RE: In evaluating a new submissive...

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smile2cu -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/10/2004 1:02:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDidi I maintain that smile2cu's tone was demanding and disrespectful. It was an ego move which had nothing to do with a submissive being a masochist or visa-versa. There is no reason for a submissive to respond to a Domme's list of requirements for submission to Her which were not addressed "to him" -- especially in the manner that he chose to -- unless he was exercising his right to "free discussion" -- the same as you and I are doing regarding what Oothers have said. That being the case, he felt free to address a Dominant the way he did, I felt free to address what I consider to be disrespectful behavior, and you felt free to address what you thought about Me being a ProDomme. Isn't the internet wonderful? Ms. Didi, It was not my intent to be disrespectful, let alone demanding. You are quite clear as to what you're looking for, and it isn't me. I do thank you for not wasting anyone's time beating around the bush about it. I ran across your profile before, and while, if I may say so, you're quite attractive, it didn't take but a few seconds to see that this wasn't an appropriate match. That's OK. Everybody's not for everybody. As far as professionals are concerned, one of my very good friends is a professional escort. I'd no more mooch from her than from my lawyer and physician friends. I can't afford her very often professionally, but when I can she's worth every penny. I wasn't inexperienced orally, but she's certainly helped a lot. These days we can barely crawl to the door after a session. We're friends outside as well, and have seen each other through several tough times, but she clearly is a professional in the finest sense of the word. I agree about New York City. A wonderful, fascinating place if you have money. A miserable place if you don't. I used to live in upstate NY, and visited just often enough to be able to afford it. So my memories are almost all good. But you don't have to look too far to see the unhappiness of many there. As to my "qualifications" as a sub. Frankly I had some difficulty in selecting a classification, as I'm not a masochist and not particularly into pain. The closest single word description I've been able to find is "Pleaser", and that's not one of the choices. So, for example, if it pleased a woman to inflict some pain, I'd probably like it for the pleasure it gave her. I recently was in a conversation about humblers, which included pictures, and my eyes kind of lit up. So maybe I'm not totally hopeless. A lot of sex is pleasurable to both parties. I think that's the mark of a good design. Nothing wrong with that. I've certainly made sure that my partners have been satisfied first. I can honestly say I get as much pleasure giving pleasure as "getting" it. (And it lasts a lot longer too![sm=lol.gif]) I don't quite understand why you think I shouldn't have taken part in this discussion. This was not a private message, but a public forum. My concern is that I keep wondering if there's a place for someone like me, who takes pleasure in pleasing women. I think this is the right forum to raise such a question. And the responses have been enlightening. There is a contingent on CM that takes things very seriously. I try to enjoy what I'm doing, and so far I'm having a wonderful time! I respectfully recommend enjoying life. In summary, I think I'd be an appealing sub to some people. Obviously you're not one of them. And that's OK.

MaitresseEden -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/10/2004 1:31:54 PM)
quote: I have no problems telling people when I want money. That would be "outright". And I do not have a problem with that, it is just that it came across as if you wanted it simply to participate in the forum, and hence my initial reaction. quote: However, if one chooses to be a submissive, then one needs to show respect at all times to Dominants. The submissive may choose to deal with a particular Dominant or not, but respect is mandatory . Human kindness, and civility yes, it is always helpful and warrented when makeing contact with a person. As you yourself have said, Dommes are different and what one expects the other may reject, and hence subs should be free to speak freely until they are told otherwise and then comply to that instruction if it is with thier consent, that being said I found smiles contact to be honest, and civil, but it is a moot point at this time. quote: I provided a service by offering information via the internet and gave people the opportunity to show their appreciation. As you stated, "requests". This is obvious and should be appreciated as a sign of My generosity. Please clarify something for me, does this mean that you feel you should be compensated for the time that you spend voluntarily posting in forums? quote: The only purpose for making an issue over the gift of knowledge is for ego gratification Isn't knowledge an important factor in determining compatibility? Without knowledge one would have no use for ego. quote: And I agree with you ~ I, too, take great consideration of a person's politics in any aspect of how I choose to deal with her/him. By the way, are those actually your feet in your avatar? It's a very hot pic. It's good to see we are like-minded in the importance of politics... and yes those are my feet as with all the photo's on my profile. I am blessed to have a best friend who is a photographer, and indulges my inner camera slut. Ms. Eden

MaitresseEden -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/10/2004 1:43:10 PM)
quote: As to my "qualifications" as a sub. Frankly I had some difficulty in selecting a classification, as I'm not a masochist and not particularly into pain. The closest single word description I've been able to find is "Pleaser", and that's not one of the choices. So, for example, if it pleased a woman to inflict some pain, I'd probably like it for the pleasure it gave her. I recently was in a conversation about humblers, which included pictures, and my eyes kind of lit up. So maybe I'm not totally hopeless. Good for you!.. I will hold fast to my belief that the beauty and freeing aspect of this lifestyle is ones ability to define for themselves what it is about it they like and want and accept. Expected Behavior is so highly socialized and programmed into us from the moment we are born that is pains me to see paradigms placed on those who are trying to escape the confines of socialized expectations for ones gender. quote: My concern is that I keep wondering if there's a place for someone like me, who takes pleasure in pleasing women . Of course there is... in my opinion a woman who doesnt' want to be please is only punishing herself! Ms. Eden.

MistressDidi -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/11/2004 10:30:12 AM)
smiles2u, you're quite the charmer! To clarify, I do not believe that you should not have responded to Mistress Fire. I was unaware that She had addressed you in particular, per what Ms. Eden specified. I think that you will create your niche, especially since you feel that offering pleasure is your forte'. That's a wonderful Fetish, in My book! And you're right about NYC, so many unhappy, ugly faces. It's sad. I truly believe that Oone must have a 3 to 5 year plan to move to or create some kind of Paradise in order to stay sane in the Big Apple... Which brings Me to post a topic on "How Do Yyou Describe Paradise?"

MistressDidi -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/11/2004 10:42:14 AM)
quote: quote: I have no problems telling people when I want money. That would be "outright". And I do not have a problem with that, it is just that it came across as if you wanted it simply to participate in the forum, and hence my initial reaction. Please clarify something for me, does this mean that you feel you should be compensated for the time that you spend voluntarily posting in forums? You're really caught up on your interpretation of what I have written. I have shown this thread to several other people who were not confused at all by anything I wrote. For the last time, if I required money for what I post in FREE forums, I would not have spent so much of My valuable time and energies clarifying and repeating Myself to you. That should be as obvious as Our differences in what We believe about and choose in Dominance and submission.

smile2cu -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/11/2004 2:00:00 PM)
Ms. Didi, Repeat business, which is necessary to succeed in as competitive an environment as NYC, would seem to indicate that you're pleasing your subs. I say good for you, and if you enjoy your work, all the better. But the idea that your subs aren't enjoying themselves would not seem to be true. Please let me know if I'm missing something here. To clarify, Ms. Eden said "Smiles ... was directly responding to Fire's question with a list of his talents. Having followed his posts over the months I assure you he is very respectful in his posting, and manners with the ladies." She didn't say that Fire had specifically addressed me with the question, just that it is customary to have multiple responses in a public forum. I hope I'm always respectful, although I do try to see the funny side of things. I never mean that as disrespect or a lack of politeness. I just don't think one should go through life deadly serious when one can choose to be happy. Thank you for your good wishes. Peek under your Paradise topic for more.[:D]

Brindle -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/11/2004 3:14:47 PM)
Er... ahem Can someone else join in? lol Well I'm new and I admit to having made mistakes so hopefully I'm learning.... But I try and list what I want - especially that which is not focused on teh sexual and has been explained so eloquently earlier on in teh thread - I try and discover if there is empathy, an ability to talk through issues, the understanding that although I will listen and evaluate that the final desicion is and will always be mine, that limits on non-sexual are there to be challenged, but an understanding that respect is to be earnt on both sides, a realisation by teh sub that it's NOT all about sex and that they will have to accommodate my wishes, desires and fetishes if I am to consider accomodating theirs.... But ultimately to me it is about an understanding that pleasure is there to be gained on BOTH sides provided that understanding is reached.

Wolfiedog -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/11/2004 5:10:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadySonelle If I were to categorise My ideal "newbie sub" he would be a Golden Retriever... soft, a bit on the shy side, but oh, so willing to please and willing to go along with Me for our mutual delight. I adore the startled look in his eyes as pleasure overtakes him for the first time at a particular exercise! I love to hold him as he shakes in My arms waiting for that new level of sensation to become familiar... or at least more comfortable... and I love to see him take just >< that much more than he thought he could when the scene started! That's what I look for in a sub! Lady Sonelle Thank You, Lady Sonelle. You have summed up my feelings exactly. i guess dog/slaves might be good for something after all... WOOF!!! wolfie

MistressCayenne -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/11/2004 5:50:28 PM)
lebmelech, I find that having explored my passive/submissive side really is helping me to find and connect with my assertive/dominant side. I also am a masochist/SADIST. So I do test my toys on myself in order to figure out how to treat my subs to begin with. This is a great world to me with doing all of this. I hope it all works out for you, Mistress Cayenne

MistressDidi -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/12/2004 1:29:09 PM)
quote: But the idea that your subs aren't enjoying themselves would not seem to be true. Please let me know if I'm missing something here. smiles, I am going to make a few points beyond what you've asked which will help many people understand that there is no such thing as a cookie-cutter type of Dom/me or sub. Although, that seems to be the purpose of these boards, it oftens gets lost, which is why I am repeating Myself. The difference between Me, a Classic Dominatrix, and a hooker-domme is basically this: I play for My pleasure. It is not even a consideration that those I play with will not enjoy themselves. Ppeople approach Me because they want to experience some of who & what I am. This is true for the Dom/mes I double and triple, etc. with as well as for the submissives who are the beneficiaries of My talents. Again, I always choose Wwho plays with Me, whether they are Dom/mes or paying clients or not. It is agreed that I am to be pleased and that it is their pleasure to please and be pleased with Me. Aanyone who cannot relate, is free to go elsewhere and not waste My time or theirs. This works quite well for ME. Clearly, it will not work for everyone. hooker-dommes have the mentality that they are in a service industry, which they are. What their clients want is what they focus on, whether that is what they enjoy or not. THIS IS NOT THE EXACT SCENARIO FOR EVERY PRO-DOMME OR hooker-domme. And for those who are not actually in the business, you must recognize that Yyour insight is extremely limited. Just because Yyou think you know or have patronized a prodomme or a few, doesn't mean that Yyou actually have a clue to what ProDomination is about or what it can be. An adage applies here: You don't know a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. And everyone wears different pairs of shoes. Especially those of Uus who have shoe fetishes! Ultimately, what BDSM and any and every other thing in the Universe as Wwe know it comes down to is that reality is subjective. That means that Yyou as the individual, based upon Yyour psycho-emotional experiences, present state of awareness, and a variety of other factors (including environmental) will determine how Yyou relate to any experience. So, what's good for one Dom/me or sub is not necessarily going to be good for Aanother. Again, I say viva la difference!

MistressDidi -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/12/2004 1:41:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressCayenne ... I do test my toys on myself in order to figure out how to treat my subs to begin with. I always test My equipment on Myself, too! That, in My opinion is what shows the signs of someone who is truly an Artist in the administration of pain and pleasure. lebmelech, you may want to ask Prospectives if this is something They do. I would not be offended, but impressed that the submissive wanted to know about My technique in Play.

lebmelech -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/14/2004 6:38:10 AM)
this thread has confirmed that at least i am on the right track. do You all think that it would be beneficial for me to break out a new thread called, "Questions Dommes wished their subs asked"?

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/14/2004 7:07:31 AM)
Dear MistressDidi, This is the first time I've seen you post, have enjoyed it immensely and learned from it. Am fairly new to this lifestyle, and agree with your principles of sub behavior/respect for who is Dominant. Thanks for the postings; I am not a pro, will probably never be (it's not my thing), but definitely respect you for saying exactly who you are, and what you expect. Lady in RI

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: In evaluating a new submissive... (11/16/2004 1:54:57 AM)
lebmelech, I have thought alot about this thread and I have been watching it unfold, so now I would like to add My own comments, which may or may not be helpful. I do agree with what all the Ladies have said here. And I welcome newbies also, but mainly in a professional capacity. When one applies to Me for a live-in position as a personal slave, to become My property with a contract and collar, it is preferable to have some assurance of experience or a good working knowledge of what they are committing to. All too often this is not the case. For these slaves will be initially relegated to the dirty domestic chores, and work their way up to earning the right to be in a more intimate position with Me. And mutual respect and development of the necessary chemistry is important on both sides. I am much more apt to have the live-in slave who cheerfully performs his tasks and keeps his journal and shows the obedience I expect, to give Me the massage, and cater to My more personal needs, than the one who complains and whines and wants to know when he gets to play. So for a newbie who wishes to live-in, it will usually be for a shorter probationary contract, or, if local, a live out situation, so W/we can both see how things move along. In response to Mistress Didi's posts: As a Pro Domina, I do not charge an application fee. However, much to the surprise of the gentlemen who contact Me, they are advised that I require F2F prior to session. W/we go to lunch or dinner, and have a very long talk. For it is about Me, and if they expect or insist on "scenes" (I so hate that word) that I do not enjoy, I will gently tell them no. For it is about Me and My pleasure and satisfaction, and if I feel I have to do something I do not like, it is going to show in the session. Hence, an unhappy client. Not worth it to Me. Of course these gentlemen always pick up the tab for the lunch or dinner, so perhaps that could be construed as an application fee? In fact I have a gentleman now who actually said he was surprised I wanted to meet him, as the Pro Dommes he had been with before just wanted his money. BTW, the lunch and/or dinner is another way to ensure safety issues. I see ID's and get signatures on the cover page of the follow-up contract. I think We all have different ways of handling this as Professionals. Just My take on this sticky wicket... Sigh I always seem to have to edit those typos. A little OCD here?

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