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Isn't it all about trust? - 6/17/2006 8:00:28 PM

TexasDaddyDom

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/14/2006
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As a Dom I believe the relationship is all about trust. I like to think I do My best when someone has given themselves to Me.

Soooooooo heres the two questions I have for all the submissives and slave..... if you break the trust with your Dom(me)/Master(Mistress) with the smallest of details, do you think you have the right for Him/Her to trust you? And second, if you are collared should you even be actively looking for Another? Shouldn't you want your release before you search again?

Well guess that was three questions

Be well A/all

Post #: 1

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/17/2006 8:32:44 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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If you break the trust with your Dom(me)/Master(Mistress) with the smallest of details, do you think you have the right for Him/Her to trust you? No, I have no right to trust even if I havent went against him at all. Trust is something one earns over a period of time, but none of us have the right to demand it from another... especially if we have breeched trust. I could hope he would overcome it, but I have no right to expect it from him either.

And second, if you are collared should you even be actively looking for Another? Shouldn't you want your release before you search again? I would release myself before I even entertained the idea of searching for another. It is closure I would want for myself as well as for him before I get my own fresh start

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TexasDaddyDom)

Post #: 2

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/17/2006 8:43:43 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

The same questions, really, could be asked of either partner within a relationship - whether the relationship is ds, ms, poly, vanilla, or whatever. Turn the situation around and ask the same questions again, but aimed at the other partner. If the dom betrays his submissive in the slightest way, should he expect to retain HER trust or feel like he had some Right to it? If he has someone collared to him, shouldn't he be releasing her before starting the search for her replacement rather than actively looking behind her back?

Betrayal is never a pleasant circumstance to deal with, regardless of which side of the coin you play on. The rules, as far as how things "should" be done (assuming you can ever find a perfect world where people actually act with honor and ethics) are the same for everyone, regardless of their preference in relationship role. While I would generally agree with the idea that MS/DS relationships aren't based on Equality between partners - this is one case where I stand by the saying "What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander."

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to TexasDaddyDom)

Post #: 3

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/17/2006 9:53:42 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasDaddyDom
Soooooooo heres the two questions I have for all the submissives and slave..... if you break the trust with your Dom(me)/Master(Mistress) with the smallest of details, do you think you have the right for Him/Her to trust you?

That's really too vague to give good responses to.

A person can be a cheat at playing poker, and still be very trustworthy to show up on time to work everyday.

However, if you break a persons trust, it is reasonable that the other person would need to back off until trust had been reformed.

quote:

And second, if you are collared should you even be actively looking for Another? Shouldn't you want your release before you search again?

Depends on what the collar means. A lot of people put on velcro collars and just get sucked into the drama of "being desired."

None of this matters. You decide if this other person is a good match for you and someone you would be fulfilled with in the long term.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TexasDaddyDom)

Post #: 4

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/18/2006 1:20:43 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I think the trust woulf be broken but it can be regained with time a patience. As for being collered and seekinfg another i think thst is just decitful. I do know some Master who have collared a sub/slave and wihtout her knowledge is seeking another. I have the Master i always dreamed of and would never even think of begging release.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/18/2006 2:12:42 PM

sabswife

Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

if you break the trust with your Dom(me)/Master(Mistress) with the smallest of details, do you think you have the right for Him/Her to trust you?

Nope, trust is earned, and if its broken it has to be earned back, and its a lot harder if not impossible the second time.

And second, if you are collared should you even be actively looking for Another?

Nope, if you aren't wanting to be collared, you give it back. a married person shouldn't be looking for another, neither should someones whos collared.

Shouldn't you want your release before you search again?

Refer back to my second response. Definately.

_____________________________

"If you look inside your heart, You don't have to be afraid--Of what you are. There's an answer, If you reach into your soul--And the sorrow that you know Will melt away."

(in reply to TexasDaddyDom)

Post #: 6

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/18/2006 2:42:38 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasDaddyDom
Soooooooo heres the two questions I have for all the submissives and slave..... if you break the trust with your Dom(me)/Master(Mistress) with the smallest of details, do you think you have the right for Him/Her to trust you?

Someone might have the "right" to expect trust, it doesn't mean the other person has to....whether probable cause is given or not.

quote:

And second, if you are collared should you even be actively looking for Another?

Personally, i wouldn't...but i have something called a conscience that wouldn't allow me to do so.

quote:

Shouldn't you want your release before you search again?

I have never been in a position where i needed to be released before i could start searching...but i would conclude that such a person will always be looking for something better to come along regardless of what they have.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to TexasDaddyDom)

Post #: 7

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/18/2006 2:44:33 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasDaddyDom

As a Dom I believe the relationship is all about trust. I like to think I do My best when someone has given themselves to Me.

Soooooooo heres the two questions I have for all the submissives and slave..... if you break the trust with your Dom(me)/Master(Mistress) with the smallest of details, do you think you have the right for Him/Her to trust you? And second, if you are collared should you even be actively looking for Another? Shouldn't you want your release before you search again?

Well guess that was three questions

Be well A/all

Sorry to nitpick, but relationships need a lot more than trust to succeed. It is extremely important and one of the cornerstones but not just above all else.

I have to go with LA that your question is too generic. What type of trust break are you talking about. Direct major lie, small no effect white lie, a person who does not trust easily and is always suspiciouos and other things. There are no perfect human beings and there are always be things in a relationship that will ocaisionally chip away at the trust variable. To think that my relationship with a person I care for so much to become their slave would solely contingent on if I never do something intentionally or unintentionally no matter how small that would cause them a doubt is to be honest a little abstract or absurd.

Generall collared, married or in a steady relationship you should not be looking to replace before dumping. Called class. Now I have seen both regular and D/s people find people before leaving another, but most of them do it for economical reasons. Sometimes logical and sometimes lazy. Still does not make it right in my opinion.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to TexasDaddyDom)

Post #: 8

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/18/2006 7:12:18 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasDaddyDom

As a Dom I believe the relationship is all about trust. I like to think I do My best when someone has given themselves to Me.

Soooooooo heres the two questions I have for all the submissives and slave..... if you break the trust with your Dom(me)/Master(Mistress) with the smallest of details, do you think you have the right for Him/Her to trust you? And second, if you are collared should you even be actively looking for Another? Shouldn't you want your release before you search again?

Well guess that was three questions

1. The belief that anyone has a 'right' to trust, is a delusion. Not a reality, its earned over time.
2. You can do what you goddam please, if others allow you to get away with it. Seekng 8 collars simulatneously, is possible, just not desirable for someone that only seeks one.
3. Personally, my collar is my equivalent of wedding ring. And affairs are not ok. So no, and id not be seeking bigomy. But this forum, this lifestyle is filled with many varieties on personal values, the trick is to find someone with the same as yours. LIttle1

Be well A/all

(in reply to TexasDaddyDom)

Post #: 9

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/18/2006 7:21:26 PM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasDaddyDom
Soooooooo heres the two questions I have for all the submissives and slave..... if you break the trust with your Dom(me)/Master(Mistress) with the smallest of details, do you think you have the right for Him/Her to trust you?

well, to me it depends on the detail - there are times when i can intuit that something's wrong and there's a particular ritual or act i'm generally required to do that he may not want me to do, so i automatically avoid it. i've been called on that once or twice, but not as many times as i have experienced His displeasure at my ignoring my intuition and going ahead with it. that, to me, is an example of a small thing i am risking breaking His trust over.

we've never really had large trust issues, with the exception of once when it became difficult for me to trust Him because He got upset that i did something He'd been pushing me to do and He had a different reaction to it, at first, than He expected. when people get upset with me, i tend to shy away, but once we worked things out, it did not take long for me to trust Him again.

as someone else mentioned, though, i don't necessarily have a right to His trust. i feel that i have earned His trust over time, but if i ever break it in His eyes and He explains to me what i have done, then i can understand His losing trust in me. i tend to stay away from people who give and remove trust easily or over nothing...because giving and taking trust on a whim screws too much with my psyche.

quote:

And second, if you are collared should you even be actively looking for Another? Shouldn't you want your release before you search again?

well, that depends on the conditions of your collaring. some slaves or submissives are required to search for play partners, other dominants, or other sexual partners. i fall into the last category. it's at my own time and leisure, and i'm not specifically supposed to seek out dominants as i have no desire to serve any other than Him, but often there is an explanation for why a collared one might be seeking one other than that whom s/he is collared to.

of course, if it's not condoned or required by the dom/me, then yes, one should seek release (or release themselves, depending on your feelings about release) before searching for another.

i'm with peach though...i'm curious to turn these around to the other partner and see what people think as well. to me, it's all the same - which is why i find it kind of odd that this is phrased only with regards to submissives...

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to TexasDaddyDom)

Post #: 10

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/19/2006 7:25:45 AM

Lethexia

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

I dont think anyone can really say if you should trust again or not unless there is an understanding of the "crime" that has taken place.If someone cheated on me then no I would not trust them, if someone told my my ass didnt look to big in my jeans but I knew other wise yes I would still trust them. it is all in the context of who did what and why.
As for looking for another before even leaving the first relationship, that person would be shown the door and told to have a nice life. Trust to me is a major aspect of life no matter what your lifestyle is, it can be regained of broken but it is a long haul to get it back.

Leth

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 11

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/19/2006 8:30:22 AM

starymists

Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline

I, too have to disagree with trust being the foundation of a relationship. I tend to think that it is an important part of a relationship, but it is not the sole most important ingredient. There is communication, respect, chemistry, affinity, commitment and a quite a few other things that come into play that provide a solid foundation to a relationship.

I also tend to agree that trust isn't a right...it's a priviledge, so I have no write to demand that another has to trust me with anything. Nor does my Dominant have the right to demand from me something I am not ready to give...so if there is something he wants to do that I am not ready to entrust him with, we may or may not discuss it...but he will not push me past my limits before I am ready to go there.

I also tend to think that trust is not an absolute. It's not either I trust you or I don't. I can trust you to do one thing without trusting you in another area. I also do not expect people to be perfect. No one is 100%. Will there be some trust violations along the way? Sometimes things outside of my Dominant's control? Absolutely. In the same way, my Dominant knows I am human. He, most times, does not look at the outcome so much as he looks at the effort that went into doing something. If I say that I am going to do something, and other things get in the way, I can and do go to him and say, a, b, and c had to be addressed first, so while I am working on it, and this is the progress I have made, the goal is not yet achieved. Other times I fail. Crash n burn, didnt even come close to accomplishing what I am supposed to get done. And again, its not because I didn't try, but success didn't happen. Does this mean I am not worthy of trust? Nope. Just means I might need some help, additional guidance or smaller steps to reach the goal. And that is one of the things...the oversight, guidance and help...that my Dominant brings to me.

And because we have open communication about these things, no, the smallest details are not enough to break our trust.

There are other kinds of trust breaches...do I think if, for example, if I cheated on my Dominant, would he be able to trust me again? I doubt it. Then again, I doubt I would be able to rebuild the trust if he cheated on me. Some people are able to put that behind them, I am not one of them and neither is he.

As far as being collared, at least in my world, being collared comes with a contract. That contract talks about wants and needs for both he and I. That contract also covers things like expectations. So for he and I, there is no looking for another to replace either one of us. I would like to think that if the problems were that severe that either he or I would even want to be looking for another, we would respect and care about the other enough to bring those things that are missing to to table for discussion. But this contract collaring is not the same for others. I tend to think that if something comes up that has not been addressed between the two of us, that I bring it to the table and if needed, ammend the contract to cover these new areas.

But that's just in my world :)

Good luck!
Tessa

(in reply to Lethexia)

Post #: 12

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/20/2006 11:51:38 AM

TexasDaddyDom

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

I guess I was a little too general on the trust issue. I wasn't saying anything about demanding trust. I was referring that, shouldn't trust be a major part of a relationship? I mean trust is something built upon but, at the same time if it is not built how can Y/you build up the rest of the relationship?

(in reply to starymists)

Post #: 13

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/20/2006 12:13:56 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

Trust is a major part of a relationship. I think few would argue that. I also think trust is something that should be a given in a healthy relationship and not something that takes attention and focus to maintain or fret over. All relationships start out shallow and then deepen. Trust is just one of those issues in a relationship that goes along in the ride and to me is not something that is seperated for a foundation purpose.

From my experiences in and out of M/s life is that trust/distrust is often a selfish emotion caused by bad prior experiences and the topic is often used as a way to control the other person in a relationship. I remember talking to one potential owner who could not go more than thirty seconds on the phone without bringing up the word trust. He needed this from me because, he wanted this to happen because and so forth. I ended up cutting him off because his prior life experiences had made trust such a big issue in his eyes that I had no interest in being with a person who has difficulties trusting people.

I just do not think you can seperate trust when discussing the health of a relationship. I think it is almost always tied into other issues and problems. I do not trust my other one because I caught them Emailing a prior lover. The issue is more than trust, it is also why is the person doing that. Is the other person being totally insecure.

Again to repeat boringly again. I think trust is very important in a relationship, but it is rarely a seperate issue and almost always tied into other problems. Focusing exclusively on this factor without prior cause and/or overeacting is not healthy.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to TexasDaddyDom)

Post #: 14

RE: Isn't it all about trust? - 6/20/2006 12:31:25 PM

gypsyssoul

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Balti., Maryland, living in Summerville SC
Status: offline

i agree with Lethexia ... would depend on the trust that was broken .. sort of like a white lie over a big one ...

but to me communication is the key to any relationship ...

trust ... is earned and can often be taken away ...

~~~back to my corner

_____________________________

~~"I have always sought this other side, but like a flame I dare not touch, For like forbidden fruits of wild .. just one taste would be to much"...
~~ blessed be

(in reply to Lethexia)

Post #: 15

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