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Unsure - 12/27/2012 9:25:46 AM

BlueEyez85

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/27/2012
Status: offline

Hi, I'm new to the lifestyle and I need some help. First of all, I know that I'm submissive, but there are LOTS of different kinds of submissives and I'm not really sure how to go about figuring out what kind I am, not to mention I'm completely untrained. I'm curious about many different aspects of sub/pet/slave relationships, but I don't really know where to start.

Also, I have absolutely no clue as how to find someone in my area that would want a monagamous LTR with a sub/pet/slave. From what I've mostly seen, the relationships are poly-amorous where the master/dom/owner has multiple slaves/subs/pets. This is definitely not what I'm looking for.

If someone could point me in the right direction, it would be greatly appreciated ^_^

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RE: Unsure - 12/27/2012 9:32:48 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Holy Toledo!!!!

http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html

slosh around in here some, and maybe go to fetlife and see events in your area.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to BlueEyez85)

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RE: Unsure - 12/27/2012 10:06:28 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Get out and get involved in your local community. Attend discussion groups, lectures and munches.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Unsure - 12/27/2012 11:00:37 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

As you say there are lots and lots of flavors to sample. In the end there's no real way to tell what might appeal to you other than to ... well ... sample them.

To help you sort it out, you might think of it like this.

A) Do you think of "BDSM" as a bedroom activity or a lifestyle activity? In other words, when you think of submitting to a dominant woman, is it sexually or is it throughout your relationship in some broader context?

B) In the bedroom what tickles your toes? Have you read porn or erotica or something else which has sparked your imagination? That'd be a great place to start.

C) On top of that there's the "flavor" descriptors... "pet", "daddy", etc. These all have widely varied and personal meanings.

For some dominants I assume they want this all sorted from day one. Others are going to be more interested in you as a person and so be inclined to let the relationship form as it does and take it from there. If you don't have all the answers and some domme demands them then you know that you two aren't compatible. She wants someone with experience and self-knowledge and that just isn't you yet.

A point to remember... the labels are just that... labels. The map is not the terrain. So I say that Carol and I have a "master/slave" relationship. But that "M/s relationship" bears little resemblance to someone else's "M/s relationship". So don't get too hung up on the labels. Try to peer underneath them when someone says something like "I want a slave" and figure out what that means to them. Over time you may also find what that means to you.

Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to BlueEyez85)

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RE: Unsure - 12/27/2012 11:59:59 AM

Nakhla

Posts: 104
Joined: 10/24/2012
Status: offline

Welcome on board!

It can be very confusing when first entering this scene as everyone tends to define themselves differently using the same terms. Added to that, the fact that you're young and attractive means that you've already encountered a slew of dominants all too eager to have you accept their idea of the right way to do this and your role within that context.

Look inside yourself and analyze a bit - what draws you to this stuff? What do you want sexually, play-wise, and in a relationship? Instead of thinking about where you fit, think more about what you want and who you are.

I'll second getting out to munches and events. Even if they aren't necessarily the best for dating, they'll expose you to a lot of people living different types of lifestyles.

_____________________________

Submediant In Search Of Dominant Resolution... Formerly WestBaySlave on these forums.

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RE: Unsure - 12/27/2012 12:27:09 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You already have a good start. You know what does and doesn't work for you and that you want a relationship that includes affection and monogamy. That accepting anything else would be a mistake.

From now on, it's like everyone else trying to find a partner. Talk to people, date, talk some more.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: Unsure - 12/28/2012 10:29:33 PM

BlueEyez85

Posts: 4
Joined: 12/27/2012
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for your help, it's greatly appreciated. Are there any other good sites besides here and fetlife that I can connect with more local people in the lifestyle? Those are the only 2 sites that I know of, lol.

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RE: Unsure - 1/5/2013 10:47:13 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

On Fetlife you'll find links to just about all local groups and upcoming events. Make a profile, when it's done, click on the "Toledo" link just below your screen name. First, it will show you a list of all profiles that list Toledo as their home town. Below that will be a list of just about all upcoming events there. Below that will be a list of all Fetlife groups possibly relating to Toledo and below that will be a list of other cities and towns in Ohio. That should keep you occupied for quite a while. Since you're so close to the Michigan state line, you might want to check out the Places link on the FL homepage and see what's happening there too.

(in reply to BlueEyez85)

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