RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges?

RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (Full Version)

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Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/5/2013 4:52:36 PM)
I have bouts of not sleeping too. That really sucks. I have now started waking up at 3 in the morning wide awake for hours. I did read it is kinda normal at this stage though. Strange I never had it happen before, I usually sleep great when I am pregnant. I have so many little addictions. I have to have coffee then some soda. Mine did make me stop smoking when I was getting really sick alot. I was not pleased at all since smoking is no fun at all to quite but I am a lot healthier now. Oh sticker shock. I think prices have gone up too. It is depressing to go grocery shopping. There are these beef and green chili burritos I love. They used to be two dollars a package and now they are almost four and they are smaller and less of them. I refuse to pay that much for frozen food. I am home all day I will make my own. My husband loved them but I said they weren't the same. He laughed and said of course not you didn't add the chemicals. LOL It is nice when he makes a point to say how much he likes my cooking though.

ForeverGaia -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/9/2013 12:54:01 AM)
I've never had control of the remote control. He drives most of the time. We listen to his music, watch his shows. I am not allowed to wear underwear, ever. Of course sexually, he drives the boat all the time. I have to agree with BambiBoi though, I think if you are going to revoke things; especially things that your submissive/slave holds dear then there is going to be pain felt on the submissive's behalf. It may seem like a small thing to revoke to you, but to your partner it could be a really substantial thing. Gaia.

ARIES83 -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/12/2013 3:43:24 PM)
Thanks everyone for the responses. On what BB wrote, and what Gaia pointed out about how keenly things are felt by the punishee, I think that only comes down to how well you know your partner and whether or not your concerned about the "punishment fitting the crime". I think it all has to be done out of love and the rest sorts itself out. This actually made me think of something I read by littlewonder recently, that over time she has come to see things how her master sees things and now things that would have seemed appropriate to her before, don't besause that is his view. Maybe it's stockholm syndrome [:D] falling in love with the person who takes away your freedom and beginning to think like him? -Aries

TimeLimited -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/12/2013 4:47:53 PM)
I have always had my subs shave everything below the neck. When she forgot one visit, I told her not to shave nor play with herself until given permission. I kept her that way for a week. It drove her nuts expecially when the hairs started to itch like you don't want to know. Communication was frequent when I was not at work the latter half of the week. When I told her to fetch her shaver, she was back in a flash with shaver and cream in hand. I played with her to near orgasm and quit for several times. Then I advised her since she was such a pest the last half of the week, the instruction would stay in place for a while longer. Funny thing, she was very well behaved the rest of the night and all the next week. I tied her down and corrected her misery on the following weekend visit. At that point, there was no opposition to anything I did that weekend.

kalikshama -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/12/2013 6:55:23 PM)
The first weekend after I moved in with R, he had me sleep on the sofa as a punishment, but what the deal really was was that he had a chick coming to spend the night. I lost respect for him for making up an excuse and was disappointed that he apparently didn't believe that I was fine with him fooling around with other women. That was the first nail in the coffin.

DesFIP -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/12/2013 7:05:48 PM)
The problem with holding something out as a reward is that I could easily decide I don't want it that badly. If I withdraw emotionally and close off, he's the one who loses. Not me. Control because he feels like being in control of whatever is fine. But punishment/reward can backfire.

NuevaVida -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/12/2013 7:45:47 PM)
~ Fast Reply ~ I make it a point to not take him for granted. Human nature and all, do we take each other for granted on occasion, but that's always very short lived and self corrected. When life gets in the way for a period of time, he'll tell me we're "getting back to basics" and will tighten the reigns a bit, but he doesn't remove privileges just to make me appreciate them. Hell I'm someone who is always commenting on things I'm grateful for - some of which make him raise his eyebrows in curiosity (like running water, the ability to walk, etc.). I'm always telling him things I appreciate about him, or things he does that I appreciate. And yeah, he gets the remote. I usually don't care, unless he's watching some super violent movie. Those put me in a bad mood. But then every once in awhile he'll put on something I love that he doesn't like. It's not a "reward" thing, he's just being nice. :)

EsotericLady -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/12/2013 10:19:44 PM)
I enjoy every once in awhile surprising a submissive with a reward he didn't expect. There are many Dominants who would rather punish then reward. But I think a submissive appreciates being noticed for the good things he does, and rewards encourage him to obey as well as remain observant. (Thank you)

Kana -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/13/2013 4:26:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 This actually made me think of something I read by littlewonder recently, that over time she has come to see things how her master sees things and now things that would have seemed appropriate to her before, don't besause that is his view. Maybe it's stockholm syndrome [:D] falling in love with the person who takes away your freedom and beginning to think like him? -Aries Occam's razor Son, seek the simplest possible solution. In this case, it's uber easy-it ain't Stockholm Syndrome or any fancy psycho babble BS, it's that he's always right.

littlewonder -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/13/2013 9:51:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 Maybe it's stockholm syndrome [:D] falling in love with the person who takes away your freedom and beginning to think like him? -Aries ha ha....not even close. No Stockholm Syndrome here. He just has better thoughts and views than I do. They simply make more sense and work better than mine. It's happened so many times that now I just make life easier by just going along with what he wants and how he wants to do something. I just assume it's the correct way. I've yet to be disappointed. [:)]

ARIES83 -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/13/2013 9:34:59 PM)
Trust me to turn love into a syndrome, but I do think capture bonding is interesting to read about. -Aries

FreeFromSin -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/13/2013 11:33:16 PM)
I had one blind-date say he was going to get a cage to be beside his bed or in his room for me to sleep in. That I wouldn't be sleeping beside him, and made me feed him dinner---didn't even buy me an entree, or my beverage choice, and had to eat his selected appetizers. Needless-to-say, I was completely turned off. Hearing him call his ex girlfriend (one of many) some wh#re or sl$t he used to bang, also floored me. He was the most selfish person I ever encountered. Made him do a perfect gentleman date for me as a second date. To teach him chivalry. Then I dumped him. Good riddance! Cheapest prick, too.

littlewonder -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/14/2013 8:27:59 AM)
Master and I have talked about buying a cage. We both would like one. I would like one as a place to kinda chill and relax. I think it would be nice but I like that kinda stuff. The only thing we disagree with is the size. He wants a small one so I'm cramped...ya know...sadist and all. I want a big one with a nice pillow and enough room to allow me to read or use my laptop hehe.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/14/2013 12:44:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Master and I have talked about buying a cage. We both would like one. I would like one as a place to kinda chill and relax. I think it would be nice but I like that kinda stuff. The only thing we disagree with is the size. He wants a small one so I'm cramped...ya know...sadist and all. I want a big one with a nice pillow and enough room to allow me to read or use my laptop hehe. When I was pregnant with my daughter a friend of ours was sheriff in our county. They had a dresser to give her so we ran over to pick it up. I picked up a few of the drawers and I got yelled at to put those down. I told him I was pregnant not broken I could pick up a dresser drawer. He said oh you want to be a smart ass huh, how about I lock your ass up in a cell for a few days. I smiled and said oh wow a few days of no laundry, no dishes or having to cook? Where do I sign up? He stopped and stared at me for a second then said I would make you do the laundry. LOL

OsideGirl -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/14/2013 1:00:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida but he doesn't remove privileges just to make me appreciate them. I'm about to say something that is bound to make someone scream: I worked my ass off to be in a position to start my own company. I work my ass off at my own company to make sure it is successful, and in the end live the life we enjoy. If someone decided to take something away from me that is the product of years of working my ass off, in an attempt to make me appreciate something that I worked my ass off in order to afford......we'd be having some serious words.

Kana -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/14/2013 3:52:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida but he doesn't remove privileges just to make me appreciate them. I'm about to say something that is bound to make someone scream: I worked my ass off to be in a position to start my own company. I work my ass off at my own company to make sure it is successful, and in the end live the life we enjoy. If someone decided to take something away from me that is the product of years of working my ass off, in an attempt to make me appreciate something that I worked my ass off in order to afford......we'd be having some serious words. Yeah-but that's why you submit to HIM-because you know him well enough to trust he wouldn't make an idiot move like that

JeffBC -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/14/2013 3:58:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Yeah-but that's why you submit to HIM-because you know him well enough to trust he wouldn't make an idiot move like that chuckles A lot of ground gets covered and a lot of problems avoiding by "not giving power to an asshat".

OsideGirl -> RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? (1/14/2013 4:27:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl I'm about to say something that is bound to make someone scream: I worked my ass off to be in a position to start my own company. I work my ass off at my own company to make sure it is successful, and in the end live the life we enjoy. If someone decided to take something away from me that is the product of years of working my ass off, in an attempt to make me appreciate something that I worked my ass off in order to afford......we'd be having some serious words. Yeah-but that's why you submit to HIM-because you know him well enough to trust he wouldn't make an idiot move like that That is very true. I'm lucky to be with someone that understands me very well and appreciates how hard I work. quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC chuckles A lot of ground gets covered and a lot of problems avoiding by "not giving power to an asshat". Very true Jeff.

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