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RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/1/2013 4:42:37 PM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline 		As we age and acquire more physical limitations, due either to natural or unnatural processes, it can often take quite the toll on our pride, vanity and sense of hope for ourselves and our futures. The planet Saturn is the ruler of limitations, and can be quite the hard taskmaster.

My greatest struggle, and perhaps that of some others, is reconciling the forever young spirit and personality within me (that one that never ages and remembers me as mostly strong, invulnerable and functional to one degree or another) with that of present and future pains and illness, and the limitations they bring.

How bittersweet, at times, to gaze back upon what we were, and how often we failed to honor and appreciate our precious physical beings. How is it, when young, we find it so hard to believe we may one day become infirm? How is it we did not know to make the most of what we were then, before we fall prey to irreversible changes? How fickle some of us humans are.

I was as strong as a horse, and out-worked many a man in my day. I took great relish in my physical strength and endurance and put it to the test everyday. My crime lies in having forgotten I had a woman's body, and did not know that 30, 40 years down the line, it would take such a great physical toll. My crime...my sentence.

That, plus horse wrecks, injuries, surgeries, tick-borne disease, genetic immune disorder arising, CFS, Fibro, MCS, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, herniated/herniating discs, Crohn's and whatnot has certainly put a damper on my every waking and sleeping moment, tho' you would not know it to look at me, and would never know it unless I told you, for I am too proud to show how hard it is to inhabit this body at this point.

Salacious, all loss requires grieving. It is alright to miss what was, and will never be again. As others have rightly said before me, keeping one's focus on where one can go with what they have left, and doing it with the greatest amount of dignity, flair and independence is the ideal. Finding those, who have also lost much, with which you can share your inner and outer experiences may be helpful.

I wish you the best in your inner journey. It does not need to be all dark. Give yourself time and tenderness. There will be a gold nugget in it for you in the end.

< Message edited by Duskypearls -- 1/1/2013 4:44:41 PM >

(in reply to anaturalsubmiss)
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RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/1/2013 5:04:20 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

I have Chrohn's disease, so, I simply say that the back entrance is closed.


Mine too, I have ulcerative colitis. I looked into it and while on most chrones/ colitis message boards had gay men asking this I do not think it would have been much different for me. All said the risk is too high and get your jollies some other way.

Once the shock wears off and you learn to accept your new life it is easier to figure out what you will do. Everyone is different but like the focus50 said once you reach acceptance you will be able to move on and figure out exactly what you can and can't do now.

< Message edited by Moonlightmaddnes -- 1/1/2013 5:06:26 PM >

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RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/1/2013 6:33:47 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		Having been through a similarly life changing diagnosis myself a few years back, I know how it shakes up every thing in your life. This is huge information to try to take onboard. I felt like I wasn't me anymore and that everyone in my life had been baited and switched. I was afraid about what the future would be. I looked at this information and how final, permanent, and forever it was. I dealt with deep depression for some time. I always thought having a label on it all would be a relief. I was wrong.

I'd like to say it gets easier, OP, but this is a real life change. It is going to have real impacts on your body, your partners, your family, your friends, how you do everyday things, your finances, your job, and more. It is a big deal. At the same time, you are a heck of a lot more than your diagnosis. That is the part you have to come to in time. You are still you in your essence, spirit, and mind. I can't say how you get there, but it is a coming to terms that includes acceptance of this huge life change and its consequences and a realization that your life is not over either.

I still struggle on my bad days. I struggle with my limitations, my self worth, my symptoms, my relationships. You need to guard yourself right now. You loss of interest in D/s or other things you enjoy is a big sign of depression. If this goes on for more than a week or so, you need to talk about it with your doctor. Therapy and support groups are important right now. And getting out there and making each day about something a whole lot bigger than you helps bring perspective. Start volunteering, get involved in church ministries if you attend, and find something you believe in to champion. People, connection, and purpose are powerful cures against depression and self pity.

I wish you the best on this new journey. I think you have found that there are more people out there in your shoes. Reach out whenever you need. Take care!

SD

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RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/2/2013 12:57:31 AM   
dollenburg


Posts: 63
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline 		I would think amputees go through the same pain.

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
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RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/3/2013 12:08:33 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonlightmaddnes

Hugs, I have autoimmune crap going on too. It does suck. And when I get better things are ok then usually without warning I get symptoms again. When I am having symptoms we usually do nothing or very little.


If you're having "out of the blue" issues look at what grains or processed foods you have consumed leading up to the problem. The more I learn about my situation the more GMO grains I learn are in food & things like toothpaste, shampoo & prescription drugs. Grains right now are the major area of study for links to auto-immune diseases

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RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/3/2013 5:45:41 PM   
Salacious40


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		My apologies for not responding sooner. Last night, I kept timing out when trying to get on the message boards and then I gave up.

@Moonlightmaddnes - Thank you for sharing your story. The kind support, great advice and reading others stories and challenges has really helped me.

@Impishlilhellcat - Yes, you are right. It's a process to go through one step at a time. I think I'm wallowing in self pity and desperately trying to grasp onto something to remind me that I'm still me. Thank you for taking the time to share your advice. It's very much appreciated.

@Focus50 - Your guess on the age is correct, though now I'm 47 years old. I had always been one of those people that embraced getting older, even with all the aches and pains that went with it. I felt I earned my wrinkles and extra pounds and wore them proudly. But this one through me off. You are so on target with my issue of acceptance. As many other have said, I'm trying to deny it all but it's hitting me with a 2x4. The ironic thing is that I am fortunate, so far, not to be suffering from any physical problems as my diagnosis was found out by accident and is purely clinical. This 2x4 is my mental state of being. I want to find "me" again and stop wallowing in the fear and the loss for what I thought my future would be. What you wrote about spirit and enthusiasm "if you had it before, it comes back - absolutely!" made me smile. That was something I've always had, which is why I believe I am desperately trying to find it again. I really appreciate the time you took to write back to me. It means more to me than you can know. Thank you, sincerely.

@anaturalsubmiss - Chrohn's is a challenging disease. You approach seems to stand tough in the face of it and keep things simple. Thank you for sharing your approach!

@DuskyPearls - Your words and story have resonated and for that I am truly appreciative. Thank you for the advice, support and all that you shared.

@Moonlightmaddnes - You're right. There is a common thread in everyone's supportive words and sound advice...acceptance, patience and time. Thank you.

@SacredDepravity - Today was a telling day for me, as I received a prescription for an anti-depressant. It seemed more obvious to others more than it was to me. Thank you for sharing your story, it really helps when you don't feel so alone.

Everyone here has been so kind and helpful. Thank you all for everything you've done. It's given me a bit of light to help get through this, one day at a time.

It touched me to read your stories and helpful guidance. Thank you for giving me some hope for this new year.

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
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RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/3/2013 5:58:07 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I was as strong as a horse, and out-worked many a man in my day. I took great relish in my physical strength and endurance and put it to the test everyday. My crime lies in having forgotten I had a woman's body, and did not know that 30, 40 years down the line, it would take such a great physical toll.

My aunt is going through this now too.

quote:

CFS, Fibro, MCS

I have MCS and have had great success reducing symptoms due to technique I learned at a workshop in October. About 2/3 of us had MCS and the rest were CFS and Fibro. I'll PM you about this.

OP - I was really, really sick in '99 and have been getting steadily better. Proper diet and exercise makes a big difference.

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RE: Chronic Illness & D/s Life Changes - 1/4/2013 7:46:52 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Salacious40
For those who have a chronic illness, do you have advice how to reconnect to the person you were before your world changed?

Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome here. Plus I'm just....older....than I was before with more regular aches and pains. lol

I guess the hardest part of it all was the acceptance. I chose to keep telling myself it was just all a matter of it would go away sooner or later but then it didn't. But when I chose to accept that I would never be the same I was before the fibro & CFS, I just learned to do things a little differently & work around them.

When I finally accepted myself as I am, then I could see that my partner already did. I learned I could do things differently and we still both enjoyed it. I could be more accepting of myself as I am now and of my limitations.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

NBMG

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