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why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 6:18:14 PM

lloyd91

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i understand that mistresses want slaves with experience but i am a very willing slave that wants to be trained correctly please someone help me

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 6:23:37 PM

OsideGirl

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Actually, training is generally understood to be a bullshit term.

Second, most dominants would prefer that the submissive's actions be tailored to to their needs and wants, rather than tailored to the submissive's ex-Dominants needs and wants.

You really should do some serious reading and learning on the subject. Start with the sticky at the top of this forum.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 6:28:17 PM

lloyd91

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why do i have alot of doms tell me they will not take me becase of lack of experience

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 6:36:57 PM

OsideGirl

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Well, judging from your profile, you don't have a realistic view of what a D/s relationship is. Add to that, you're young.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 6:38:06 PM

lloyd91

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yes i know im young and i have never had anyone teach me

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 6:41:22 PM

OsideGirl

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Again, I would suggest doing some reading and getting out into your local community so that you can see how real life D/s BDSM relationships work.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 6:41:23 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lloyd91

why do i have alot of doms tell me they will not take me becase of lack of experience

Because it's politer than telling you your profile is atrocious and you're clearly too self-centered/lazy/pick an adjective to do the basic work of using the standard educational resources of local kink groups and the FAQ threads available to you in this forum. Start by fixing it, including proper use of spelling, grammar, and punctuation, and use the FAQ thread to guide you with regard to content. I suspect your first email is equally bad, so tackle that next.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 6:41:33 PM

autumnember

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Start by teaching yourself, second by giving of yourself ... donate your time at the pet shelter, auxiliary ward, children's hospital ... until you truly know what being of service means

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 6:44:45 PM

lloyd91

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what you have for suggestions

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 6:47:24 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lloyd91

what you have for suggestions

Did you seriously not see the 4 suggestions she just gave you in her reply? Seriously?

Edited to add: Plus the assorted other suggestions from other responders to your thread.

< Message edited by lizi -- 12/29/2012 6:48:33 PM >

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 7:29:19 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lloyd91

i understand that mistresses want slaves with experience but i am a very willing slave that wants to be trained correctly please someone help me

1. Many Dommes do not like being called "Mistress".
2. Very few are looking for slaves. Most would prefer a sub.
3. I hadn't heard that lifestyle experience was something they preferred.
4. Define "training". If a Domme told you to watch some Cary Grant movies and emulate him as part of your training, how would you do that?

Welcome to collarme.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 8:28:17 PM

BambiBoi

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I've never once seen a mistress/domme I respect totally bar any person for a lack of experience in service. I expect any mistress or domme that I would respect to require potential from a submissive. Potential includes a healthy understanding of human relationships in general and how D/s elements might affect that.

Your profile reads, in its entirety "yes unfortinutly i am new to this but im willing to betreated worse than anyone and shown the roaps the hard way i will do anything my misstress tell me to do"(sic). Ignoring the spelling errors (which I attribute to English as a second language or some disability) you are suggesting a healthy relationship is about blind submission to abusive behavior. Jerk off, then read ANY published book on BDSM written in the last 30 years. I'm sure it will help.

And you asked "what you have for suggestions?" Here is my suggestion. Replace your entire profile with this: "A switch bi subby with adorable eyes named Bambiboi told me to stop fantasizing, jerk off, and read ((name one of the books you read)). I did. I learned ((name something you learned from the book)). I did this so I could have a healthier understanding of BDSM, and be an asset to you and your household."

Taking a +1 for (sic).

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 8:50:56 PM

poise

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Dayum you're good Bambiboi! I think this makes 4 posts in the last hour that were spot on and then some!

< Message edited by poise -- 12/29/2012 8:51:22 PM >

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 11:12:40 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
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From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

Ill second what Poise was saying. Bambiboi definitely got some wood on the ball and its headed over the 3rd base fence.

Took a look at the gist of your profile. I would not contact you myself and I would tell you "thank you, but no thank you" if you sent a message to me...but not for the reasons you might think.

>I could care less whether someone has 20+ years of experience as a submissive or they are starting at Day 1 in their journey. We all start somewhere and I havent lost the memory of my first days stumbling my way along my chosen path. I dare say that the excuse you were given was a polite brush off for reasons that arent being told to you.

>Training? What the hell is someone training you for? Working the cash register at McDonalds? As OsideGirl was saying, its largely a bullshit term that I hear bandied about by those who dont really have clue one about whats really going on in D/s. Quite honestly, I hear the word "training" and it makes me want to toss my cookies. I might show you the way I prefer things done in my world and reasonably expect you to pick up on it, but I certainly dont have a 2-week training program to make you suitable for the job. Either you have it or you dont. And if you dont have it, I dont have the inclination or time to waste teaching you. There is a HUGE difference between the fantasy of BDSM and the reality of BDSM. Based on your writing on both your profile and your journal, Im not sure you have separated the two yet. So for that reason, I wouldnt be interested because if there is one thing I dont like...its feeling like Im a fetish delivery service.

>Not being a sadist by nature, its just not in my nature to torture and punish. And I certainly dont do that shit 24/7 either. Talk about a huge pain in my ass end. Its the submissive/slave's job to make my life easier, NOT create more work for me to have to do. If you require that much torture and punishment to function in your D/s, pay a pro and get exactly what you are looking for. But for someone who is wanting lifestyle, you make yourself sound so high maintenance. NOT a mess that most people are willing to take on.

Its not about you and what someone else does to you. Its what you have to offer that someone else. And so far, I havent read anything out of you that tells me anything about what you'd have to offer me....other than another full-time job dealing with a needy soul. As Bambiboi was saying, spank the monkey and fire off a round. And then start really reading good quality books on the subject of BDSM and D/s. Get away from the fantasy world and get with the reality world. Best of luck to you.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 11:28:50 PM

saundrakitty

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yep - almost choked at Bambiboi's post. It is so true. Also looking for a local kink group and attending their munches will also help- and ask questions- tons of questions and then listen to the answers they give you. Second I would rework you're profile and tell them something about you're self= you're likes and dislikes= and use the spell check to check you're spelling out before you post. I want to see what is going on in you're mind and not just crying to be used and abused and thrown away. Age is never an issue with me- its all about maturity first - and working them into and guiding them to develop themselves into a better and stronger person ( and that would include discipline when needed). Start reading every thing you can on BDSM- and any other area of it that you are curious about or don't understand. We will help where we can- IF - you take the right steps and learn and grow up mentally first.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/29/2012 11:58:38 PM

RumpusParable

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OP, read and re-read what has been said above.

Your profile is very off-putting and very unrealistic sounding.

Try it from here: You have an average day with your mistress, what does it look like? (Think about things like your job, running errands like bills or grocery stores, what you two do in the evenings or weekends together, etc)

Training? In every relationship that will be different.

In mine, I may teach you how to make tea just exactly how I want it (this is involved, as you'd have to learn the different types of tea, what temperatures to use for what type, how long to steep each type I have, which tea pot or cup I like to use for what kind, how much tea to how much water for each different tea, etc).

Whereas the next dominant woman you meet may give a rats ass about tea.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/30/2012 3:03:30 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Fast reply

Being willing to take worse treatment than anyone else is not the selling point you think it is. It shows an unrealistic idea of the lifestyle and a lack of self respect, and, (ready for the shocker) most dommes LIKE their submissive partners and aren't just out to treat them badly. Even the beatings are a positive relationship building thing.

This is fast becoming my stock answer for this type of question: Figure out how others see you, and then do something about making yourself better.

Make a list of every reason why a domme might talk to you or look at your profile and find you lacking. Write down everything you can think of, even if you don't agree. People have helped you out here with a few clues - your profile is rubbish and you don't know much about D/s relationships. So you can start off by writing a better profile - really put some effort in - and reading lots of non-porn non-fiction books. Great! We're already two steps closer to happiness! What else might put people off? You're pretty young - people might assume you don't have many interesting things to discuss, or you're not in a good place financially. So get out there doing hobbies, reading books, working hard, staying out of debt - WOO! Another two steps closer.

In lieu of 'training' - which as others have pointed out, is pretty much useless to anyone except the domme who trains you - train yourself. Think how many things might be helpful to a domme and make them happen. Can you cook? Make the perfect cup of coffee? Are you good at keeping the house clean? Do you know what setting on the washing machine is ok for delicates? Can you sew on a button? Can you play a musical instrument, fix the car, make a table, make your own flogger, fill out a tax return, grow tomatoes? All of those things could be useful to a potential domme, and all of them will show a person who is generally interesting and willing to learn. Start today. Improve yourself. Be relentless in your quest to be a better person in every way. This will not only help you find a relationship, it might also help you find a better relationship.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/30/2012 4:20:18 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Fast reply

Being willing to take worse treatment than anyone else is not the selling point you think it is. It shows an unrealistic idea of the lifestyle and a lack of self respect, and, (ready for the shocker) most dommes LIKE their submissive partners and aren't just out to treat them badly. Even the beatings are a positive relationship building thing.

This is fast becoming my stock answer for this type of question: Figure out how others see you, and then do something about making yourself better.

Make a list of every reason why a domme might talk to you or look at your profile and find you lacking. Write down everything you can think of, even if you don't agree. People have helped you out here with a few clues - your profile is rubbish and you don't know much about D/s relationships. So you can start off by writing a better profile - really put some effort in - and reading lots of non-porn non-fiction books. Great! We're already two steps closer to happiness! What else might put people off? You're pretty young - people might assume you don't have many interesting things to discuss, or you're not in a good place financially. So get out there doing hobbies, reading books, working hard, staying out of debt - WOO! Another two steps closer.

In lieu of 'training' - which as others have pointed out, is pretty much useless to anyone except the domme who trains you - train yourself. Think how many things might be helpful to a domme and make them happen. Can you cook? Make the perfect cup of coffee? Are you good at keeping the house clean? Do you know what setting on the washing machine is ok for delicates? Can you sew on a button? Can you play a musical instrument, fix the car, make a table, make your own flogger, fill out a tax return, grow tomatoes? All of those things could be useful to a potential domme, and all of them will show a person who is generally interesting and willing to learn. Start today. Improve yourself. Be relentless in your quest to be a better person in every way. This will not only help you find a relationship, it might also help you find a better relationship.

When you make it clear in your profile that you are willing to submit to *anyone* -- it's clear you are stuck in a fantasy that is all about YOU, and has little to do with the dominant, since anyone will do. It's amazingly clueless, which is why no one will respond to you.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/30/2012 6:07:13 AM

TheLilSquaw

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From: Middle River, MD
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OP,
Your profile reads like someone who is desperate and has absolutely no standards.

I doubt you are being rejected because you are new.
You are being rejected because of the image of yourself that YOU have put out.
If you are willing to serve anyone, the one you serve isn't special or unique.
They simply happen to be there at THAT moment.

Training?
Every relationship is different.
My requirements and expectations for 2 subs can be completely different.
However, I always ask a basic question to EVERY sub that has ever been a personal.
How can YOU enhance my life?
What can YOU offer me?

I know what I bring to the table, so tell me what YOU bring to the table.

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RE: why is being trained so hard - 12/30/2012 6:36:19 AM

lizi

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Look at it this way, why would someone take you on and expend the effort to train you when it's obvious that you don't have much to offer them for their efforts? Your profile is a mess and hasn't been changed - even with all of the suggestions to do so. You have one run-on sentence there that has 4 misspellings and a shocking amount of grammar/capitalization/punctuation mistakes. If you care that little about yourself, why in the world would anyone put 10 minutes of their time into you? Who would be proud to have you as an addition to their life? If you are learning disabled then please make a note of that in your profile so others will know.

You also have no interests checked off, no way for anyone to tell what you are like. All you have to offer is being a punching bag for painful treatment, a person could use a pillow for that. Has it occurred to you that you are asking for someone to expend their time and effort on you so that you get what you want, you aren't necessarily giving anything back. You are a do-me sub, and one who will take anyone. Ew. Get your act together and be an asset to someone, offer them something for their efforts in the terms of service, or a relationship, and you might be surprised at how easy it is, instead of how hard. Or hire a pro.

One other thing, you've been here for over a year and your profile probably stands the way it did when you first filled it out- and you want to know why no one is interested in you when it has no information about you in it. If you have had no luck in all that time, then it's about time to look at yourself and what you can do to better your search. As you've found out, just contacting women and offering yourself up to be a punching bag isn't doing the trick. Women Dominants don't generally just want a test dummy, they want a real person, so up your game. You're not offering anything of value.

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