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DragonMaster333 -> Opinion (12/25/2012 6:23:58 AM)

Hello all......Hello and happy Holidays. When you have time please look at my preofile and let me know what needs improved.



DarkSteven -> RE: Opinion (12/25/2012 6:55:06 AM)

Hi there.

I reviewed your profile. Bluntly, it was full of basic D/s thought, but at length. I checked out partway through.

The last few paragraphs in small type are the real focus of your profile - what you're looking for. Although I'd add in what vanilla activities the two of you could be doing. And I'd delete that stuff about finding a Domme to co-Dom a sub bi girl. Suffice it to say that that's a very nice fantasy but will be very hard to achieve in practice.

Also... why do you use the term Master? Masters are rare birds. A newbie might not know the definition, but if you're looking to attract subs with any experience, it'll turn them off.

Welcome to the forums.



VideoAdminChi -> RE: Opinion (12/25/2012 5:24:05 PM)

FR,

As the OP asked for profile advice, this thread has been moved to Ask a Submissive (but anyone can answer, of course.)

OP - welcome, and feel free to start a thread in Introduce Yourself to introduce yourself.



JeffBC -> RE: Opinion (12/25/2012 8:15:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DragonMaster333
Hello all......Hello and happy Holidays. When you have time please look at my preofile and let me know what needs improved.

Happy Holidays DragonMaster

Like DarkSteven I found your profile full of good intention but very wordy about fairly basic concepts. I didn't read it all either. And honestly, it almost felt like you were writing something for the sake of what the slave wanted to hear rather than what you wanted to say. That was just a subtle vibe that may or may not be accurate. I couldn't argue with the specifics (as much as I read).

I didn't have DarkSteven's complaint about your use of the word "master". I didn't ask anyone's permission before I adopted that title and to me it doesn't really speak of "mastery" in any particular way. It actually seems to be a more or less generic title conferred on a dominant by their submissive. If I was looking for another relationship I'd be saying I was looking for a "master/slave" relationship despite my utter lack of experience in anything other than my current marriage. I don't think masters are "rare birds". I think they are a dime a dozen. The right master for the right submissive... now that's a bit rarer.



NuevaVida -> RE: Opinion (12/25/2012 8:40:31 PM)

Hello and welcome to CollarMe.

I think you had a lot of good and interesting things to say, and some things that were unclear.

First...I like your clean kitchen :)

And I like that between your "likes" lists and self description, you relay a pretty good idea of who you are/what you're looking for.

Some of the critiques I came up with:

It's really long. I did read the whole thing, but I'd shorten it.

I'd start with deleting the second paragraph. It sounds really romanticized (to me) and much of that goes without saying, anyway, in a more realistic way. Same with the fifth and sixth paragraphs.

Your comment about "protecting you from yourself" seems condescending to me. I know I worked really hard to be where I am in life, and have overcome some serious trials and tribulations - I take pretty dang good care of myself so someone I don't know telling me he'd protect me from myself would produce a bit of an eye roll from me. I spent my whole life getting to know myself, after all, and generic dom out there doesn't even know me.

I'm not really understanding the comment about what is given freely can not be bought statement. I'd remove it.

By describing yourself as a "touchy" person, do you mean to say touchy-feely, as in liking human touch? To me, "Touchy" means you get offended, angry or annoyed easily, and that's in contrast with describing yourself as easy going.

"Discrete" = probably married, to me, but that's because it's what is typically associated with mentioning a need for discretion here on CM. Are you married? If so, you should relay that.

And the last bit about hearing another dom making someone submit threw me, too. Wouldn't you be there, physically?

Ok, there's my 5 cents worth. [;)]

Best of luck to you!



DomMeinCT -> RE: Opinion (12/25/2012 9:48:25 PM)

I liked the clean kitchen too! (beats all those bathroom shots by a mile)
Love to cook? Add that too. [;)]

If you absolutely have to keep all the conceptual stuff at the beginning, at least swap it out in order with the real-you stuff that begins with "New to the area..." You have to get to the real-you stuff first. As Stephen pointed out, people have a limited attention span.

Check on your spelling....."discreet" (but know that that word tends to be used by married-but-cheaters), "intentions", "rappelling".



AllisonWilder -> RE: Opinion (12/25/2012 10:18:27 PM)

I agree with everything that's already been stated, but I just wanted to compliment your kitchen. It's very nice. :)



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Opinion (12/25/2012 10:35:08 PM)

~FRing it~

Clean kitchen: sweet

Profile: little bit too long and a bit romanticized for my taste. But then again, Im not really your target audience...so maybe that is why it didnt appeal to me. Though dont get me wrong, I do give you much respect for not being one of those "on your knees, bitch" douchebags running around.



Nakhla -> RE: Opinion (12/25/2012 10:44:54 PM)


I could be wrong, but I believe the first eight paragraphs are copy-pasted from elsewhere. I've seen them in a lot of profiles, or near-clones there-of. It's better to speak with your own words.

Strip it down to the two paragraphs following that stuff, the ones that describe you, and I think you have a great profile.



theRose4U -> RE: Opinion (12/25/2012 10:55:59 PM)

FR remove the copied "I am a master" stuff & say WHY you qualify as such. Spell check is your friend. Stealing others thoughts doesn't speak well for you. Needing a Domme for your bi-sub also speaks of pure porn. Keep in mind, Unicorn hunting takes much longer.



FollowingStars -> RE: Opinion (12/26/2012 6:51:02 AM)

I'll join in on loving the kitchen!

And I agree with DarkSteven. To me the word Master (when applied as a descriptor, not to identify one's role in a relationship) is something to be used carefully, and sets off all manner of alarms in me when thrown around too quickly. Just my opinion, of course, but that's what I'm here for [;)].

I'll also agree that it's way too long. I have to admit I couldn't make it through the whole thing.

And watch out for contradictions. At one point I believe you point out that you'll tend to her passions/desires (paraphrasing), but you follow immediately with the statement she has none (she's thrown them all away). Maybe I'm wrong, but to me that smacked of a problem.

Good luck! :)



DesFIP -> RE: Opinion (12/26/2012 8:01:20 AM)

Awesome kitchen.

Throw away all the c & p romantic crap and talk about what you now do and enjoy. I'm confused as to whether you're still in the reserves and go away to fight occasionally or not.

Spell check, definitely. And if you just mean you're not planning on taking out an ad in the local newspaper declaring you're kinky, then don't even bother with discreet. You should be able to tell in the first few emails if the other person wants to be dragged naked in chains to your mother's for Thanksgiving dinner.

I also suggest you join your local munch and meet real people to get a more realistic sense of what life is like when it includes bdsm.



merge9 -> RE: Opinion (12/26/2012 10:38:30 AM)

Great pics!

Delete everything up to "What you give freely cannot in reality be bought."

I think you mean masseuse here: "Must be willing to serve as a massage."

Clean up the spelling and grammar.

Good luck!




areuhim -> RE: Opinion (12/26/2012 1:00:06 PM)

~FR~

The profile is way too long. I love to read and I got bored. Your grammar and spelling need some attention as many will be turned off seeing all the errors. Discreet equals a married cheater more times than not. If I never hear or see that word again, it will be too soon! Give us more on you as a person and less D/s "expected outcomes". I wish you luck and welcome to the forums!



littlewonder -> RE: Opinion (12/26/2012 3:55:32 PM)

So does your name mean you are a Master of dragons? That's quite the feat!



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