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MsClaudiaG -> Warning (12/29/2012 6:35:49 AM)

Hi, wasn't sure where to post this, so I am sorry if this is in the wrong place. I wanted to ask advice about what to do.
I only joined the site yesterday and he e-mailed me saying he was a web designer and would I do dom in return for a website. I asked for proof and he mailed me a couple of sites he has worked on. I then said I needed to think about he. He sent mail after mail saying can we speak yet and I said I havent had time to think about it yet as I wanted to discuss with other dom friends. Anyway he mailed again today a few times and I decided that it wouldnt be a good idea to go ahead so I thanked him and said that I thought it was best for me to pay for a professional site. He replied saying yes you can have that as an option you can pay me instead. I replied, no, I meant I should pay someone who isn't involved in the scene and thanked him for his offer. I was nothing but polite. He then responded with
You're a fucking idiot and a time wasting cunt.



Don't contact me a gain you slut, you are a fucking joke!

I also believe he has reported my picture as being fake but it isn't and I can prove it. I have already been working as a dom for around a year now and have my own moonfruit site and listed on other sites which have feedback. My picture is on these sites.

I am upset by this and wanted some advice about what to do about this

C x



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 6:39:13 AM)

Black listing other users is against the TOS.
Block and delete.

Posting a post like this looks immature.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 6:39:47 AM)

I would imagine that the mods are going to be pretty upset with you for violating TOS with blacklisting too. Ya might wanna edit this while ya can.



MsClaudiaG -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 6:40:20 AM)

I wasn't trying to blacklist anyone. I have all the mails of proof and pretty shaken up about this. I was trying to do the right thing by warning other girls thats all.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 6:42:38 AM)

This is considered black listing and against the TOS.
Mods will pull the post if you do not edit out the portion naming another user.

I would suggest reading this which was posted by the Admins. on why "warnings" or blacklisting is not allowed.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1163969/tm.htm



MsClaudiaG -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 6:43:01 AM)

I have edited it not to include a name. I didn't realise that I was doing anything wrong. I didn't want anyone else to be treated like that, thats all.



MsClaudiaG -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 6:47:29 AM)

My concern was, that if someone acts like this when they are told no thank you politely without even meeting, then what if someone actually does agree to meet them and they then don't get their own way.



DarkSteven -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 6:53:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsClaudiaG

My concern was, that if someone acts like this when they are told no thank you politely without even meeting, then what if someone actually does agree to meet them and they then don't get their own way.


Sorry but you run certain risks whenever you meet anyone from online. Hopefully, anyone taking standard precautions will thwart him.

Is he local to you? His name in the community is likely shot by now. If not, help shoot it down.



TheLilSquaw -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 6:53:42 AM)

We are all adults or expected to be.
We are all responsible for our own actions and choices.
I admit there are a lot of folks what don't handle rejections well.
Like I said block and delete are you friend.

Typically those that lash out like this have no intent on meeting in person or ever make it that far. Lol

Don't sweat the small stuff and online this is small stuff.

ETA: There are discreet ways to write about folks that don't violate the TOS. Lol




freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 6:53:59 AM)

I would have thought that for someone with their own site and been on the scene for a year now, you should know the first rule of any website is - READ THE RULES!!

The one thing that this (and many other sites) do is to tell you that you aren't allowed to post specific warnings about others on the site.

I would also think that by now you would have learned most of the pitfalls of the internet - including fake and false people as well as those who are not so polite.
Welcome to the internet world.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 6:57:53 AM)

People being assholes is one of the downsides to online interaction. You can expect a lot more of that. Harsh but true.

A warning, no matter how well-intended, is pretty much useless. Chances are the people who come across him won't see this post and the people who see this post won't come across him. Also, both you and him are strangers to us - your word holds no more weight than his. Usually when people post warnings, it's more because they're angry and want to strike out rather than a desire to help.

You can't protect other people online. If people can't cope with mean-spirited emails, perhaps they shouldn't be online. Likewise everyone is responsible for their own safety when it comes to deciding to meet people.

Don't worry though, people who behave like dicks usually show their true colours pretty quickly. He's not likely to keep himself under control for all that long.

If you've been doing this for a while now, you must have come across rude people before? Why has this upset you so much?



MsClaudiaG -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 7:02:16 AM)

Yes this is a fair reply. Can't argue with that.

As I said before though, my concern was for people who actually do agree to meet this person. This is obviously someone who doesn't like to not get their own way. I agree that we are all adults but some people are more vulnerable than others and more easily taken in by this. Hopefully, as TheLilSquaw said, this type of person never makes it as far as meeting.



kalikshama -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 7:03:27 AM)

When I was in the process of moving, I had a note in my journal about needing a plumber and someone from this site contacted me and ended up doing the work. However, I paid him and kept it professional. Also, it's easy to verify that someone has a plumber's license. Any one could send you websites and say that they did them. Hell, I produce websites and could claim them as mine despite having minions who do all the actual work.

Perhaps a better approach would have been to offer to pay him for some small task and see if he was able to do this professionally.

If your question is about mixing business and kink, I could offer some more suggestions. If your question is what to do about rude people on the internet, my advice is to grow a thicker skin and make the Block and Delete buttons your friends. Judging from the amount of threads I see whining about Pro Dom and Fin Doms, you are going to encounter lots of nastiness.



kalikshama -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 7:08:46 AM)

quote:

My concern was, that if someone acts like this when they are told no thank you politely without even meeting, then what if someone actually does agree to meet them and they then don't get their own way.


You should start a new thread specifically on safety concerns for professionals in the kink scene and title it as such. In this thread people are sidetracked by the attempted blacklisting and your naivete about rude people online.



stellauk -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 7:16:49 AM)

MsClaudiaG first I'd like to express my sympathy that you had to go through what must have been a very unpleasant, traumatic experience. It's obviously shaken you and understandably so.. nobody likes to be attacked or verbally abused, whether it's online or in person.

However I agree with the others in that these boards are not the place to post your negative experiences with someone else on this site. There isn't such a place because this site leaves all the responsibility for what happens during communication to the people involved.

I also hope you don't mind my unsolicited advice from the other side of the kneel so to speak. I'd be very careful about setting up any sort of service in lieu of play with anyone and certainly not with some random user name who sends you a message. I spent years as a service type sub (domestic work) and where the dom didn't make the offer it would be something which is best done face to face once you know who you're dealing with, e.g. at a munch, an event, or even over coffee.

Online you get access to people but it's all unfiltered, people come from all parts of society including people with issues, people who are complete arseholes and short of introducing complex intelligence and personality tests to screen people this is the way it's always going to be.

The other thing is these people who make unprovoked attacks on others or turn nasty are making a bigger statement about themselves than they are about you.

It's called transference, part of psychology 101, so in reality when someone calls you 'a fucking idiot' they are basically saying 'I am a fucking idiot'.

In fact you could take 'I am a fucking idiot' as a standard, stock statement for anyone making such unprovoked attacks and rather than getting upset by them, just be grateful that they are letting you know that they're an idiot which saves you further time and energy spent dealing with them.




MsClaudiaG -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 7:25:13 AM)

What a lovely post Stellauk. Thank you.

I only joined the site yesterday and although I have been a dom for a year I haven't been part of a site like this so no, I am not used to this kind of thing and to be honest if I were to experience this on another site I would blog it or warn the other site.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 7:32:43 AM)

Well no one can stop you putting things in your own private off-site blog if that makes you feel any better about it, but I'm sure you can see why sites like this have to have rules about blacklisting? I think just about all of us would end up on the blacklist eventually since we've all come across someone who thinks we're a fake or wants to lash out because we weren't interested. Sadly you will come across this again. As someone pointed out a sub-group of people particularly seem to dislike findommes and I'm sure some of them will share their opinion with you, but even if you weren't a domme, we all get bizarre or offensive mail once in a while.

PS. Someone just started a thread in Ask a Mistress about pros screening clients for safety reasons, you might be interested in joining in!



MsClaudiaG -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 7:53:47 AM)

Thank you all for your replies. Yes I totally understand now why blacklisting isn't allowed. I acted on instinct because to me this person sounded potentially dangerous and yes I admit I probably was lashing out a bit.



Kana -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 7:57:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsClaudiaG

Thank you all for your replies. Yes I totally understand now why blacklisting isn't allowed. I acted on instinct because to me this person sounded potentially dangerous and yes I admit I probably was lashing out a bit.

Yas know, you might just do well on here.

Purely for informational purposes only, it seems to me that as a rule of thumb, most of the forum regulars here believe in a pretty extreme version of Caveat Emptor.
So good for you that you didn't make an error, but if someone else is foolish enough to do so, that's on them.
No need to warn anyone. Theoretically at least, we're all supposed to be grown ups here...well, except the littles, but that's on them :-)



needlesandpins -> RE: Warning (12/29/2012 8:03:51 AM)

i understand the wanting to cooment on this guys negative behaviour, but the rest reads like a very thinly vailed advert for yourself.

either build a site yourself, or pay a reputable professional to do it for you.

needles



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