Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (Full Version)

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anaturalsubmiss -> Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 1:13:23 PM)

I wanted to say hello. I'm already overwhelmed. I hadn't even finished adding to my profile when I was already swamped with responses.
How do you choose the good from the bad?



mnottertail -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 2:04:23 PM)

You are on the newbies list. It will be overwhelming for awhile.   Maybe investigate some mail controls in that mail box at the top.

Welcome.



saseecandy -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 2:27:33 PM)

welcome! I send you a message but i bet its probably lost in the sea you have in your inbox lol



ARIES83 -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 2:28:39 PM)

As a rule of thumb, I'd say search profiles yourself
and find people that you connect with, that sound
interesting, then message them.

Good luck,
-Aries



TwoHeartsBeatOne -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 2:28:50 PM)

Hi anaturalsubmiss,

Welcome!

Yes, the inbox does feel a bit like being at the bottom of a football pile-up! LOL How to tell the good from the bad? I suggest 2 things that can work for anybody.

First, pay attention to how you feel when you read a message. Let that feeling guide you in your decision to block, delete, hide or respond. When in doubt... use the "busy now" automatic reply and come back to it when you have time. I've learned a lot from how people respond to my saying I need some time.

Secondly, participate here. These forums offer a chance to learn a lot about others. Much is revealed through time: anger, tolerance, authority, conflicts, ignorance, biases, responsibility, compassion, respect, optimism, humility, open-mindedness, humor, gratitude, understanding and a capacity for learning. Of course, others learn these things about you, too.

While not what directly what you asked, I read your profile and journal and have misgivings.

1. You say you can't express your feelings.

This path can be fraught with peril and without that skill, you simply can't engage with others safely or fairly. Again, forum participation may help you find the words when you recognize what someone else wrote.

2. You say you are okay being abused.

That is poor self-esteem, not BDSM. Abuse is not about a specific word or act... it's about a lack of consent. Again, it might be that you need to learn more about how to communicate better. As is, your statement will attract abusers (and frighten away BDSM people - the good ones).

3. You say you are desperate.

Okay, I believe you. Again, predators here only need to read the signs to find a sitting duck. Do what you need to do to quiet your sense of urgency. Ignorance and impatience are your worst enemies. Sit back, do your homework and get serious about your own safety.

Just another thought. You may not find what you seek in a CM inbox. You might. Or, you might find that through the forums. Get social in your local BDSM community. Perhaps you will meet a love interest through a lifestyle platonic friend. Be open, but be smart and be safe.

I wish you all the best!



ccc3333 -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 2:33:31 PM)

Welcome. i too am new, lol it's only the ladies that get this treatment i assure you.

Pleased to meet you, and good luck with your search.

C
quote:

ORIGINAL: anaturalsubmiss

I wanted to say hello. I'm already overwhelmed. I hadn't even finished adding to my profile when I was already swamped with responses.
How do you choose the good from the bad?




saseecandy -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 2:35:20 PM)

@TwoHearts I just wanted to say, I love being abused. And my self-esteem is fine. I just get off on it. I love pain and I love the lack of control I have. It is a kink. It might not be your kink, but it doesn't make it wrong



TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 3:16:45 PM)

Unfortunately, young female subs...highly desirable....Young, female, slave who is bisexual...they will come out of the woodwork. Set your mail,controls and (I would) delete the first batch. If you are truly seeking, develop a list of questions that you can send as response. Search profiles and contact people you are interested in.



MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 3:52:29 PM)

LOL, this happened to Me also when I first set up My profile in Sept. You will be bombarded constantly for several weeks. You will probably receive some rude or overly sexual messages with a cute photo like yours. Don't take any crap, there's no reason for you to put up with it, so make the "BLOCK" button your friend. Good luck! :)

--MM



TwoHeartsBeatOne -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 4:11:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: saseecandy

@TwoHearts I just wanted to say, I love being abused. And my self-esteem is fine. I just get off on it. I love pain and I love the lack of control I have. It is a kink. It might not be your kink, but it doesn't make it wrong


Oh, I don't think I said that any kink is wrong. Between consenting adults, I think anything goes. (Consenting mean the ability to give consent and to give it.) If anything, I have an affinity for those who have the most difficult kinks, even when it is unpopular to accept them.

The word, "abuse" is commonly known to be something that happens against our will. That issue of consent is what I am referring to.

In any kind of BDSM encounter, the participants are specific about defining terms in ways they both understand. That's crucial to both mental and physical safety.

a·buse [uh-byooz; uh-byoos] Show IPA verb, a·bused, a·bus·ing, noun.
verb (used with object)
1.
to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse one's authority.
2.
to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way: to abuse a horse; to abuse one's eyesight.
3.
to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.
4.
to commit sexual assault upon.
5.
Obsolete . to deceive or mislead.

None of these meanings fit BDSM relationships.

In short, if someone likes to be talked to, or treated, in a special way - that's a kink. A person who likes golden showers does not lack self-esteem. A person who dislikes golden showers, and endures them because they like the powerlessness of say... a slave's experience, is experiencing a kink. A person who dislikes golden showers, has not given another the power to behave that way towards them, and endures it... is displaying low self-esteem and is accepting abuse.

Just a note - consensual non-consent IS consent, and therefore, not abuse.

Words matter. Clarification matters. Presentation attracts accordingly.



DarkSteven -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 4:49:07 PM)

Well, OP, you have a very enticing profile.

My suggestion is that you go for those who want to get to know you at a vanilla level first. That'll weed out most of the wankers.



Kana -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 4:49:54 PM)

OK-I gotta ask, OP, first you were a switch (With the absolutely least switchy profile I've ever seen...which was actually the comment I came on here to make). Now you're a sub.
What's up?



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/26/2012 4:59:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: anaturalsubmiss

I wanted to say hello. I'm already overwhelmed. I hadn't even finished adding to my profile when I was already swamped with responses.
How do you choose the good from the bad?


Good: Offers money, pays my mortgage, buys me a car.

Bad: Doesn't do any of the above.



kittenheels43 -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/27/2012 12:22:24 AM)

anyone who wants details of your kinks right off, they're here for titilation.
anyone that insults you right off, they're nasty and should be ignored, reported, and blocked
anyone demanding anything is a wanker
anyone Domming you before you have even talked is a plastic Dom
some people mass mail every new female, you learn to recognise these

any advise needed, ask the folks on the forum, they're wonderful

don't neglect the other subbies, we girls need to stick together

good luck, be bad xx



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/27/2012 2:56:19 PM)

Welcome to CM
For awhile you will be swarmed with emails.
I would suggest using your mail control.
I would also suggest that you figure out exactly what you are looking for and don't feel obligated to respond to every email you get. I personally feel no response is a response. Lol
Also the hide and block button are your friends.

Happy hunting!



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/27/2012 3:21:36 PM)

-fast reply-

Welcome!

To be honest, the messages you get before you even finish your profile are likely all bad. You're in a desirable category, being new you will come up at the top of people's lists and they will just fall over each other to try to get first shot at you. Most will not have given any thought to compatibility, and just hope that the new flesh will give them a chance.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/27/2012 4:28:10 PM)

anaturalsubmiss....I'm looking for a woman who can take care of me in the style I've become accustomed to.



Thaz -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/28/2012 12:24:03 AM)

Wait untill the mass mail dies down, search yourself. if you are feeling SUPER energetic skim read the mas mails for anything that stands out...otherwise just delete the lot. Hang out on the forums here and see if anyone local posts and if so if they post anything that connects with you.

You are a Unicorn and can afford to be very particular about who you choose to respond to and well you should.

Be safe and beware.

Thaz



JeffBC -> RE: Not sure what to say - am already overwhelmed - and it has only been about an hour. (12/28/2012 2:52:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoHeartsBeatOne
Yes, the inbox does feel a bit like being at the bottom of a football pile-up!

OK, that imagery just made me laugh.

quote:

First, pay attention to how you feel when you read a message.

and that made me nod.



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