quote:

I completely agree.. they are embarrassed... or they, like women, are so in love that they take the abuse.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I am here telling men to speak out, to report, to seek help, to tell someone.

And all you can see are people telling men to shut up.

There is a definite disconnect here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I honestly dont know what nick wants.
He complains no one helps men, no one will listen, no one cares.
Then he complains that men cant talk about being abused because no one helps, no one cares, no one listens.
Then he says that men dont talk about being abused because they are too embarassed.
Then he complains that the women here are all against men.

I simply dont get what he is after.

quote:

I am here telling men to speak out, to report, to seek help, to tell someone.

And all you can see are people telling men to shut up.

There is a definite disconnect here.

quote:

Then he says that men dont talk about being abused because they are too embarassed.

quote:

I disagree. That was the climate back in the 80's. No one spoke about what happened within a marriage/relationship. This day and age, with social media being the preferred mode of communication, most women in the work force, and the empowerment push for the last few decades, it doesnt have to get to that point unless the victim desires it too. Someone knows. Then its up to that someone to help.

quote:

The excuse given here is that men simply dont talk about such things. They arent "allowed" they are too "embarrassed" they feel they will be emasculated. That no one will take them seriously. This is the position women were in, in the US, in the 80's. And its now that attitude that its ok to speak out, and loudly, that some men in this thread are railing against.

quote:

That was also in the context of him saying that no one is willing to help a man who is being abused. My response is.. help yourself. By refusing to make such a report, he is allowing that abuser to abuse the next victim. Sure, its his choice, as I clearly said. However, a paper trail in the criminal system goes a long way to making sure the next victim is more easily believed. A history of domestic violence against an abuser, even just charges, makes the police take more notice when a complaint is lodged against a specific person.

quote:

Keeping domestic violence a secret is what allowed so many to get away with it in the past.

quote:

This I disgree with as well. This person has an anger control issue. Coupled with am obvious drinking problem, they are more than likely to become extremely dangerous with someone. Just walking away is your option. Just dont expect me to listen to someone whine about the amount of violence caused by a drunk later on.

quote:

While the system is not perfect, a woman (or man) who leaves an abusive relationship will be granted housing, medical insurance, and a slew of other assistance until they get back on their feet. To quickly be followed by child support. Staying with an abusive person for the sake of the kids, using those excuses, and just that.. excuses to allow something to continue. Reality is, sure, its tough to leave, but it is possible, and far healthier for the children to do so.

quote:

Empowerment works only so much. After the laws are set into place, after the programs are set up, after all the support that is offered... no matter what the problem/disease/issue, its up to the victim to tap into those resources. Simply throwing up one's hands and crying "No one will help me" isnt the answer.. and its not something I can agree with. Help is available... all you have to do is ask.

quote:

Umm. . . this begs the question, why didn't they leave when it first started?

quote:

Having the physical ability to tell someone and actually having the ability to tell someone is not always the same thing. First of all people do react differently when a man asks for help and when a woman do. Many will just scoff at a man asking for help because he is beaten at home and many will ridicule him to the point where that ridicule is worse than the abuse itself. Secondly many are so broken down by this point that to speak up against one's abuser is unthinkable, and one of the problems is actually the attitude you show here of blaming the victim and saying it do not have to get to that point unless the victim desires it to, and many will take that to heart and just not help even if they learn about someone else being abused.

quote:

have developed a hatred for a few words, true is one of them as many use that word as a way to put down others by claiming they are the only true whatever it is they are talking about, excuse is another such word as it is often used to scoff at the suffering and problems of others. First off all yes women was in the situation that even if they spoke up about abuse they where not taken seriously and not helped so often speaking up only made things worse, men often are in that same situation today. Not wanting to be ridiculed, loosing friends, being bullied and harassed are not excuses and either are actually being so afraid of your abuser that you do not dare to speak up.

quote:

Here you are again over simplifying things. To say that to make such a report would be good, that I agree with, but to belittle him because he fears no one will help him, which is often the case when a man speaks up about abuse is just not okey.

quote:

The fact of the matter is that usually none cares. We had a man in my home town, eventually after many years he was rescued from his wife who had tortured him, starved him and abused him for all of their marriage. She had sent him to the hospital with broken bones several times and that stabbed him with forks in the gut. The man was deadly thin as she denied him food. Do you think the woman was prosecuted? No, the police just did not give a shit as they assumed that he as a man could have just walked away. This guy you are discussing with's fears that none will help him are rather valid, off course some would, but many, including many police would just shrug at it.

quote:

Yeah and when you go to the police station and rapport it and are laughed at and told to just stop being a pussy that will help so many.

quote:

You obviously do not live in the same world as I do for in the real world if you tell the police that a drunk person took a swing at you at best they might talk with him and perhaps he will end up in the drunk tank overnight, most likely though they will just shrug and you have to spend hours filling out papers for no result. In the magical land of unicorns where the police is not to over worked to care about a small brawl on the street where someone who they hear about having entered such a fight might get help or in other ways be taken off the streets yes it would be worth it to rapport them, in the real world however 99 percent of the times reporting such people will only lead to hassle for yourself and nothing more.

quote:

And we are back to the magical land of unicorns, is the weather nice there? Sure someone who leaves an abusive relationship will if they are lucky be given immediate aid, though centers offering aid to abused spouses are closing down all over USA due to budget cuts and there is not aid to be had for everyone who need it, many are told sorry, we are full. But even those who get the aid, they might not have the education to get a job that can support their children and have no way to get back on their feet. One thing is places like Norway where we have a rather well functioning welfare system, but many places including USA is not like that. Also another thing to consider is the fear many have that their partner will get custody of the kids, which very often is a very real fear, especially if the abused spouse is a man. You say children should not live with an abusive parent, I agree with that, but the children living alone with an abusive parent is worse.

quote:

Also another thing to consider is the fear many have that their partner will get custody of the kids, which very often is a very real fear, especially if the abused spouse is a man.

quote:

I am not saying an abused spouse, man or woman, should not leave, off course they should get out of it if they can. However to just act so dismissively about everyone with real or imagined fears holding them back is nothing short of appalling. Domestic abuse is a complex issue and the oh just leave and if you do not then you are just making excuses attitude is not only over simplifying things but also add to the burdens of people in a very vulnerable situation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

If he doesnt tell anyone... and no one sees it... how is anyone supposed to help him?

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

And how do you change those attitudes?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

And how do you change those attitudes?

By whining like a schoolgirl about women being the favoured gender.
(Obviously.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee

quote:

ORIGINAL: Moonhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

And how do you change those attitudes?

By whining like a schoolgirl about women being the favoured gender.
(Obviously.)

Oh come one.  He is "raising awareness."  Why he thinks a kink site is the best venue, I have no idea.  I would think that creating a facebook page or a yahoo group would be more effective. 

But ya know, I don't think that this is really about raising awareness or doing something effective.  It is about feeling sorry for one's self and looking for pity (that is also a tactic of creepers).  If you wake up in the morning and you run into an asshole.  You ran into an asshole.  If you wake up every morning and run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.

quote:

I might be wrong, but I think if he got laid he might lighten up a bit.