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question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 5:51:26 PM   
ThoughtBubble


Posts: 3
Status: offline 		I know a number of you are/began in long distance relationships, and i was wondering, did you engage in d/s (specifically the sexual parts of it) while LD? I'm talking to a man who lives in a different city, and while we're planning a time to meet, he suggested we "play" on skype together. I don't get HNG vibes from him, but submitting via (to a?) webcam seems a bit silly. But I've also never started the getting to know you process online, so maybe the rules are different?

Any insight?

:)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 5:55:22 PM   
AllisonWilder


Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline 		I think you'll probably get some answers saying it's fine or normal and (more likely) answers saying to just wait it out until you meet. Do whatever feels right to you, not what someone else thinks is right.

(in reply to ThoughtBubble)
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RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 5:58:30 PM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		I agree, just because in MY LD relationships we had a d/s dynamic doesn't mean it will work for you.
Ask yourself is the sexual aspect something you want to do LD whether its via cam or phone and go from there.

I would toss out a word of caution, one I tell anyone who does "webcam" that they can be recorded and posted on tube sites ect.

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(in reply to AllisonWilder)
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RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 6:14:07 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Master and I never had a relationship until we met in real life, face to face. Until that time we were just two people chatting online. We never did cyberplay or sex either because it never appealed to either of us, even after we met and decided to have a relationship together.

I guess if you both like that kind of thing then go for it. But it sounds to me like it's one sided and he's just another typical hng.


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RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 7:05:07 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		You might find that he disappears after getting you naked on cam because that was his aim. If I were you I'd also worry about nude pics of me being put out onto the internet - you don't really know him yet, who knows what he'll do. He might be married and once again, getting you on cam is what he was shooting for. Honestly, a guy is going to try for whatever he can get, see how you feel about it, it doesn't really appeal much to me.

I find getting to know people online to be deceiving, I never really know how I react to them until we meet. I might regret letting him see me naked if once we meet I don't feel attracted to him.

(in reply to ThoughtBubble)
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RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 8:50:12 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Rules are not different in vanilla on line or BDSM on line.If you are questioning it then you are getting a vibe on the negative side..Listen to your gut, and do not be afraid to say no. Possibly his reaction to this no will give you your answer..

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

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(in reply to AllisonWilder)
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RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 8:52:44 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		sorry my reply was to thought bubble

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 9:29:13 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		The only rules you need to follow are the ones that you set for yourself. This applies to both vanilla as
well as d/s relationships. The only thing that may change that is when you agree to allow someone else
to dictate what you may or may not do. As you are both still in the getting to know each other stage,
I don't think you are quite at the point where you are willing to let him lead, or else you wouldn't be
asking this question here. So good on you for asking.

Let's say you are getting to know each other, but you both live within a short distance from each other.
Would you agree to meet him for the sole purpose of having sex, "until you got to know each other better"?
My decision on whether or not I would cyber with him would be based on how I would answer that question.



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When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to ThoughtBubble)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 9:36:04 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThoughtBubble
I know a number of you are/began in long distance relationships, and i was wondering, did you engage in d/s (specifically the sexual parts of it) while LD?

Not exactly, but we have done so when one of us is travelling (although we don't play in the BDSM sense). We have snuggled before bed and done various sorts of things although we did it in Secondlife rather than via webcam.

quote:

I'm talking to a man who lives in a different city, and while we're planning a time to meet, he suggested we "play" on skype together. I don't get HNG vibes from him, but submitting via (to a?) webcam seems a bit silly.

What does he mean by "play" and what do you mean by "submitting"? Honestly, I don't know why it would sound silly unless the particular thing your talking about just can't be done long distance. For Carol and I pretty much everything is mental control not physical so it ALL can be done remotely. If I called Carol up on the telephone she would not think she was "submitting to a telephone". She'd think she was "obeying her master".

quote:

But I've also never started the getting to know you process online, so maybe the rules are different?

There are rules? Can you send me a copy please?

My general assessment? You found this guy and he's not setting off any red flags and he's made a proposal. Do you feel like giving it a try or not? Just be aware that no matter how it feels to both of you, actual commitment doesn't really form online. So don't get overcommitted to this whole thing and don't do anything you're not comfortable doing with someone you don't know. Try to remember that anything you do over webcam could be recorded and posted to youtube.

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 12/28/2012 9:37:21 PM >

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to ThoughtBubble)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 9:44:47 PM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		have you watched that show Catfish? check it out.
intimate stuff via cam left me extremely empty afterwards. something i would never do again.

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We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.






(in reply to ThoughtBubble)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 9:46:23 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThoughtBubble

I know a number of you are/began in long distance relationships, and i was wondering, did you engage in d/s (specifically the sexual parts of it) while LD? I'm talking to a man who lives in a different city, and while we're planning a time to meet, he suggested we "play" on skype together. I don't get HNG vibes from him, but submitting via (to a?) webcam seems a bit silly. But I've also never started the getting to know you process online, so maybe the rules are different?

Any insight?

:)


Personally, I don't synonymize "long distance" relationships and "cyber" relationships. I've never done the skyping or anything of that nature, but I have had a long distance relationship where we actually saw each other in person.

At any rate, there aren't any "rules". Do whatever feels right to you. If you wanna fuck around on skype, go for it, but if you don't know the guy, who knows what can come of it. What if he saves the stuff? I'd be god damned careful about making record of personal/intimate things with someone I've never met. You never know where it could end up.

(in reply to ThoughtBubble)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 9:50:07 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Like the others have said, the rules are all going to be the ones you make for yourself. For me personally, I do not derive anything at all from cybering. So I elect not to do it because I dont get anything from doing it. But thats just what works for me. What works for you may certainly be different. Go with your gut.

My male partner and I (we were kind of apart for a bit, but are working on getting things back on track) live over 4 hours apart. We only engage in sexual/BDSM activities when he comes here to my city to visit. We do text and talk on yahoo, but its always conversations that are more cerebral in nature. We dont strip off clothing, touch our junk, or engage in any one handed typing :) And we sure as heck dont perform for each other on Skype. I dont even have Skype, a microphone, or a webcam on my computer. But that is what works for us. You should do what you feel is comfortable for you.

(in reply to ThoughtBubble)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 10:34:20 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		My suggestion to you is to wait until you meet to establish an actual D/s dynamic.

In my mind, the getting to know stage should be all about getting to know, and both parties should be on equal footing until you are sure you know what you are doing. And how *can* you be sure if you've never met?

If it's going to take months as opposed to weeks before you can meet, then get on Skype not to 'play' but as a way to enhance your getting to know time.

And think about how you are going to deal with things down the road if you do form a long distance D/s relationship and you two can only meet every other month or so. That can get old fast.




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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: question about dating long distance. - 12/28/2012 11:56:13 PM   
tidbit5021


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/26/2012
Status: offline 		Along with everyone else, I agree that you should do what you feel is best. I have had experience with LDRs and, personally, I would not get into a D/s dynamic or play using any webcam or IM. After you've met, perhaps. I am a fan of the telephone and letters. I find hearing a person's voice to provide a much better connection than webcams or text on a screen.

Trust yourself but don't necessarily trust someone you have never met to not record a cam session.


(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 14
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