RE: Red Flags That You Missed

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LizDeluxe -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/1/2013 6:31:32 PM)
Not a red flag that I missed so much as one that I felt wasn't really a red flag - when they start talking right away about the bad relationship they just ended. Early on I thought "Hey, no big deal... it happens. People have bad relationships sometimes". After dealing with a few folks who were still carrying baggage in the form of bad feelings about their exes I learned to excuse myself from the budding relationship. Never start a relationship with someone who has not yet gotten their past relationship(s) out of their system.

Nakhla -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/1/2013 6:47:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 As an aside to Nakhla, I too would like to know the story behind the testicles on the mantlepiece. Actually, as it happens the testicles on the mantlepiece weren't the deal-breaker in question. His ex slave wanted to become a woman, and with him being gay that didn't really work out, so he agreed to the separation on the basis that he got that souvenir after the sex change operation. ( Honestly it didn't bug me that much, as my neurologist mom had a real brain sliced and preserved between a number of glass plates as a decoration at home, so I grew up fairly used to body parts; I'm not phased by them that easily. Racing to hide them from the maid was hysterical. ) A more honest red flag for that relationship would be his mysterious memory gaps every morning and somewhat erratic conversation every evening. The man, while sadistic, was actually a perfect gentleman - but horribly, tragically, trips-to-the-hospital-each-weekend alcoholic. The balls may well have been joined by his liver shortly after my departure.

PeonForHer -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/1/2013 8:17:12 PM)
Have you ever considered giving up kink and taking up bridge or chess instead, Nakhla?

littlewonder -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/1/2013 8:41:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Are you hinting at the fact that fussy women make you run a mile, Jeff? If so, I'm sure with you on that one. Overheard in a pub recently, one woman talking about her date to another: " . . . and underneath his bed, I could see not just loads of dust but feathers from his duvet! I mean, how can people live like that?!" Hell's bells. Shudder. I have a girlfriend who would meet men from online dating places and always, always she would find something wrong with each and every single one of them just to talk herself out of dating again. She has had one failed marriage after another and really is not very a good judge of character at all so I can understand her being gun shy but she never has seemed to be able to move on and learn from those experiences. Instead she uses as a reason to stay single. I can remember she would call me and tell me about how she met him, they hung out at the local park and once he took off his shoes to hang their feet into the stream, she saw he had a crooked toe. She could never date a man with a crooked toe. Another one was because he bought her a flower. He was being too forward. Another one parted his hair on the wrong side. He wore purple pants and a green shirt. He didn't like 70's country rock. and on and on and on. [8\|]

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/1/2013 10:53:11 PM)
A crooked toe?? Oh my that one had me LOLing. Now no sense of fashion I can understand. Well not really my husband usually comes to me to make sure his clothes match so I have to LOL at that one too.

littlewonder -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/1/2013 10:56:21 PM)
lol anything you can possibly think of to use as an excuse she has used it. Most of the time I just end up laughing at her and trying to convince her to just take it slow, not jump but not to be paranoid either.

Aswad -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 2:38:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 I believe this quote defines "unflappable". As an aside to Nakhla, I too would like to know the story behind the testicles on the mantlepiece. I usually don't end up in the homes of psycho serial killers, so I generally assume there's a reason behind things that raise an eyebrow. As it turns out, Nakhla's explanation was one of my top three guesses as to the why, this time. Next up on CM, plastinated clitorises as ear rings. [:D] IWYW, — Aswad.

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 4:24:16 AM)
...he stuffed me into his walk in bedroom closet when his ex-wife and son unexpectedly dropped in. Not entirely his fault, as the first few times caught me completely by surprise (see if YOU want to quickly stuff on clothes after having spent hours having marathon sex to say hello to his ex who had to be at least twice my age) and I was the one to leap into the closet and refuse to come out. After a few times, my shyness finally wore off but by then it was too late. I was closet girl when they stopped by; I was jammed in in spite of my telling him I didn't want to hide or be hidden away. Our entire life began and ended in the bedroom...for four years. We didn't go out, didn't meet his friends nor mine. Wanting to get married someday and have a kid with me was a big lie, as well as his age...he truly didn't want more kids because he had already raised one and felt too old to begin again...he just didn't want to lose me as a fuckbuddy. At first it felt so cozy, just the two of us all the time. Only later did I realize how out of balance our life together was...and it didn't get better. Hooking up with someone who recently got out of the hospital for trying to kill himself and almost succeeding, because he had caught his wife en flagrante with another guy in their bed. He needed more time after his divorce to be by himself and get counseling, not to hook up with someone who was the same age as his son and still immature. During those four years with him, I kept trying to break up with him after the first few months, but whenever I was leaving he would be threatening to end his life. He even managed to have a heart attack one of the times when I was telling him I wanted to break up. It took me another year before I was finally able to go. Red flags for talking with people online...basically, when I talk with them and they don't seem to hear me. They can talk talk talk and there's no give and take. Drugs, alcohol problem, anger issues, entitlement issues, having a hooker/john mentality when it comes to relationships with women, and not taking any responsibility for bad choices they make.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 9:50:43 AM)
Funny how today the episode of FBI criminal pursuit is about a woman and her infant disappeared after finding a master on the internet and flying to another state to meet him. The police investigated him since the last anyone heard from her was when she was with him. Yikes turned out he killed several women. They found more bodies on his isolated property. Those are the ones that gives the others a bad name.

OhRose -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 1:33:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mysouldesire Red Flag: "I dont have a cam" bull crap, everyone has one now and usually skype is installed on all new computers in the last 5 yrs. Not necessarily true, I've been on the internet for a good ten years now - which may seem like pittance to some - and I've still never bought a webcam.

Hillwilliam -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 1:55:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OhRose quote: ORIGINAL: mysouldesire Red Flag: "I dont have a cam" bull crap, everyone has one now and usually skype is installed on all new computers in the last 5 yrs. Not necessarily true, I've been on the internet for a good ten years now - which may seem like pittance to some - and I've still never bought a webcam. Welcome to the club. I don't have a webcam either. If someone wants a pic, I'll pull out the digital, hold it at arms length, snap a pic and email it.

OsideGirl -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 1:57:59 PM)
I don't have one either. I did at one point, but I gave it to my brother since I never used it,.

NuevaVida -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 2:09:33 PM)
I have one that's part of my laptop screen but I've never used it.

littlewonder -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 3:52:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes Funny how today the episode of FBI criminal pursuit is about a woman and her infant disappeared after finding a master on the internet and flying to another state to meet him. The police investigated him since the last anyone heard from her was when she was with him. Yikes turned out he killed several women. They found more bodies on his isolated property. Those are the ones that gives the others a bad name. I have a feeling that episode was taken straight from the Philadelphia news when that actually happened. He called himself a Master on bdsm dating sites, would lure women into his home and then kill them. I think they found something like 5 bodies in his home. It was quite a few years ago now since it happened. ETA: As for a webcam, I have one on my laptop, have always had one connected to a computer ever since I've used computers but never once felt an urge to use it. It just does not appeal to me. If someone asked me to cam for them I would just tell them no thanks but if they would like to meet for a coffee, I'll be more than happy to do so.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 4:35:49 PM)
Yes that is the episode that aired today. Should give anyone pause before going across the country to meet someone they have only talked to in a chat room. At least take someone with you. If I was not married and looking I would whether it was vanilla or BDSM. and I do not ever use a web cam. I have been asked and I say no. There is no reason for anyone to see me. If someone wants to red flag me for refusing, ok.

littlewonder -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 4:51:54 PM)
I don't see it as a red flag. I just see it as someone who is either about the same age as my daughter, in her 20's who are extremely used to doing everything in the digital world and for them it's ordinary and everyday stuff, a generational thing...or just an incompatibility issue. Not a big deal. As for traveling to meet someone, I don't see that as having to be cautious or a red flag. Any person I have ever met from online was almost always just in a coffee shop. How is that scarey?

PeonForHer -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 5:04:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I have a girlfriend who would meet men from online dating places and always, always she would find something wrong with each and every single one of them just to talk herself out of dating again. She has had one failed marriage after another and really is not very a good judge of character at all so I can understand her being gun shy but she never has seemed to be able to move on and learn from those experiences. Instead she uses as a reason to stay single. I can remember she would call me and tell me about how she met him, they hung out at the local park and once he took off his shoes to hang their feet into the stream, she saw he had a crooked toe. She could never date a man with a crooked toe. Another one was because he bought her a flower. He was being too forward. Another one parted his hair on the wrong side. He wore purple pants and a green shirt. He didn't like 70's country rock. and on and on and on. [8\|] I have to say, I've done that. I've sat in a cafe, ogling a beautiful female face and then started to get anxious that, since I find her so attractive, I'll have to do something about it - like talk to her. Bollocks. That will require effort. So, I've felt deep relief when she's stood up after her coffee and revealed a rather squidgy and square-shaped arse. (I'm not greatly partial to squidgy and square-shaped arses.) Whew. I don't have to go through the trial of attempting to connect with her, after all. All my powers of intelligence, humour and sparkle can be put back to sleep and I'm free to go back home and watch the telly.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 8:24:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder As for traveling to meet someone, I don't see that as having to be cautious or a red flag. Any person I have ever met from online was almost always just in a coffee shop. How is that scarey? That is where I am more of a chicken then it is a red flag I guess. One person that is now one of my best friends we met on a fiction site I write on. We liked each others writings then started talking and eventually it was how awesome it would be if we could hang out. Well we are only about 7 hours from each other so one day she said she had some vacation and could drive up. I was shocked she would just drive up to my house and trust I was not an ax murderer. She did though and we had a great time and seem to always be planning when I will go to Texas or she will come here. Back when I was dating the internet was not like this. Nobody I knew had it and those who did not get on often since it was expensive since the phone company charged as well. I would be between my head coming up with all kinds of what ifs and it being so long that probably colors my perspective a bit.

tj444 -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 9:23:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer So, I've felt deep relief when she's stood up after her coffee and revealed a rather squidgy and square-shaped arse. (I'm not greatly partial to squidgy and square-shaped arses.) Whew. oh gee... i had to look up the definition of squidgy.. I found this: "soft and wet and changing shape easily when pressed Bread which has just come out of the oven is often still squidgy in the middle." http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/british/squidgy How can someone have a square-shaped arse if its squidgy (changing shape easily)? that seems contradictory to me.. I think of jiggly bubble-butts as squidgy.. You know, dear Peon,.. women look at men's arses too.. [;)] [:D]

theRose4U -> RE: Red Flags That You Missed (1/2/2013 9:50:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 ORIGINAL: theRose4U Strangely guys I knock unconscious in first 30 minutes of knowing have been best & longest relationships. (For record relationships only start after consciousness is regained) [8\|] What can I say? 2 I was with for many happy years (7 & 4) the only thing they had in common was me opening doors in their face knocking them out. I'm clumsey & they apparently liked it? A LoT!!

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