How Typical is it...

How Typical is it... (Full Version)

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Lucifyre -> How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 7:41:53 AM)
For your submissives to ask you for tasks? Or for you to assign tasks? Whether they're BDSM or vanilla type, what kinds of things do you have in your daily lives that you incorporate as part of your D/s dynamic? And do you prefer to assign daily things to do? Or is that a weekend only kind of thing for you? An example might be "wear a buttplug while you're grocery shopping today" or "hunt for a specific item and send me links so I have something new to torment you with" or even something simple like "make sure all the laundry is folded and put away and when you're finished I want you to... insert any idea here" or even things like regular maintenance spankings. Being in a 24/7 relationship is difficult. Like in a vanilla marraige, sometimes ideas are hard to come up with or things you routinely do grow stale. I am NOT asking for extreme ideas. While Mr and I do have some things that He likes to direct me to do, sometimes daily (cuffs on every night to sleep in, collar and bracelets on when I'm out), sometimes not, we like to keep the D/s as close to the forefront of our lives as possible. Sometimes it is not simply a state of mind and physical reminders or actions are neccessary. I know as His submissive, it helps me to have something I'm forced to think about or do to keep me "charged". Simply wearing my collar or my bracelets is not always a high enough level of reminder to keep my brain going in the right direction (does that make any sense?) I also realize that as dominants, it isn't easy for you to constantly think of your 24/7 lives. Vanilla crap creeps in and takes over (hard to think of your submissive with a buttplug invading her ass or the huge enema you gave her that morning when you're on the phone with a client at work with a BIG problem) Is there anything specific you do to keep your own minds "in it"? just curious how other folks work it out ;) Lucifyre p.s. this post is not a "fishing for wank fodder" kind of thing. I have plenty of that on my own...I do know how to use Google Search. Douchey comments not welcome.

crazyml -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 7:52:48 AM)
Ello! I'm guessing there are loads of different takes on this... here's mine (I don't know if this'll work for your preferences/dynamic but it's how I roll!) It's not uncommon for the subs I encounter to want tasks, since control is one of my "thangs". While I like control, I don't have the bandwidth to do the micro-management thing, so most of the time I set policies, which the sub can translate into tasks. So... "Make sure there's always sufficient food in the larder to cook a nice meal at short notice" might translate into numerous shopping tasks. "Keep your home clean and tidy" takes away the need to set "make your bed", "vacuum the carpet", "clean the bathroom" tasks. I'd be unlikely to be attracted to the kind of sub that would need me to enumerate every task... I'd expect her to figure it out. I also like to control a playmate's underwear... but again, I set a default (say... "plain white lycra") and then tell them specifically when I want to choose for them. Now that isn't to say that I don't occasionally set specific tasks - but they will tend to be for a specific purpose (a penalty, a present, or just because I'd enjoy her doing it).

NuevaVida -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 8:24:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lucifyre Douchey comments not welcome. LOL! Loved this part [:D] That said, we don't really do "tasks." Life is busy enough, so creating things to do just becomes an added burden for both of us. We don't live together, so I do always let him know my schedule, and let him know when I've arrived wherever I'm going, and when I get home. So we're in constant contact it seems - morning and bed time phone calls, emails and texts throughout the day, and of course, our time in person together. But our lives pretty much look "vanilla", only that he's the boss.

Lucifyre -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 8:31:14 AM)
While I'm not really asking about micromanagement type things (keep the house clean in THIS specific way), the reason for my original post was there are no wrong answers. While I am looking for things I can possibly incorporate into my own relationship, I was more interested in the topic for discussion purposes...just I guess to see what other folks do and how they handle making sure thier 24/7ness is as up front as they can keep it. My dynamic is very important to the relationship I'm in, but like anyone else in a 24/7 type dynamic, it's way too easy to let shit slide and let vanilla life take over....sometimes it's complacency and sometimes it's things that happen. For instance, Mr and I had a plan for today...then my 24 year old son called at 8 this morning and announced he was on his way over to the house...plan shot to hell, has to be put off for another day. The few stolen moments we are sometimes only allowed (the 4 minute conversation before leaving the bedroom) can lead to frustration rather than a direction forward. So, what I'm looking for are what do other folks do to make the most of those stolen moments, or to keep the 24/7 really on a 24/7 schedule regardless of what's going on in the vanilla part of your lives?

Lucifyre -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 8:32:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: Lucifyre Douchey comments not welcome. LOL! Loved this part [:D] That said, we don't really do "tasks." Life is busy enough, so creating things to do just becomes an added burden for both of us. We don't live together, so I do always let him know my schedule, and let him know when I've arrived wherever I'm going, and when I get home. So we're in constant contact it seems - morning and bed time phone calls, emails and texts throughout the day, and of course, our time in person together. But our lives pretty much look "vanilla", only that he's the boss. Mr and I do that as well...texting a lot when He is at work or I am out running errands. That does help ;)

Temp1010 -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 8:37:59 AM)
I hope this does not count as douchey but.... [image]http://i.qkme.me/3ovt09.jpg[/image] I find it hot every so often. Most times, not even in a sexual way. It is just reaffirmation in the relationship. However I work 9 hours a day which may not seem like a lot but it's nothing but math and not always pleasant clients. Miss works 12 sometimes. There isn't enough time some days to mentally devote myself to more above and beyond what already goes on. I do not feel the need to be pandered over constantly by being given busy work. I've run out of ideas at this point anyway.

OsideGirl -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 8:40:28 AM)
We don't do the tasks. We both work, plus I have the house to run. But, he does "manhandle" me quite a bit.....

crazyml -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 10:36:23 AM)
Grin... ok here's a stolen moment... When I worked in the US, we used to use bike couriers all the time to get documents across town. I once popped some latex knickers into a bag and had them biked to a playmate, with instructions to put the latex knickers on then pop her knickers into the bag and have the bike return the package to me.

JeffBC -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 11:14:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lucifyre [How common is it...] For your submissives to ask you for tasks? Or for you to assign tasks? That's tough to answer. It's sort of a constant thing. Carol is in my physical proximity most hours of every day. And when she I tend to use her to get stuff done... work stuff... home stuff... etc. She comes to me also either because she has a task she wants inserted onto the todo list or because she thinks I'm not paying enough attention to myself so need some extra serving. Whether they're BDSM or vanilla type, what kinds of things do you have in your daily lives that you incorporate as part of your D/s dynamic? I just put her on the elliptical trainer then I'm sending her off to the grocery store. And do you prefer to assign daily things to do? Or is that a weekend only kind of thing for you? Daily An example might be "wear a buttplug while you're grocery shopping today" or "hunt for a specific item and send me links so I have something new to torment you with" or even something simple like "make sure all the laundry is folded and put away and when you're finished I want you to... insert any idea here" or even things like regular maintenance spankings. All of this is sexual dominance and submission which isn't what we do. just curious how other folks work it out ;) As I got to the bottom of your post I saw where you were headed. We have no need to work out "kink" vs. "vanilla" because for us there is no kink part. You might think of Carol as my own personal Pepper Potts.

RumpusParable -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 11:27:48 AM)
Unless we're clearly just outright playing like, "get on your knees and scrub the floor while I stand over you and be mouthy to you or kick you now and then" this doesn't ever happen. When I assign a task in non-outright-playing life, it's "I want the laundry done by 2pm" and that's it. No bargaining, no making it sexy to do it. I tend, in just my own personal experience, to find that those who ask for tasks tend to be masturbation and sex oriented. While I do think being sexy is nice and am a sexual person by nature, that's not what I want or accept in the motivation to serve and do things for me. Now, showing initiative in task I find something different. IMO there's "mistress, will you assign me a task to do today, preferably something sexy about it" and then there's "you want me to wash the blankets today?". Unless I'm being paid in some way to make a sexy task, I'm not interested. I just want whatever chore it is to get done because the chore needs done and I assigned it to them. Also, I don't assign tasks for the sake of giving tasks unless I'm getting paid. Because assigning things for the sake of just giving a slave something to do when I don't actually need X done is work on my part (assigning stuff regularly, checking on it, making it in some way titillating, and so far all of them want punishment (in other words kink play) regarding it), rather than them working for me. I'm an "assign stuff that needs done, usually just normal household things we need taken care of" sort. I do the vaccuuming, he's told he'll wash the dishes.

xLaChienne -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 11:35:27 AM)
I'm not so much task oriented as goal oriented. I would find it exhausting if a sub continually asked Me for tasks or needed more than My authority and presence in their life to be content. That's not to say I never give directives or that I don't assign tasks. I enjoy a routine and likely someone with Me would also have to enjoy a fairly routine schedule. IMO, it only grows stale if there is no appreciation for the effort. A sample day with a previous partner would go like this: He would get up earlier than I, prepare My clothes for the day as well as his own, sit out a snack to grab out the door as we go to work out or run, prep for breakfast, then wake Me as I indicated the night before - may be sexual, may be not. Hit the gym or run together. Come home, shower together - he may be My shower attendant depending on how much time is available or it just may be time to bond, skin on skin. He dresses after I've approved his choices and prepares breakfast while I get ready. We eat, may be with him sitting beside Me, may be with him on the floor. We discuss any goals for that day and what I would enjoy for dinner. We leave for work, separately. Sometimes I would direct him to meet Me for lunch if our schedules allowed for it. Sometimes that meant sitting under My desk. He typically was done for the day before Me, so he would complete whatever goals were set and often have dinner started or done by the time I would come home. The evenings were often very vanilla in appearance but I always reserved the right to spontaneity. The weekends were when more "play" came into the picture. There were specific things we did once a month that led to what we might do the remaining weekends. Our D/s dynamic was reinforced every morning through our daily routine. It never got stale. Our lives were very busy with demanding careers and it was enough for both of us. Are you sure you want more tasks as opposed to regular D/s interaction? When I read the OP, I was struck with the idea that it is much like asking how you fit in sex when your life is super busy. The answer, of course, is that you have to work to make the time. For Me, it was getting up earlier than need be each morning. It satiated both of our needs by incorporating the dynamic we both desired into our day to day lives. If you knew that every morning or afternoon or evening, whatever, that you would be doing a specific thing that reinforced the dynamic would you still need random tasks or would you spend the day in anticipation of that time?

RedMagic1 -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 11:36:45 AM)
Lucifyre, I think the general principle to keep in mind is that people want to feel useful to their partners. This is true also in dom and vanilla. I imagine you probably know some old-school guy who felt out of place (or emasculated) when his wife/gf started doing more things for herself and he didn't feel as though he had a role anymore. Not that she loved him less, but he felt less needed/important anyway. I think an important trait of a dom is to figure out each morning "how my sub(s) can be useful to me today." Maybe that's a task, maybe it's something else. Then communicate so they know and understand. So two sides to the coin: the sub feels useful, and what the sub is doing really is useful. (The feeling is not fake, or a fantasy.)

RumpusParable -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 11:37:25 AM)
Oh, to add to clarify some where I'm coming from: "I also realize that as dominants, it isn't easy for you to constantly think of your 24/7 lives. Vanilla crap creeps in and takes over (hard to think of your submissive with a buttplug invading her ass or the huge enema you gave her that morning when you're on the phone with a client at work with a BIG problem) Is there anything specific you do to keep your own minds "in it"? " While we do and enjoy kinky play, it is not what motivates or what we define 24/7 as. Being 24/7 for us doesn't conflict with vanilla life, doesn't mean we're constantly playing in some way. It means I'm always in charge, he always does what I set my foot down on wanting him to do, he's always focused on pleasing me in some way (handling conflict at work how I prefer and am proud of him for, keeping my drink filled when at home, giving me a massage each night, running to the grocery store at 2am because I want a particular food right then, whatever). We're like that no matter what we're doing, who we're around, where we are. It's one of the reasons my parents love him: he's constantly doting on me and what I say goes with him. They find this awesome. If you mean 24/7 in that I'm always in charge, he's always submissive to me; when at home or out with friends I can and do tell him to get my drink refilled and expect him to say "yes honey" and do it; or I can say whenever I want, "we're doing a cutting tonight"... then we are and vanilla life is mixed in all the time with our kink and power exchange. We're always "in it" even when running to the grocery store for bread and hummus, because our dynamic never goes away/ If you mean 24/7 as in in cuffs, getting his butt beat while scrubbing the toilet, and stuff constantly, that is not at all us.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 11:56:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl We don't do the tasks. We both work, plus I have the house to run. But, he does "manhandle" me quite a bit..... LOL mine too, especially in wal mart. I have not figured out what it is about wal mart. Nothing that will get us in trouble, more like gets a few laughs but still we are in public, do you mind. LOL

littlewonder -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 4:23:09 PM)
I have never asked for specific tasks from him. I have said to him however that I don't do enough for him and I feel guilty for that. I feel like I should be doing more. Most of the time he will just smile and say I do more than enough for him but other times when he gets tired of me saying that he will get that evil grin on his face and give me stuff to do that I will have wished I never said those words to him. lol. So be careful what you ask for. The tasks I do for him have nothing at all to do with bdsm. They are sew a button, copy something from the computer, print out these forms, get this at the store, mail this out, order this, etc.... ETA: I guess if you are talking little sexual type stuff, then I guess he manhandles like someone else said, or he will bite me or pinch me while we are sitting around or while I'm making dinner he will reach up behind me and pinch my nipples or bite my ear or something to that affect or whisper something in my ear or talk about what he was thinking about during the day that he thought is hot and got him hard....that's really about it though.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 4:40:35 PM)
Oh yeah I pay local bills that can be paid in person and keep the house. And my best friend learned the hard way to never tell my husband to bite her. He does not take it as the insult she intended, he said Ok come here and I would be happy too. I laughed so hard at the look on her face. She should have expected that from him.

Kana -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 5:10:08 PM)
I give her tasks all the time...but they, like she said, are almost always non-bdsm. Things like the pants she has to sew, or the shirt that needs buttons, the CD's she's een supposed to burn for a year. Stuff like that. What's the point of having a personal assistant if you don't use her for, well, assistance?

littlewonder -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 5:12:09 PM)
[&o] If only you didn't have over a thousand of them lying around. [:'(]

Kana -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 5:15:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder [&o] If only you didn't have over a thousand of them lying around. [:'(] Be a lot less if someone got off their arse!

seekingreality -> RE: How Typical is it... (1/2/2013 5:29:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lucifyre For your submissives to ask you for tasks? Or for you to assign tasks? Whether they're BDSM or vanilla type, what kinds of things do you have in your daily lives that you incorporate as part of your D/s dynamic? And do you prefer to assign daily things to do? Or is that a weekend only kind of thing for you? An example might be "wear a buttplug while you're grocery shopping today" or "hunt for a specific item and send me links so I have something new to torment you with" or even something simple like "make sure all the laundry is folded and put away and when you're finished I want you to... insert any idea here" or even things like regular maintenance spankings. Being in a 24/7 relationship is difficult. Like in a vanilla marraige, sometimes ideas are hard to come up with or things you routinely do grow stale. I am NOT asking for extreme ideas. While Mr and I do have some things that He likes to direct me to do, sometimes daily (cuffs on every night to sleep in, collar and bracelets on when I'm out), sometimes not, we like to keep the D/s as close to the forefront of our lives as possible I've never done a 24/7 thing, and I can't imagine it. Personally, if you are living with someone, I'd differentiate between daily living tasks (laundry) and kinky fun (hunt for a specific item). For the mundane living tasks, you have to be like every other couple and have a basic understanding of how those tasks will be divided. If you want to add a BDSM element to them, that's up to you, but for me feeling the need to do that on a continual basis would simply become tiresome.

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