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RE: BDSM cult - 12/24/2012 7:29:20 PM   
DarkSteven


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quote:

ORIGINAL: spiritsub7

I guess someone who plays "mind fuck" games with you a lot and very manipulative would be someone I consider being abusive. Someone who won't hear anything I have to say either...calls me names...won't let me have a say in anything..


spiritsub7, I just read your profile. It said that you've spent six years with a Dom in a poly relationship. Now you're only looking for mono. Sounds like you feel that you got burned and are now looking to get as different a relationship as possible.

Sounds to me like you had a bad relationship. Dunno why you spent six years with someone who belittled you, yelled at you, and didn't feed your needs. Better luck next time.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: BDSM cult - 12/24/2012 8:21:07 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: spiritsub7

So I was just curious at what point does a Dom become sort of a cult-leader?
Where is the line drawn?


Wherever I guess you decide it's drawn. hhmm...Master is a cult leader of one I suppose.



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RE: BDSM cult - 12/24/2012 8:23:07 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spiritsub7

I guess someone who plays "mind fuck" games with you a lot and very manipulative would be someone I consider being abusive. Someone who won't hear anything I have to say either...calls me names...won't let me have a say in anything..


Well I guess if you consider mind fucks and manipulation to be abusive then yeah, I guess Master would be one of those and there are even times when he calls me things like cunt, fucktoy, cumdumpster, etc....but I kinda like his "abuse" so my view is, if you don't like it and it's not your cup of tea, move on. Simple.


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RE: BDSM cult - 12/25/2012 7:18:33 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I've been with him almost ten years and no abuse yet. We don't do humiliation. His decision making involves making decisions that are good for the whole family, not stuff that is good for him at everyone else's expense.

Seems like the op needs to learn how to be healthier so that she will be attracted to healthier partners in the future. Until you fix why this is the kind of guy who you're attracted to, you're going to get into another bad relationship. Mono or poly isn't what makes it healthy and nurturing.

Unhealthy people seek unhealthy partners. Want a healthy partner? Become a healthy person. Get some help working on your issues.

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RE: BDSM cult - 12/25/2012 5:18:54 PM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
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quote:

ORIGINAL: spiritsub7
So I was just curious at what point does a Dom become sort of a cult-leader?
Where is the line drawn?


Damn, that's a really interesting question. Give me a while to ponder.

Pam

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RE: BDSM cult - 12/25/2012 5:56:25 PM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline 		Maybe when:
the dominant in question has multiple subs
the subs are motivated primarily by fear and expected to make great sacrifices for the dominant while receiving little in return
the subs are made to feel worthless and dependent on the dominant
the dom demands reverence, unquestioning loyalty, and obedience
the dom attempts to control what his/her submissives think; he/she condemns independent thoughts and actions
the dom disciplines his/her subs publicly and encourages the other subs to participate; the whole group is expected to condemn whatever behavior is considered inappropriate; when someone's behavior falls outside those lines, that person is humiliated and ostracized by the entire group
the dominant supports hisself/herself entirely on money he/she receives from the subs
the dom expects his/her subs to cut ties with family, friends, and anyone outside the group
the dom threatens the subs with retaliation if they ever choose to leave the group; possibly that retaliation extends to the sub's family and loved ones

Pam

< Message edited by metamorfosis -- 12/25/2012 5:57:22 PM >

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RE: BDSM cult - 12/25/2012 7:15:28 PM   
spiritsub7


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: spiritsub7

I guess someone who plays "mind fuck" games with you a lot and very manipulative would be someone I consider being abusive. Someone who won't hear anything I have to say either...calls me names...won't let me have a say in anything..


spiritsub7, I just read your profile. It said that you've spent six years with a Dom in a poly relationship. Now you're only looking for mono. Sounds like you feel that you got burned and are now looking to get as different a relationship as possible.

Sounds to me like you had a bad relationship. Dunno why you spent six years with someone who belittled you, yelled at you, and didn't feed your needs. Better luck next time.


I guess because I have a masochistic/martyr side to me that I've been struggling with my whole life. I don't know how to change that...

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: BDSM cult - 12/25/2012 7:16:38 PM   
spiritsub7


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I've been with him almost ten years and no abuse yet. We don't do humiliation. His decision making involves making decisions that are good for the whole family, not stuff that is good for him at everyone else's expense.

Seems like the op needs to learn how to be healthier so that she will be attracted to healthier partners in the future. Until you fix why this is the kind of guy who you're attracted to, you're going to get into another bad relationship. Mono or poly isn't what makes it healthy and nurturing.

Unhealthy people seek unhealthy partners. Want a healthy partner? Become a healthy person. Get some help working on your issues.


Thanks I agree. I need help.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: BDSM cult - 12/25/2012 9:04:46 PM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spiritsub7
I guess because I have a masochistic/martyr side to me that I've been struggling with my whole life. I don't know how to change that...


Recognize when you're doing it.
Take responsibility for your choices.
Stop playing the role of the victim.
Determine why you've acted that way in the past.
Set a new (healthy) model for the future.
Let go of the past.

ETA: In case you can't guess, I'm working on the same issues.

Pam


< Message edited by metamorfosis -- 12/25/2012 9:08:14 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: BDSM cult - 12/25/2012 9:58:41 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		therapy

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: BDSM cult - 12/25/2012 10:14:49 PM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
therapy


That, and porn. Lots and lots of porn.

Pam

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: BDSM cult - 12/27/2012 8:24:08 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spiritsub7

So I was just curious at what point does a Dom become sort of a cult-leader?
Where is the line drawn?

At the point you drink the Kool-Aid

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: BDSM cult - 12/27/2012 8:51:10 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Kool-Aid is optional in my cult, however, you are REQUIRED to wear robes and crazy jewellery.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: BDSM cult - 12/27/2012 11:50:54 AM   
Moonhead


Posts: 16520
Joined: 9/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


quote:

ORIGINAL: spiritsub7

So I was just curious at what point does a Dom become sort of a cult-leader?
Where is the line drawn?


At about ten subs.

Not when they get their compound burned down by the ATF or fail to nerve gas Tokyo?

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Profile   Post #: 34
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