In that case, why can't you just ignore the people who do not interest you, instead of engaging with them and cussing them out.

If you don't want to yield your personal power to someone unworthy, then why choose to take offense?

Make another choice.

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/24/2012 1:33:54 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

What this sounds like to me is that you were somewhere and someone said something rude to you. It doesn't sound like a consent violation it sounds like rudeness. Out in the real world when someone is rude to me I generally decide if it's just "one bad apple" or is the social scene I'm currently swimming in inappropriate for me. If it's the one bad apple I ignore them. That's where that block function comes in handy. I do that on these boards too. The hide button allows me to tune the boards to my own tastes. On the other hand it might be the whole circle I find myself in. The prudent thing to do at that point is to simply leave.

This is what I would do too, and until recently I assumed everyone did the same thing. But it's become increasingly apparent to me that a surprising number of people don't have that type of social skill. It goes along with people who are brand new to the site jumping in with something inappropriate, like a request for graphic sexual fantasies on the general message board. It seems they lack the skill or sense to watch and figure out the culture of the place so they know whether or not their behaviour is appropriate. And then, when they receive a negative reaction, they get cross and stomp about, as if their displeasure will cause the existing group to entirely change their expectations. Like you, whenever I have encountered groups online or in person that don't suit me or that include interactions that made me uncomfortable, I removed myself from the situation.

If you find yourself in a situation with little alternatives (mistreated at work, social injustice etc), by all means stick up for yourself and stand for change and your morals. In a situation like choosing an online message board, it's a pointless battle. There are other sites. There is the opportunity to create your own site. The people here are clearly happy with how things are, I can't expect them to change for me.

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/24/2012 10:01:52 AM

VideoAdminChi

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FR,

I have removed a number of posts from this thread. Some posters should revisit the Collarme.com Forum Guidelines:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_72/tm.htm

...Your choice to participate on this forum is an acceptance of its guidelines and the authority of its administration.

The primary intention of this board is to provide a forum for discussion and the exchange of ideas. Considering the natural diversity of opinion and expression, it is expected that disagreements will often occur. While debate is fine, postings of the sort generally known as "flames" is not. Participants are not expected to coddle one another, but they are expected to keep things within the realm of maturity.

This isn't a place to insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others. If you don't like what another person enjoys, rest assured that there are plenty of others out there that probably don't like your activities either. Furthermore, baiting, harassment and personal attacks will not be tolerated.

...

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/24/2012 1:48:00 PM

nakedfreedom

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I don't see how my responses to their personal attacks are any worse than their attacks. LOL! On one hand, they tell me that if I can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen, but when I apply the heat, admin takes a fit. Not to mention that I had an admin speak to me this way too.

I hope you're willing to clarify how a comment such as "Put your boy pants on" isn't a personal attack. I wish people could respond to these posts without getting so personal!

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/24/2012 1:55:30 PM

Phoenixpower

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Damn, too late

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/24/2012 8:36:50 PM

littlewonder

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RE: Why BDSM isn't Abuse - 12/25/2012 5:42:40 PM

nakedfreedom

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quote:

Was there a point to this? A question? You're talking to the choir here dude.

My point was that guys like me should be able to tell loser dommes to fuck off without getting kicked off the channel or forums. Dommes get angry when guys solicit them for domination. In some cases, guys do it even when the profile states they dommes are lesbians. Conversely, dommes denigrate men as if they serve as their dommes. It's the same principle, losers taking what isn't theirs to take. Women tell them to fuck off, and I should be able to tell the dommes to fuck off without being kicked off the channel or forums. It's only fair. If they can't take the heat, they can get out of the videochat.

I got banned from the videochat for telling someone to fuck off for this reason. And now, I got an e-mail from admin telling me that it was wrong to tell tazzygirl to fuck off. On one hand it's - if you can't stand the heat then get out of the kitchen - unless of course I tell you to fuck off. It's almost as if their 'man-pants' (boy-pants for tazzygirl) suddenly fell to their pathetic ankles leaving admin to save them.

So admin, the post was for you. Everyone has agreed - either pressure everyone to use the consent rule or kindly let us tell each other to fuck off. (You're volunteers, so I would recommend you choose the latter.)

< Message edited by nakedfreedom -- 12/25/2012 5:44:42 PM >

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