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In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/7/2004 3:34:27 PM

lebmelech

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

To the Mistresses out there:

i'm a relatively inexperienced sub who is seeking to move from the online world to the real world. While i have little experience, i do engage in plenty of self control excersizes (i.e. self enforced chastity and whatnot).

Is this kind of experience a decent start? What is it that You look for in a sub who has little to no experience?

Just getting a feel for the opinions out there!

Thanks in advance,

lebmelech

Post #: 1

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/7/2004 3:54:31 PM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Bush/Cheney in '04 - because why change horsemen mid-apocalypse?

Well.. I would begin my evaluation based on that quote, and not want to go any further. Politic's aside. Intellectual compatibility, and the ability to balance everyday life with the kink is what makes for a good sub.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to lebmelech)

Post #: 2

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/7/2004 4:09:25 PM

lebmelech

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaitresseEden

quote:

Bush/Cheney in '04 - because why change horsemen mid-apocalypse?

Well.. I would begin my evaluation based on that quote, and not want to go any further. Politic's aside. Intellectual compatibility, and the ability to balance everyday life with the kink is what makes for a good sub.

Ms. Eden

Thank You very much for your feedback. As per the quote- i'm about as leftist as they come. Because i do recognize that while a Domme interviews a sub, so too does the sub interview the Domme. For me, being so leftist, i really need my politics to jive with whomever i'm with :) That being said, your response is much appreciated.

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

Post #: 3

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/7/2004 5:41:13 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Can you do the following in your chastity?

Clean the toilet with a toothbrush?
Cook a 3-5 course meal?
Do laundry, including ironing?
Run the vacuum cleaner, including vacuuming the furniture to pick up the cat hair?
Scoop the litter boxes?
Rub my feet, then do a full body massage, rubbing lightly until I fall asleep?
Drive me where I want to go and carry my packages while shopping?

If you can, this is a good start for me.

Fire

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to lebmelech)

Post #: 4

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/7/2004 6:30:03 PM

lebmelech

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFire70

Can you do the following in your chastity?

Clean the toilet with a toothbrush?
Cook a 3-5 course meal?
Do laundry, including ironing?
Run the vacuum cleaner, including vacuuming the furniture to pick up the cat hair?
Scoop the litter boxes?
Rub my feet, then do a full body massage, rubbing lightly until I fall asleep?
Drive me where I want to go and carry my packages while shopping?

If you can, this is a good start for me.

Fire

hehehe well, im good at cleaning toilets, though its easier with a good brush and i always find the toilet ends up cleaner, i make most foods (other than seafood...i just have never eaten it and cant cook it) but i make fresh pastas and the like with all organic ingredients (better for the body), good at vacuuming, have a cat of my own so the litter box and cat hair are easy, massage is a favorite of mine, and i love to shop. so i guess im headed in the right direction

(in reply to MistressFire70)

Post #: 5

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/7/2004 7:47:21 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

Household chores are nice. But, can you read me to sleep? Can you follow orders politely and with a smile, even when you don't like them? Can you step outside the daydream of what submission seems to be to live with the reality? Do you know there are times when she will tell you to get lost and mean it? We aren't here to entertain on command.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to lebmelech)

Post #: 6

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/8/2004 2:46:23 PM

MistresKatamaura

Posts: 34
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

I evaluate a sub/slave by personality, understanding of BDSM, honesty and integrity.

Forgive my bad spelling.......I can't find my dictionary today.....

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 7

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/9/2004 3:58:10 AM

pet4WOMEN

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/20/2004
Status: offline

i can do all of them Your Highness

(in reply to MistressFire70)

Post #: 8

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/9/2004 10:05:09 AM

111597

Posts: 22
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline

I started online. One has to be very careful when working with people. They are good ones and bad ones.
Since you are new, you need to learn as much as you can before you go into the club scene.
I started my journey in the lifestyle by using a Mentor to guide me and let me explore my deepest desires.
What he found that I was really a dominant instead of a submissive. Good luck on your journey. Don't give up. You know the old sayings you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you kiss the prince.
Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

(in reply to lebmelech)

Post #: 9

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/9/2004 4:00:31 PM

MistressDidi

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Every Domme has Her own specific desires in the subs She will want.

As for Myself, I require complete obedience.

When you're ready for the next step -- approaching Dommes -- read My Gift first. This will help you quite a bit.

< Message edited by MistressDidi -- 11/9/2004 4:04:04 PM >

_____________________________

Always MY Pleasure.
The Mistress Didi*

(in reply to lebmelech)

Post #: 10

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/9/2004 4:23:02 PM

MissP

Posts: 103
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline

Personality first and foremost. Lack of will almost certainly get you discounted.

(in reply to MistressDidi)

Post #: 11

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/9/2004 5:16:55 PM

smile2cu

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/21/2004
From: Dayton, OH
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFire70
Can you do the following in your chastity?

Clean the toilet with a toothbrush?
Cook a 3-5 course meal?
Do laundry, including ironing?
Run the vacuum cleaner, including vacuuming the furniture to pick up the cat hair?
Scoop the litter boxes?
Rub my feet, then do a full body massage, rubbing lightly until I fall asleep?
Drive me where I want to go and carry my packages while shopping?

If you can, this is a good start for me.

Fire

Well, I hate chastity and am not very good at household chores, but wait!

I love giving oral, and pleasing women. Practice and listening seem to have helped. I give a great massage, including feet and gentle caresses. I can cook. And carry on a reasonably intelligent conversation.

Let others grovel. I think you have to decide whether you're looking for a doormat and housemaid or a real person. If its the former, better pass me by.

_____________________________

Friendly, kind, cheerful, and oral.

~smile~

(in reply to MistressFire70)

Post #: 12

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/9/2004 6:01:03 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

I enjoy newbies! What I look for in a sub is humility and patience, eagerness to learn and an open heart. If given a choice between sweet and sassy, I prefer sweet (with a sassy little fringe) and above all, I like *bright*!

I look for a sub who isn't afraid to ask if he is not familiar with something, who lets Me know what he fears, what he dislikes and what he really doesn't want to do. AND what he really DOES want to do! I work well with fearful subs or those who haven't done much in the scene and don't really know what their limits are, yet.

If I were to categorise My ideal "newbie sub" he would be a Golden Retriever... soft, a bit on the shy side, but oh, so willing to please and willing to go along with Me for our mutual delight. I adore the startled look in his eyes as pleasure overtakes him for the first time at a particular exercise! I love to hold him as he shakes in My arms waiting for that new level of sensation to become familiar... or at least more comfortable... and I love to see him take just >< that much more than he thought he could when the scene started!

That's what I look for in a sub!

Lady Sonelle

(in reply to lebmelech)

Post #: 13

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/9/2004 7:28:42 PM

MistressDidi

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

smile2cu,

you have given a wonderful example for lebmelech's quest for knowledge and have been of service to the Ccommunity. Judging from how you chose to post, I choose to alert you that it is not My intention nor My desire to chastize you. I receive payment for that kind of activity. I use your post for the benefit of lebmelech.

quote:

ORIGINAL: smile2cu
I love giving oral, and pleasing women... I give a great massage, including feet and gentle caresses...

This is for this sub's pleasure. The submissive's job is to please the Mistress how She decides for you to please Her.

quote:

Let others grovel. I think you have to decide whether you're looking for a doormat and housemaid or a real person. If its the former, better pass me by.

This is a perfect example of how NOT to be submissive and an example of someone trying to top-from-the-bottom. Note the disrespectful tone throughout the entire post. There is currently a post on this board about "sams" which will also be good research for you.

< Message edited by MistressDidi -- 11/9/2004 7:32:00 PM >

_____________________________

Always MY Pleasure.
The Mistress Didi*

(in reply to smile2cu)

Post #: 14

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/9/2004 8:24:46 PM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

I'm sorry Ms. Didi. but I have to disagree. I do not feel that Smiles2u was topping from the bottom he was honestly listing his skill set, and yes while those things do bring him pleasure, it is important to understand that not all submissives are masochist, and not all masochists are submissives. I didn't find his tone to be disrespectful. I doubt smiles would refuse to do the dishes is tols, but he is being honest and forthright and saying they may not be up to a mistress's standards.

Furthermore, I researched the links you posted initiatlly and instructions to give a tribute, and your requirement of a slave application fee, to be not a manifestation of your dominance, but more of a symptom of your motivation. For a great many of us submission has very little to do with monetary gains, and this forum is for the open and free discussion of the issues. My question for you is you state emphatically that you "Require complete obiedence" yet as a pro-domme, do you not cater to the needs of your clients in essence giving them what they pay for?. And what if what you ask is something that they do not consent to?

I have nothing against pro dommes, and many of my friends are. However the ones of high caliber that I associate with, are also lifestyle practicioners and would never charge for conversing and answering questions and considering subs.

In answer to the orignal question.. I suggest the subs read the thread. 10 steps to impress of Mistress. Do a search for it.. in this section.
Ms. Eden

< Message edited by MaitresseEden -- 11/9/2004 8:27:54 PM >

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to MistressDidi)

Post #: 15

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/9/2004 9:22:27 PM

lebmelech

Posts: 14
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

i just wanted to post a quick reply and let all of You know that i am quietly following this thread as new posts come up. i stepped back from posting on it since the last post as i didn't want this to come across as a personal ad. that truly is not the intent of this, nor is it the intent to make myself out as something i'm not. the intent is purely to get a sense as to what goes through different Domme's minds when evaluating someone with little to no experience and in knowing that how to highlight some of the qualities that are inherently me so as to make myself more attractive to my future Domme.

as i'm sure You all know, it would be impossible to just out right lie about it. perhaps initially, but it would not hold up in a lasting relationship which is ultimately what i seek.

just wanted to clarify and let You all know that i am watching and truly appreciate Your posts!

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

Post #: 16

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/9/2004 10:01:27 PM

MistressDidi

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

There is no reason to apologize for having a difference in opinion. It is Oour differences that make the world an interesting place.

One of My annoyances with Dominants with ProDomme "friends" is that their friends do not educate them -- which is one of the reasons they think their friends are of "high caliber" and that they actually know something about Professional Domination and the difference between the Fetish Art that I am a practitioner of and what hooker-dommes do.

One of the reasons I place MY WEBSITE with links to pertinent information in My profile is to give people the opportunity to know what they're talking about before thinking they can make assumptions about or attempt to judge Me.

quote:

... I researched the links you posted initiatlly and instructions to give a tribute, and your requirement of a slave application fee, to be not a manifestation of your dominance, but more of a symptom of your motivation. For a great many of us submission has very little to do with monetary gains...

I realize that I am unlike the vast majority of Dommes out here -- I actually DO receive on average 100 emails PER DAY requesting service to Me. This is why I have an application fee -- to weed out the pretenders and "wannasubs". I do not like having My precious time wasted. All of those who are in service to Me followed instructions without a problem submitting the application fee. That's because they are serious about proper service to a Domme of My caliber. So many, many subs approach Me because they want what I have. I am the living fantasy and I recognize that I deserve and enjoy the finer things in life, including finer submissives. There are plenty of Dominants out there who don't charge a fee and those who have money issues of any kind can easily unite -- whether on this forum or others, at parties, through personal ads, etc.

quote:

My question for you is you state emphatically that you "Require complete obiedence" yet as a pro-domme, do you not cater to the needs of your clients in essence giving them what they pay for?. And what if what you ask is something that they do not consent to?

Money is merely an exchange for services. I always choose which services I will offer and all activities are discussed and agreed to prior to the session. Real ProDommes do that. I also do not accept a client if I do not believe that I will enjoy the session. Unlike so many so-called pro-dommes, I am not doing this for the money; I choose to receive money because I deserve to for My excellence and skill and because I choose everything that I do to support My enjoyment of life. I live in a big, fast, expensive city and I like having money a lot and having a lot of money! As a Lifestyle Dominatrix, of course, I have submissives who offer Me various services that do not involve money. My requirement of complete obedience has nothing to do with money or anyone else's desires; it is about Me being properly served. Period. It's that simple.

quote:

... and this forum is for the open and free discussion of the issues.

What is great about that is how much can be learned from the sharing of experiences and ideas -- which is the whole point of messageboards.

I maintain that smile2cu's tone was demanding and disrespectful. It was an ego move which had nothing to do with a submissive being a masochist or visa-versa. There is no reason for a submissive to respond to a Domme's list of requirements for submission to Her which were not addressed "to him" -- especially in the manner that he chose to -- unless he was exercising his right to "free discussion" -- the same as you and I are doing regarding what Oothers have said. That being the case, he felt free to address a Dominant the way he did, I felt free to address what I consider to be disrespectful behavior, and you felt free to address what you thought about Me being a ProDomme. Isn't the internet wonderful?

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by MistressDidi -- 11/9/2004 10:14:54 PM >

_____________________________

Always MY Pleasure.
The Mistress Didi*

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

Post #: 17

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/10/2004 6:09:46 AM

MaitresseEden

Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline

We can agree to disagree. My initial reaction came from seing your first post, which came across as an outright bid for money, if the original poster wanted you opinions or comments hence my dislike, seeing that you are willing to discuss the topic freely it is a Moot point.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDidi
One of My annoyances with Dominants with ProDomme "friends" is that their friends do not educate them -- which is one of the reasons they think their friends are of "high caliber" and that they actually know something about Professional Domination and the difference between the Fetish Art that I am a practitioner of and what hooker-dommes do.

I assure that I am well educated as to what Professional Domaination is about. My friends ( I'm not a name dropper) are well known and highly visable often featured in DDI, the Vault, the Lecture Circuit and even TV documentaries. None of which charge for initial consultations, Which you may or may not do. It it there that my red flag was raised).

I totally understand getting paid for services rendered. I have no problem with it, and understand completely that time is money, and I completly defend the profession of Pro dommes as I think they are valuable memebers of the community, and perform a service to the community and are a great place for many people to cross over from the fantasy world to that of reality.

quote:

One of the reasons I place MY WEBSITE with links to pertinent information in My profile is to give people the opportunity to know what they're talking about before thinking they can make assumptions about or attempt to judge Me.

My Judgment of you and I will readily admit to it being quick, came from 2 things.
First:

quote:

As for Myself, I require complete obedience.

When you're ready for the next step -- approaching Dommes -- read My Gift first. This will help you quite a bit.

In this one statement you provided not one but 2 links to requests for money, albeit one was broken, I was able to find it by peruseing your site.

Secondly, you response to Smiles, who was directly responding to Fire's question with a list of his talents. Having followed his posts over the months I assure you he is very respectful in his posting, and manners with the ladies.

This brings me to another point. All too often people assume that all Subs, should submit to all Dommes and address them is certain ways, and treat them with a certain degree of respect, I do not agree. Respect is earned, and subs are free to choose with whom they wish to submit to.

I respect the fact that the original poster is a conservative, however I don't agree with that so I posted that I would evaluate a person based on thier politics, The fact that he graciously accepted that, and didn't choose to make it an issue shows me that he is serious about finding someone who is compatible for him.

Ms. Eden

_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to MistressDidi)

Post #: 18

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/10/2004 12:40:22 PM

MistressDidi

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Very interesting response.

Normally, I do not explain Myself, especially to address attempts to judge Me. I chose to extend the courtesy and the opportunity to you and the original poster to understand some of the differences between Dommes, Professional or otherwise. Viva la difference!

quote:

My initial reaction came from seing your first post, which came across as an outright bid for money, if the original poster wanted you opinions or comments hence my dislike, seeing that you are willing to discuss the topic freely it is a Moot point.

If I understand what you've written correctly, I think you misunderstood what I wrote in My first post. I have no problems telling people when I want money. That would be "outright".

quote:

All too often people assume that all Subs, should submit to all Dommes and address them is certain ways, and treat them with a certain degree of respect, I do not agree. Respect is earned, and subs are free to choose with whom they wish to submit to.

I disagree with you here. I do believe that respect is earned and that is the submissive's job. However, if one chooses to be a submissive, then one needs to show respect at all times to Dominants. The submissive may choose to deal with a particular Dominant or not, but respect is mandatory. I also recognize that I did miss that smiles2cu was directly responding to Mistress Fire's request, which does not change My opinion that he was less than respectful in the manner of his response. It is nice that you vouch for his respectfulness as it fits within your standards.

quote:

My Judgment of you and I will readily admit to it being quick, came from 2 things... In this one statement you provided not one but 2 links to requests for money...

I get paid for My services -- that's what a ProDomme does. That's what any professional or worker-bee does. I provided a service by offering information via the internet and gave people the opportunity to show their appreciation. As you stated, "requests". This is obvious and should be appreciated as a sign of My generosity.

quote:

I respect the fact that the original poster is a conservative, however I don't agree with that so I posted that I would evaluate a person based on thier politics, The fact that he graciously accepted that, and didn't choose to make it an issue shows me that he is serious about finding someone who is compatible for him.

It would not make sense for someone who asked for knowledge and opinions to make an issue over what you have offered. Especially when, as you've said, this board is for free discussions. The only purpose for making an issue over the gift of knowledge is for ego gratification. The original poster is obviously smarter than that. He has even posted that he has followed this thread, although not responding to many posts, and that he appreciates all that has been offered. Intelligence and education are two, key things I look for in a personal submissive.

And I agree with you ~ I, too, take great consideration of a person's politics in any aspect of how I choose to deal with her/him.

By the way, are those actually your feet in your avatar? It's a very hot pic.

_____________________________

Always MY Pleasure.
The Mistress Didi*

(in reply to MaitresseEden)

Post #: 19

RE: In evaluating a new submissive... - 11/10/2004 12:49:28 PM

MistressDidi

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Lady Sonelle,

You speak poetry! These qualities are on My list!

quote:

I look for a sub who isn't afraid to ask if he is not familiar with something, who lets Me know what he fears, what he dislikes and what he really doesn't want to do. AND what he really DOES want to do! I work well with fearful subs or those who haven't done much in the scene and don't really know what their limits are, yet.

I particularly love how You describe the Scene...

quote:

If I were to categorise My ideal "newbie sub" he would be a Golden Retriever... soft, a bit on the shy side, but oh, so willing to please and willing to go along with Me for our mutual delight. I adore the startled look in his eyes as pleasure overtakes him for the first time at a particular exercise! I love to hold him as he shakes in My arms waiting for that new level of sensation to become familiar... or at least more comfortable... and I love to see him take just >< that much more than he thought he could when the scene started!

_____________________________

Always MY Pleasure.
The Mistress Didi*

(in reply to LadySonelle)

Post #: 20

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