Nice things to do for a friend on chemo?

Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (Full Version)

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AthenaSurrenders -> Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 10:19:47 AM)
A dear family friend is about to start an aggressive course of chemo and radiotherapy for throat cancer. I want to do something to make his life a little easier or his days a little brighter. But I don't know what to do. He lives a couple of hours away so just going round to do chores isn't going to be an option very often. I also have a toddler who is with me constantly, and I think it's best to keep my little germ-factory out of the way since his immune system will be out of action. He's been told to expect to lose a lot of weight, if I were nearer I could pop round with cakes and easy-to-eat meals. Would gift tokens for somewhere that delivers be of use? (And anyone in the UK know who does gift cards and delivers?) I know he's going to be spending a lot of time in hospital, does anyone have any ideas for things he could do? He's a bit of a gadget man and almost certainly has some handheld games consoles, so I was thinking a couple of games, or maybe some DVDs. Perhaps a magazine subscription? Comfy PJs for his stay in hospital? He's not one for emotional displays really so I don't want to go overboard with sending cards and stuff (we've sent him one jokey one, I think if we overdo the emotional stuff it will make him feel like we are treating him like he is going to die). But I would like to send him little treats or care packages to let him know we are thinking of him. Truthfully I don't know what he will be up to doing, I keep hearing how sick he is going to be. Any ideas? I know this is a tough subject but if anyone has been through this I'd love to know what you would have found nicest. Oh, and are there rules about what you can and can't take into the hospital for infection reasons? Anything I shouldn't send?

hlen5 -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 10:24:50 AM)
How kind of you. Do you think you could make meals and freeze them? All he would have to do is reheat. His energy might be very low and to have food you prepared would be thoughtful.

mnottertail -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 10:48:15 AM)
Throat cancer and chemo? Nah............ Two things, buy him a can of peaches (heavy cling syrup)......and new handkerchiefs, and some sort of bottle. Fill the bottle with water, and roll the handkerchiefs in a tube inside that bottle. Then he can suck on them when he is thirsty. Invariably when they have throat or stomach cancer, and their stomach is upset, and throat is raging, they can get down peaches without puking (and the sugar helps the throat) and when their throat is almost closed from the burn and they will choke on water, they can suck on the handkerchief in the water in thats been refrigerated, even semi frozen sometimes. they will prolly be tired, and so just to vacuum or pick up the mail every once in awhile, those things are good..............................

needlesandpins -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 11:08:22 AM)
i don't know what to suggest other than homemade frozen fruit lollies. however, i hope all goes well for your friend, and that his recovery is as speedy as can be. needles

RedMagic1 -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 11:31:58 AM)
Something to consider, AthenaS, that is often overlooked: provide support to his primary caregivers. Maybe his sister helps him a lot, and she lives near you. You could spend time with her, go on a spa date together, things like that. The more you refuel his support base, the better they will care for him.

myotherself -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 11:38:14 AM)
Why not contact a good supermarket (Tesco, Waitrose, etc) and arrange for them to deliver some of their 'premium' foods to him? Also, when my niece was going through chemotherapy it meant many hours lying about, feeling too ill to do much of anything and she became very, very bored. I bought her a portable CD player (this was in the years before MP3 players) and several talking books. It meant she could lie in bed with her eyes closed and still be entertained.

ServosCor -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 11:48:23 AM)
You could make him a gift basket w/ homemade soup, a fabric napkin or two, some tea's, already made jello's, etc. Add in a book he's been wanting or a dvd........and I would think that would cheer him up. I think the occasional "jokey" cards are a great spirit lifter! great idea! Best of luck to him.

outlier -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 11:48:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Something to consider, AthenaS, that is often overlooked: provide support to his primary caregivers. Maybe his sister helps him a lot, and she lives near you. You could spend time with her, go on a spa date together, things like that. The more you refuel his support base, the better they will care for him. I was the primary caregiver and decision maker for my woman when she went through this. I second this post. Also you have to realize that they have embarked on a journey through a psychic minefield full of ugly surprises. I developed a tool to help deal with this aspect of it. I will send it to you to share with your friend. You have mail.

littlewonder -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 11:53:11 AM)
Chemo usually means anything you eat you can't keep down and since he has throat cancer, I'm betting he really is finding that extremely difficult. I'm betting he also has mouth sores as well. Keep away from anything acidic, spicy, salty or hot foods. He'll be better off with room temperature and cold foods to soothe his throat and mouth. He is probably able to eat things like applesauce, baby foods, bananas and other soft fruits, jello, ice cream. I don't know if they have it there, it might be under a different name but there's this nutritional drink called Ensure. It's a drink that replaces the vitamins and proteins your body needs. Maybe get him a supply of that. Ok...other things....send him little funny things to keep him in a cheerful mood...funny cards, gag type stuff that's funny, little toys he would like to play with, something that reminds him of his childhood, mindgame type stuff to keep him sharp and alert, crossword puzzles or stuff like that. When I'm ill I like this kind of stuff because laughter can be a mood booster and when in a good mood it can help you heal faster. I don't know what you're looking to spend or if you can do this....but either hire someone or if you are going to see him, someone to clean his home. When you're ill that's the last thing you want to do and it piles up. Having a clean home, once again is a mood booster, at least for most people. When I'm ill and my house is a wreck, it makes me feel even worse. Blah

dcnovice -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 12:17:33 PM)
quote: But I don't know what to do. He lives a couple of hours away so just going round to do chores isn't going to be an option very often. I also have a toddler who is with me constantly, and I think it's best to keep my little germ-factory out of the way since his immune system will be out of action. I totally agree about not compromising his health, but the company of a toddler (assuming s/he and your friend like one another) can also be a great tonic. So you may want to ask a doctor about how real the risk of germ transfer is. Just a thought. quote: I know he's going to be spending a lot of time in hospital, does anyone have any ideas for things he could do? He's a bit of a gadget man and almost certainly has some handheld games consoles, so I was thinking a couple of games, or maybe some DVDs. Perhaps a magazine subscription? Comfy PJs for his stay in hospital? Books on tape (or the 2013 equivalent) might be a help for when he'd appreciate distraction/stimulation, but can't quite muster the focus to read. quote: He's not one for emotional displays really so I don't want to go overboard with sending cards and stuff (we've sent him one jokey one, I think if we overdo the emotional stuff it will make him feel like we are treating him like he is going to die). When my uncle was going through colon cancer, I did try to keep a stream of cards coming, and my aunt said it helped. There are a fair number of non-cloying cards out there as well a blank ones on which you needn't write much more than "Thinking of you!" Cartoons clipped from the newspaper (if anyone still gets one of those!) or the New Yorker can be nice day-brighteners too. The messages on the cards/notes can also be updates on what you and his other friends are doing, so that your ill friend still feels connected to the wider world and has a focus other than his illness. That leads into an interesting lesson from a hospital visit with my grandfather. My youngest brother and I were dropping by at some point in his latter years. I'm not the world's most gifted conversationalist, so I'd thought a little beforehand about what to say. As it happened, I'd recently been canoeing, so I opened by recounting that and inviting my grandfather to share memories of a down-the-Hudson trip that had been a key event of his youth. We had a great talk about canoeing, New York, etc. When that had waned, I dutifully asked my grandfather how he was doing. I thought this was a kind, church ladyish thing to do. But my brother (who's in sales and reads people way better than I do) made an interesting observation afterwards. The focal shift to his ailments almost immediately made my grandfather seem tired and disengaged. He soon shooed us out so he could rest. I realize, of course, that patients do indeed need sympathetic ears for their travails, but that experience taught me that taking someone's mind, even briefly, out of the sickroom can also be a godsend. Warmest wishes to your friend and all who love him!

kalikshama -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 12:26:01 PM)
quote: Books on tape (or the 2013 equivalent) might be a help for when he'd appreciate distraction/stimulation, but can't quite muster the focus to read. If these prove popular and your library has electronic books, I'd load up his MP3 player. What about massages? He'll probably get stiff and sore from lying around. Best wishes!

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 12:30:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dcnovice I realize, of course, that patients do indeed need sympathetic ears for their travails, but that experience taught me that taking someone's mind, even briefly, out of the sickroom can also be a godsend. I'm glad you said that because that was my instinctive thoughts also. He was diagnosed before Christmas and is actually feeling fine at the moment, but has been warned 'You're not sick yet, but you will be once the treatments begin'. We were teasing him with things like 'your turn to refill the drinks, you're not sick yet.' I could tell he was more comfortable with the usual dynamic of all joking and giving each other a hard time than when everyone was telling him how sorry they were. So many lovely ideas in this thread, thank you. Audio books are a great idea, I will try to find out what he has been reading. I realise my post made it sound like he lives alone but he is married so he will have a lot of support. I will definitely make sure I am giving his wife as much support as possible - I know her a bit better and so I have a better idea of what will cheer her up. I only wish I was there to do some of the more mundane running around, driving him to appointments and such, because I know she is going to struggle to get the time off work (especially now that she is suddenly the sole earner). I liked the idea of ordering groceries, there is a nice place nearby that does organic soups and ice creams amongst other things which it sounds like he might need. Build-up shakes are a great idea too. Thanks everyone, please keep ideas coming if any more come to mind. (Outlier - have replied, thank you!)

dcnovice -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 12:35:11 PM)
Another thought: Even if your toddler can't visit, s/he might be able to draw pictures for your friend. For me at least, there's something incredibly cheering about kids' art.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 12:36:35 PM)
Make some reefer butter, in case his wife wants to make him some brownies.

littlewonder -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 12:41:58 PM)
I was just thinking, when I know my friends are ill or bedridden, I like to send them funny little videos or animated cards and jokes online. They get to laugh and they can save it and laugh again later with it. When Master is upset or not feeling well, I sometimes like to do this for him just to cheer him up a little even if I do get to see him in person almost everyday. :) Ok, one more idea I just thought of because my feet are cold right now....don't know what the weather is there and even so, I've heard sometimes that when they go through chemo they can get the chills, feel cold often, so maybe a nice pair of warm slippers or robe?

Phoenixpower -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 12:55:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dcnovice Another thought: Even if your toddler can't visit, s/he might be able to draw pictures for your friend. For me at least, there's something incredibly cheering about kids' art. QFT [:)] Also in response to littlewonder quote: Chemo usually means anything you eat you can't keep down and since he has throat cancer, I'm betting he really is finding that extremely difficult. I'm betting he also has mouth sores as well. Keep away from anything acidic, spicy, salty or hot foods. He'll be better off with room temperature and cold foods to soothe his throat and mouth. He is probably able to eat things like applesauce, baby foods, bananas and other soft fruits, jello, ice cream. just be aware that his taste buds might change due to chemo. Grandma started disliking meat at some point during her treatment and mum started to dislike stuff she used to like, such as jam and other sweet stuff cause it tasted too sweet for her, during her chemo... Now....of course I don't know how your friend will respond to it, but just reminding, that the taste butts might change for him for a while during his treatment. Now...if it would be my friend, one of the things I would be doing, I would do some crafts stuff in case he likes it....so for example if he would be wearing knitted socks, I would give him once in a while a freshly knitted pair or so.....that way he could see that I am thinking of him and putting some effort into it to cheer him up.... Also a voucher for a place where he likes to go out to, could be nice for him and his wife. On another note I can also confirm that it is helpul to support his wife as others mentioned....cause the caretakers can easily get overlooked in such situations and it can give them a tremendous boost, when they experience....they aren't left alone in such difficult times.

needlesandpins -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 12:58:14 PM)
could you make him a scrap book? put clippings of all his favorite things in, funny stuff, maybe get other friends to write messages and such, and leave space in it for him to add his own stuff. if it's big enough everyone can add to it. he could use it as a mood diary as well if he wanted to. needles

littlewonder -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 1:05:21 PM)
Oh yea....definitely anything to help his wife. It's exhausting being a caretaker. If they have small children, maybe some stuff to help out with them even so mom gets a little break.

outlier -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 1:34:36 PM)
One more thing just occurred to me. A juicer if they do not have one and a supply of fresh veggies. Solids are going to be a problem for him. Having a way to give his body the nutrition of spinach, kale, etc. etc. etc. is bound to help. Or one of those small blenders to use to make a daily veggie smoothy. Perhaps with a book or DVD on healthy juicing.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: Nice things to do for a friend on chemo? (1/5/2013 1:39:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: outlier One more thing just occurred to me. A juicer if they do not have one and a supply of fresh veggies. Solids are going to be a problem for him. Having a way to give his body the nutrition of spinach, kale, etc. etc. etc. is bound to help. Or one of those small blenders to use to make a daily veggie smoothy. Perhaps with a book or DVD on healthy juicing. You don't need a juicer just a good blender will do, Vitacost has some great ones. You can toss some kale or spinach in with some water and walla a veggie smoothie. Smoothies are a quick and easy way to get a lot of nutrition. I can give ya some recipes if you would like them. I would also suggest organic veggies and stuff.

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