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RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/18/2006 9:15:59 AM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

You are taking out an insurance policy for when things go wrong so you don't end up too disappointed but such thinking can end up being a self fullfilling prophesy. Think positive which I know is easier said than done and no matter how good things are think about making them better and not how to prevent a fall. It's a state of mind.

There have been psychological experiments on this sort of thing and a positive outlook does work just as a negative outlook does in its own way. There is actually exercises you can do where you can train yourself to think positive. They work too!

Yes..it's so much easier to keep yourself down..and not too happy or excited..than to get that way..then me let down. I know I have built this into myself a lot in the last few months..and it is something I do have to break myself of. I am sure once I am there is person with Him..that will be much easier to do.

Thank you, Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to meatcleaver)

Post #: 21

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/18/2006 9:25:34 AM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have read many of your posts and think you seem like such a nice person Ticia. I know from experience how these feelings of insecurity can lead to panic attacks and anxiety. It has not been that long ago I overcame it myself... and I still fear its return sometimes. I know you feel that the other shoe is going to drop, and you are holding your breath waiting to hear that thud when it lands.. it is such a negative place to be.

I want to suggest a book to you, it is called "From Panic to Power". It helped me to realize how I could come to change my perspective to make my panic and anxiety connect with different emotional states besides fear and anger. I know a lot of what you are going through, and there is a way to own your life in a way that makes your submission of that life even fuller. It truly is possible to not live in fear of what you are going to lose, or expecting to lose. It is Hell to think that at any given moment it could all be taken from you, and I suffered many loses when i was younger and it set me up for fearing the lose of anyone I loved.

There are ways to learn to live in the moment, plan for the future and learn from the past, and even though it takes a lot of work it is well worth doing. If you ever need to talk please email me. You are not alone... never think that you are, many people have suffered from panic and anxiety and reclaimed their lives....Peace!

Thank you.. I will check into the book. It does sound like you have had many of the same issues I have had. I know that I have had panic attacks in the past..and I hadn't had one in a decent amount of time till the other day...even right this second.. I feel my heart beating a bit faster... my mind racing..and my breathe being a bit harder to get. I hate those..and will try to find a way not to have any more.

I do want to live without this..it's the worse feeling..the worst way to live..always afraid you will lose anyone or anything that you love and hold so dearly. I have always been that way..then it seemed over the last year and a half.. I pretty much did lose most of those things.. so the thought of putting myself back into where I could get hurt again..was almost too much at some point.

I think this is why I when I first started looking for a Dom that would only look at me like an object..that wouldn't really love me as a person..but like a new car or something. That way.. I wouldn't have to worry about losing their love..or the feelings I got from their caring so much.

Then it turns out..I find someone not at all like that. He learned about me..got to know me..wants a relationship.. marriage..kids..all of that..so here I am in the position that I never thought I would be again. The strange part is.. I know that deep down this is what I have wanted all along..and I think that is why it scares me so much. I didn't think I would find a Sir..that would actually love me as a person..a woman..and not just a sex toy for his amusement. I am very grateful I did.. so I guess maybe I should just shut-up and enjoy it..

Thank you very much, Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 22

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/18/2006 9:32:20 AM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

I heard from this- moving a few states away.

IMO- this is a risk. Thats just my opinion. [a risk I wont take, nor let the other guy make- if it crashes- it is all on me then...] [the person moving must find a heck of a lot to anchor them to the new area]

Bulimia? Girl....I have no clue as to why ladies do that. Take good care of yourself please. You wont be able to hide this- if you live with someone.

On the otherhand- plenty will rain on your parade. Dont rain on your own parade. Keep us posted...

Kindess regards-

Yes.. I know there is a risk in the moving.. that might be part of my panic. Not because I fear Him.. or that I don't think He loves me.. it's just I grew up here..and am leaving my family..etc behind. I will be ok though..and am ready to move on from this place as far as that all goes. I fully do trust He will take care of me..and make sure I am ok.

The bulimia.. no.. I don't understand it either.. I have had it for four years now..and I know what it does for me in some ways..yet.. I also know the damage it does. It's just one of those things I am sure that Sir will deal with when I get there. He has already put His foot down about it when I get there..that it will not be allowed to happen or continue.

Thanks..and I do hope that it all works out..and I don't think anyone needs to worry.. I am sure you will all hear about how things go...

....I am not one to usually keep silent.

Thank you, Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 23

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/18/2006 9:37:27 AM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cuddleheart50

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia

Okay.. I know this will sound very strange..but things are going too good. I mean.. everything seems to be falling into place for me to be with my Sir. There were many obstacles to this move...it's a few states away...an ex.. money..time..packing.. and so many more things. Yet, time after time...hurdle after hurdle..it is all coming to pass.

So.. why am I posting then? Well.. it just seems in my life..that things don't ever work out..so when they seem to.. I get concerned..almost panicked...and don't know what to do with myself. In my mind.. I am always waiting on the other shoe to drop..no matter how much I try to think positive about the situation.

I so hate this about myself..because it leads me to my bad habits.. the whole bulimia thing..mixed with a few others.. my normal coping mechanisms.

Does anyone else do this..panic when things are too good? I guess I just don't feel like I deserve it..therefore..it will fall apart somehow. I hate this.. I try to be a positive person..then the panic kicks me in the ass... ugh!!!

Enjoy the ride, you are lucky! It doesnt happen to everyone.

Very true.. I didn't think it would happen to me either. I know I probably sound ungrateful..but trust me I am not.. I am very grateful to have a Sir that loves me so very much.

Enjoying the ride.. just watching for potholes...

Thanks, Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 24

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/18/2006 9:40:15 AM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: reticence

Ticia

I so understand that waiting for the other shoe to drop mentality. As other posters have said, it is often due to insecurity. You have received some really good advice here, I am afraid I would only be repeating what others have said. I know that I have been guilty of that self sabotaging behavior, and it was because I felt I did not deserve anything good to happen to me. Pay attention to that negative self-talk that is going on in your head, replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. I know it sounds silly, and will feel silly as you are doing it, but it was very helpful for me.
I am here for you, too, should you ever need to talk.

Thank you very much.. I am starting to try and replace them as we speak... and even talking to myself as I do it. Other than getting some strange looks from my dog..that part is going pretty well.

Thanks for being there...Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to reticence)

Post #: 25

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/18/2006 2:32:50 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Ticia,

You are a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul. Of course, you deserve all the happiness you receive. Why wouldn't you? Get rid of those negative thoughts. I think many of us tend to panic when things go well...we wait for the other shoe to drop. And in the waiting, we miss so much that is good, beautiful. Don't do that to yourself. Make this fairy tale have a happy ending. You can!

< Message edited by bandit25 -- 6/18/2006 2:33:26 PM >

(in reply to HisTicia)

Post #: 26

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/18/2006 6:09:51 PM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

Ticia,

You are a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul. Of course, you deserve all the happiness you receive. Why wouldn't you? Get rid of those negative thoughts. I think many of us tend to panic when things go well...we wait for the other shoe to drop. And in the waiting, we miss so much that is good, beautiful. Don't do that to yourself. Make this fairy tale have a happy ending. You can!

Thanks.. I appreciate that very much... I am trying to keep the positive thing going.. but as you will see below.. it's not easy. I wanted to thank you for your well wishes before I posted about that though.

Thanks again, Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 27

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/18/2006 6:24:20 PM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

Okay..now I know why I had this sense of dread. Did you all hear it...that huge thud!??

It was the other shoe dropping.

I don't have a car..and my "best friend" was taking me to pick the rental up in the next city over next Sat. morning.. so I could leave for VA around noon that day. I live in a small town..and there isn't anything here.. so that was my only option. Well, she called me about an hour ago..and she won't be able to. Something has come up..and while I do agree..that thing does mean a lot to her..it is taking place tomorrow..and has nothing to do with a week from now.. it will all be over and done way before that time. She was picking up our other friend around 7 pm...we were going to spend the evening together..then she was dropping me off around 9 the next morning. So.. not only do I not have a way to get there.. I also don't get to say bye to my best friends of 11 yrs.

I was a bit skiddish in trusting her in something that meant this much to me...but.. I put that aside..and trusted that it would work..and she wouldn't let me down. I really should have known better.. I even had a "feeling" about it today..and called to confirm..that is the call she was returning this evening.

I love her to death..and while I do understand what is going on... there is no reason it should affect something that will take place days from now..and only last a few hrs.

So..there it is..and now I am waiting for my Sir to call..so we can see if there is anything else that can be done. He has to work...and I can't get anywhere..ugh!!!

PS.. I live in bedrock...no taxis.. no bus.. nothing..yuck.

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to HisTicia)

Post #: 28

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/18/2006 6:57:59 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
I was a bit skiddish in trusting her in something that meant this much to me...but.. I put that aside..and trusted that it would work..and she wouldn't let me down. I really should have known better.. I even had a "feeling" about it today..and called to confirm..that is the call she was returning this evening.

Ticia,

Let me take a wild stab at this... This friend of yours has let you down before when something really important to you was going on?

I could be completely off base here, but if not....

That would be the exact thing I was talking about in my first post.

quote:

One thing I learned from all of it ( after the fact of course ) is that when I had the feeling of waiting for the BAM to happen I was, not so much knowingly, almost sabotaging the situation to get to where there was a BAM and there didnt need to be.

< Message edited by Reflectivesoul -- 6/18/2006 6:59:12 PM >

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to HisTicia)

Post #: 29

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/19/2006 8:18:36 AM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
I was a bit skiddish in trusting her in something that meant this much to me...but.. I put that aside..and trusted that it would work..and she wouldn't let me down. I really should have known better.. I even had a "feeling" about it today..and called to confirm..that is the call she was returning this evening.

Ticia,

Let me take a wild stab at this... This friend of yours has let you down before when something really important to you was going on?

I could be completely off base here, but if not....

That would be the exact thing I was talking about in my first post.

quote:

One thing I learned from all of it ( after the fact of course ) is that when I had the feeling of waiting for the BAM to happen I was, not so much knowingly, almost sabotaging the situation to get to where there was a BAM and there didnt need to be.

Yes, it's not the first time she has let me down when it was important. I thought though as happy as she was for me..that she would find a way to actually come thru for me on this one. She has been better about it in the past.. we have all needed to be there for each other a lot the last few months..so I really didn't think she would do this. I guess though.. yesterday.. I kept having a strange feeling ..and this was why.

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

Post #: 30

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/19/2006 8:41:00 AM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

Ticia,

That really sucks.... is there any family that you can ask to take you?

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to HisTicia)

Post #: 31

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/19/2006 9:57:57 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

HisTicia,

If this were me, learn all you can about the new area. Develop interests there. Get a life of your own. Explore. It could be a fascinting journey.

Also- dont burn bridges or cut ties with your current friends. If he demands you too, then dump him.

Finally- I wont lecture you on this last point. But learn all you can about bulimia. When you are ready, acess the help and support you need for that.
I am not an expert on it...so I am the wrong guy to ask.

Anyhow- it could be an exciting new life for you. It sounds like you have thought it out. :-)

Keep us posted. :-)

-regards

(in reply to HisTicia)

Post #: 32

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/19/2006 12:28:18 PM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul

Ticia,

That really sucks.... is there any family that you can ask to take you?

No.. well.. I thought there might be..then I called the car rental place today..and there was a mess up about when I made the reservation.. so I don't have a car now if I could get there..ugh!!....if it wasn't so sad..I would have to laugh.

Thanks...Ticia

edited..cause my fingers went faster than my brain, again

< Message edited by HisTicia -- 6/19/2006 12:29:20 PM >

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

Post #: 33

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/19/2006 12:29:55 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Some car rental places will pick you up.

(in reply to HisTicia)

Post #: 34

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/19/2006 12:34:34 PM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

HisTicia,

If this were me, learn all you can about the new area. Develop interests there. Get a life of your own. Explore. It could be a fascinting journey.

Also- dont burn bridges or cut ties with your current friends. If he demands you too, then dump him.

Finally- I wont lecture you on this last point. But learn all you can about bulimia. When you are ready, acess the help and support you need for that.
I am not an expert on it...so I am the wrong guy to ask.

Anyhow- it could be an exciting new life for you. It sounds like you have thought it out. :-)

Keep us posted. :-)

-regards

Thank you.. yes.. I am very excited about the move. I have to admit it is a bit scary..not only being with someone new in general.. but I grew up within in a 45 mile radius of where I am now..and have not lived any place outside of that. This is a bigger city..and a totally new state..I don't know a soul.. so.. that's a big step for me to take. I go back and forth between so excited I could pee my pants..and so scared.. I could do the other.

I do have full trust and faith in my Sir though...and I know He will protect me..and take care of me. I am not going to work...but I am planning on volunteering at a soup kitchen not too far away...and maybe at womens abuse shelter or something of that nature once the summer is over..and I am more comfortable in my role..and in the area.

Thank you..and I will let all know how it goes...... if I ever get there..ugh!!!!!..lol

~Ticia

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 35

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/19/2006 1:46:18 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Why cant he come and pick you up?

Ask him. Explain the snafu.

(in reply to HisTicia)

Post #: 36

RE: Things just seem too good.... - 6/19/2006 7:00:11 PM

HisTicia

Posts: 203
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

He might end up doing that.. we have one more option we are working on ..and then we will do that. It's just hard with Him working..but He wants me there.. so I am sure He will come up with something....lol...

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. ~Browning

Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true. ~Buddha

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 37

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