Dealing with SAMs

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anthrosub -> Dealing with SAMs (11/7/2004 9:37:53 AM)
Recently i was made aware of SAMs. Prior to this, i only knew of SAMs as being an acronym for "Surface to Air Missiles" (obviously way off track from this board). Now i know it also can mean "Smart Assed Masochist" and wonder how Dominants deal with such people. It would seem to me a SAM is not a sub/slave at all but simply someone seeking pain from another. It must be very disappointing when this trait is uncovered. anthrosub

MistressFire70 -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/7/2004 10:32:14 AM)
Again, this is one of those things that will differ from Dominant to Dominant. For me, it's going to depend on HOW they're being a SAM. If it's being a smart ass in order to get punished, I just don't play with them. I don't need a reason to hurt them; we've agreed that this is what we both want. BUT, if they're being SAMmy in order to convey a sense of humor, I can work with this most of the time. But, I may not want it during the whole scene and if they can’t shut up, they get a gag. Of course, if I find out later that they just ran their mouth in order to get a gag, well…see the first situation above. Hope this helps. Fire

BabyBrat -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/7/2004 11:24:23 AM)
I used to get a little confused with this. I was introduced to the concept of SAMs and SASs and I wasn't quite sure what category I fell into. Sometimes it's a worry for me as I'm a brat that I might come across as disrespectful, and that certain people will think that i make a joke out of my submission and don't take it seriously because I'm bratty - but this couldn't be further from the truth for me. I was told by someone in the past that I was definitely a SAS... and not to use the term SAM for myself as it was seen as a very bad trait to have, and that they were thought upon as manipulative head f!cks! I'm not really in a position to comment on that, though! Each to their own, I guess. I will backchat, yes I will be a cheeky little brat... but within the limits of the scene or the relationship. If living in a D/s relationship then the Dominant must understand the essence of me as a brat - just because I'm "naughty" in order to be punished, it doesn't make me a masochist. I don't really "like" pain... but it's also something that, in a D/s context, I can't cope without! It's hard for me to get my head round all the rules / terms etc people put down for subs and their roles. I guess, like Fire says, it differs from Dom to Dom, from sub to sub... and as long as the individuals concerned are happy, then it's all good!

Suleiman -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/7/2004 3:10:23 PM)
Gawd, I think I've been one from time to time! I don't do it to get hurt, it's just that I have an odd mind, and I occasionally come up with non-sequiturs in the middle of a scene. I remember once, in a public scene, during a very intense whipping, when my mistress stopped for a moment to check on me and make sure I was okay, I turned (as best I could tied to the rack) to look at her and asked, "If women ran the pentagon, would missiles be shaped differently?" I was, at the time, in deep sub-space, but I remembered a comedian named Steven Wright make that joke once, and for some reason that seemed the perfect time to spring it one her. I think there was just something about her dreadfully serious demeanor that made me want to shake her up and remind her that we were supposed to be having fun. But I do believe, based on that and similar occasions, that I do actually qualify as a SAM.

LadyShoshin -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/7/2004 5:16:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anthrosub Recently i was made aware of SAMs. Prior to this, i only knew of SAMs as being an acronym for "Surface to Air Missiles" (obviously way off track from this board). Now i know it also can mean "Smart Assed Masochist" and wonder how Dominants deal with such people. It would seem to me a SAM is not a sub/slave at all but simply someone seeking pain from another. It must be very disappointing when this trait is uncovered. anthrosub As a submissive I was a SAM, not for attention, but because I had a sense of humor (10 years as a professional clown will do that to you). Now as a Domme, I know and appreciate many SAMs, I would classify myself now as a SAS, smart assed sadist.

stef -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/7/2004 5:42:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyShoshin As a submissive I was a SAM, not for attention, but because I had a sense of humor. Having a sense of humor does not make a submissive a SAM. Unleashing that sense of humor at the inappropriate time does. ~stef

Laura -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/7/2004 7:54:57 PM)
People are human. If you're going to interact with them in a close personal relationship you have to work out the different aspects of their (and your) personality. There is no perfect sub or Dom, each has different characteristics, facets of their personality. Some will be smart assed and some will be docile. Some will be blow hards and some will be a soft touch. You find someone who meshes with you and go from there. You may think it's disappointing but someone else may treasure it. I personally enjoy a smart ass and being one at times myself. It keeps it from all becoming routine or too easy. I like a little unpredictability.

Suleiman -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/7/2004 9:52:32 PM)
Lady Shoshin~ A friend of mine, whom I have not seen in many years, was once a proponent of the "silly" school of BDSM. She was known to publicly paddle her submissives with a big red rubber clown shoe, and use similar props and gags as a form of humiliation play. I have this sudden sense that you and she might very well have liked each other. <'clown', not 'clow' moron. And this right on the heels of the "spelling" topic thread>

Laura -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/8/2004 2:21:26 PM)
I heard of a Domme who did things like that, ages ago. Nice that she's on her way to becoming a legend. :) Anyone would be privileged to meet Lady Shoshin. She comes across just as warm hearted and pleasant in person as she does on the boards.

MistresKatamaura -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/8/2004 2:36:00 PM)
I know many SAMS in person. I have 2 that I play with. Neither one of them likes the punishments they get from me when they are laying the SAM thing on too thick. I think the SAM thing is a bid for attention. A bit of negative attention sometimes for punishment in a fun way without trying to anger the dominant. Some of the behaivors they do have left me rolling on the floor laughing....Almost once at Paddles in NYC.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/8/2004 4:26:18 PM)
quote: Now i know it also can mean "Smart Assed Masochist" and wonder how Dominants deal with such people. It would seem to me a SAM is not a sub/slave at all but simply someone seeking pain from another. It must be very disappointing when this trait is uncovered. I adore when my subs are slightly smart assed. It wouldn't be as fun for me if they were always compliant and never challenged me. - LA

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/9/2004 1:23:23 AM)
If I run in to a true SAM, one who is specifically trying to manipulate a punishment for their own gratification, I simply refuse the punishment. Sort of like the old joke about the Sadist and Masochist who got married. After the reception they went to the honeymoon suite and the Masochist turned to the Sadist and said "Beat me, beat me!...to which the Sadist replied "No." Not that this old joke necessarily applies to a SAM...just making a little point. Humor during appropriate times is okay, and doesn't offend Me. In fact, I appreciate it. Trying to manipulate Me does, and I won't deal with it.

MistressDidi -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/9/2004 4:08:34 PM)
I whole-heartedly agree with MistressFire07! To clarify, My definition of a sam is someone who attempts to "top-from-the-bottom" by feigning humor in order to insult, annoy, etc. I do not tolerate sams. I do, however, enjoy a sub with a good sense of humor. But it is always clear that the ultimate respect must ALWAYS be given to Me at all times. No snide remarks, gibs, or "playful" quips allowed.

smile2cu -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/10/2004 6:07:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDidi To clarify, My definition of a sam is someone who attempts to "top-from-the-bottom" by feigning humor in order to insult, annoy, etc. I do not tolerate sams. Ms. Didi, You recommended that I read the article on SAM's. By your own definition I am not a SAM. I'm certainly not "feigning humor in order to insult or annoy". As you've noticed, I don't usually take things very seriously. This, seriously, is a conscious choice. Things were difficult earlier on my life, and it occurred to me that the choice was mine: be depressed or happy. I chose Happy. It's amazing how funny this world is when you look at it that way. So I'm not feigning humor. I have no desire to insult or annoy anyone. I like almost everyone, am certainly having a wonderful time here, and have met the nicest and most interesting people.

rain -> RE: Dealing with SAMs (11/10/2004 8:55:36 PM)
(I know this is under ask a Mistress, but...) I'm a smart ass b/c: I have a sense of humor and enjoy making tops/Doms laugh, but I have to admit, I'm a smart ass b/c it's a way to get attention....though it doesn't appeal to everyone, so I have to watch it. Being ignored/abandoned is quite possibly the worst punishment I can get!

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