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TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 7:17:41 AM   
Kidsphoenixx


Posts: 68
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline 		Brief synopsis.
We know 2 D/s couples. Couple 1 we’ve known for a long time. ( I clarify that, in that we’ve known sub 1 a long time, her Dom is recent….and they are now newlyweds) Couple 2 was introduced to us by Couple 1’s Dom.  Couple 2 is/was vanilla, but are now exploring BDSM. Dom 1 was mentoring sub 2. Dom 2 is  a newbie, learning fast ( and well). ( Dom 2 and sub 2 are/were a vanilla couple.)
Collaring has been discussed…… sub 2 “likes” the idea ( but is afraid of losing some “freedoms”). When Dom 2 asked our advice on collars, Master said ‘ You’ll know when the time is right’. Dom 1 and sub 2 have had a relationship for quite some time. Dom 1 has now suggested to Dom 2 that they BOTH collar sub 2.
Master and I are a little disturbed/perturbed……..we have never heard of a sub being collared by 2 Doms. ( Master is mentoring Dom 2, mainly because Dom 1 seemed only interested in ‘mentoring’ sub2 ( though Dom 2 understood it was to be mentoring for both of them).
Master suggested I post here and ask if anyone has heard of, or  has experience of a sub being collared by 2 Doms. ( We are well aware that ‘whatever the parties agree too…’ applies, yet we both feel uneasy about this situation.)
Obviously, there is much more involved, however, it is the question of a sub with 2 collars that we’d really like to clarify/understand. ( Dom 2 is in regular contact with Master, asking advice etc. and Master would like to be able to put Dom 2’s mind at ease….on this score at least). ( sub 2 has not been totally honest with Dom 2, and Dom 1 has not been totally honest with sub 1….and this is making Master and I a little uneasy about the ‘ 2 collars’)
Just a simple “ Yes, I’ve heard of/ have experience of a sub being collared by 2 Doms” is all we really seek…………..anyone is welcome to contact me off-forum with their knowledge/experience.
Thank you .
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 8:18:33 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kidsphoenixx
we have never heard of a sub being collared by 2 Doms. ( Just a simple “ Yes, I’ve heard of/ have experience of a sub being collared by 2 Doms” is all we really seek…………..anyone is welcome to contact me off-forum with their knowledge/experience.
Thank you .


Yup, it's out there.

There are some people who post here now who are owned by more than one, and I was once involved in that situation.

However, if people aren't being fully honest with eachother, they shouldn't even be discussing making a commitment to a relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 8:33:36 AM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It may not be *very* common, but it does happen, and it's not very rare, either.

I say - if it's what they think will work for them, they should go for it.

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 8:38:43 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Have heard of it, known one person (a dom) who was involved in such an arrangement.  I believe the term is polyandry.  Not one of my kinks, but so long as they're being honest about it I don't see any particular harm in it.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 9:24:53 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		A collar means whatever you want it to, no more and no less, no matter what the lifestyle police say. So there's nothing wrong with two collars, it just depends on what it means to you. Don't let anyone tell you differently; they can use it however they want, but they can't force you to conform to their way of thinking.

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 9:29:33 AM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, we have direct experience with this. I will be happy to contact you off-list with details.


ZWD

< Message edited by LadiesBladewing -- 6/18/2006 9:30:21 AM >

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"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 10:29:37 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Yes... I heard of it... Seen it as well!

However, generally speaking the sub/slave is collared by Doms that are in an intimate relationship together. (usually male/female couple.  but there are more than a few same sex couples as well)   I have never heard of Two Dominants collaring one submissive that where not intimately involved being very successful in the long term thou.  Seems to me for Two Dominants to share the ownership of submissive the relationship between them must be extremely good for it to work in the long term.  Of those that try it, Very few actually have done it successfully for any signifcant length of time. (significant being over 5 years). 

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 11:06:15 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I've served two people at once. As long as the hierarchy of obedience is clear (that is, who's rules come first, and if you're given conflicting instructions who your highest duty is to) it's not too bad, and can be very rewarding.

Edited to add:
I meant two people -not- in a romantic relationship. The first people I belonged to were a M/F couple, but after my Owner and myself got together, for six months or so I served both him and another dominant guy.


< Message edited by perverseangelic -- 6/18/2006 11:09:58 AM >

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 11:07:12 AM   
aleshaDreams


Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		Replay to the OP:

From a learning submissives viewpoint, i personally see that this type of arrangement could become very confusing very fast especially if the Dominants are not on the same page, have the same ultimate ideas, and do not provide the same direction at all times to the sub/slave.  i would be troubled by such dynamics as well especially in the scenerio that concerns you (a new couple in the lifestyle still learning the primary ropes, and a senior more experienced couple).  Hummm i do not foresee it as lasting for very long, but if they learn and develop all the more power to them, and for that i wish them the best of experience.

an interesting scenerio to say the least though.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 12:04:36 PM   
Kidsphoenixx


Posts: 68
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline 		Fast reply to all.
Thank you LA…..and all others who responded. J
Yes, I agree about the total honesty! That is another facet of this odd situation that has us standing smack in the middle! With 2 of the parties revealing their “not total honesty’, and us left with the dilemma of revelation, or not. One of those ‘ethical/morality’ things. To be placed in this position is not comfortable, with the ‘right’ thing not as clear cut as it would seem.
We would be very interested to know more details on the dynamics of a 2-collar sub……though KoM’s observations seem most probable, from our own thoughts anyway. There is definitely NO intimacy between the 2 Doms…….indeed, there is more than a little, um, well,  question about ‘agendas’.
Such is life…..sadly.
We begin to realise our hermits’ existence has definite benefits. * smiles*
Once again, to all……thank you.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 12:40:06 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
I hope Twice Happy comments here, as I know she is collared by 2 Dominants.
It might take a little more work and communication, but I don’t see how it would be immensely different than a sub who is collared to a Dominant/Dominant couple.

_____________________________

IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 1:09:37 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		from what you shared.... it seems doomed to fail before it starts

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 1:15:39 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I have seen it work and (more often) I have seen it be a complete train wreck.  The problem comes in defining the heirarchy.  If Dom1 says something that contradicts Dom 2...what is the result?  It can be confusing.  The sub can be resentful to one or both of the Doms.  The Doms can be resentful of one another.  The sub can be caught in the middle of feuding Doms.  whew...that's the bad part.

However, if everyone is open and communicates and puts some rules and expectations clearly on the table and the two Doms work together well, it can work.  From what you have explained though about the mentoring situation...it doesn't seem so much a mentor situation as a hunting expedition...but I obviously don't know the whole story.

In essence, move forward with caution but it can work.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 1:18:48 PM   
aellea


Posts: 91
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		ok i can't find one Dom and get one damned collar, how/what are these others doing to get two Doms/collars?

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 3:23:35 PM   
Kidsphoenixx


Posts: 68
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline 		Fast reply to all.
Yes, KoM, I fear you are right. We are in a difficult position though....knowing more than some of the participants, and unwilling to become embroiled in the resulting nasty stuff if we speak our minds............my first instinct is to confront the ' not totally honest' bits, but as someone who doesn't handle trauma very well, I ( selfishly?) have no real wish to open THAT can of worms. 2 very nice people stand to be very hurt by this though........arrrrggghhh........give me Master and my cats and bugger the rest of the human race!

To aellea: * laughs* hang in there kiddo.............keep 'kissing the frogs', and your Prince will appear....just avoid the TOADs ( Totally Opportunistic Asshole Dom)

(in reply to aellea)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 3:34:21 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		The order of hierachial precidence is what is important IMO. This is also why that UIB does the initial collaring and in doing so a kajira is owbed by both Neets and I. Neets is MoS (Mistress of Slaves, and sees to their daily routines but we both share the basic training. later if a slave is deemed ready and probably depending on gender either one of us may recollar a slave with a personal collar and yet the slave still is under HIB rules and regs as well as disclipline.... When things need to be done pronto like getting me coffee or something, the first slave to answer the bell or my bellow gets to do the task.... However <VWEG> If I have a girl in my personal collar she is the one who has to hold and point when I'm having a piss.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 5:01:52 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline 		In my tradition we had mentors who would place a second collar around a slave's neck to symbolize that they were in a position of authority just below the Master's authority.
 
In this case, when Couple 2 are anywhere "with" Dom 1, he is empowered to quietly but firmly correct, teach, and guide the submissive in question without anyone else having a right to speak out about it. (remember, usually it is a cardinal rule never to reprimand someone else's sub?)
 
I wonder is this second collar only for a specific period of time? Or maybe until certain goals are reached in the sub's training and the Dom(2)'s maturity with his sub?
 
Whenever a second collar is in place it is usually very important to sit down, write out the exact parameters and give it a specified time-limit that allows everyone concerned a chance to renew, or end the mentoring agreement.
 
I've also seen a Master give a collar and the mentor give a charm to hand from that collar so that people who observe don't become so confused.
 
<edited to add: remember that a mentor can also be teaching in a very limited capacity - for example, I may want my slave to learn very formal dining etiquette. Let's say we decide to put her skills to use to see how well she's doing. During the dinner party, I would be the gracious hostess, while the mentor would be "behind the scenes", counselling, critiquing, and even reassuring her. I might not even be aware that the mashed potatoes went bottoms up on the kitchen floor and she had to scrape all but the bottom layer back into a fresh bowl in order to serve them. I get the joy of seeing her shine along with everyone else.
 
It it the trustworthy mentors who keep their focus on their goals who eventually become keyholders and trusted friends should the sub ever find herself without her master due to death or illness>

< Message edited by Calandra -- 6/18/2006 5:15:33 PM >

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
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RE: TWO collars?? - 6/18/2006 6:24:44 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Honestly it sounds like Dom 1 wants sub 2 and thinks the only way to do that is to bi-collar her with Dom 2. I have a feeling once he gets his collar on her, he will make her choose to follow his rules first and take her over as her primary Dom. Could be wrong but when everyone is not being honest with each other about the whole thing, it's just a huge blow up waiting for the lit fuse to get to the bomb.

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: TWO collars?? - 6/19/2006 6:52:02 AM   
Kidsphoenixx


Posts: 68
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline 		Indeed sublizzie, that's pretty much our take on it all....compounded by the fact that sub 1 and Dom 2 were having an affair before Couple 1  began their investigation of BDSM.
'Tis sad, and we predict it will all disintegrate......and  we don't want to be the catalyst with any revelations.... nor do we relish the idea of being in the middle of it all.
I have never understood why people put other people in this position.....why they tell them ' secrets', and then leave them with the ethical/moral dilemma.

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 19
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