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Cultural Flavours in BDSM - 1/6/2013 11:56:17 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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To what extend does your cultural background affect the way you do BDSM or D/s relationships?

Recently someone was advertising a service to train subs as niqabi maids. While I've heard a great many people express an interest in the sissy maid kink, which features stylized and often very revealing "slutty" clothing, I've never before come across this, which seems to emphasise modesty and anonymity. I can see that serving whilst entirely covered could include elements of objectification, removal of ego, subversion of traditional gender roles (I am assuming from context that this was not aimed at genetic females).

So that got me thinking. Is this more common in cultures and countries where the niqab is widely used and holds a lot of social significance? Does it play on taboos which I, as a white British female don't fully comprehend? What other types of kinks might have various cultural and regional variations that the internet now allows us to share? Do you think that you might have been drawn to different kinks, or even a different orientation if you were from a different culture?

I'd be really interested in anyone who can shed some light on the different cultural flavours of BDSM. I know this might be a big ask, since we are predominantly from English-speaking countries and relatively few of us have lived in places with vastly different social norms. But on a smaller scale, I'd also be interested in the extent which you've noticed different cultures in say, different US states, and whether you think it is a reflection of the overall culture of that area, or just a side-effect of groups developing in isolation and attracting like-minded people.

If anyone is active in BDSM communities in non-English-speaking countries, I'd also love to know whether you have the same debates over distinctions between sub/slave/bottom and top/dom/master as we see here. I would guess that in a different language, the words might have different connotations, and I wonder if that affects how people identify.

Phew. I realise there are a whole heap of different thoughts here, and some of them we might only be able to speculate on, but I'm really interested in your thoughts and experiences. Feel free to pick out whatever points interest you and ignore the rest.

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RE: Cultural Flavours in BDSM - 1/6/2013 1:00:43 PM

BambiBoi

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I can offer very little on the matter:

You know what has no fetish appeal at all? Bambi's day clothes: Slacks and button-down shirts with rolled up sleeves. Maybe a vest and tie if I'm feeling WASPy. That's because no one wants to be me. It's a bland, trite, and commonplace look, so the mind is not in a tizzy of wonderment.

Something needs to be special, or something mundane needs to be perverted, to create the fuzzy allure we enjoy so much.

I spent a long while in South America, living in a few countries. In many, the socio-economic climate makes it normal to have servants in a Victorian sense. It would not be uncommon for a wealthy family to have three maids, a driver, and a housekeeper (more like an office manager for the home). The culture also has a comparatively developed sense of etiquette given ones station. This is because people's entire livelihoods rely on the whim of the wealthy, so its in their best interest to keep their heads down, eyes closed, and mouth shut from time to time. You could feel that in the BDSM scene.

In my narrow vision, the BDSM scene in South America favored fetishism to submission through service. Even submissives had maids in their home, so commands like cleaning and fetching were just... bad form. Kink was pain and fetishes, and submission was expressed by allowing the top to do as he pleased. Side note: Despite still being a male-centric culture, dominant females were over represented. Don't know why, but it was nice to see.

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RE: Cultural Flavours in BDSM - 1/6/2013 1:20:34 PM

JeffBC

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Well Athena. I can tell you that when we moved to Canada one of the most striking things about our local kink scene was how... well... kinky it was. There was much less focus on authority dynamics and much more focus on fetishism in all it's various stripes. People post stuff like, "I'm looking for a girl to tie up tonight" and nobody rails against them for it. The tiers and the tie-ee's seem to hook up amicably and do their tying. I think there are some vast differences that I have to assume are culturally driven but might also have to do with the groups I interacted with in the states vs. here.

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RE: Cultural Flavours in BDSM - 1/6/2013 1:41:03 PM

RemoteUser

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Canada's (most) east coast has a pretty laid back scene, much like what Jeff describes from the West Coast.

The more urban areas are different, though. There is a mix in my area of a number of independent, casual, happy go lucky kinksters who are low-key on the kink and genial in sharing their interests with playmates. (I'm more in that category myself.) Then there are the more organized groups who do safety seminars, gather in munches, run exclusive play parties, and in general form little social islands, each with their own rules that members are expected to follow. There's nothing wrong at all with the latter approach, but for myself (and having heard the same from the score or so of locals I know that are in the scene), the group rules can chafe and irk. Dress codes, only allowing BDSM topics for discussion, the expectation that your history of partners is available on demand...I've hit these speed bumps and more during my few run-ins with the major local groupings. It's part of why I categorically refuse to attend the local munch. I don't want to hang around people that I need to "prove" my Domliness to, through what I'm wearing or dressing. If we can't just kick a coffee back and chat about whatever we want, then I have zero interest.

Sorry Athena, I realize I took it a step further and addressed the local subcultures (and perhaps gave you a glimpse into their interactions), but around here, it's just life as we know it. To some people I'm not "real" because I don't establish myself. To me, they seem like wannabes and well-paid people with too much spare time. Live and let live, though. I don't think I would have had a different outlook if I were born into different circumstances, I probably would still be in the same place I am now (relatively speaking). Then again, I'm a stubborn Dom, what else could you expect?

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RE: Cultural Flavours in BDSM - 1/7/2013 5:41:02 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Argh wrote a big reply and lost it!

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi
In my narrow vision, the BDSM scene in South America favored fetishism to submission through service. Even submissives had maids in their home, so commands like cleaning and fetching were just... bad form. Kink was pain and fetishes, and submission was expressed by allowing the top to do as he pleased. Side note: Despite still being a male-centric culture, dominant females were over represented. Don't know why, but it was nice to see.

This is really interesting. Did you see many people who were in 24/7 authority dynamics even if those typical acts of service were absent? And of the fetishes and play you came across, would you say people were into broadly the same things or were some fetishes much more/less popular than elsewhere?

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
I think there are some vast differences that I have to assume are culturally driven but might also have to do with the groups I interacted with in the states vs. here.

Indeed and I don't know of any way we could separate out cultural differences from just the preferences of a particular group with any degree of certainty. Am I understanding right that casual or no-authority-dynamic play seems more socially accepted in the Canadian groups you have been to? If so, care to take a guess why?

quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser
Sorry Athena, I realize I took it a step further and addressed the local subcultures (and perhaps gave you a glimpse into their interactions), but around here, it's just life as we know it. To some people I'm not "real" because I don't establish myself. To me, they seem like wannabes and well-paid people with too much spare time. Live and let live, though. I don't think I would have had a different outlook if I were born into different circumstances, I probably would still be in the same place I am now (relatively speaking). Then again, I'm a stubborn Dom, what else could you expect?

No, don't be sorry this is interesting stuff! I can imagine that I wouldn't feel all that comfortable in the groups you described - fetish dress codes are one of the most offputting things for me, because it's just not how we work and just by putting on those clothes we'd both be immediately out of our comfort zones, which I don't think makes for good social interactions or fun. Then again, I can see why some people would thrive in that situation. I can imagine a lot of people feel safer with that environment, and indeed it probably holds some safety benefits, even though it likely excludes some other perfectly safe players like you.

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RE: Cultural Flavours in BDSM - 1/7/2013 5:57:10 AM

ClassAct2006

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Some submissive English women have servants by the way although we tend not to use that word these days... I have one coming later. I agree it is much less common in the UK and I am not submissive to everyone on the planet so have no trouble having people working for me. You can be a submissive woman or man and run a huge business. In a sense I serve. My business interests help others in a way. I have sometimes worked in the iddle East and am often in central America but not explored anything BDSM related there so not got anything to add on how these things differ but as lots of us felt dom or sub almost from birth I don't think that would be different elsewhere.

So take the example of being gay it might be very hard to practise that in Antigua or Saudi but that does not stop people being born that way.

More generally clothes have a big impact on how people feel and have a role in terms of control and the like. I always wear high heels on planes, I chart how differently I am treated depending on what I were wearing in various sorts of situations even before I open my mouth (I have fairly received pronunciation but even without that smart or expensive dressing has an impact in life and is fun to play around with both dressing down and up).

I probably divide people into scene and non scene just as yo might have gay men in gay clubs and on marches all the time or not doing any of that and just having one relationship with someone and carrying out a normal life in normal suits/ clothes. In the same way I am in a close relationship with a dominant man and have only ever had that or wanted it but do not have to go to events or lobby or whatever; whereas some people will choose to be in leathers or clubs. So as to the former which I suspect is the vast majority of D/s relationships on the planet which in many cases people do not even have the vocabulary to describe as such those probably do not differ much between countries and the latter will depend on how liberal that country is I suppose. Also if just about allr elationships are D/s by law (under Islam etc) whether by consent or otherwise there must be much less need for an outlet for that as it is your cultural every day life even if you don't like it.

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