How to find someone whom to submit to?

How to find someone whom to submit to? (Full Version)

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pavels -> How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/25/2012 3:10:02 AM)
Hi All, I am a regular guy living in vanilla relationship. BDSM attracts me as a submissive person. But in the real life I strongly prefer equal rights. I would like to find someone who would help me gain some experience. But when meeting someone who seems to be Dom, we do not understand each other. Dominant personality usually goes into their regular lives and they tend to be dominant all the time....i do not like that. ....who can I find then? Shall I look for switch people then? Thanks for any thought ;-)

LockMePretty -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/25/2012 4:11:16 AM)
Maybe look for someone you can connect to on a vanilla level and then move into kink?

Muttling -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/25/2012 4:43:43 AM)
On line, it sounds like everything is black n white with roles in kink relationships. This is rarely the case. LOTS of people have equal relationships outside of play and have vanilla sex apart from play as well. This tends to be more common than true 24/7 couples, but there are certainly 24/7's as well. Don't think that you can't have the balance that you are speaking of, I am gifted to have found a woman who is my wife as well as my Miss and so much more that it would take many pages to describe.

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/25/2012 4:49:32 AM)
Ok, I am no expert but I AM AWAKE...sounds to me like you want to be sexually dominated..start & stop at the bedroom door. There are many like that but typically they will use terms like "top" and "bottom". And, just FYI, many of us who love to be dominated 24/7 & those who like to run around and manage a sub's life 24/7...are very into equal rights. In fact, maybe more so than people who just pay lip service to it. We believe that everyone has the right to make his/her mind up on what we like sexually.

littlewonder -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/25/2012 10:40:21 AM)
Good luck. You're already in a relationship. Highly unlikely you will find someone unless their ethics and morals are as low as yours.

LadyPact -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/25/2012 10:50:45 AM)
Does the person you are in a vanilla relationship with know that you want to play with somebody else? The answer to that question is going to have a lot to do with your results.

domincalifornia -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/25/2012 1:00:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pavels Hi All, I am a regular guy living in vanilla relationship. BDSM attracts me as a submissive person. But in the real life I strongly prefer equal rights. I would like to find someone who would help me gain some experience. But when meeting someone who seems to be Dom, we do not understand each other. Dominant personality usually goes into their regular lives and they tend to be dominant all the time....i do not like that. ....who can I find then? Shall I look for switch people then? Thanks for any thought ;-) First, if you are in a vanilla relationship, I wonder why you are searching for someone else. But put that aside. BDSM isn't black-and-white. People don't fit into tidy little boxes. There are plenty of dommes who prefer not to be dominant outside of BDSM. So don't focus on titles or labels. Just look for someone who fits with what you want.

pavels -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/27/2012 12:14:13 AM)
Thank you all for your ideas and opinions. The point is that bdsm has been in my mind since my childhood, but i was not able to find anyone to go for it. All my partners were vanilla. Problem is that all Tops I met ever since were as already said before trying to be dominant in their real life. I just want to try. With my partner we love each other, but our opinion is that it is very difficult to stay with the only partner for the whole life. We agreed, we can have someone else....time to time...but we will never talk about it. Then it is fine for both. I have never done that, but now I think of trying at least to experience it.

searching4mysir -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/27/2012 5:54:10 AM)
quote: We agreed, we can have someone else....time to time...but we will never talk about it. Don't expect many women to take your word for it. Most women of quality, especially dominant women, will want to, at the very least, speak with her if not talk with her. Dominant women don't generally like to play second fiddle to another woman unless you are paying cash.

DarkSteven -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/27/2012 7:01:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pavels Thank you all for your ideas and opinions. The point is that bdsm has been in my mind since my childhood, but i was not able to find anyone to go for it. All my partners were vanilla. Problem is that all Tops I met ever since were as already said before trying to be dominant in their real life. I just want to try. With my partner we love each other, but our opinion is that it is very difficult to stay with the only partner for the whole life. We agreed, we can have someone else....time to time...but we will never talk about it. Then it is fine for both. I have never done that, but now I think of trying at least to experience it. That makes it easy. This is just exploring curiosity. Just go pay a pro to find out.

ClassAct2006 -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/27/2012 12:10:20 PM)
Yes, that struck me too. I am a feminist. I work. I run a family and large house. I have only ever been submissive in relationships. I have always been with a dominant man who believes in equality for women both under the law and fairness at home. On the question of jus wanting it in bed and with a woman on the side well that's always harder to find. Most people tend to want someone who is 100% theirs and they can be open with and not just a bit of sex on the side. If I just wanted that I might as well charge. However there are married people who want what you do so there would probably be someone to suit you. Just keep looking. quote: ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss Ok, I am no expert but I AM AWAKE...sounds to me like you want to be sexually dominated..start & stop at the bedroom door. There are many like that but typically they will use terms like "top" and "bottom". And, just FYI, many of us who love to be dominated 24/7 & those who like to run around and manage a sub's life 24/7...are very into equal rights. In fact, maybe more so than people who just pay lip service to it. We believe that everyone has the right to make his/her mind up on what we like sexually.

littlewonder -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/27/2012 2:29:15 PM)
Like DS said, pay a pro.

TheDarkSaint -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/27/2012 10:37:05 PM)
Pay a pro... Pay a Pro.. Then and, only then. If this is what you feel you need. It is time to start sounding out your woman . I suspect from your post here (Just guessing) that you think your woman may not be too receptive to this?

DonRosti -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/28/2012 12:53:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pavels Hi All, I am a regular guy living in vanilla relationship. BDSM attracts me as a submissive person. But in the real life I strongly prefer equal rights. I would like to find someone who would help me gain some experience. But when meeting someone who seems to be Dom, we do not understand each other. Dominant personality usually goes into their regular lives and they tend to be dominant all the time....i do not like that. ....who can I find then? Shall I look for switch people then? Thanks for any thought ;-) [image]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o9LTvdoEppg/UN1dxuLduYI/AAAAAAAAAHA/OjMH_oEloTg/s1600/fetlife4android.png[/image]

JeffBC -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/28/2012 12:55:49 AM)
You know... it's not my place to say and they do allow us to discuss Fetlife on here but actual advertising collateral seems a bit... gauche.

DonRosti -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/28/2012 1:51:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC You know... it's not my place to say and they do allow us to discuss Fetlife on here but actual advertising collateral seems a bit... gauche. [image]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tcdyJRUwigw/UN1rZn3JKPI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/GjwsR_XbdKw/s1600/gauchecap.jpg[/image]

seekingreality -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/28/2012 4:42:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: searching4mysir quote: We agreed, we can have someone else....time to time...but we will never talk about it. Don't expect many women to take your word for it. Most women of quality, especially dominant women, will want to, at the very least, speak with her if not talk with her. Dominant women don't generally like to play second fiddle to another woman unless you are paying cash. I have met numerous lifestyle dommes who were polyamorous and were fine with a sub having multiple partners as well.

searching4mysir -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/28/2012 6:50:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: seekingreality quote: ORIGINAL: searching4mysir quote: We agreed, we can have someone else....time to time...but we will never talk about it. Don't expect many women to take your word for it. Most women of quality, especially dominant women, will want to, at the very least, speak with her if not talk with her. Dominant women don't generally like to play second fiddle to another woman unless you are paying cash. I have met numerous lifestyle dommes who were polyamorous and were fine with a sub having multiple partners as well. behind their primary partner's back? Even in poly, everyone is in on it and consents.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: How to find someone whom to submit to? (12/28/2012 8:44:10 PM)
Have you thought of looking for BDSM meetings/groups in your area so that you and your partner can attend and possibly find what you both may seek?

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