Service Contract Questions (Full Version)

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Dasher88 -> Service Contract Questions (12/30/2012 7:03:33 PM)

I'm new to the malesub experience, and I'm very lucky to have been found by a fantastic Domme who wants me to sign a service contract, after which she will collar me as her slave and property. I'm excited beyond words. I trust this particular Domme as much or more than anyone I've known. I feel completely comfortable placing my safety entirely in her hands. She has suggested that I'm free to request negotiations on certain issues, but I have just a few things that I don't really know how to handle.

First, the contract states that it only ends at her volition or at the expiration of the contract - I can't back out in any way. I have a hard time picturing wanting to do so, but it frightens me somewhat. I think my best bet might be to simply ask for a relatively short duration for the contract, but I don't want to seem as though I don't trust her.

Secondly, the contract states that I must be sexually exclusive with her, but doesn't say anything about her exclusivity, which I'm okay with. However, to be blunt, there are some safety issues with people in our area, and I would be a lot more comfortable if there were some expectation that I should be informed of her activity in this regard. It would also make me emotionally a lot more able to cope. Of course, I don't want to seem disrespectful or distrustful.

How can I approach these issues tactfully? I'd be greatly appreciative of any advice or experience anyone has to share.

Thanks in advance,

-Dash



Baroana -> RE: Service Contract Questions (12/30/2012 7:22:33 PM)

Doh.

Putting aside all the other BS here, if you can't discuss sex with this woman, you ain't ready for no slave contract (or for sex with her).



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Service Contract Questions (12/30/2012 7:23:35 PM)

Approach her just as you did here - with calm rationality and courtesy. You can never go wrong with that approach. Explain that you would like a trial period, say 90 days or 6 months, to make sure you are compatible with each other for the long haul. That's a perfectly reasonable request.

As far as the sexual exclusivity (or not) on her part, it's perfectly reasonable to be asked to be informed before she engages in sexual intimacy and that certain requirements are met, such as STD testing for all parties involved and use of condoms, dental dams, or other barriers. You won't necessarily have any input on who she sleeps with or when, but you have the right to protect your health. It also demonstrates that you are concerned for her welfare, which is always a Good Thing.

These are all things that can and should be negotiated before you sign the contract. And, of course, you realize this is not a legal contract that is in any way enforceable in court, yes? While it's commendable that you want to honor the terms of the contract, you should put your own physical and emotional safety first. You can't serve well if you're ill or an emotional wreck. Think of the negotiation as ensuring that you getting what you need to provide the highest quality service for her.



RumpusParable -> RE: Service Contract Questions (12/30/2012 7:24:42 PM)

As you speak highly of her, so I'm going to assume you've known her for a while, you two have discussed details on what you both want and don't want, what you're both okay with, etc and that these two questions are just last-minute detail thoughts and not an indicator of a larger lack of negotiation/familiarity with each other:


The first part is hot, but balogna. You can sign it and if you want to leave you can leave. If the idea of signing not to leave except when she says makes you feel all happy or hot, feel free to negotiate a shorter period or go with what is there, whatever suits you. Just know that that's all it is: something that sounds good and only lasts as long as you are willing to let it.

The second, just tell her how you feel about it. You both need to know whether what you want and need are compatible and will have the best odds of working out happily.

You can simply approach it with polite words and tones, express what you did here and be open to talking it over with her. She may take it great and work things out with your or part ways in a friendly manner.... or it might not go so well. Just be polite and direct, as I'm hoping you have been before this with her and are with others. Really no different.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Service Contract Questions (12/30/2012 9:55:34 PM)

Hi Dash,

Have you met this lady in real life?

Thanks.



HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Service Contract Questions (12/30/2012 10:19:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Dasher88

First, the contract states that it only ends at her volition or at the expiration of the contract - I can't back out in any way.



One of the first things you'd learn in the real life BDSM community is that legally, BDSM contracts are not worth the paper they're printed on. They have NO legal standing and no court in America will enforce them. So, the "contract" ends whenever EITHER of you decide to end it. You most certainly CAN back out.



BambiBoi -> RE: Service Contract Questions (12/30/2012 11:46:43 PM)

Firstly, a contract for human slavery is never legally enforceable. There are legal contracts that do slave-like things, but those are more complicated (e.g. transfer of power of attorney). You'd be stupid to play around with real contracts, but the prerequisites usually bar kinky playfulness from finding its way to that level. As said above, you can breach all day long and there's nothing she can do. But you, yourself, may consider yourself honor bound (I make this stretch because I want to talk about point two, below).

Secondly, a play contract is basically scene negotiation and an unenforceable promise to adhere to the negotiation. Her contract is either is love-it-or-leave-it or negotiable. If it's the prior (like a contract with an insurance company) then your options are sign and try to abide or drive home, get a kink.com subscription, and jerk off. Personally, if scene negotiation with a potential partner was this way, I'd leave in a heart beat and call her fat on the way out. NO ONE goes into a BDSM relationship without 100% freedom to limit the relationship how they see fit. Admittedly, that might be a deal breaker for the other side, but you have the right to negotiate. Even if it leads to impasse.

If negotiation is allowed, enjoy it. Designing a relationship can be fun. If you two like protocols, this is basically foreplay. But this is the time to voice your concerns. If you're worried about safer sex practices when she is promiscuous FUCKING SAY SO. Respectfully if you can. If she's not going to accept the deal-breaker terms you have, then like my uncle Les used to say "When the money is gone, it's time to move on". So enjoy it, you secret handshaking assholes.

Regarding contract cancellation clauses, its simply good form to allow mutual release. Something edited for BDSM might read "All parties herein reserve the right to cancel this contract in its entirety with 30 days notice in writing. A good faith effort to resolve existing problems must be made within those 30 days, starting the day of notice." Again, and I cannot stress this enough: A BDSM contract is Mickey Mouse, mate. Spurious. Not genuine. And it's worth... fuck-all.

tl;dr? Either man the fuck up, tell her you don't want to catch the herpz because she's slutting around without a jimmy or find a new dame to spank your cute buns.

ETA: Dictated but not read.



Dasher88 -> RE: Service Contract Questions (1/20/2013 12:09:30 AM)

Thank you all for the advice! I have in fact signed the contract, after some negotiation. This one is now happily owned. As SylvereApLeanan suggested, I approached it as an effort to ensure that I could serve her to the best of my abilities. She appreciated that, and I'm really thankful for that perspective. I apologize for taking so long to respond to all of this, but I did want to get back to it for some closure. Best,

Dash



theRose4U -> RE: Service Contract Questions (1/20/2013 1:52:13 AM)

So in the space of 3 weeks you met, contracted with & are now collared to a domme. Umm k

Have you met this person in real life?



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Service Contract Questions (1/20/2013 3:07:23 PM)

Actually, everything in a bdsm contract should be negotiated and agreed upon before signing, at least in my opinion. My play partner wanted me to write up a contract for him & me, so I looked online and changed and adapted one of those to suit our needs. I made a "limited contract" in that, not only does it last for x amount of time, it's limited to the times we are together, since we're play partners rather than a committed couple. Then we did a lot of negotiating and tweeking before we signed it. Also, FYI, bdsm contracts are not legal so, regardless of whether it says you can end it or not, you can. You just walk.

NBMG



servantforuse -> RE: Service Contract Questions (1/20/2013 3:25:44 PM)

Is your real name Manti Te'o ??



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Service Contract Questions (1/20/2013 4:12:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

Is your real name Manti Te'o ??

Are you asking me???? NO. If so, why???

NBMG



kalikshama -> RE: Service Contract Questions (1/20/2013 4:15:50 PM)

Apparently Manti Te'o had an imaginary girlfriend, hence the comparison and all the questions about if the OP has met the Domme in question IRL.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Service Contract Questions (1/20/2013 4:25:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

Apparently Manti Te'o had an imaginary girlfriend, hence the comparison and all the questions about if the OP has met the Domme in question IRL.

Now that makes sense. I just read that Manti Te'o thread in Off Topic. That was pretty strange.

NBMG



EsotericLady -> RE: Service Contract Questions (1/20/2013 4:31:38 PM)

He trusts her "as much or more than anyone I've known" and feels "completely comfortable placing my safety entirely in her hands," yet asks US questions regarding her slave contract and her promiscuity. Hmmm....

Methinks this "dasher" should consider keeping on his running shoes in case he needs to make a quick get-a-way, eh?



quote:

ORIGINAL: Dasher88

I'm new to the malesub experience, and I'm very lucky to have been found by a fantastic Domme who wants me to sign a service contract, after which she will collar me as her slave and property. I'm excited beyond words. I trust this particular Domme as much or more than anyone I've known. I feel completely comfortable placing my safety entirely in her hands. She has suggested that I'm free to request negotiations on certain issues, but I have just a few things that I don't really know how to handle.


Thanks in advance,

-Dash





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