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starting out - 1/8/2013 8:33:09 PM

sub2525

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/7/2013
Status: offline

Im trying to get started with this lifestyle but so far cant find a mistress. Its getting frustrating im 25 years old....any advice??

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RE: starting out - 1/8/2013 8:46:25 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Geez, dude. You joined yesterday.

Do some Googling to see if there's a munch or play group near you.

Your profile says where you live, you like music, and you will take any woman who will Domme you. C'mon - put some effort into it. Describe yourself as a person, and what kind of woman you want.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sub2525)

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Post #: 2

RE: starting out - 1/8/2013 8:53:27 PM

sub2525

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/7/2013
Status: offline

lol ok...,has this site worked for you?

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: starting out - 1/8/2013 8:59:48 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Yes, but not in the way you intend.

You're thinking of this as a place where you make a profile, search profiles, connect with someone, and meet. My experience was not so linear.

I made enough posts that people here felt comfortable with me. I was invited to a Calibirthday, a party where I met about a dozen regulars. With that, I got some legitimacy.

I did meet a sub woman here - she relocated from Alabama for me. We attended some local groups and attended parties and munches. When we broke up, I had contacts throughout Colorado.

I met my sub Tasha at a play party two years ago.

So, the site has provided a useful step for me, but it needed other avenues.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sub2525)

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Post #: 4

RE: starting out - 1/8/2013 9:15:18 PM

sub2525

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/7/2013
Status: offline

good advice thanks

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 5

RE: starting out - 1/9/2013 1:00:06 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Pretty much what steve said. This isn't dommes-R-us where you talk into the mouth & a kink burger fries & a whippy shake pop out a window. Its more like gold mining where you have to search the correct areas & pan for the best nuggets from there.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to sub2525)

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RE: starting out - 1/9/2013 2:59:14 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hey there,

So you're not far from Beantown... which is one of the filthiest, kinkiest, get-down-stay-down-and-roll-aroundiest place I have ever lived in.

Seriously, Boston or Cambridge are at the epicentre of over a dozen colleges. The Wellesley girls get a frikken bus into Boston on a Friday night in order to party.

So... there's no shortage of women of a range of ages who'd be willing to discover their Dominant side.

Now you have to figure out how to find one, and how to persuade her to consider you.

Bear in mind that there are bazillions of dudes looking for dominant ladies... it's a very competitive market, and your profile is the first (actually, it's more likely to be the second point - after your initial email, but I'll get to that in a mo) point at which a potential Domme will decide whether to engage with you or not...

So here's an exercise for ya...

Write down the things that a Domme might want to know about a potential sub. I'll start you off with -

1) What sort of person is the sub? What do they like, what do they enjoy?
2) What sort of relationship is the sub looking for?
3) What does the sub have to bring to the relationship?

Now look at your profile... does it cover that? (hint - It doesn't even come close right now...)

Obviously to provide answers to those questions, you need to figure out what sort of relationship you want, what you have to offer, etc.

Now... dommes get a bazillion emails every day, so they don't do much "profile cruising" - So to get a domme to look at your re-crafted profile you're going to have to send an introductory email....

Again... bear in mind that the poor Domme has pages of shitty fucking emails from total losers... So you really don't have to do that much to stand out...

Generally (and plainly this won't work all of the time) a polite, well written, personalised email is a fuck sight more likely to get a response than one of the shitty ones...

So don't bother with "Please can I wear your panties" (not that you're stupid enough to have considered that - but Dommes do get emails like that...).

Something that starts "Hello, I read your profile and saw that you're in my local area, and that you're looking for a long term relationship, and I thought I'd drop you a line........" is likely to have more luck.

Finally - Be patient. Finding the right kinky relationship takes as much (if not more) time and effort than finding a vanilla relationship... it's not going to happen in a couple of days (unless you're awesomely lucky).

Good luck.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to sub2525)

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RE: starting out - 1/9/2013 7:16:26 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Something that starts "Hello, I read your profile and saw that you're in my local area, and that you're looking for a long term relationship, and I thought I'd drop you a line........" is likely to have more luck.

I agree with everything crazyml said above, but this sentence bothered me. I'd be more direct:

"Hi there! I noticed in your profile that water polo is one of your interests. I played it a little in college, before I took up tennis instead."

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to crazyml)

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Post #: 8

RE: starting out - 1/9/2013 10:44:00 AM

sub2525

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/7/2013
Status: offline

all good advice it really can be tough

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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Post #: 9

RE: starting out - 1/9/2013 11:06:56 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Here's the thing: Sub men far outnumber Domme females. In an online venue you're just one of the horde trying to get her attention. If you attend real life events in your area, you actually have a much better chance of getting her attention and she can see how you actually behave around he and others.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to sub2525)

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RE: starting out - 1/9/2013 1:20:07 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub2525

Im trying to get started with this lifestyle but so far cant find a mistress. Its getting frustrating im 25 years old....any advice??

Yeah, when you're over 40 or 50 and can't find a mistress, *that* would rate as frustrating...!

At 25, you're still too close to the self-entitled teen years. Most grow out of it because for the vast majority in life, *first* you put in the work and then you reap the rewards - not that other way round, where the young then omit that "put in the work" bit.

Patience, grasshopper.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to sub2525)

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RE: starting out - 1/9/2013 1:56:59 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub2525

Im trying to get started with this lifestyle but so far cant find a mistress. Its getting frustrating im 25 years old....any advice??

First, work on your profile -- it's riddled with spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. That lack of attention to detail doesn't make you look good.

Second, if you are primarily meeting people online, be patient. It can takes weeks, months or even years to connect with the right person. And frankly, starting out, you're probably making all sorts of mistakes in communicating with people.

(in reply to sub2525)

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Post #: 12

RE: starting out - 1/9/2013 7:04:27 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub2525

all good advice it really can be tough

NO!!!!!!

Cut that out. You joined TWO DAYS AGO, and you're complaining that things are hard.

Whining is a major turnoff.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sub2525)

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Post #: 13

RE: starting out - 1/10/2013 4:20:57 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

Op, take to heart what people are telling you about managing expectations and presenting yourself effectively.

This is not Amazon.com for kinksters. You are not going to find an instant relationship here. In fact, the odds are against you finding a relationship here at any time during the next year, two years, or more. Your best bet with this site is to use it as a tool for finding other ways to meet people with similar interests.

If you do hope to meet someone of quality here, you had better present yourself as a person of quality. Write in a way that makes you seem intelligent and not mentally retarded. I mean that literally and in all seriousness.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: starting out - 1/10/2013 5:08:42 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Barona

should we tell him about TNG?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Baroana)

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Post #: 15

RE: starting out - 1/10/2013 5:11:28 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
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Someone should.

(in reply to theRose4U)

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RE: starting out - 1/12/2013 4:38:20 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

OP, perhaps you're offline because you're at Boston's Young and Kinky Prudential Munch - 1/12/13

Well, if you missed it tonight, check out the guest list next month and see if there's anyone else on the Cape or South Shore who would like to carpool with you.

You might want to spiff up your profile first. Do add pictures. It's a must, especially in your age group.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to sub2525)

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