Performing fantasies

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Performing fantasies

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Performing fantasies

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Performing fantasies - 12/29/2012 10:14:48 PM

Luxaw

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/17/2012
Status: offline

I'm not one to indulge in my fantasies, not because they're embarrassing but because I tried fulfilling them before and they ended in disappointment. Of course I've always tried it by myself, never with another person, but I'm still hesitant to act them out even if the the person persists. Honestly it feels weird asking a dominant to act out a fantasy, I don't mind telling but actually taking an interest or participation in fantasies feels out of character to me. When a dom wants to do that, either as a reward or to humiliate, in a weird way it feels like I'm the dom since I am basically telling the supposed dominant what to do to please me and how to do it. Personally myself I don't see any pleasure of performing personal fantasies and I'm curious. What is it about acting out personal fantasies that pleasures/excites you. I'm asking for a sub perspective, because I can see how a dominant can get pleasure from their own fantasies, I just don't necessarily see how it works out in the d/s relationship when the subs fantasies are fulfilled.

Post #: 1

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/29/2012 10:22:41 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Luxaw
When a dom wants to do that, either as a reward or to humiliate, in a weird way it feels like I'm
the dom since I am basically telling the supposed dominant what to do to please me and how to
do it. I can see how a dominant can get pleasure from their own fantasies, I just don't necessarily
see how it works out in the d/s relationship when the subs fantasies are fulfilled.

The Mister actually takes great pleasure in giving me pleasure, regardless of where the ideas
for that pleasure come from. So if it's his decision that we act out a long held fantasy of mine,
who am I to argue?

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Luxaw)

Post #: 2

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/29/2012 10:56:06 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

if I have a fantasy or I would like for him to do something to me, I just ask him. It's up to him to decide if he wants to nor not.

Now, if you are not in a relationship and simply looking to fulfill your fantasy with someone casually, then you're bottoming to a top and there's nothing wrong with that. At that point you're two people playing together. He wants to service you by you telling him what to do to you and he gets to play with you which fulfills his fantasy too.

It's a tit for tat situation.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 3

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/29/2012 11:21:14 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

I personally dont have any problem at all with listening to a fantasy that a submissive has. If I feel like doing it or it sounds like fun, Ive got no problem with that. If it just isnt my thing or Im not interested, you'd deal with that as well

I dont see it as performing someone's fantasy. I see it as being able to give someone an experience that they couldnt get anywhere else. In a way, I kind of find it flattering that they would think that much of me that they'd share something that is deeply personal the way a fantasy usually tends to be.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 12/29/2012 11:22:06 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/29/2012 11:41:16 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Luxaw
Honestly it feels weird asking a dominant to act out a fantasy, I don't mind telling but actually taking an interest or participation in fantasies feels out of character to me. When a dom wants to do that, either as a reward or to humiliate, in a weird way it feels like I'm the dom since I am basically telling the supposed dominant what to do to please me and how to do it.

I see this a lot. I can't speak for anyone else but I'll tell you what I think being the dom and being the sub is. I think being the dom is giving a command and being the sub is obeying. So if I said to Carol, "Tell me how to please you tonight." I am expecting her to obey not get wrapped up in some ridiculous topping from the bottom thing. If she declined or even prevaricated I would call it disobedience and she'd be released immediately.

Maybe my viewpoint will help you? It's certainly simple. You're the sub. You obey. He's the dom. He defines roles & responsibilities.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Luxaw)

Post #: 5

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/30/2012 2:32:35 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I don't really have any fantasies, just particular things he does that turn me on.

I used to fantasise about particular scenarios, and once or twice tried them out. They were fun at the time, but afterwards I got a very 'meh' kind of feeling. Once they're done, what's left?

So now I concentrate on the here and now and real. If he asks me to tell him something I enjoy, I'll tell him. Sometimes he'll do it, sometimes he won't. Either way, it doesn't matter because my fantasy of living in a r/l M/s relationship with a man I love is being fulfilled on a daily basis

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 6

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/30/2012 3:21:39 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

prevaricated

Thank you for teaching me a new word.

OP - I sort of get it. I don't tend to fantasise about specific acts or situations. What makes me all tingly is doing his bidding. If he's getting excited by him ordering me around, so am I, and it doesn't really matter whether the order is to put some clamps on or to feed him ice cream. In fact in many ways my fantasies include things which I would hate because the thrill is submitting, and submitting to stuff you like it easy.

Occasionally, he will stop what he is doing and say 'what do you want me to do next?' and it throws me for a loop. I sort of go into overdrive trying to guess what the right answer is - what does he really want us to do next? There's no wrong answer, he tells me, I want to know what YOU want. And so then my head is spinning as I think what I really want is not to be asked, but that's not an acceptable answer, and I could just say 'xyz' but I don't particularly WANT that it just came to mind so is that really obeying? And on and on with such nonsense. I'm working on that. I'm not trying to prevaricate (did I use that right?) I just don't know.

BUT if there is something I want to try, I just tell him. Sometimes he has said no. More often he has filed it away to try later at his convenience. I know he enjoys my enjoyment, and I'm not trying to force his hand, so I don't consider it topping from the bottom. And some of the things which I suggested or initiated have gone on to be his favourites. So everyone wins.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 7

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/30/2012 7:26:43 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Tell him what you like, what effect it has on you.
What they do with it is up to them.
Your task is to submit to their desire. Nothing more. Nothing less.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 8

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/30/2012 10:09:41 AM

aldorax

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: MD/DC/VA
Status: offline

I agree with AthenaSurrenders that "the thrill is submitting, and submitting to stuff you like it easy. " To which I might add that exploring submission to something beyond one's usual comfort zone can be exciting, too.

For no particular reason, I've never participated in a fantasy/roleplay scene, but I do wonder how I'd perform in such a situation either as a top or bottom. Part of me thinks I will not be able to manage it w/o bursting out laughing at my being so out-of-normal-character but then I think it might be an interesting thing to push into "new territory" precisely because it's so out-of-normal-character and thus be something worth exploring. Now I've got some food for thought.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 9

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/30/2012 10:45:43 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

In general, when it comes to romantic relationships, males lead with sex (and their sexual fantasies) while females lead with their emotions.

Males tend to express their fantasies fairly easily, and many male 'subs' just want to get their fantasies fulfilled, they are really not all that interested in submitting.

As a general rule I would say females don't share fantasies unless they are emotionally involved.

However, people do not submit in a vacuum. They submit b/c they get something out of it, and part of what they get out of it is sexual fantasy fulfillment, on some level at least.

I don't see a thing wrong with a submissive, male or female, getting their fantasies fulfilled, as long as it's not a demand and as long as the dominant does not feel like a fantasy delivery device.

As far as the OP's fantasy fulfillment ending in disappointment, well of course it did, you did it alone. It seems a huge part of the thrill for you is ceding power (as it is with many subs), and you can't really do that to yourself, now can you?

I suggest the OP lighten up, remember this whole thing is about enjoyment, and realize that with the right person, acting out fantasies won't feel 'weird.'

_____________________________

(in reply to Luxaw)

Post #: 10

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/30/2012 11:05:24 AM

SacredDepravity

Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline

I haven't had the luxury of worrying over who was in charge in the previous relationship. He required me to reveal my fantasies and fetishes, etc. and it was my job to obey. If he chose to pick off of that list rather than his, that pwas none of my business. He chose it. I submitted to it. End of discussion.

I didn't like to say or do anything that appeared in any way to be leading, but I was quickly turned back on that. My job was to obur ey, communicate, and preemptively care for his needs. That was the very essence of being a good slave to him. Don't you think refusing to provide info your dom wants or doing what he had determined is to be done is somehow being a good submissive? Unless it is extremely early, I'd think this wouldn't fly with many dominants.

SD

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 11

RE: Performing fantasies - 12/30/2012 11:58:25 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Please stop believing that a true dom will automatically know what you like and dislike without you telling him. He's not a mind reader, neither are you.

Sharing information is just that. Here, it's his decision what to do with that information. That's what makes him the person in charge in the relationship, making the decisions. In order to make good decisions, he needs full information.

Now if what gets you off is not specific actions, but him taking what he wants inside of clearly understood parameters, then tell him that.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SacredDepravity)

Post #: 12

RE: Performing fantasies - 1/7/2013 7:31:38 PM

subinsilicon

Posts: 108
Joined: 1/7/2013
Status: offline

I was hoping to learn from a true Domme.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: Performing fantasies - 1/7/2013 7:38:50 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subinsilicon

I was hoping to learn from a true Domme.

Fine...learn this...dommes don't want to see your naked glow in the dark butt as an avitar.
NEXT

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to subinsilicon)

Post #: 14

RE: Performing fantasies - 1/8/2013 9:41:32 AM

FelineFae

Posts: 7756
Joined: 1/23/2009
From: i do wander everywhere...
Status: offline

~fr~

Well, sharing fantasies is a major step in bonding. Bonding helps any relationship.

Sometimes, people really want to keep their fantasies, just that. Sometimes the appeal is that it can't be.
If this is true for you, do your damnest to clearly express that point.
Knowing you can't or shouldn't do something doesn't mean you can't fantasize and romantize about it.

Remember, knowledge is power. Dom/mes like that stuff.

_____________________________

FelineFae
All right reserved by Chaos
: Disclaimer :
Do not expose FelineFae to direct sunlight.
FelineFae cannot spell in any language.
Granting of Fae-Wishes VOID where prohibitededed.
Individual results may vary.

(in reply to Luxaw)

Post #: 15

RE: Performing fantasies - 1/8/2013 4:52:59 PM

crossboi

Posts: 36
Joined: 1/8/2013
Status: offline

I get told to perform other peoples fantasys all the time!

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 16

RE: Performing fantasies - 1/8/2013 5:44:46 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

One of the few fulfilling parts of my past relationship, was that I got to live out my fantasies. I would tell him about them and he would surprise me by creating them at different times.

Sometimes they worked REALLY well and sometimes they fell short.

I see nothing wrong with a sub sharing her fantasies; it is called communication.

(in reply to crossboi)

Post #: 17

RE: Performing fantasies - 1/8/2013 6:30:50 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

If you uttering a desire renders your dominant helpless, there isnt much dominance going on.

They day I cant hear someone's fantasy and make it my own, is the day I hang up my spurs.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 18

RE: Performing fantasies - 1/8/2013 7:29:36 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Once they're done, what's left?

Do 'em again?

luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 19

RE: Performing fantasies - 1/8/2013 7:29:46 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's also helpful if you know whether or not you even want to try to make it real. There's a reason they're called fantasies and not plans.

In my fantasies I can tolerate a lot more pain. In reality I know damn well I won't enjoy it and it would end badly. The emotion I feel in the fantasy is something to attempt but not necessarily the exact actions.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Performing fantasies

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094