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Noah -> RE: Should I stay or should I go? (6/18/2006 10:01:18 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: suggababy23
Thank you all for your answers.
I think sometimes its hard to full relay the entire details of a relationship on a board without pulling out personal information that really has no business in the public eye. I tried my best to be as discreet and concise as I could but unfortunately I think I may have oversimplified my issue. He quit last week but his mood as made a sharp 180, to the point that I feel I hardly recognized him. I am cutting out on him because of just a slight mood adjustment. I care for him more than that. But as someone stated earlier, its a situation I need to evalute the pros and cons of. I just wanted to get some points of view from a third party source. Sometimes you can't see the forest through the trees.
Whenever I see one of these threads I spend the whole time reading wondering about what you now allude to in this latter post--The Rest of the Story. I also wonder how different the account would be from the point of view of the person who almost always seems to be painted as the villian. That is to say: the other guy.
Moreover, I marvel at the willingness of so many posters to stand in judgement of a situation about which their knowledge is so scanty and so biased (and I'm grateful for those who chime in with cautious care.)
But what the hell, I'll give it a try and maybe someone will marvel at me:
One possibility is that he may be a gutless jerk who has tired of you and can't be bothered to quit you honorably. Another possibility (among many more) is that you are right and he has disease, called Depression, which is now in an acute outbreak.
Do you believe in the man enough to reject the gutless jerk hypothesis out of hand? If not, then leaving sounds prudent.
Would you leave this person if his arthritis flared up and he couldn't get physical with you for a week, or if he had to spend the last week suddenly re-arranging his life to battle a tumor? If you're that sort of submissive then once again I think it would be well to move on here.
His issue may be about the smoking or it may be unrelated; coincidental. In any case, I wouldn't wish on anyone a partner who after a mere week of what she herself figures is a medical difficulty, would start a forum thread called "Should I stay or should I go."
If you had a disease which either mechanically or chemically kept you away from the phone for a week, how would you like your partner to respond?
I'd strongly advise abandoning a set of ill-informed strangers (the other posters and I) as your source of guidance. Yes. I'm saying don't read the rest of this paragraph. Log off and go talk to people you know and trust. Tell them the whole story insofar as you are able to without breaking trust. Just being heard out might help you weather this tough spot.
Not logged off yet? Then close this window and do a little research on smoking cessation and on depression--if that's what you think he has.
If nothing else, sugga, spend as much of each day thinking about what attracted you to him and what you've given each other as you spend fretting and imagining dire outcomes. The mind is a powerful thing. You don't have to hang on a cross for this guy if being with him would simply be intolerable for you (unless you have a very particular sort of S&M thing going.) If it is time to go, leave--with grace. But I think you owe it to yourself even more than to him to be fully present if you're present at all, and as soon as the situation allows it I'd like to see you have a nice long, calm talk with him about how all of this has affected you. I say this because however big a deal this is for him, he needs and deserves to know--no drama required--that it has been a huge deal for you too.
Good luck.
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