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Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/26/2012 6:58:40 PM

DominusAugustus

Posts: 13
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline

I saw a few users here asking for feedback on their profiles who got some handy tips and I would love some feedback on mine as well. I work in writing so I'm used to getting feedback, don't be shy :>

Thanks!
Dominus

P.s. I recorded an audio greeting this morning but do not see it on my profile. Can anyone else see/play it?

Post #: 1

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 8:09:44 AM

SinFix

Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Not bad, but a lot of women prefer to see the vanilla stuff first then get the kink on... Sorry but just like to know who he is then what he likes/thinks about in bed... and yeah, I could play the audio greeting ( nice voice)

(in reply to DominusAugustus)

Post #: 2

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 8:38:40 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I see the audio now - it wasn't there yesterday.

Ditto to leading with vanilla rather than kink.

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(in reply to DominusAugustus)

Post #: 3

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 4:48:43 PM

TheLilSquaw

Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline

I like your profile.

You explain what dominance and submission means to YOU. In a thought out manner.

I like this paragraph a lot: "Along with meeting subs on here for romance and play, I would love to speak with an older Dom or Master that is willing to share his experience and wisdom with a younger initiate. Also, I do not have any real experience with older women or more experienced subs. I would love the opportunity to get hands-on feedback."

IMO it says, I don't claim to know it all and I am always willing and looking to learn.

I also really like this line"If you are interested in a relationship, please have your life somewhat in order first."
It says to ME you are not willing to settle and not looking for a "project."

My favorite line and one I have come to strongly believe myself is "keeping your body strong and healthy keeps your soul, or psyche if you like, strong and healthy."

Good luck!

ETA: If you did the rope work in your photos, fantastic!

< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 12/27/2012 4:49:38 PM >

_____________________________

LilSquaw
Lifestyle & ProSwitch
Fetish Model, Producer, and Website Owner

http://www.clips4sale.com/69201
http://www.kinkbomb.com/studio/Sadistic_Babygirl_

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 4

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 5:28:38 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I think if you're looking for a dating/play type relationship it will accomplish what you're looking to get out of it.

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)

Post #: 5

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 5:45:28 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

The first part was a little rough for me. The whole "I will hurt you and you will love me for it, I will make you crawl and submit, etc" was a bit of an eyeroll, but it started getting better as it went down. Id rework the top part a little, but overall it was an informative and thoughtful profile. Just not 100% clear on exactly what you are looking for. Like OsideGirl was saying, I cant tell if its a relationship or play you are looking for. Just my $0.02

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 6:30:25 PM

DominusAugustus

Posts: 13
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline

Thanks for the feedback! Will definitely make some changes tonight to that intro, maybe re-organize some. I'm not really interested in a serious relationship although I'd like to make lifelong friends if I can :> I've tried long term relationships, with an without kink and I'm just not at that point in my life yet. I'll make that clearer.

Lead with the vanilla eh? Sounds like a plan.

@SinFix Thanks for the compliment! I recorded an audio journal too. It might be a bit long though haha.

@TheLilSquaw Thanks. I've met a number of subs that think a D/s relationship will "fix" them or save them. I want my relationships to be about mutual enjoyment and fulfillment, not about rescuing someone. As for

quote:

I don't claim to know it all and I am always willing and looking to learn

That's my outlook on life. I was raised by teachers and am addicted to knowledge and wisdom, or just being a better person than I was the day before. I might actually state something to this effect. Thanks for the idea! Also, yes I did all the rope in my photos. Thank you for the compliment.

Dominus

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 7

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 7:50:53 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I really like your profile. Except your main pic has a funny golden hue.

Your main pic is of you. You show other women, but not their faces, so it's okay. Your pics show a sense of humor, always good.

You casually mention the kinds of things you read about. VERY good.

Aside from the picture's golden tone, the only nit I have is that your discourse on the lifestyle was kinda long.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DominusAugustus)

Post #: 8

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 7:58:05 PM

DominusAugustus

Posts: 13
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline

@DarkSteven Thanks for the input. I'll try to find a clearer picture. I may have repeated myself somewhere in there.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 9:19:59 PM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I think you've done a good job with the profile, and in responding to the feedback.
It definitely gives a good sense of who you are, what's important in your life, and how you see things.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to DominusAugustus)

Post #: 10

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 9:37:27 PM

DominusAugustus

Posts: 13
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline

@DomMeinCT Thank you. I am a full-time writer so I feel weird not getting a lot of feedback on my writing haha. I also want to be a bit more involved in the kink community and it helps me get noticed.

@DarkSteven updated my picture. Is this better?

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 11

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 9:55:47 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

Like another profile I read the earlier version but couldn't respond. Now that I'm back I agree with what people have said (especially the "... and you will love me for it bit LOL). Good improvements and a good profile IMO.

If I ignore the text and put on my web design/typography hat for a second I'd strongly recommend you reconsider your color scheme. I get it that red & black are dark & dangerous colors and appealing to kinky folk. But it's also a really bad design decision because of the poor contrast. You've got a lot of really good text there. I'd want to encourage people's eyes to flow over it rather than make it a chore.

edited to add:
An "almost white" background and black text are going to be most legible ... much like these boards actually. Were it me I'd let the words do the standing out, not the colors.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 12/27/2012 10:12:38 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to DominusAugustus)

Post #: 12

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 10:06:11 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

UGH. I hate dark colored webpages. It kills my eyes especially after you leave the page and you go on your merry way to other pages and now your eyes have to adjust all over again. It ends up giving me a headache.

I think it's one of the reasons I hate fetlife. I hate the color scheme. Plus it's cliche and kitschy. UGH

I once said that if I ever had a dungeon again, it would be done in all white and light colors and big airy windows with lots of light. Dark is just depressing.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 13

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/27/2012 10:56:17 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

Oh that is a good point on the whole black text on red background deal as well. It was very difficult to read if you want the honest to God truth. Im looking at it through nearly 40 year old eyes though. Who knows, maybe a younger female might not have the same difficulty with reading your text, but I sure as hell did. But I will comment to say that it was a much better read this next time around with the edits. I didnt eyeroll once...though I did do a lot of squinting and cussing at myself because I realized I was getting old. Hell, I even had my yearly eye exam at the beginning of the month and am wearing my new glasses

Better profile pic as well, though Im not gonna lie...I didnt have a problem with the other one you posted. Couldnt tell if you were flashing a gang sign or not though lol

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 12/27/2012 10:58:39 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 14

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/28/2012 8:22:37 AM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

You have a Marque of Bambi, so that's good. I will be blunt because I'm a jerk.

Let's start with that main picture: You look like Andy Samberg from SNL. You're way more handsome than that- so find something to that affect. Nice rope work, though who wants to bang the bassist? I kid, instruments are sexy.

The audio greeting functions, but doesn't work. That is to say it plays perfectly, but does not help. You clearly did not practice it because it sounds like you're thinking of what to say as you speak. Think up something, practice is out loud, and record it once it feels conversational. Right now it's very lecture-esque.

Text-wise I will go chronologically:

1) You keep mentioning multiple subs: If you're not going to make a thing about being poly, just talk about the one special girl you plan to find. Unless that's just not true.
2) "In my real life" implies kink is a passing fanciful fantasy to you.
3) You appreciate art of all kinds? What kinds? What are your favourites? What do you find boring?
4) Encouraging you to go out is what makes you trustworthy? The two notions are not actually related. So just be honest: I'm looking for a submissive that can find ways to pull me out of my comfort zone. I love trying new things, but it can be boring to try them alone. Once I'm in the spirit of exploration, I want to see more and more, though."
5) This sentence makes no sense: "I try to get some exercise every day be it hitting an hour in the gym after work or a Saturday - morning, noon, and night spent fucking." Nothing is a turn off more than unclear explanations that involve sex. What you mean to say is "I love a good workout. Sometimes it's the gym, sometimes it the bedroom."
6) Scratch that closing paragraph. It goes without saying.

Also, I'd explain who the model is. An ex? Pictures from online? A distant sub that you love but only get to see five times a year?

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 15

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/28/2012 11:36:19 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

[like]

Sheez, great job BB

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 16

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 12/28/2012 4:50:47 PM

DominusAugustus

Posts: 13
Joined: 12/24/2012
Status: offline

Thanks for the feedback BambiBoi, you clearly spent some time on it. I suppose I can respond to line items here. Responses in bold.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

You have a Marque of Bambi, so that's good. I will be blunt because I'm a jerk.

Let's start with that main picture: You look like Andy Samberg from SNL. You're way more handsome than that- so find something to that affect. Nice rope work, though who wants to bang the bassist? I kid, instruments are sexy.

The audio greeting functions, but doesn't work. That is to say it plays perfectly, but does not help. You clearly did not practice it because it sounds like you're thinking of what to say as you speak. Think up something, practice is out loud, and record it once it feels conversational. Right now it's very lecture-esque.

Text-wise I will go chronologically:

1) You keep mentioning multiple subs: If you're not going to make a thing about being poly, just talk about the one special girl you plan to find. Unless that's just not true.
I state that I am not interested in any committed relationships. I am more interested in learning and growing as a Dom and a man rather than find a specific partner. Do you suggest I make that more clear?
2) "In my real life" implies kink is a passing fanciful fantasy to you.
Hmm, I thought it was a fun turn of phrase. I'll see about rewording for clarity.
3) You appreciate art of all kinds? What kinds? What are your favourites? What do you find boring?
Good ideas. Thanks!
4) Encouraging you to go out is what makes you trustworthy? The two notions are not actually related. So just be honest: I'm looking for a submissive that can find ways to pull me out of my comfort zone. I love trying new things, but it can be boring to try them alone. Once I'm in the spirit of exploration, I want to see more and more, though."
True, those are separate ideas, although your assessment wasn't quite what I had intended. Removed entirely.
5) This sentence makes no sense: "I try to get some exercise every day be it hitting an hour in the gym after work or a Saturday - morning, noon, and night spent fucking." Nothing is a turn off more than unclear explanations that involve sex. What you mean to say is "I love a good workout. Sometimes it's the gym, sometimes it the bedroom."
Cool suggestion, I like that. It's simpler.
6) Scratch that closing paragraph. It goes without saying.
If you mean those last 3 sentences before my signature, I agree it's unnecessary but I intend to keep it. I like to say it anyway.

Also, I'd explain who the model is. An ex? Pictures from online? A distant sub that you love but only get to see five times a year?
My photos are from several models. All bondage rope and photography on this profile was done by me. Is there a way to caption pictures on here?

Dominus

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 17

RE: Looking for profile feedback as well - 1/6/2013 7:58:35 PM

EsotericLady

Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline

I will warn you in advance (LOL) if you ask my opinion of something you will get a very straightforward answer.

First of all, I like the picture of the rope-bound hand as your avatar. It's very detailed, and projects strength to me.

You mentioned that you "work in writing," but I'm not sure if that means you are a writer of books, print ads, jingles, newspaper columns, or if you review copy or do layouts.
(There is a big difference between each that I mentioned.)

I heard your audio quite clearly and crisply, so yes it is working.

My overall impression beyond what I have said above is that you are definitely trying to sound like "Joe Stud" on your audio, as well as shakily making things up as you go along. And the copy in your profile reads like the audio version sounds. It would be lovely if the profile and video projected the feeling of the avatar, instead. :)

(in reply to DominusAugustus)

Post #: 18

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